So much this. You could be my twin. And along with all that, I was constantly called a liar, a thief, a mistake and accused of being the reason my father left when I was less than a year old. And once she remarried and had my half-brothers, I got the daily "I can't wait till you're old enough so I can kick you out". And I was 17 when she did so. And all my life - even to this day - I've had fat-shaming. Some direct ("You'd be so pretty if you lost your weight") and indirect ("Oh woe, I've put on 5lb and I'm now 10lb over my ideal weight and still a size 10, but I'm so fat and ugly. Being fat is so horrible. I'm so horrible and don't deserve to live because I'm fat") and even now, at 42, it never ends
( ... )
My father remarried when I was 6. I worshipped my new mom. She loved me when they were dating then resented me once they were married. I guess I was screwing up her mental image of the perfect family (I was a mentally ill child and a handful at times
( ... )
There's just so much here where I was nodding and saying "Yes, that happened. That, too. And that. Oh, and especially that."
A decade of therapy, trying (and mostly succeeding) to unpack it, look at it, face the fact that all that stuff I laughed off or minimized was not, in fact, okay. At all. Learning how to deal with the fallout... well, that'll be an ongoing thing until I shuffle off this coil mortal. It's just that emotional abuse is still not taken seriously. Being a quiet, thoughtful child is still, somehow, wrong, for certain populations, shall we say... especially if said quiet child is intelligent and hasn't managed to have the BS detector crushed out of her. Hey, but dismissing her on multiple levels will do a lot to get her in line, though
( ... )
I want to add "telling a child not to cry about something doesn't magically make the pain go away. It makes them better at hiding it, and makes them not ask for help when they really need it."
I STILL have trouble crying in front of others, and asking for help when the pain/depression gets bad.
Comments 36
Reply
Reply
A decade of therapy, trying (and mostly succeeding) to unpack it, look at it, face the fact that all that stuff I laughed off or minimized was not, in fact, okay. At all. Learning how to deal with the fallout... well, that'll be an ongoing thing until I shuffle off this coil mortal. It's just that emotional abuse is still not taken seriously. Being a quiet, thoughtful child is still, somehow, wrong, for certain populations, shall we say... especially if said quiet child is intelligent and hasn't managed to have the BS detector crushed out of her. Hey, but dismissing her on multiple levels will do a lot to get her in line, though ( ... )
Reply
I STILL have trouble crying in front of others, and asking for help when the pain/depression gets bad.
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment