On October 15th 2016 I arrived at Metheus's and Zoharra's place. I was relieved that they could ramble like normal left-brained people, because I seriously wasn't ready to dive into an emotional whirlwind the moment I arrived. I wanted time to feel them, to see them at the surface before diving beneath the waves. I didn't need much of that - ( Read more... )

When I got home from hanging out with Tholie I had Paladin make me tea, and took probiotics, but I didn't otherwise do anything to care for myself. I just wanted to relax and spend a little time with Hibiscus before it was time to sleep. I rubbed his back so I wouldn't feel guilty for asking for even more lymphatic massage. It seemed crucial to my ( Read more... )

Tuesday, June 21st 2016, I met Tholie in person. She was a cute, red-headed girl who'd contacted me on OKCupid. Her opening letter took quotes from my profile and explained how she related to them. She expressed interest in yoga and board games, and concluded her letter with, "I really appreciate your statement about authenticity and honesty. I ( Read more... )

Read part one, telling of how things went with Nelum on Friday and Saturday morning, and the beginning of White Whale's party by clicking here.
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Excerpt: {I expected that he would return after stowing it in his car, but ten minutes later he had not returned.}( Read more... )

Themes & Subjects: Board Games, Attitudes, A Letter to Hibiscus's Father, Teal Swan's Videos, Paladin's Birthday
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Staring at Hibiscus across the table as well played a game of Gheos, I felt incredibly filled with my love and gratitude toward him.
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As the game progressed and Hibiscus was hard on himself for not excelling at the game, I felt my ( Read more... )

Leopardus writes: "I'm doing some relationship homework with my dear partner, and I wondered if you'd be interested in joining in the exercise and talking to me about your experience sometime. If you're in, here's the assignment."
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"Oh, I look forward to this!" I replied. December rolled on by, and it was mid-January before I finally read the ( Read more... )

Themes:
Boundaries in relationships
How my boundaries relate to my sensitivities
Finding time to reconnect with Paladin
Running away from the feeling of emptiness
Craving degradation, violence and humiliation
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"I find it seductively appealing to lose myself into your life, and your choices," I had written to Hibiscus in early December. I had ( Read more... )

Themes of this post ( Read more... )

10:45pm
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Late at night, the night before Thanksgiving, I pulled a blindfold over my eyes to protect them. I felt sensitive to everything, raw to the world. I asked Hibiscus to get Paladin up so that he could help me process. Hibiscus felt uncomfortable going up into the attic and waking Paladin for me, but he did it anyway. I was grateful.
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I made ( Read more... )

Mom writes:
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Paladin seems especially bummed out today.  I may be misreading.  Maybe he's just tired.
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He told me yesterday that you had wistfully suggested that maybe he'd like to live in a cob shed in Hibiscus's backyard. Um. No.
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Do you realize how hard he is working to make a comfortable home for you? Of course, we all are, but Paladin especially ( Read more... )