why wasnt i good enough.

i think everyone has thought that at least once in their lives.

this summer is coming to an end. friday morning i'll be back in new paltz, by the next friday i'll already be accustomed to my schedule, and by the friday after that friday i'll already be knee deep in art, frustration, good thrills in the studio, and drinking heavily whenever possible ( Read more... )

things ache. all over. all the time.

there are times that i feel like i may break. not emotionally. not in a beautiful way that i could describe with in words or images. or with friends, having one of those perfect conversations that refill you, reorient you, make you re-remember things. not like the kind that can be strung together with certain songs that you have just discovered or ( Read more... )

a list, because the alternative seems too daunting-today was one of those days that felt like being inside sadness. like i would never know anything that wasn't this feeling ( Read more... )

ari, in honor of your return to livejournal, please look at this link.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v460/screamer59/DSCN3059.jpg

were we ever so young?

i just read about 50 of my old livejournal entries starting at around the time i was rejected from Brown in 2005.

i'm exhausted.

and lonely!

written for my independent study on memoir writing.

Fourteen Seconds

I.
I want you to need me. I want you to tell me things you believe I cannot understand. I want you to know I don’t ever want to be not here. Always.

II.It is always at 3am, never later, when I am deep in the nightmares, still believing in their realness, and find myself ( Read more... )

one of the first lists of the semester, a little drunk, but not enough:-kt came to visit tonight. i think, more than anyone else, she completely brightened up alexis and i. i saw it in alexis' face and i knew i showed it radiating out through mine. i'm so excited/jealous/elated/anxious/sad/angry/proud of her trip to australia in a little over a ( Read more... )

driving lindsay home tonight after having dinner and coffee with mr nolan (and after being taken to his house, which was, by all accounts, exactly what we pictured and absolutely awe-inspiring), I said this: "i don't even know if im happy. i don't know if im fulfilled. i just don't know anymore ( Read more... )