Belonging: Chapter Twenty
Author's Note: Things are getting a little steamy... patience has its rewards ;)
Title: Belonging - Chapter Twenty
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Characters Jack/Ianto, Jack/Ten
Rating: This Chapter - R for sexual content
Spoilers: The Stolen Earth, Journey's End
Disclaimer: The BBC own it all, the little tinkers
Warnings: m/m slash | angst | polyamory | voyeurism
Description:
Set immediately after the events of The Stolen Earth/Journey's End.
The Torchwood team members are struggling to get back to normal after recent shattering events, when the Doctor turns up in the Torchwood Hub in the middle of the night; alone, heartbroken, guilt-ridden, and needing somewhere to belong.
"That's despicable, Ianto Jones. I feel so cheap and used..."
Chapter Twenty
Things were a bit awkward when I returned to the Hub on the night I'd bonded with the Doctor. No, not quite… Ianto seemed perfectly fine. It was just me that felt awkward.
Ianto was getting ready to leave for the evening. He turned towards me as I entered the main area of the Hub.
"Hi! I thought… I'm surprised to see you," he said, his eyebrows raised.
"Oh?"
He started fastening his coat. "I just thought… well, I thought you'd be spending the night in the TARDIS." His voice was perfectly even.
I paused. "Why would you think that?"
Ianto shrugged. "Well… now that… I take it you did the bonding… thing?" I nodded.
Ianto switched off his monitor. "I just thought… well. Not that it's any of my business."
"Did you think all I cared about was screwing him the second I had the chance?"
Ianto blinked. I sighed. There I was, jumping down people's throats for no good reason, again.
I put it down to being a little stressed. If I'm honest with myself, I thought maybe we might have… Christ. I really do have a one-track mind.
I scratched my head. "Sorry. We bonded, yes. But not much else. He's still a bit… nervous about taking it a step further, I guess. Besides, it's not the most important thing in the world, right?"
Ianto nodded with a look on his face that suggested he couldn't believe I’d just said that, but obviously decided not to comment further.
"Anyway. Things were getting a bit… thought it was easier if I just got out of there. Told him I had stuff to do. I'm seeing him again in a couple of nights, anyway."
Ianto nodded. "Yeah, we've… got a date tomorrow night. Well, not a date. Well… kind of. I'm seeing him then, anyway."
We stood in silence. I rubbed my chin. "Is this weird?"
"It'll take a bit of getting used to, that's all." Ianto fiddled with the pens on his desk, pretending to straighten them. "So… I suppose I should just… go home, then."
I nodded. "Yeah. 'Night."
Ianto turned away from me, and then stopped. He turned back. "I don't have to go. I mean… if you're at a loose end…"
I folded my arms. "No, it's fine. I don't wanna mess up your plans."
"What, an exciting evening involving a microwaveable lasagne and two hours of channel hopping? I wasn't exactly planning on painting the town red."
I shrugged. To be honest… I was still aroused, and feeling a little frustrated, and this was just making things worse.
Ianto stepped up to me and ran his hand smoothly down my upper arm. "If you want me to go, just say so."
"I don't want you to go. It's just that…"
Ianto's hand tightened on my arm. His other hand seemed to materialise out of nowhere on to my groin. And I was already hard.
I breathed out heavily. "That's really not… helping…"
"No point letting this go to waste, though," Ianto murmured, as he leaned in and kissed me. Both his hands tightened their grips on their respective parts of my body.
I felt guilty, somehow. I tried to protest, but Ianto is such a good kisser, I just sort of… surrendered to it.
I intended to stop him after he'd finished kissing me, but the next moment, Ianto had slipped his coat off and dropped it carelessly onto the floor, and then by the time his mouth left my lips and I could speak again, before I knew it Ianto had dropped to his knees in front of me.
I was going to tell him to stop, but then he started tugging at the fastening of my trousers, and then it seemed a bit late to start arguing with him about it.
By the time I felt the wet heat of Ianto's mouth engulfing me, I'm afraid my resolve crumbled altogether.
***
I fell back on the couch in the Hub, trying to get my breath back. Ianto was on his knees slumped over the backrest, his head resting on his arms. He had an alluring sheen of sweat on his back and shoulders, and I couldn't help but lean up and over and lick a short trail up the curve of his spine. I nuzzled at his shoulder. There was a vivid red-purple mark there, where I had bitten him a little too hard.
I licked briefly at the bruise and then continued to lap up the nape of his neck, burying my nose in his sweat-dampened hair. He always smelled so good. Ianto pulled his head away from his arms and leaned it back against me, rubbing against me like a cat. I gave the back of his head a final kiss, and then pulled away and sat on the couch, somewhat tiredly.
After a moment, Ianto turned himself around and sat down next to me. There was a moment's silence.
"I don't think we should do this again," I muttered.
Ianto's eyes grew wide as he turned to stare at me. "What?"
I gazed at him, realising what I had just said. "No, I don't mean... ever. I mean..." I sighed. "I mean I think we should make a new rule; whenever either of us has a date with the Doctor, even if it finishes early for whatever reason, you and I shouldn't see each other the same night. Well, not like this, anyway."
Ianto tipped his head back against the couch. "Why?"
I shrugged. "It just doesn't feel... fair. Towards you, I guess."
Ianto reached out and placed his hand on my naked thigh. "What you mean is, the Doctor got you all hot and horny and then you realised he's just not that kind of Time Lord. And now you feel bad because I finished off what he started?"
"I hate how perceptive you are, sometimes."
"In case you didn't notice, I started it," Ianto said quietly. "And... were you thinking about him, or me?"
I turned to Ianto, my eyes wide. "Of course I wasn't thinking about him. I wouldn't do that." It was true. When you have sex with Jack Harkness, you are the star of the show. No exceptions.
Ianto shrugged. "Well then... I don't see the problem."
"Still doesn't seem right. Feels like I took advantage."
Ianto put his hands over his face. "Oh, Jack..." He sounded exasperated. After a moment, Ianto took his hands away and sat forward. "Why do you have to feel so guilty about everything?"
I didn't reply. It was true, I guess. I suppose it stems from when I was a kid. Because of what happened to Gray.
"I'd have thought you'd be fine with this multiple relationships thing. You've done it before, haven't you?"
"Yeah. I know... and I don't know why, but this feels different." Maybe I was just out of practice.
Ianto put his arm around my shoulder and leaned his head into the crook of my neck so that he could mutter into my ear. "I know how important the Doctor is to you. And I know how important I am to you too. And I would never forgive myself if you spent the rest of eternity regretting what you missed out on because of guilt or doubts."
I nodded and gave him a small smile.
"The fact is, Jack, we haven't had sex for over a week, and I was horny. So I took advantage of you, okay?"
I gave him a sideways glance. "That's despicable, Ianto Jones. I feel so cheap and used..."
Ianto grinned. "Shut up."
He cupped my face in his hand and drew it towards him so that he could kiss me on the lips before he spoke again. "If it makes you feel better, then yes, okay, that's our new rule. We'll adapt things as we go along until it works, okay?"
I nodded and smiled. Ianto sat back. "Besides... the Doctor's not going to be here forever, Jack. I guess we should make this work as best we can while he's still around."
I didn't respond. The thought of that was lurking in the back of my mind too, and I was dismayed by how much it bothered me.
"Tell me about this bonding thing, then..." said Ianto, oblivious to my sudden dark contemplation.
I told him briefly what it had entailed. "Hmm. Thought there'd be more bells and whistles," he said, when I'd finished.
"Yeah, know what you mean. Maybe I didn't get the full benefit of it, because I'm not a Time Lord. Or something. Still, it was nice." I paused. "We kissed."
Ianto nodded and then looked serious. "Yeah... that's okay. I'm not sure I want to hear the gory details. At all. From now on."
So it still bothered him a bit then. Fair enough, I guess. I certainly didn't want to rub his face in it; I just thought he'd want me to be honest with him.
I thought about it for a moment longer. I cleared my throat. "You know what? When you and the Doctor... eventually... ah. I don't think I wanna know the gory details either."
We looked at each other for a long moment. Then Ianto spoke. "I'm only doing this because of who he is. Because of what he means to you. You know that, don't you? I wouldn't let you see anybody else, so make the most of him."
"Ah, that's a shame. I have a date with the pizza delivery guy tomorrow night; I was hoping you wouldn't mind."
Ianto's shook his head, deadpan. "His mum already called and cancelled. She said he's not allowed out that late on a school night."
I made a face at him, and then pulled him into a gentle headlock so that I could tickle his ribs with my free hand until he begged me to stop. He hates being tickled, and struggled so hard to escape me that by the time I showed him mercy, he'd pulled us both into a heap on the floor. We stared at each other for a moment, chuckling and both slightly out of breath again.
"This new rule of ours, this... no seeing each other after a date with the Doctor," Ianto murmured.
"Yeah?" I reached out and pulled a small damp lock of hair away from his forehead.
"Well, it doesn't have to start until tomorrow, does it?" With a wicked glint in his eye, Ianto leaned into me and started licking and biting gently at my neck, his hands sliding smoothly down my chest and stomach.
I tipped my head back to give him easier access, and groaned. "If I ever die, Ianto, it will be your fault for wearing me out."
I can think of worse ways to go.
***
Things after that seemed to run fairly smoothly. We found ourselves slipping neatly into a sort of dating routine, something which seemed rather strange at first, but soon became second nature to us.
The Doctor remarked that he felt like he had a proper schedule to go by, something he hadn't experienced since his days at UNIT in the 1970s, or the 1980s, he couldn't quite remember. (He said all he could recall was that most people had really bad fashion sense and dodgy hairstyles, which you could put down to pretty much any decade in the 20th century, I guess.)
Having a routine wasn't really bothering me. What was making me a little tense was that the next couple of times I saw the Doctor, I didn't know what to do with my hands. I was aching for him, and now that I knew that our being together was a possibility, it was making things a whole lot worse, especially when I didn't want to push him too far, too soon.
As experienced and knowledgeable as the Doctor was about pretty much everything else in the universe, I had to bear in mind that when it came down to love and intimacy, he was as nervous and coy as a newly-pubescent teenager.
The time we had together in our next couple of meetings was spent in pretty much the same way it had been since the Doctor had come to stay in the Hub. The only difference now was that I allowed myself to be a little more intimate with him; nothing overt, but I began to relax about doing things I would never have dared to do before; sliding my hands down his back and hips when we hugged, a more intimate embrace from behind, the odd nuzzle to the neck, and of course... kissing. We'd been doing a whole lot of that recently (and he was right about being a fast learner, his kisses were becoming dizzyingly good) but I realised that as soon as the Doctor could sense I was getting a little too excited, he would begin to tense and back away.
I was being as patient as I could be with him, but it was steadily getting more and more difficult to hold back.
After one particularly enjoyable kissing session, I found my hands beginning to unbutton the Doctor's shirt. I hardly even realised I was doing it until I felt him begin to shrink backwards against the console, away from me. I must have sighed, the look on my face must have been that of hurt or frustration, because the Doctor folded his arms and began to look guilty.
I stuck my hands in my pockets and tried to give him the most reassuring smile I could muster, which wasn't easy when I was concentrating on trying to push out the fabric of my trousers to disguise my obvious erection.
"I'm sorry, Jack. This isn't fair on you. I am trying, honest I am..."
I shrugged. "I know this is... daunting. It's just... you know. So near... and yet so far. It's just a bit frustrating."
The Doctor sighed. "I didn't want to tell you this, but there is a reason."
Here we go.
"You've realised you don't want me after all?" My voice sounded pathetically small.
To my relief, he was fervently shaking his head. "No, no, no. Of course not. You're... no. it's not that. Well... it is because of you. You, specifically. Not that it's your fault. Well, not that it's anybody's fault, I suppose, it's just..."
I folded my arms uncomfortably. "What is it?"
The Doctor swallowed. "It's... you. Your... condition. Your gift."
"I don't get you."
"The immortality. The... thing that makes you what you are. An Event. A fixed point in time."
I frowned. "I thought you were... well, I figured you must be over that."
The Doctor shook his head. "Oh, yes, I was. Well, I thought I was. It didn't bother me after... after that year on the Valiant."
"And now it does?" I must have looked stricken; the Doctor took a step towards me and ran his fingers down my face.
"Sorry. It's not your fault. It's usually not a problem. I don't even really think about it anymore. But when we get a bit... heated..." a blush of colour rose in his cheeks, "I think maybe your... I don't know. Your hormones? Molecules? They must get a bit... shaken up, energised. Agitated. And it's as though that... feeling I get, that instinct to get away from you, it seems to come back. I'm trying to fight it down; it's getting less intense as time goes on, I swear."
I looked down. The Doctor put his hands on my shoulders. "The more time I spend with you, the less it affects me. Like... when you're exposed to an infection for long enough, you build up a natural immunity..."
"Oh, so I'm a disease. That's lovely, thank you." Despite the situation, I did allow him a small smile to show I wasn't actually offended. I've been called far worse things than an infection.
"I didn't mean it that way... it's just a bit hard to describe. It's as though... the feelings are there, inside me, but they're not able to emerge properly. This... natural instinct to escape your... being an Event... it's just... putting a bit of a damper on things, that's all."
"It's like... your engine is revving... but you need something to turn the ignition..." I mused.
The Doctor gave me a small smile. "Never thought of it like that..."
"Maybe you just don't see me in a sexual way... even though... in theory, things should be... well... switched on by now, right?"
The Doctor shrugged.
I pondered for a moment. Then I looked up at him. "How do you feel about me running a little experiment on you?"
The Doctor raised an eyebrow.
I grinned. "Give me ten minutes."
***
I'd left the TARDIS for a short while, and when I returned the Doctor watched me warily as I bounded back up the ramp.
"May I?" I said, pushing past him, and grabbing the small keyboard on the console. The Doctor, looking a little bemused, let me work at the computer system, watching me with his arms folded.
"There... I think that's it." I turned the screen towards him. Now an image appeared on the screen. Video footage.
"Something I just fed into the Torchwood systems, accessing it from here. This is good stuff, pay-per-view. Owen had passwords for this site. Charged the subscription to his Torchwood expense account too, the scamp."
The Doctor looked at the screen. I saw his eyes flick over to me, and then back to the screen. The footage on the screen was heterosexual pornography, pretty straight stuff, nothing too specialised. I folded my arms and watched him. His eyebrow raised, but nothing else seemed to be moving.
"How does that make you feel?" I said.
The Doctor glanced at me again, as if wondering whether to say what he thought I probably wanted to hear. "Um... slightly... uncomfortable?"
I nodded. "Yeah... well, that'll pass. What else?"
The Doctor shrugged. "It's... interesting, I suppose."
"In a purely... scientific kind of way?" I shook my head and smiled.
The Doctor tilted his head, trying to make sense of the unusual position the couple on the screen were apparently enjoying. "Well... it looks like they might actually be breaking the laws of physics..."
I reached out and changed the video. Now it was guy-on-guy. Pretty hot, too. I looked at the Doctor as he watched, but his expression didn't change.
"Ii wasn't sure what you'd prefer..." I said. Personally, I don't really have a preference either. Sex is sex. It's all good; man, woman or blue insectoid.
The Doctor looked at me, looking slightly bemused. "Well... apart from the obvious difference, it's... well, just more of the same to me, really..."
I nodded. "I thought so. It's because... you're not bonded to them, right?"
The Doctor frowned. "Well, I did try to tell you..."
I laughed. "Well then... this is the real part of the experiment."
I walked behind the Doctor so that I was standing behind him as I reached out to the keyboard and changed the image again. This time the feed was from the internal security systems.
The image on the screen was of two men again, but this time the figures were instantly familiar.
"It's okay..." I murmured. "This time you have my full blessing to watch."
The Doctor took a breath and reached out to the screen, the tips of his index and middle finger tracing the image of one of the two men portrayed. It was me.
On the screen, I was leaning back against Ianto's workstation, both my hands gripping tightly at the edge of the desk behind me. My trousers were bunched loosely around my thighs, Ianto fully dressed but on his knees in front of me. It was CCTV footage of me and Ianto from a couple of nights earlier.
The camera angle left nothing to the imagination. On the screen, my head was tipped back in pleasure, one of my hands releasing the desk so that I could entwine my fingers in Ianto's hair as he orally pleasured me.
I stepped closer to the Doctor, close enough so that I could press my body against his from behind.
"How about this... how does this make you feel?" I murmured close to the Doctor's left ear. I heard an audible click in his throat as he swallowed.
"I... I don't know..."
"Different?" I whispered. I wrapped one arm around his waist from behind. My hand seemed large against his slender frame. I placed my palm flat on his stomach, flexing my arm tighter around him, pulling him closer towards me. This time the Doctor didn't tense, and he didn't flinch away.
From the computer screen there came an audible moan, and I shivered as the Doctor made a similar noise in response.
"How does it make you feel...?" I insisted, my mouth almost touching his ear. I felt the Doctor shudder, not because of his compulsion to escape my wrongness, but because of my warm breath against his skin.
There was a pause as the Doctor tried to find the right words. "I feel like... I want that to be me... there..." his fingers were still outstretched, and he placed the tip of his index finger squarely on Ianto.
I closed my eyes a moment. I was aroused now, too far to go back, not because of the image on the screen, not because of the previous pornography, but from the excitement of feeling the Doctor against me, his body shivering and oh god, yes, he wasn't flinching away from me anymore, he was leaning backwards into me. The rate of his breathing was quickening slightly, I could feel his stomach rising and falling beneath my hand.
I let my other hand slide over his right shoulder and placed the palm over his right heart, let it sit there for a moment, and then slid it over to his left. His heartsbeat seemed faster than usual. I stood and held him a moment, feeling his body close to mine, savouring how it felt.
I leaned out with my right arm as far as I could over his shoulder.
"How about..." I said slowly, "...how about if that was you..." I pointed to myself on the screen, "...and that was me...?" I moved my finger down to indicate Ianto.
There was a short silence as the Doctor digested that thought, considered the concept, tried to work out how he felt about it.
I filled the gap by rubbing my cheek against the side of his head, inhaling the scent of shampoo and newly-produced pheromones. I slowly ran the tip of my nose down the length of his sideburn, inclining my head slightly as I reached the bottom to nuzzle briefly at his earlobe.
The Doctor turned his head, the light stubble on his cheek rasping gently against the side of my nose. My lips softly brushed against his on the way past as I moved my head to face forwards, the Doctor's mouth now close to my ear instead.
"Would it feel... good?" he muttered.
I reached forward and turned off the video. If the Doctor was getting aroused for the first time, I didn't want it to be because of that. I wanted it to be all my own work.
"Oh yes, sweetheart…" I breathed. "I would make it feel so very, very good."
The Doctor's hands slid down my arms, the arms still cradling him against me.
"Captain…" he whispered in my ear.
"Yes, Doctor?" My voice sounded a little husky.
"I think I'm ready." I felt him shift, my arms being pushed out of the way as the Doctor turned to face me and placed one hand lightly on my shoulder.
"Would you take me to bed, please?"
I took a deep breath. "Yes, sir."
To be continued
<< Chapter One
<< Chapter Two
<< Chapter Three
<< Chapter Four
<< Chapter Five
<< Chapter Six
<< Chapter Seven
<< Chapter Eight
<< Chapter Nine
<< Chapter Ten
<< Chapter Eleven
<< Chapter Twelve
<< Chapter Thirteen
<< Chapter Fourteen
<< Chapter Fifteen
<< Chapter Sixteen
<< Chapter Seventeen
<< Chapter Eighteen
<< Chapter Nineteen
>> Chapter Twenty One
>> Chapter Twenty Two
>> Chapter Twenty Three
>> Chapter Twenty Four
>> Chapter Twenty Five
>> Chapter Twenty Six
>> Chapter Twenty Seven
>> Chapter Twenty Eight
Title: Belonging - Chapter Twenty
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Characters Jack/Ianto, Jack/Ten
Rating: This Chapter - R for sexual content
Spoilers: The Stolen Earth, Journey's End
Disclaimer: The BBC own it all, the little tinkers
Warnings: m/m slash | angst | polyamory | voyeurism
Description:
Set immediately after the events of The Stolen Earth/Journey's End.
The Torchwood team members are struggling to get back to normal after recent shattering events, when the Doctor turns up in the Torchwood Hub in the middle of the night; alone, heartbroken, guilt-ridden, and needing somewhere to belong.
"That's despicable, Ianto Jones. I feel so cheap and used..."
Chapter Twenty
Things were a bit awkward when I returned to the Hub on the night I'd bonded with the Doctor. No, not quite… Ianto seemed perfectly fine. It was just me that felt awkward.
Ianto was getting ready to leave for the evening. He turned towards me as I entered the main area of the Hub.
"Hi! I thought… I'm surprised to see you," he said, his eyebrows raised.
"Oh?"
He started fastening his coat. "I just thought… well, I thought you'd be spending the night in the TARDIS." His voice was perfectly even.
I paused. "Why would you think that?"
Ianto shrugged. "Well… now that… I take it you did the bonding… thing?" I nodded.
Ianto switched off his monitor. "I just thought… well. Not that it's any of my business."
"Did you think all I cared about was screwing him the second I had the chance?"
Ianto blinked. I sighed. There I was, jumping down people's throats for no good reason, again.
I put it down to being a little stressed. If I'm honest with myself, I thought maybe we might have… Christ. I really do have a one-track mind.
I scratched my head. "Sorry. We bonded, yes. But not much else. He's still a bit… nervous about taking it a step further, I guess. Besides, it's not the most important thing in the world, right?"
Ianto nodded with a look on his face that suggested he couldn't believe I’d just said that, but obviously decided not to comment further.
"Anyway. Things were getting a bit… thought it was easier if I just got out of there. Told him I had stuff to do. I'm seeing him again in a couple of nights, anyway."
Ianto nodded. "Yeah, we've… got a date tomorrow night. Well, not a date. Well… kind of. I'm seeing him then, anyway."
We stood in silence. I rubbed my chin. "Is this weird?"
"It'll take a bit of getting used to, that's all." Ianto fiddled with the pens on his desk, pretending to straighten them. "So… I suppose I should just… go home, then."
I nodded. "Yeah. 'Night."
Ianto turned away from me, and then stopped. He turned back. "I don't have to go. I mean… if you're at a loose end…"
I folded my arms. "No, it's fine. I don't wanna mess up your plans."
"What, an exciting evening involving a microwaveable lasagne and two hours of channel hopping? I wasn't exactly planning on painting the town red."
I shrugged. To be honest… I was still aroused, and feeling a little frustrated, and this was just making things worse.
Ianto stepped up to me and ran his hand smoothly down my upper arm. "If you want me to go, just say so."
"I don't want you to go. It's just that…"
Ianto's hand tightened on my arm. His other hand seemed to materialise out of nowhere on to my groin. And I was already hard.
I breathed out heavily. "That's really not… helping…"
"No point letting this go to waste, though," Ianto murmured, as he leaned in and kissed me. Both his hands tightened their grips on their respective parts of my body.
I felt guilty, somehow. I tried to protest, but Ianto is such a good kisser, I just sort of… surrendered to it.
I intended to stop him after he'd finished kissing me, but the next moment, Ianto had slipped his coat off and dropped it carelessly onto the floor, and then by the time his mouth left my lips and I could speak again, before I knew it Ianto had dropped to his knees in front of me.
I was going to tell him to stop, but then he started tugging at the fastening of my trousers, and then it seemed a bit late to start arguing with him about it.
By the time I felt the wet heat of Ianto's mouth engulfing me, I'm afraid my resolve crumbled altogether.
***
I fell back on the couch in the Hub, trying to get my breath back. Ianto was on his knees slumped over the backrest, his head resting on his arms. He had an alluring sheen of sweat on his back and shoulders, and I couldn't help but lean up and over and lick a short trail up the curve of his spine. I nuzzled at his shoulder. There was a vivid red-purple mark there, where I had bitten him a little too hard.
I licked briefly at the bruise and then continued to lap up the nape of his neck, burying my nose in his sweat-dampened hair. He always smelled so good. Ianto pulled his head away from his arms and leaned it back against me, rubbing against me like a cat. I gave the back of his head a final kiss, and then pulled away and sat on the couch, somewhat tiredly.
After a moment, Ianto turned himself around and sat down next to me. There was a moment's silence.
"I don't think we should do this again," I muttered.
Ianto's eyes grew wide as he turned to stare at me. "What?"
I gazed at him, realising what I had just said. "No, I don't mean... ever. I mean..." I sighed. "I mean I think we should make a new rule; whenever either of us has a date with the Doctor, even if it finishes early for whatever reason, you and I shouldn't see each other the same night. Well, not like this, anyway."
Ianto tipped his head back against the couch. "Why?"
I shrugged. "It just doesn't feel... fair. Towards you, I guess."
Ianto reached out and placed his hand on my naked thigh. "What you mean is, the Doctor got you all hot and horny and then you realised he's just not that kind of Time Lord. And now you feel bad because I finished off what he started?"
"I hate how perceptive you are, sometimes."
"In case you didn't notice, I started it," Ianto said quietly. "And... were you thinking about him, or me?"
I turned to Ianto, my eyes wide. "Of course I wasn't thinking about him. I wouldn't do that." It was true. When you have sex with Jack Harkness, you are the star of the show. No exceptions.
Ianto shrugged. "Well then... I don't see the problem."
"Still doesn't seem right. Feels like I took advantage."
Ianto put his hands over his face. "Oh, Jack..." He sounded exasperated. After a moment, Ianto took his hands away and sat forward. "Why do you have to feel so guilty about everything?"
I didn't reply. It was true, I guess. I suppose it stems from when I was a kid. Because of what happened to Gray.
"I'd have thought you'd be fine with this multiple relationships thing. You've done it before, haven't you?"
"Yeah. I know... and I don't know why, but this feels different." Maybe I was just out of practice.
Ianto put his arm around my shoulder and leaned his head into the crook of my neck so that he could mutter into my ear. "I know how important the Doctor is to you. And I know how important I am to you too. And I would never forgive myself if you spent the rest of eternity regretting what you missed out on because of guilt or doubts."
I nodded and gave him a small smile.
"The fact is, Jack, we haven't had sex for over a week, and I was horny. So I took advantage of you, okay?"
I gave him a sideways glance. "That's despicable, Ianto Jones. I feel so cheap and used..."
Ianto grinned. "Shut up."
He cupped my face in his hand and drew it towards him so that he could kiss me on the lips before he spoke again. "If it makes you feel better, then yes, okay, that's our new rule. We'll adapt things as we go along until it works, okay?"
I nodded and smiled. Ianto sat back. "Besides... the Doctor's not going to be here forever, Jack. I guess we should make this work as best we can while he's still around."
I didn't respond. The thought of that was lurking in the back of my mind too, and I was dismayed by how much it bothered me.
"Tell me about this bonding thing, then..." said Ianto, oblivious to my sudden dark contemplation.
I told him briefly what it had entailed. "Hmm. Thought there'd be more bells and whistles," he said, when I'd finished.
"Yeah, know what you mean. Maybe I didn't get the full benefit of it, because I'm not a Time Lord. Or something. Still, it was nice." I paused. "We kissed."
Ianto nodded and then looked serious. "Yeah... that's okay. I'm not sure I want to hear the gory details. At all. From now on."
So it still bothered him a bit then. Fair enough, I guess. I certainly didn't want to rub his face in it; I just thought he'd want me to be honest with him.
I thought about it for a moment longer. I cleared my throat. "You know what? When you and the Doctor... eventually... ah. I don't think I wanna know the gory details either."
We looked at each other for a long moment. Then Ianto spoke. "I'm only doing this because of who he is. Because of what he means to you. You know that, don't you? I wouldn't let you see anybody else, so make the most of him."
"Ah, that's a shame. I have a date with the pizza delivery guy tomorrow night; I was hoping you wouldn't mind."
Ianto's shook his head, deadpan. "His mum already called and cancelled. She said he's not allowed out that late on a school night."
I made a face at him, and then pulled him into a gentle headlock so that I could tickle his ribs with my free hand until he begged me to stop. He hates being tickled, and struggled so hard to escape me that by the time I showed him mercy, he'd pulled us both into a heap on the floor. We stared at each other for a moment, chuckling and both slightly out of breath again.
"This new rule of ours, this... no seeing each other after a date with the Doctor," Ianto murmured.
"Yeah?" I reached out and pulled a small damp lock of hair away from his forehead.
"Well, it doesn't have to start until tomorrow, does it?" With a wicked glint in his eye, Ianto leaned into me and started licking and biting gently at my neck, his hands sliding smoothly down my chest and stomach.
I tipped my head back to give him easier access, and groaned. "If I ever die, Ianto, it will be your fault for wearing me out."
I can think of worse ways to go.
***
Things after that seemed to run fairly smoothly. We found ourselves slipping neatly into a sort of dating routine, something which seemed rather strange at first, but soon became second nature to us.
The Doctor remarked that he felt like he had a proper schedule to go by, something he hadn't experienced since his days at UNIT in the 1970s, or the 1980s, he couldn't quite remember. (He said all he could recall was that most people had really bad fashion sense and dodgy hairstyles, which you could put down to pretty much any decade in the 20th century, I guess.)
Having a routine wasn't really bothering me. What was making me a little tense was that the next couple of times I saw the Doctor, I didn't know what to do with my hands. I was aching for him, and now that I knew that our being together was a possibility, it was making things a whole lot worse, especially when I didn't want to push him too far, too soon.
As experienced and knowledgeable as the Doctor was about pretty much everything else in the universe, I had to bear in mind that when it came down to love and intimacy, he was as nervous and coy as a newly-pubescent teenager.
The time we had together in our next couple of meetings was spent in pretty much the same way it had been since the Doctor had come to stay in the Hub. The only difference now was that I allowed myself to be a little more intimate with him; nothing overt, but I began to relax about doing things I would never have dared to do before; sliding my hands down his back and hips when we hugged, a more intimate embrace from behind, the odd nuzzle to the neck, and of course... kissing. We'd been doing a whole lot of that recently (and he was right about being a fast learner, his kisses were becoming dizzyingly good) but I realised that as soon as the Doctor could sense I was getting a little too excited, he would begin to tense and back away.
I was being as patient as I could be with him, but it was steadily getting more and more difficult to hold back.
After one particularly enjoyable kissing session, I found my hands beginning to unbutton the Doctor's shirt. I hardly even realised I was doing it until I felt him begin to shrink backwards against the console, away from me. I must have sighed, the look on my face must have been that of hurt or frustration, because the Doctor folded his arms and began to look guilty.
I stuck my hands in my pockets and tried to give him the most reassuring smile I could muster, which wasn't easy when I was concentrating on trying to push out the fabric of my trousers to disguise my obvious erection.
"I'm sorry, Jack. This isn't fair on you. I am trying, honest I am..."
I shrugged. "I know this is... daunting. It's just... you know. So near... and yet so far. It's just a bit frustrating."
The Doctor sighed. "I didn't want to tell you this, but there is a reason."
Here we go.
"You've realised you don't want me after all?" My voice sounded pathetically small.
To my relief, he was fervently shaking his head. "No, no, no. Of course not. You're... no. it's not that. Well... it is because of you. You, specifically. Not that it's your fault. Well, not that it's anybody's fault, I suppose, it's just..."
I folded my arms uncomfortably. "What is it?"
The Doctor swallowed. "It's... you. Your... condition. Your gift."
"I don't get you."
"The immortality. The... thing that makes you what you are. An Event. A fixed point in time."
I frowned. "I thought you were... well, I figured you must be over that."
The Doctor shook his head. "Oh, yes, I was. Well, I thought I was. It didn't bother me after... after that year on the Valiant."
"And now it does?" I must have looked stricken; the Doctor took a step towards me and ran his fingers down my face.
"Sorry. It's not your fault. It's usually not a problem. I don't even really think about it anymore. But when we get a bit... heated..." a blush of colour rose in his cheeks, "I think maybe your... I don't know. Your hormones? Molecules? They must get a bit... shaken up, energised. Agitated. And it's as though that... feeling I get, that instinct to get away from you, it seems to come back. I'm trying to fight it down; it's getting less intense as time goes on, I swear."
I looked down. The Doctor put his hands on my shoulders. "The more time I spend with you, the less it affects me. Like... when you're exposed to an infection for long enough, you build up a natural immunity..."
"Oh, so I'm a disease. That's lovely, thank you." Despite the situation, I did allow him a small smile to show I wasn't actually offended. I've been called far worse things than an infection.
"I didn't mean it that way... it's just a bit hard to describe. It's as though... the feelings are there, inside me, but they're not able to emerge properly. This... natural instinct to escape your... being an Event... it's just... putting a bit of a damper on things, that's all."
"It's like... your engine is revving... but you need something to turn the ignition..." I mused.
The Doctor gave me a small smile. "Never thought of it like that..."
"Maybe you just don't see me in a sexual way... even though... in theory, things should be... well... switched on by now, right?"
The Doctor shrugged.
I pondered for a moment. Then I looked up at him. "How do you feel about me running a little experiment on you?"
The Doctor raised an eyebrow.
I grinned. "Give me ten minutes."
***
I'd left the TARDIS for a short while, and when I returned the Doctor watched me warily as I bounded back up the ramp.
"May I?" I said, pushing past him, and grabbing the small keyboard on the console. The Doctor, looking a little bemused, let me work at the computer system, watching me with his arms folded.
"There... I think that's it." I turned the screen towards him. Now an image appeared on the screen. Video footage.
"Something I just fed into the Torchwood systems, accessing it from here. This is good stuff, pay-per-view. Owen had passwords for this site. Charged the subscription to his Torchwood expense account too, the scamp."
The Doctor looked at the screen. I saw his eyes flick over to me, and then back to the screen. The footage on the screen was heterosexual pornography, pretty straight stuff, nothing too specialised. I folded my arms and watched him. His eyebrow raised, but nothing else seemed to be moving.
"How does that make you feel?" I said.
The Doctor glanced at me again, as if wondering whether to say what he thought I probably wanted to hear. "Um... slightly... uncomfortable?"
I nodded. "Yeah... well, that'll pass. What else?"
The Doctor shrugged. "It's... interesting, I suppose."
"In a purely... scientific kind of way?" I shook my head and smiled.
The Doctor tilted his head, trying to make sense of the unusual position the couple on the screen were apparently enjoying. "Well... it looks like they might actually be breaking the laws of physics..."
I reached out and changed the video. Now it was guy-on-guy. Pretty hot, too. I looked at the Doctor as he watched, but his expression didn't change.
"Ii wasn't sure what you'd prefer..." I said. Personally, I don't really have a preference either. Sex is sex. It's all good; man, woman or blue insectoid.
The Doctor looked at me, looking slightly bemused. "Well... apart from the obvious difference, it's... well, just more of the same to me, really..."
I nodded. "I thought so. It's because... you're not bonded to them, right?"
The Doctor frowned. "Well, I did try to tell you..."
I laughed. "Well then... this is the real part of the experiment."
I walked behind the Doctor so that I was standing behind him as I reached out to the keyboard and changed the image again. This time the feed was from the internal security systems.
The image on the screen was of two men again, but this time the figures were instantly familiar.
"It's okay..." I murmured. "This time you have my full blessing to watch."
The Doctor took a breath and reached out to the screen, the tips of his index and middle finger tracing the image of one of the two men portrayed. It was me.
On the screen, I was leaning back against Ianto's workstation, both my hands gripping tightly at the edge of the desk behind me. My trousers were bunched loosely around my thighs, Ianto fully dressed but on his knees in front of me. It was CCTV footage of me and Ianto from a couple of nights earlier.
The camera angle left nothing to the imagination. On the screen, my head was tipped back in pleasure, one of my hands releasing the desk so that I could entwine my fingers in Ianto's hair as he orally pleasured me.
I stepped closer to the Doctor, close enough so that I could press my body against his from behind.
"How about this... how does this make you feel?" I murmured close to the Doctor's left ear. I heard an audible click in his throat as he swallowed.
"I... I don't know..."
"Different?" I whispered. I wrapped one arm around his waist from behind. My hand seemed large against his slender frame. I placed my palm flat on his stomach, flexing my arm tighter around him, pulling him closer towards me. This time the Doctor didn't tense, and he didn't flinch away.
From the computer screen there came an audible moan, and I shivered as the Doctor made a similar noise in response.
"How does it make you feel...?" I insisted, my mouth almost touching his ear. I felt the Doctor shudder, not because of his compulsion to escape my wrongness, but because of my warm breath against his skin.
There was a pause as the Doctor tried to find the right words. "I feel like... I want that to be me... there..." his fingers were still outstretched, and he placed the tip of his index finger squarely on Ianto.
I closed my eyes a moment. I was aroused now, too far to go back, not because of the image on the screen, not because of the previous pornography, but from the excitement of feeling the Doctor against me, his body shivering and oh god, yes, he wasn't flinching away from me anymore, he was leaning backwards into me. The rate of his breathing was quickening slightly, I could feel his stomach rising and falling beneath my hand.
I let my other hand slide over his right shoulder and placed the palm over his right heart, let it sit there for a moment, and then slid it over to his left. His heartsbeat seemed faster than usual. I stood and held him a moment, feeling his body close to mine, savouring how it felt.
I leaned out with my right arm as far as I could over his shoulder.
"How about..." I said slowly, "...how about if that was you..." I pointed to myself on the screen, "...and that was me...?" I moved my finger down to indicate Ianto.
There was a short silence as the Doctor digested that thought, considered the concept, tried to work out how he felt about it.
I filled the gap by rubbing my cheek against the side of his head, inhaling the scent of shampoo and newly-produced pheromones. I slowly ran the tip of my nose down the length of his sideburn, inclining my head slightly as I reached the bottom to nuzzle briefly at his earlobe.
The Doctor turned his head, the light stubble on his cheek rasping gently against the side of my nose. My lips softly brushed against his on the way past as I moved my head to face forwards, the Doctor's mouth now close to my ear instead.
"Would it feel... good?" he muttered.
I reached forward and turned off the video. If the Doctor was getting aroused for the first time, I didn't want it to be because of that. I wanted it to be all my own work.
"Oh yes, sweetheart…" I breathed. "I would make it feel so very, very good."
The Doctor's hands slid down my arms, the arms still cradling him against me.
"Captain…" he whispered in my ear.
"Yes, Doctor?" My voice sounded a little husky.
"I think I'm ready." I felt him shift, my arms being pushed out of the way as the Doctor turned to face me and placed one hand lightly on my shoulder.
"Would you take me to bed, please?"
I took a deep breath. "Yes, sir."
To be continued
<< Chapter One
<< Chapter Two
<< Chapter Three
<< Chapter Four
<< Chapter Five
<< Chapter Six
<< Chapter Seven
<< Chapter Eight
<< Chapter Nine
<< Chapter Ten
<< Chapter Eleven
<< Chapter Twelve
<< Chapter Thirteen
<< Chapter Fourteen
<< Chapter Fifteen
<< Chapter Sixteen
<< Chapter Seventeen
<< Chapter Eighteen
<< Chapter Nineteen
>> Chapter Twenty One
>> Chapter Twenty Two
>> Chapter Twenty Three
>> Chapter Twenty Four
>> Chapter Twenty Five
>> Chapter Twenty Six
>> Chapter Twenty Seven
>> Chapter Twenty Eight