I'd very much appreciate any feedback, positive or negative or mixed. I'm curious about why this story hit so many people negatively - I don't think I've ever had more than one or two negative votes before (the one time I thought I had, it turned out to be an error). Then again, at this stage in the contest, sometimes it's not so much a case of not liking a story as just liking it less than the others, and all the ones in this challenge (well, all the others - obviously I can't be objective about my own!) were really strong. I know I found it agonizing to try and choose one for my own "least" vote, because I liked them all
( ... )
I agree - I thought all the entries were very strong and choosing (both least and most favorite) was an exercise in splitting hairs for me.
I didn't have a negative reaction to your story and it wasn't my least favorite (although again, my "least" favorite was a story I liked quite a bit anyway), but I felt like I'd read the story of the fall from grace from Satan's POV fairly frequently, and given that it was in first person POV and, as he even says in the narration, the story is well known, I craved a little more personality in his voice or more of a novel reason to retell the story. I wanted more of a sense that there was a story in his words besides the one that he was telling - a glimpse into things he was unwittingly revealing about himself (that's so often the appeal of first person POV for me.)
But the end was quite poignant and I think had there been a touch more emotion besides disdain when talking about humans, it could have been my favorite.
And you're right, it is important to be careful with oft-told stories, to try and make sure you're actually adding something new. What I had wanted to do was explore the idea of denying someone something "for their own good", which I had Lucifer being critical of God for doing with the tree, but at the same time doing himself, by contriving to get them cast out of the garden on the basis that it would be better for them. So there was meant to be a touch of hypocrisy there. And then the other major theme I had in mind was that the idea that it's better not to have something can easily be an exercise in sour grapes - "I can't have X, but that's OK because I didn't want it anyway! So there!" And be a way of covering that maybe you really did want that thing, with all your heart
( ... )
It was really hard to choose a least favorite - I thought all the stories were good. What made me choose yours though was the cliche factor - it's been done before to the point of being kind of overdone. And the title being from John Milton just didn't sit right, I felt it should have been titled originally at least.
That being said the character voice was strong and it did have its good points. Obviously you're an awesome writer for having made it this far!
I'm not planning on participating in round two myself, as I'm also doing drabbles and poetry and that's enough deadlines for me. =) But I will be reading and writing and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stories.
Thanks for the feedback. As I said in the reply I just posted to etiam_quietus, I agree that it's hard to tell an often-told story and make it original, so it may have been a bad choice to start with... I explained a bit about what I'd been trying to do with the story (but don't think I succeeded very well with) in that comment.
And I agree about the title - I actually didn't intend to use that as the actual title of the story, originally. I'd named the Word document that just because it was the first thing that came to mind related to the story, but I'd planned on coming up with a better title before submitting it. But I kept blanking when trying to come up with a title, and eventually ran up against the deadline, so somewhat against my better judgment, I kept the temporary title eve though I knew it wasn't a great choice. *sigh* Freaking writer's block...
I've been there with the writer's block! *hugs to you*
About unreliable narrators and all, I think that would have worked out if there was more room to explore it.
It's hard sometimes when you're constrained to 1000 words. I know in my story I lost a lot of good detail that would have fleshed my narrator out too because I just simply didn't have room for it and the piece suffered overall as a result.
Reply
I didn't have a negative reaction to your story and it wasn't my least favorite (although again, my "least" favorite was a story I liked quite a bit anyway), but I felt like I'd read the story of the fall from grace from Satan's POV fairly frequently, and given that it was in first person POV and, as he even says in the narration, the story is well known, I craved a little more personality in his voice or more of a novel reason to retell the story. I wanted more of a sense that there was a story in his words besides the one that he was telling - a glimpse into things he was unwittingly revealing about himself (that's so often the appeal of first person POV for me.)
But the end was quite poignant and I think had there been a touch more emotion besides disdain when talking about humans, it could have been my favorite.
Reply
And you're right, it is important to be careful with oft-told stories, to try and make sure you're actually adding something new. What I had wanted to do was explore the idea of denying someone something "for their own good", which I had Lucifer being critical of God for doing with the tree, but at the same time doing himself, by contriving to get them cast out of the garden on the basis that it would be better for them. So there was meant to be a touch of hypocrisy there. And then the other major theme I had in mind was that the idea that it's better not to have something can easily be an exercise in sour grapes - "I can't have X, but that's OK because I didn't want it anyway! So there!" And be a way of covering that maybe you really did want that thing, with all your heart ( ... )
Reply
That being said the character voice was strong and it did have its good points. Obviously you're an awesome writer for having made it this far!
I'm not planning on participating in round two myself, as I'm also doing drabbles and poetry and that's enough deadlines for me. =) But I will be reading and writing and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your stories.
Reply
Reply
And I agree about the title - I actually didn't intend to use that as the actual title of the story, originally. I'd named the Word document that just because it was the first thing that came to mind related to the story, but I'd planned on coming up with a better title before submitting it. But I kept blanking when trying to come up with a title, and eventually ran up against the deadline, so somewhat against my better judgment, I kept the temporary title eve though I knew it wasn't a great choice. *sigh* Freaking writer's block...
Reply
About unreliable narrators and all, I think that would have worked out if there was more room to explore it.
It's hard sometimes when you're constrained to 1000 words. I know in my story I lost a lot of good detail that would have fleshed my narrator out too because I just simply didn't have room for it and the piece suffered overall as a result.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment