Random Third Person Post of Crack Narration

[notimmaculate]

Today is Mary's birthday, but you knew that. At least, you should hope you knew it. Mary is calmly sitting on a plush couch in one of the mansion's corners. She is knitting, using the only present she has so far received. The yarn is dark blue and the product nearly shapeless, but don't tell her that

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[riveroffire]

*knows this, of course, and so will approach her with no small amount of caution* Mother. *pauses, and then forges onwards bluntly* It's your birthday.

[notimmaculate]

*looks up, boredly* Phlegethon. You are wise beyond your years.

[riveroffire]

It's one of my many talents, perceptiveness. I'm going to wish you happy birthday, so please refrain from killing me just now.

[notimmaculate]

I am not killing anyone, offspring. It is my birthday, and I would not kill those who would wish me well. In fact, I am contemplating.

[hellflowsover]

*smiles brightly* Happy birthday, Mother. Was everything to your liking?

[notimmaculate]

*vague smile* Thank you, Acheron. Everything was wonderful, except I have yet to find a target upon which to test these. *holds up the needles*

[hellflowsover]

*thank God they're not silver, thank God they're not silver--* *looks amused* I'm sorry I didn't get you that. Perhaps for Christmas.

[notimmaculate]

*rather. What would she do with silver needles anyway? ^_^* Christmas was more than a month ago, dear.

[aiming_blind]

*we are going to pretend that it's still her birthday, as this would have been posted then had the typist's internet not died a sad, horrible and irritatingly prolonged death*

*leans against the arm of the couch, arms crossed over his chest, and watches her in silence for a moment* You know, were you any other woman, this scene would be almost innocent. As it is, you may be the only person I know who can make knitting feel like a reason to be wary. *not a word of it sounds unkind, simply factual*

[notimmaculate]

*doesn't look up, but pauses in her knitting to press one of the needles to her finger tip gently, where it instantly draws blood* I would rather it not be apparent. Is there some way to improve my ruse?

[aiming_blind]

*lips twitch into a half smile that's unmistakably marked with fondness, though it only lasts for an instant* To be honest, it might simply be evident because I know you.

[notimmaculate]

You will forgive me if that is not so reassuring. *puts her knitting down and finally turns to look at him* *he might, just maybe, if looking very closely, notice that she is not entirely calm*