Nelum, part 2 of 3
[Continued from here.]
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Nelum: I often give away massages and qigong sessions, without regard to money. Making enough to pay for my office space, food, and a little extra right now.
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Nuria: Doesn't quite compare to a personal concubine though. [Looks over one shoulder at you and winks.] (I'm having a lot of fun writing this to you.)
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Nelum: True. :) Lingering in long, nurturing hugs with you.
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Nuria: [Wistfully sighs.]
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Nelum: I can pay half. Does this help?
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. . .
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I frowned and considered. Half was not at all what I'd been hoping for . . . But if I thought about it, it would be a good deal for me. A place to stay in Sunnyland plus endless massages, and introduction to tantric sex, Qi Gong practice, and an adventure that felt in alignment with my deepest desires. It was worth the $200, wasn't it?
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. . .
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Nuria: It does, and I know it would be well worth it to me too. I'll sleep on it. [Smiles and chuckles.] It is two o'clock in the morning here.
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Nelum: Your diet is healthier than mine. I'm happy to flow accordingly.
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Nuria: [Nods.] Speaking of that - would you be willing/interested in eating all raw while I'm there?
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Nelum: Would actually love to be around more raw foods. Just a bit, not much, of a challenge here. Yes!
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Nuria: It makes me more comfortable. [Grins.]
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Nelum: I've been thinking about this a bit lately. Almost daily, actually.
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Nuria: [Grins.]
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Nelum: Hmmmm? Really? I am sincere . . . I will love to see and nurture you for hours a day . . . And benefit from your beautiful, creative self too.
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Nuria: Not sure which the "Really?" is in response to. [Smiles.]
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Nelum: You coming here latter portion of February as an equal, abundantly lovingly nurtured "concubine" and friend. [Winks.]
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Nuria: Ah. Yes. Really. Perhaps I'm less inhibited - masked, so to speak - at 2am. A blindfold goes a long way toward unmasking me, ironically . . . Something about looking at things visually is very distracting to my ability to connect deeply with myself and others.
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Nelum: Money and time is reserved. I may need to take a few private clients, in addition to my regular massage shifts, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays.
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Nuria: [Smiles.]
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Nelum: Well, you are welcome to keep your eyes gently closed while receiving massages for four, six, or more hours.
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Nuria: [Grins wildly.]
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Nelum: Or we can find you a cloth to blindfold you with.
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Nuria: [Grins mischievously.] I should really sleep now. Good night my friend. I'll write you tomorrow.
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Nelum: Yes. Wonderful. Peaceful sleep to you. To us both.
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. . .
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I laid down, but I didn't sleep. My thoughts were restless, and I wanted very much to go to Sunnyland and be with Nelum . . . right there in that moment I wanted it. It felt right. And yet . . . What would Hibiscus say? What would Paladin say?
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My inner guidance told me that I could make this decision on my own, that they would be okay.
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Twenty minutes later I sat up and looked at my computer screen. Nelum had sent me an image that talked about tantric sex. The words were intoxicating, but also frustrating to imagine. Sex without thrusting? I wondered. Would I be too earthly for him?
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. . .
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Nuria: Interesting image. I'm failing at sleeping. [Smiles.] I've decided on 'yes!' My intuition is just telling me all sorts of good things.
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Nelum: Slow, lusciously soothing breathing . . .
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Nuria: [Smiles.] How soon could you send $, and which airport is ideal?
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Nelum: Wherever. Whenever.
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Nuria: [Nods.] You're a sweetheart, thank you. I will get tickets soon, but am realizing I might want to put some more small thought into which week of February is really best, since most of them have a similar or same price. Does it make any difference to you?
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Nelum: Any time during February is about the same.
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Nuria: [Nods.] Okay. I will try sleeping again.
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. . .
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Nelum also wrote to me of where I could find public transit if I wanted it, of his willingness to provide me with transportation, of the local organic grocery stores, and offered his mountain bike to me to use as well.
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It was eleven o'clock in the morning on Thursday when I replied.
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. . .
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Nuria: Would you laugh if I told you bikes kinda intimidate me?
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Nelum: What about them feels intimidating?
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Nuria: Bikes feel intimidating to me partly just because I injured myself a lot in the process of learning to ride one when I was ten. Also because speed bikes make me uncomfortable, and I had a bike with broken brakes for a while. There is no other activity I've hurt myself as much at as on a bike.
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Also, I've gotten lost biking when I was in my early teens a bunch, and gotten flat tires out in the middle of no-where. Just a bunch of bad bike experience.
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I realize that there is nothing inherently bad about bikes, and that I manifested all of this through resentment about my parents not actually "teaching" me to bike sooner, and for their complete lack of compassion when I hurt myself trying to learn.
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I have some internal work to do before I'm ready to try my hand at a bike again, otherwise I'll just manifest another bad bike experience to support the negative beliefs around it.
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. . .
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I talked to Hibiscus over the phone about visiting Nelum.
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"The sound in your voice," Hibiscus said, "Makes me feel like it is the most loving thing for me to simply say 'yes' to this. I want to know more details, but for now, go ahead and make your plans."
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And then Hibiscus had to get off the phone to get on to work.
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I talked to Paladin as well.
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"You had an unresolved desire for him," he said. "I'm not surprised."
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"That's true," I agreed. "Unlike with Basket Bear, who I played things out with. We came to a place where I no longer wanted him. The same with Ocimum and Jackal, neither of whom I needed to sleep with to discover we were incompatible."
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Thursday evening, I wrote to Nelum again.
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. . .
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Nuria: I've talked to relevant parties, checked my calendar, checked and double-checked with my intuition, and I'm feeling good about coming out and spending time with you. So when you're ready, go ahead and send the $200 and I will get a ticket out there for a Wednesday through a Monday, (so I don't miss any of my Tuesday dance classes).
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. . .
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Thursday evening Paladin and I went to a dance event at a yoga studio a half an hour north of Silverstag. I pulled a card for seeing Nelum. The card said "Compassion" and showed two hands, a heart, and also the word "Love." I smiled. I knew it, I thought, this is a good thing.
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I danced my joy.
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Friday morning I read Nelum's reply.
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. . .
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Nelum: Wonderful. My only concern is that I've become so accustomed to being alone, I'm not sure or well versed in how to host anyone well. I'm often quiet, reading, watching documentaries on computer . . . Although I would love the opportunity to expand my range again, sharing companionship with each other.
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As long as you empathize, and can still appreciate me and this process of my learning more how to co-create ways of being and relating which are enjoyable for you as yourself and a guest - companion? Does this makes sense?
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Nuria: Yes, I understand. Last night at a dance event I pulled an oracle card for visiting you at the "altar". I pulled a card that said "love" and "compassion" on it and there were two hands touching a heart in the center of the card. I felt very warm looking at the card and thinking of you. [Smiles.]
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[Continued here.]