Lily Allen: “I love my children but they ruined my career”

[milotic2]

Lily Allen insists 'you can't have it all' after choosing motherhood over pop-stardom: 'I love my children but they ruined my career' https://t.co/tsiSAXazTt
- Daily Mail Celebrity (@DailyMailCeleb) March 12, 2024
After being considered one of London's it party girls, Allen has admitted her 2 daughters have ‘totally ruined’ her pop career because she

Comments

[blahblahcakes64]

(She's right)

I think "ruin" is a harsh/inaccurate word, but she's exactly right that some do prioritize their career over being the stay-at-home/available parent (this is nuanced-we live in a society that requires a dual income to survive a lot of the time and that's a calculation we have to make re: children/chilcare/availability). You can't have it all, anymore than anyone can except, in some cases, the hyper-rich, and they have to live without authenticity.

I say this as a parent of a toddler who works from home with a partner who works from home. I love my job and I'm so thankful it's flexible, but it is necessarily is my last priority after my child, marriage, and home, in part because we literally can't afford childcare! The choice is taken from me, and I arranged my priorities thusly. I know that's not explicitly the choice Lily Allen had to make, but her point isn't wrong.

[iznanassi]

i think the saddest thing is that you basically have to commit to missing significant parts of your children's lives even if you can afford childcare just bc of the sheer amount of time spent dealing with a career

[blahblahcakes64]

I have friends who have wrestled with that/are wrestling with that now! I have friends who've given the whole of their income to childcare, some out of necessity, some because they wanted to have their space/continue their full-time job. In a way I'm "lucky" I don't have to make that choice, but of course that comes with other frustrations (and other amazing benefits, like watching my kid grow every day!).

[shimabukuro]

I was a single mom and missed basically everything with my first born because of my career. My daughter is almost 20 and even though she knows i was working - she still hates me for not being able to be super present

[iznanassi]

I'm the daughter in this case and while I get it, I can tell my mom hasnt really bonded with me in comparison to my sister (she was wfh for most of my sister's childhood). She doesnt know anything about my life, my interests, my hobbies, my personality, etc. Even still when she makes plans she always makes them with my sister, and doesn't invite me or even tell me they're happening. It's definitely damaging and I'm sorry for both your experience and your daughter's :(.

[shimabukuro]

I can understand how that can be really hard.

When it comes to my daughter. I know her like the back of my hand and she agrees. We have the same interest in most things (music, food, movies, tv), politics etc) and i have always supported her hobbies and give her guidance in her career.

She always confides in me when it comes to relationships/friendships and just overall advice but she when she gets mad about something she lashes out at me and tells me im the worst mother and ruined her entire life

[iznanassi]

I definitely went through that phase at her age (although the context is different, I also didnt use those words) and now that I'm a few years of therapy out, I got over it :/ I know it must be hurtful to hear but I'm sure based on the relationship you guys have she'll be able to work through it and repair things with you

[shimabukuro]

That’s what im hoping for 🥹

[iznanassi]

Dont give up! I can tell you love your daughter a lot and that will def come through :)

[shimabukuro]

Thank you♥️

[kary1591]

This is partly why I chose to be a SAHM. I don’t hate my parents for me being a latchkey kid, especially since in my mom’s case it was because she was sick and hospitalized often, not always because she worked. But yeah, that feeling lingers and as long as I have the opportunity to dedicate my time to my baby instead of to work, I’ll take advantage of that.

[anderbobo]

Yup, i have two female colleagues with young children -- the one who basically didn't skip a beat, had a nanny, was always available ascended to the highest level and the other had her ascension derailed b/c she had the "gall" to take all her maternity leave -- and the person responsible for that derailment was in fact, another woman. women really can't win.

[kriskross]

This sounds a lot like what happened to me in my last job.

[ellie_andrews]

i took all of my maternity leave but i got push back for it from HR. "well, I only took 6 weeks." ok?? her youngest child was born in the 80s?? my son is 3, and i'm still mad over that ngl