i need a gojyo

[missingkitsune]

ok i know that's weird. but i had a bit of an epiphany yesterday.
i'm too much like sanzo.
jaded, closed off, unwilling to open up to people in general. *and yeah i see the irony there since i whine and moan about virtually everything here in my journal* i just don't let anyone see the deeper part that is the real cause of my pain. i don't mean

Comments

[triyune]

You certainly DON'T WANT A GOJYO, you are not aware, my friend, of the whole extent of that sentence and wish.
A counterpart is nice but if I had a choice I'd leave that part to love myself again.

You don't really 'love' your friends anyway...you may love them in a different way but I don't feel offended if you don't tell me that you love me. -assuming you include me in your friendslist.

lol I can picture the scene of us meeting then...it certainly would contain a whole lot of silence and awkwardness ~D

[missingkitsune]

you know that's probably my biggest stumbling block right there. "love myself" i guess one of the other reasons i never formed any relationship is in order to love some one you have to love yourself first. and i most certainly do not and since i don't i don't understand why someone else would so i just don't bother

[triyune]

Ah yeah, love yourself, but not too much. Narcissism is probably as bad as hating oneself...because you just keep hurting yourself without realizing it. If you look at it in a rational way.

Mother always says that you are the result of your parents' upbringing. If you were treated with respect and love you will love yourself at a later time, if there has never been any respect and reassuring love you won't.
Now that's not really helpful but just what comes to my mind when you talk about your Gojyo. If you never love you'll never lose anyone. Just attached to nothing.

I know that it is hard to escape these feelings...but don't we count at all? We like you while not giving a shit what you look like. You know...don't take me wrong there...it doesn't matter what you look like because we don't like you because of your looks.

As much as I hate to think of us shaking hands when meeting I can so imagine it though. I'm not expressive at all XD when it comes to walking around and chatting, that's why I guess the two of us would just stare

[missingkitsune]

true enough. but at that time i did have my friend she's the one who made me *i know that's harsh sounding* stop hating myself so much. she gave me life so to speak. i just was never able to connect with anyone till i met her. being apart *first by distance when i moved then by death* i hadn't felt anything till i 'met' all of you all here. you all count so very much it kind of hurts when i don't have contact with anyone so yeah i guess it is a different type of tenderness? i suppose

[triyune]

..maybe you just have to take that challenge in small steps, not try to jump at the goal with one step...

It's about the same in Austria. But I have to say I was truly astonished when people started to talk to me at the university (not the other way round XD) despite my abnormal clothes. I think...if you show them that you are just half as bad as your 'look' they will be courageous and interested in you enough as to approach you...so there's also your own attitude towards people which may keep them off.

The web makes these things easier indeed...and you're not saying that all wrong ~D
I am truly happy that you are feeling better and are ready for some change. And sometimes...you don't have to reach out at all but just accept.
And first step of accepting is showing people that you welcome and appreciate their reaching out for you^^

Aah...you can't really have that silence with everyone. There are people who take it as an offence if you suddenly turn all silent because they don't know about that way of communication..