when it gets broken down, i lost Lover J2, the love of my life, because i was too scared- scared to how i felt about him, scared about how it would change the way my friendships were, scared to give all of my effort into it.

I was reminded by Lover J2's sister of the saying 'if you love something, let if free. and if it comes back, then it was ( Read more... )

so. i have concluded that i have the tendency to blame Lover J2 on my general unhappiness and that i blame him sometimes for all the things that go through my head. maybe i take it out on him, or shove all of it to him. i'm not entirely sure. but i do think that i need to blame him less for things that don't involve him ( Read more... )

I'm sick of being the insecure, vulnerable one. or whatever the fuck i am. Lover J2 and I have been talking about how our relationship seems to have lost it's magical touch, and that some of the chemistry we had is missing, which has been the case since we've gotten back together. The more I think about it the more I think it's him and not me. He ( Read more... )

There was one good point (amongst the rest that were entirely ridiculous and stupid) that was made about marriage in the new Mandy Moore movie called How to Deal: how can a person possibly promise to someone else that they are going to feel the same way forever?.

There's something that makes me really uneasy when I wonder if Lover J2 and I would even still be together if we weren't in a long distance relationship. For all I know, there could be a huge change that we wouldn't be able to handle each other on a day to day basis, or we might end up getting very sick of being in each other's faces or just sick ( Read more... )

i feel like conversation with J2 has been a little strange for the past two days. basically, i've missed him a lot lately because i spent all last week with him and now i don't get to see him for over a month and it's hitting me. two nights ago he said how he wasn't going to call me when he was in bed, which i asked him to do because it's really ( Read more... )

I think there's a lot of Lover J2's life that I miss out on, like so much of the time he's upset about something or not opening up to me. I just looked at a picture of him from halloween that said he broke something, and I don't think I was told that story, but then again, I could have just forgotten it. I feel like there are so many stories that I ( Read more... )

It is pathetic how quick it is for me to be unsettled and uneasy about things with Lover J2. Simple things like, him not answering his phone makes my mind wonder because I know he sometimes sees who is calling and won't pick it up, or he'll turn the phone off because he doesn't want to talk to me, which only happened once, but still. Even just ( Read more... )

it's weird. the whole [him kissing someone else and being ignorant about a lot of things and him trying to force the idea of looking at me as a friend and that being okay] thing ( Read more... )

On the topic of my relations with Agent J2 and Agent Mi, both balls are entirely in my court. I have basically have both of them at whatever I want. And thusfar, I've just been hoping that someone would just steal the fucking ball already so I could end up figuring out something. I don't really think I'm going to be able to make a move with either ( Read more... )