Shitty Things People Say Part The Millionth

[naamah_darling]

This is just tremendously depressing to me. And this.

I don't understand why people think bullying is just part of life. Everyone experiences being pushed around, but the way we as a culture just accept this kind of thing to the point that children are committing suicide because of it . . . that's sick.

It's sick the way that the victims are

Comments

[aj_hyena]

I got the "words mean nothing" crap too (and it did NOT help that my middle name, which is what I went by at the time, rhymes with the word gay).

I was routinely pushed down stairs in middle and high school, and when the kids were caught doing it, the teachers went to the principal. The principal openly praised the kids for doing it, mostly because he didn't like my "inferior" family, and because the teachers were not screwing him in the teachers lounge during off hours. His bragging he had "connections" (and it was known he'd hired gangs to "visit" the cops and people he did not like) kept his job secure... NO one wanted to deal with him

[kyra_neko_rei]

I don't understand why people think bullying is just part of life.

Gyahhhh, I hate it when they do that. Unspoken is "We can't be bothered to improve your situation in the slightest. You're not worth it."

Fuck that with a pneumatic jackhammer dipped in battery acid.

It can be amazingly easy to help a child being bullied, especially if one has authority over the bully. How hard is it to not tolerate something in your classroom---any teacher knows how to do this, they do it with other things (I remember teachers who never noticed bullying, who told me to "ignore" a classmate who would drag and push me off playground equipment, but would have you slinking back ashamedly, scolding tones ringing in your ears, if you ran in the hallways).

One can look for bullying---watch students properly, keep tabs on the nature of students' relationships with each other, watch known bullies, ask children what is wrong when they look miserable. One can take care of bullied students---take them seriously, look into their claims, and also simply

[naamah_darling]

People say things like "ignore it" and "grow a thick skin." But thick skins are not grown by bullied children. They are grown for bullied children by the people who defend them and thus show to them that they are worth defending.

Those who say bullying is just a part of life are just as full of shit as the bullies. That phrase is just a fancy way to say "I'm a careless, thoughtless asshole and resoundingly part of the problem" while pretending you're not either.

Bra-fucking-vo to all that. Goddamn, that is so true.

[hugh_mannity]

I was bullied at boarding school. Thirteen week semesters with nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, no one to turn to.

40 years on I ran up against some former school mates and the bitch who bullied me started pulling the same shit again -- scholarship kid who didn't deserve to be at the school, not really one of "us", &c.

And it still hurt.

[ravan]

I would have punched the bitch.

[hugh_mannity]

Don't think I didn't want to. But sweet as that would have been, I don't really need an assault or homicide record right now.

[greyladybast]

That's when you look them up and down, very slowly and precisely, then cock one eyebrow like Spock and intone, "Oh. Really? How....precious..."

Use the forced-patience tone you would take with a particularly annoying small child, smile sweetly, then pointedly turn your back and stroll away without a care in the world. It'll drive her nuts!

Bast

[rarelytame]

I pretty much agree with everything you said, but... I also think we should be proactive, and compassionate toward those who are being bullied. If those people had someone to turn to, or had someone they thought was sticking up for them--peers their own age, if possible--then they might not commit suicide

[kyra_neko_rei]

"Don't pay attention to the bully and maybe they'll stop."

They don't do it for attention. They do it to enjoy their victim's pain (and their own sense of power and superiority), and very few people are good enough actors to convince the bully that there isn't any. I know; I spent many years trying.

Also, if you're focused on ignoring the bully, your attention is still on them. Which means it's not on something actually worthwhile. It's not on the schoolwork, or on playing at recess, or anything that you go to school to be doing.

[ravan]

They don't do it for attention. They do it to enjoy their victim's pain (and their own sense of power and superiority),

This. I knew the pleasure they were getting, the high that they got. It was written on their faces in big bold letters.

[nimbrethil]

I wish more people understood this. Ignoring it never works. Bullies will literally beat a reaction out of you if they have to. If anything, it's easier just to give them the reaction they want early on to minimize the damage.

[stormcaller3801]

Yeah. That's why I didn't put up with it when I saw it happening to my second cousin. His 'best friend' was being a bully, because he'd learned to be- he wasn't as smart as everyone else, but he was bigger and so he made up for it by being mean. Unfortunately for him, I'm even bigger

[leopard_print]

That's exactly the advice my Dad gave me! And it's a big part of what helped me get through it. Sometimes you've just got to fight. They won't let you take any other course of action.

[stormcaller3801]

That's half of what got me through it- the other half was something I wasn't conscious of, and was only informed about later on

[ravan]

I was told "good girls don't fight". If I fought back when they'd grab my books, or hit me, I got in trouble at school then again at home.