Lily Allen: “I love my children but they ruined my career”

[milotic2]

Lily Allen insists 'you can't have it all' after choosing motherhood over pop-stardom: 'I love my children but they ruined my career' https://t.co/tsiSAXazTt
- Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) March 12, 2024
After being considered one of London's it party girls, Allen has admitted her 2 daughters have ‘totally ruined’ her pop career because she

Comments

[matsaurus]

I feel like it's weird to say your kids "ruined" your career as opposed to "I sacrificed my career" but I can't be bothered to read so maybe she didn't actually say that. If she did it feels a bit resentful but just in the wording. Idk I say own the decision, even if you're unhappy with it now.

[shimabukuro]

I had to check the source - she def said it

[nomoneyfun]

Honestly, I wish more moms raged at how challenging it is to be a working mom. That's not their kids' fault, but we don't always have the language to blame the powers that be.

[matsaurus]

I think a lot of moms rage against that, and they are right, but I agree it's not something you blame on the small humans you made in this circumstance.

[blahblahcakes64]

(She's right)

I think "ruin" is a harsh/inaccurate word, but she's exactly right that some do prioritize their career over being the stay-at-home/available parent (this is nuanced-we live in a society that requires a dual income to survive a lot of the time and that's a calculation we have to make re: children/chilcare/availability). You can't have it all, anymore than anyone can except, in some cases, the hyper-rich, and they have to live without authenticity.

I say this as a parent of a toddler who works from home with a partner who works from home. I love my job and I'm so thankful it's flexible, but it is necessarily is my last priority after my child, marriage, and home, in part because we literally can't afford childcare! The choice is taken from me, and I arranged my priorities thusly. I know that's not explicitly the choice Lily Allen had to make, but her point isn't wrong.

[iznanassi]

i think the saddest thing is that you basically have to commit to missing significant parts of your children's lives even if you can afford childcare just bc of the sheer amount of time spent dealing with a career

[blahblahcakes64]

I have friends who have wrestled with that/are wrestling with that now! I have friends who've given the whole of their income to childcare, some out of necessity, some because they wanted to have their space/continue their full-time job. In a way I'm "lucky" I don't have to make that choice, but of course that comes with other frustrations (and other amazing benefits, like watching my kid grow every day!).

[shimabukuro]

I was a single mom and missed basically everything with my first born because of my career. My daughter is almost 20 and even though she knows i was working - she still hates me for not being able to be super present

[sweetwaterlane]

Eesh, i hope the snippets sound more severe than the conversation went, because that sounds like a heavy sacrifice to publicly lay on your kids. I can see how your giving up your successful career could be a reasonable thing to discuss with your kids one day (especially as they get older and are paving their own way), but only so long as it's thoroughly, thoroughly emphasized that there are no regrets/i'm so glad i chose this path.

Just the way it's worded - 'they ruined my career' versus something like 'i gave up my career because kids were more important'

[insomniachobs]

I suspect it was much more irreverent/jokey than it sounds in print

[anterrabre]

There's a lot of women performers who are prolific who have children, and I just assumed she was just chilling with David and enjoying life. With that said, considering how she and Alfie were raised I don't blame her for prioritizing her children.

[ginainabottle]

Not to say motherhood isn’t a hindrance - especially when, unlike Lily, you’re not rich or privileged - but it’s pretty common for people to dump the responsibility for their failures on their children, when they’d have kept on being mediocre even without any kids.

Yes, you can’t have it all but parading the discourse that women need to pick either or is counterproductive, and perpetuates a patriarchal idea that women, unlike men, will always need to pick between their own identity vs. being a servant to the family.

[marzipanism]

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by parading the discourse

It's a very common reality. Two (edit: three) of my friends missed out on two promotions, watched their male colleagues surpass them while they stay at the same level because they had to make the choice to take time off to have babies. Sure now they're back to work and working their way towards those same opportunities but they're years behind the men who never even have to consider the thought.

[ginainabottle]

My point is that treating this issue as a fact essentially validates the status quo when the discussion, IMO, should always veer towards gender inequality and how the standards are different for men and women. My country offers 4-6 months maternity leave, while paternity leave is 5 days, which is absolutely ridiculous. Statements like 'children ruin careers' cannot be normalized bc society is what ruins careers by not giving mothers the proper options to balance work/family while making men's work towards maintaining a family completely optional.

[marzipanism]

Ah, I see, your issue was specifically with blaming it on the children. Thank you for explaining, I agree.