My father remarried when I was 6. I worshipped my new mom. She loved me when they were dating then resented me once they were married. I guess I was screwing up her mental image of the perfect family (I was a mentally ill child and a handful at times).
I learned early how to pretend everything was fine when all I wanted to do was die. I learned not to tell my parents what was happening to me at school or at the hands of children of my mother's friends. I learned first aid for myself. I learned not to complain about sickness. I learned that I couldn't go to my parents when I was scared, hurting, or sad. I had to grow up fast and become self-sufficient because being a needy kid was not tolerated. At least, not from me. My step-brother hung the moon and the stars as far as my mother was concerned. I was the devil child she was saddled with.
I know I could have had it worse. I could have also had it much better. I could have grown up in a loving home with supportive parents. Instead, I had a mother who didn't like me and tore at my self-esteem until I didn't have any. It's not a great club to be a member or, but at least I'm not alone.
I learned early how to pretend everything was fine when all I wanted to do was die. I learned not to tell my parents what was happening to me at school or at the hands of children of my mother's friends. I learned first aid for myself. I learned not to complain about sickness. I learned that I couldn't go to my parents when I was scared, hurting, or sad. I had to grow up fast and become self-sufficient because being a needy kid was not tolerated. At least, not from me. My step-brother hung the moon and the stars as far as my mother was concerned. I was the devil child she was saddled with.
I know I could have had it worse. I could have also had it much better. I could have grown up in a loving home with supportive parents. Instead, I had a mother who didn't like me and tore at my self-esteem until I didn't have any. It's not a great club to be a member or, but at least I'm not alone.
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