My mom died around 3am on Sunday morning. It absolutely kills me that I wasn't there, that I didn't call her Saturday evening like I said I would, that the last time I saw her she was so, so sad to see me go. I promised her I would be there and I wasn't. And I don't know how to deal with that ( Read more... )

In all this time that we're desperately trying to buy it's vague but we can catch, glimpses of maybe-it-will-be-okay, in things we say, and the ways we act, find the belief that we can return to the past, not tomorrow and not today, but somewhere on the horizon lays all the lies we need to keep ourselves together during these trying times.

Spain is pretty fucking beautiful, it's pretty much just like the movies. I feel kinda disconnected, like I'm not actually experiencing it for the first time... or at all. I'm here but I'm not. I don't know. It's hot. Like 25ish in the sun.. I think my cheeks are kinda burny. There's beaches and stuff that I'm probably never going to have a chance ( Read more... )

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Super into this.
...also, kinda relevant.

Spent this 'morning' looking through old Humans of New York posts, imagining myself in different places, as someone else. I then threw Maryland Bridge on repeat. John K always inspires the refocus. There is just so much that is out of my control, I am but a passenger to a driver that I feel is purposely trying to make me vomit ( Read more... )

I think I'm gonna make a "zine".. Two-Thousand-Twelve: [the search for happiness during] the shittiest year of my entire life. I wanna do it more like a scrapbook; mostly photos and documents, with some interspersed writing and illustrations... which would mean more documenting, and less letting things go.. I'm hoping Jill kept and can transcribe ( Read more... )

Totally just booked the MOST RIDICULOUS flights to and from Spain. $395 there, $89 back. $89 fucking Canadian dollars. Both flights are fairly shitty, and I am, no doubt, going to hate myself while in transit. But, whatever. SO CHEAP ( Read more... )

I've been spending far too much time wishing for things I don't/can't have lately, rather than appreciating the things I do.

Everything has just been so heavy lately. I'm bogged down. Every tense is murky and muddled. It feels impossible to navigate. Lost in the sleeping forest. No energy, just this intense fear ( Read more... )

I was going to write something, but then I got distracted and started rhyming at Jill (cause it's her birthday and she LOVES it when I rhyme at her), and I totes forgot what was on my mind. Prior to rhyming. So I shall leave you with this. LJ. Feel the love.

OMG. I thought I missed your birthday, then I realized TODAY is the 22nd, not yesterday. ( Read more... )