Last night was probaly the worse I felt emotionally ever. It all came out...

Oh and this journal is private now.

Geez I've changed a bit lately. In the past month I've experimented with a guy, smoked weed for the first time, took some vicodin I found and drank some wine in what is about 3/5's of the bottle now, and contemplated quitting my job and driving around. This shit is really getting to me. Was fuckin' waiting for a friend to finish getting ready to ( Read more... )

Geez I seriously don't like my half bro. Emailed him about the urgency to tell someone on that side of the family that my mom died, and he gets all hurt, telling me I talked to him like he was two. Keep in mind, that when I asked if he told the person, which I told him to tell them weeks ago, his email just said "no". So yeah, he acted like a ( Read more... )

Seriously hate that little fucker. We could not be any more distant. I've made some attempt to know him and he's so fuckin' apathetic that I give up. I even wanted him to get my half sis's number for me and he couldn't do that or even tell some family on that side that my mom died. God, I hate that little fuckin' overachievin' dick.

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Odd. I'm on my third day of working out and I'm actually seeing results. My stomach looks a little smaller and my shoulders look broader. That is one thing I've always liked about weight lifting, I get results pretty quickly. The only problem is that though I get mass easily, its hard for me to get toned. I mean I've been working on my abs hard the ( Read more... )

Lifes interesting. You get throw a lot at different times, unable to dodge some things.

Its odd that you can start to like someone again because of an event/moment, but easily lose some of that interest because of something they've said, not directed at you at all. You can just see that it won't happen and actually accept it and not care because ( Read more... )

1. Paid uncle for paying some of the funeral
2. Got a speeding ticket....grrr
3. Repierced my ears so they're 16g now and did an extra one so my left ear has two
4. Got a new record player
5. Bought a LOT of books
6. Got a weight bench
7. Oh, and I ditched dial up, yeah fuck it up the ass!

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Sometimes when I wake up, I'm surprised that the day is still here, that it hasn't all ended. It just surprises sometimes when the world can keep going on. Other times, I'm impressed by this. I have a lot ahead of me, and a lot behind me. I have to learn to leave some things behind in order to make it easier to move on. I can't drag this weight ( Read more... )

Today spent time with a friend, talked, feel much better. I may still stay away from people, but I feel better. I got some things done as well.

Here's the thing though. While I was at Factory 2 U, I heard this song I recognized. It was a Tori Amos song, and it was the one played during the ASPCA commercial about animals being put down. That damn ( Read more... )

Lately I've been losing it. I've been breaking down every so often. I had to struggle a bit while buying groceries yesterday. It had really helped though that I talked to my aunt Jessie. It was the longest conversation I had with her, being about thirty minutes. Theres a reason I always related to her, and its more apparent now. She shares some of ( Read more... )