(no subject)
one of the first lists of the semester, a little drunk, but not enough:
-kt came to visit tonight. i think, more than anyone else, she completely brightened up alexis and i. i saw it in alexis' face and i knew i showed it radiating out through mine. i'm so excited/jealous/elated/anxious/sad/angry/proud of her trip to australia in a little over a week. having her not be here, even for just a week or so, has really taught me how much she is ingrained in my concept of peace, happiness, and comfort here.
-i dodged michael like a pro tonight.
-typing to the atonement soundtrack.
-i hope i see thea and sara on saturday night.
-even though i passed it off to me being lazy, disinterested, and blaze' about jason and i not talking tonight, it hurt. it made me feel small and insignificant. so much so that when i was in the bathroom with kt and saw myself in the mirror, i was surprised to see myself attractive, not as a 10th grade awkward drama nerd. it hurt and was weird. but. i've been doing single long enough, it ain't so bad.
-sometimes i just self consciously, selfishly, immmaturely, naively need someone to make me feel important or special or attractive. and i think, deep down, everyone feels like that.
-ADELE. ADELE ADELE ADELE.
-this is the first semester that i've had a professor who has completely challenged me in my art. not even so much as to push me into things i've never explored but to actually challenge my entire ideology about my art. it's already helped me a lot and also made me more self conscious than i thought i would be. more than ever i dont feel like i'll ever really amount to anything or feel like my art is special.
-silver stallion by cat power on jukebox. KILLS.
-ellice. you know. so i don't even have to say it.
-i miss lindsay and eden.
-safety nets.
-where am i living next semester? that makes me more anxious than anything else in my entire life.
-i think maybe the reason i miss michael sometimes is because i can clearly picture him holding me as we fall asleep. that's it.
-watching corrina corrina. all i want is to be inside of that movie and have a corrina washington. or even a whoopi goldberg.
-everyone that i know and love will either see me die or i will see them die.
-paint that.
-there have been so many good vibes in the bfa studio. i'm so glad that i feel so accepted.
-kt, don't go.
-meg, did you end up not going? that'd be lovely.
-if you did, please have the most amazing time anyone's ever had.
-i love.
-i hope.
-kt came to visit tonight. i think, more than anyone else, she completely brightened up alexis and i. i saw it in alexis' face and i knew i showed it radiating out through mine. i'm so excited/jealous/elated/anxious/sad/angry/proud of her trip to australia in a little over a week. having her not be here, even for just a week or so, has really taught me how much she is ingrained in my concept of peace, happiness, and comfort here.
-i dodged michael like a pro tonight.
-typing to the atonement soundtrack.
-i hope i see thea and sara on saturday night.
-even though i passed it off to me being lazy, disinterested, and blaze' about jason and i not talking tonight, it hurt. it made me feel small and insignificant. so much so that when i was in the bathroom with kt and saw myself in the mirror, i was surprised to see myself attractive, not as a 10th grade awkward drama nerd. it hurt and was weird. but. i've been doing single long enough, it ain't so bad.
-sometimes i just self consciously, selfishly, immmaturely, naively need someone to make me feel important or special or attractive. and i think, deep down, everyone feels like that.
-ADELE. ADELE ADELE ADELE.
-this is the first semester that i've had a professor who has completely challenged me in my art. not even so much as to push me into things i've never explored but to actually challenge my entire ideology about my art. it's already helped me a lot and also made me more self conscious than i thought i would be. more than ever i dont feel like i'll ever really amount to anything or feel like my art is special.
-silver stallion by cat power on jukebox. KILLS.
-ellice. you know. so i don't even have to say it.
-i miss lindsay and eden.
-safety nets.
-where am i living next semester? that makes me more anxious than anything else in my entire life.
-i think maybe the reason i miss michael sometimes is because i can clearly picture him holding me as we fall asleep. that's it.
-watching corrina corrina. all i want is to be inside of that movie and have a corrina washington. or even a whoopi goldberg.
-everyone that i know and love will either see me die or i will see them die.
-paint that.
-there have been so many good vibes in the bfa studio. i'm so glad that i feel so accepted.
-kt, don't go.
-meg, did you end up not going? that'd be lovely.
-if you did, please have the most amazing time anyone's ever had.
-i love.
-i hope.