i need a gojyo

[missingkitsune]

ok i know that's weird. but i had a bit of an epiphany yesterday.
i'm too much like sanzo.
jaded, closed off, unwilling to open up to people in general. *and yeah i see the irony there since i whine and moan about virtually everything here in my journal* i just don't let anyone see the deeper part that is the real cause of my pain. i don't mean

Comments

[triyune]

You certainly DON'T WANT A GOJYO, you are not aware, my friend, of the whole extent of that sentence and wish.
A counterpart is nice but if I had a choice I'd leave that part to love myself again.

You don't really 'love' your friends anyway...you may love them in a different way but I don't feel offended if you don't tell me that you love me. -assuming you include me in your friendslist.

lol I can picture the scene of us meeting then...it certainly would contain a whole lot of silence and awkwardness ~D

[missingkitsune]

you know that's probably my biggest stumbling block right there. "love myself" i guess one of the other reasons i never formed any relationship is in order to love some one you have to love yourself first. and i most certainly do not and since i don't i don't understand why someone else would so i just don't bother

[triyune]

Ah yeah, love yourself, but not too much. Narcissism is probably as bad as hating oneself...because you just keep hurting yourself without realizing it. If you look at it in a rational way.

Mother always says that you are the result of your parents' upbringing. If you were treated with respect and love you will love yourself at a later time, if there has never been any respect and reassuring love you won't.
Now that's not really helpful but just what comes to my mind when you talk about your Gojyo. If you never love you'll never lose anyone. Just attached to nothing.

I know that it is hard to escape these feelings...but don't we count at all? We like you while not giving a shit what you look like. You know...don't take me wrong there...it doesn't matter what you look like because we don't like you because of your looks.

As much as I hate to think of us shaking hands when meeting I can so imagine it though. I'm not expressive at all XD when it comes to walking around and chatting, that's why I guess the two of us would just stare

[missingkitsune]

true enough. but at that time i did have my friend she's the one who made me *i know that's harsh sounding* stop hating myself so much. she gave me life so to speak. i just was never able to connect with anyone till i met her. being apart *first by distance when i moved then by death* i hadn't felt anything till i 'met' all of you all here. you all count so very much it kind of hurts when i don't have contact with anyone so yeah i guess it is a different type of tenderness? i suppose

[nimily]

*huggles*

[missingkitsune]

thank you very much.

[nudel_dude84]

*raises hand* Uh, hello?

........ I have Pocky?

[missingkitsune]

oopsie.

pocky? where? what kind? *looks around*
sorry i missed you.

[nudel_dude84]

Got a package in the mail from a friend in Canada. 6 boxes, strawberry, chocolate and green tea!

[missingkitsune]

well that's cool. we can only get the strawberry and chocolate at one of the major stores. i haven't tried the asian markets yet.

[befanini]

I guess I'm lucky to have a split personality between them...

So whenever Sanzo isn't overwhelmed, my Gojyo is guaranteed to come steal your smoke, rest an arm on your shoulder and wink at you in the most teasing manner imaginable. ^_-=

[missingkitsune]

i guess at the moment my sanzo is just being a bit too bossy for our own good.
i do hope i didn't upset anyone too much. but sometimes you just have to get it out of your system and for me it's a ton easier to write things down than sit in some doctor's office having them analyze everything to death. i really suck at face to face conversations in a professional atmosphere.

but actually triyune helped in gaining some insight.

and i really care deeply for everyone here. and am grateful for the kindness they've shown me.

i guess i get a little over dramatic at times. @_@

[befanini]

Sure thing, babe! I've given in myself a couple of times to what Triyune and I call "the Sanzo Angst Gene". XD And just like you, it's more about getting it out than anything else, and writing is incredibly therapeutic. ^_-

[missingkitsune]

thank you. "sanzo angst gene" huh? yeah that's a good name for it. ^___^

[safire_griffon]

I...I know we haven't talked all that much, but this honestly sounds like something I wrote in my journal (my hard-copy-no-one-looks-at-this journal) just after my 21st birthday. My great-grandmother had died Easter Sunday and I felt...nothing. I felt bad for my mother and grandfather, because they were wrecked, but I didn't really feel much of anything at all.

Speaking to people in general is more difficult for me in person than in type, and talking to them about personal problems--I find I can't speak about how I feel about myself and my life without breaking into tears, so I just don't do it generally. But it's like...it's like your living in this bubble, and no one can see it or feel it but you, but everytime you try to reach out to someone you feel it and you're just reminded that you're different and that you're wrong and that you don't fit. (This is how I feel, not something I'm trying to say about you

[missingkitsune]

you described it pretty well.
and i have to agree with the living in a bubble thing.
you were correct on this part...

"But it's like...it's like your living in this bubble, and no one can see it or feel it but you, but everytime you try to reach out to someone you feel it and you're just reminded that you're different and that you're wrong and that you don't fit. (This is how I feel, not something I'm trying to say about you)"

that's pretty much how i've always felt. especially at family reunions and in school.

that's a huge reason why i miss my best friend. she was pretty much my gojyo and it helped tremendously.