"I feel as though she tore apart my thoughts with a pickaxe, shredding everything to pieces, not destroying, but violating everything that only I could know... it's so cold... I can't feel myself think anymore, it's all numb! God, she knows... she saw everything. Her eyes... she smiled and everything fell apart! I feel dirty, raped, I think she ( Read more... )

An instant realization, as though opening one's eyes from a pleasant dream, hit me like a block of ice. My reaction time has always been slow, deliberately, learned... a constant numbness to keep emotion's sharp claws at bay. I know what I should feel; there is always immediate awareness. I only seek to stave off pain, and by doing so, have jaded ( Read more... )

That's what everyone says. A conglomerate notion that somehow salt can help heal things. Help, perhaps, heal, never. There is always that tiny patch of black ice someone hits when they least expect it, some sort of insult to injury that no word can heal. If anything, this salt they rely upon will only irritate the wound, keeping it open longer ( Read more... )

I just found $50 in an old birthday card.

Today is a good day!

:D

Today has been strange, and for that I am thankful. I had somehow coerced my brain into a heightened sense of energy and awareness. I used this limited power to finish some chores I had long been avoiding, and I have accomplished much. And then... about an hour ago, a dull ache formed behind my eyes and has since grown into a relentless vice about ( Read more... )

"I do believe I forgot to mention what my particular light is. Step outside and look around. Look at everything that survives in spite of the suffocation of human influence. Look to the earth that which you all owe to your existence. Take a good look at all that has been forgotten in this past century. Your shells of society are the only things ( Read more... )

I am considering revisiting my psychologist sometime soon. Obviously this is not an easy decision. Anyone ever get that feeling where your mind and subsequently everything around you is falling to pieces? Where every waking moment is an illness? There are very few things keeping me tethered here. I wish I had the heart to grab onto more.

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THAT'S IT. I'M LEARNING POLISH. NEW LIFE GOAL.

Why is it that I can't accomplish everything I want to... right now? Stupid frail human body... *grumblegrumble*

....

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what is this...?

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...

Someone please channel me some strength, I'm feeling rather low.

There's no way a job like mine is going to get any better, and being optomistic is past the point of being laughable. I understand there is no way I'm going to find a job I will actually enjoy right now, so I'll just have to suck it up and find something not as wretchedly demeaning ( Read more... )