(no subject)
Everything has just been so heavy lately. I'm bogged down. Every tense is murky and muddled. It feels impossible to navigate. Lost in the sleeping forest. No energy, just this intense fear.
I've been more than happily welcoming distractions. Psuedo-escape. Trying so hard to hold on.
I've been having intensely horrifying dreams. I know it's inevitable. Every thing dies. [baby, that's a fact.] Some times I think I've made peace with Ky's passing, and some times I cease to breathe when I realize what has been lost. I would give up almost anything to have him back, even just to talk to him one last time. -- I can barely deal with Kyle. -- I am so scared my mom is going to die before I see her again. I just. Can't not think about it. I'm being haunted by this ghost that I created, and cannot destroy.
I've been more than happily welcoming distractions. Psuedo-escape. Trying so hard to hold on.
I've been having intensely horrifying dreams. I know it's inevitable. Every thing dies. [baby, that's a fact.] Some times I think I've made peace with Ky's passing, and some times I cease to breathe when I realize what has been lost. I would give up almost anything to have him back, even just to talk to him one last time. -- I can barely deal with Kyle. -- I am so scared my mom is going to die before I see her again. I just. Can't not think about it. I'm being haunted by this ghost that I created, and cannot destroy.