i'm having a bit of a spiritual crisis. my balance is off lately. i haven't adjusted to the concrete jungle very well. i miss my mountainside. the anxiety is starting to creep back in ( Read more... )

there's something about the darkness in your eyes. a depth i fall into and can't escape ( Read more... )

i had myself a nice cozy house in the mountains... with a wood burning stove, vaulted wood ceilings, an art studio, and a rock bottom creek 20 ft from the huge patio doors. i was content with everything there... because home was nothing short of paradise ( Read more... )

a friend posted a meme on fb today... of an old stepside with text saying 'i would rather sit on a tail-gate of a pickup and watch a bonfire than go to the mall anyday ( Read more... )

i feel as though i've stumbled on an important insight today. i reached out to a friend that was struggling, who did the same for me many years ago. i was hesitant to do so at first, i suppose partly because i'm of a somewhat guarded nature, and also i wasn't sure that it wouldn't seem presumptuous to think that i might have something comforting to ( Read more... )

life is changing. i sit here listening to the same music that spun on the turntable in the bedroom of my 6th grade self. it's funny that in some senses it still brings back the same ambiance that stirred in me all those years ago. the self before mortality slapped my face. the life of innocence ( Read more... )

yeah - so i've been crappy at keeping this thing up. me and this journal have a strange relationship. the first couple years were peachy insanity in joliet... i loved chronicaling all that, even if i am a cheesy dork. then i got sucked back into john land and suddenly my journal SUCKS! and i hate reading it. and i've thought about deleting it about ( Read more... )

so i'm starting to get the hang of this stuff now. and, i went to the temp agency on thurs... scored killer on my computer testing (yeah, i rock like that) and will probably be back in work on monday. it'll be nice. i need to get out more and apart from family there really aren't that many people up here that i've felt like spending time with. i ( Read more... )

so yeah, isolation is not my friend. it's weird to be lonely for the person that you live with. i know this takes adjustment on both parts. my adjustment is not knowing what questions to ask, or when they're appropriate to ask, etc. while he's adjusting. right now i'm just scared because sometimes he feels farther away here than he did in florida. ( Read more... )

so yeah. stephen is here now and all the hospital craziness is out of the way (knock on wood). it's definitely an adjustment... but in different ways than i thought it would be. having someone else around the house and nowhere to go for privacy really hasn't been an issue. i don't feel like i've got to hide anything from him anyway. the hardest ( Read more... )