Reading this I am left with a "What should I/they have said?" So many dysfunctional families and no one to do anything about preventing it from spreading to the next generations. I tried to not be my mother, but both of us were from dysfunctional families and yes, we did spread the dysfunction to our daughter. Now she has to find her way out. Her solution is to not have children. That was my plan also, but fate decided otherwise. :/ My youngest brother is in denial and my other brother died alone and away from family. Maybe pregnancy should come with parenting lessons for Mom and Dad at the same time as the doctor visits. It is hard to rewire ones core molding. Reading books helps, but watching real life healthy interactions would be even better.
I think that's a huge part of why I am not having kids, because I am aware that overriding that training is incredibly hard. I'm 35, and I'm only JUST learning how to do it. O_O It's a horrible shame that there's nothing in place to help parents to NOT repeat those patterns. There is some information out there if you look for it, but it took me until late 20s early 30s to realize I was fucked up, communication-wise. How can you look for solutions when you don't realize there is a problem
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I sometimes wonder if the powers that be really want crime, poverty, and dysfunction to be "cured". Who from a mentally healthy place would ever want to abuse themselves with drugs or go to war?
Wow - a lot that resonates for me here. Not everything - on the scale of dysfunctional families, mine was nowhere near as bad as it gets. But a lot of this was painfully familiar
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Comments 36
I would not have believed, before reading this, that about half of it accurately describes my childhood.
/bemused
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I relate so much to about 90% of that.
For someone who was as emotionally abused as me, I'm remarkably sane. I just have a few - er - quirks, and a whole lot of resilience.
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