On children and clothing.

[margaretc]

I admit to a deep ambivalence about this particular subject. The other day Nate refused to wear his jeans with kitty-cat knee patches on them, because someone at school had made fun of him because of them. Or made fun of them. Same difference

Comments

[dameroksanne]

Nate needs to be his own man.

As long as the kids are just talking smack it is ok-if he gets the crap kicked out of him that is a very different matter.

Nate sounds like a leader and not a follower. I would let him wear what he wants and see how he feels about how the world takes it.

Many writers and performers talk about wearing individualistic clothing choices and how many times they became the trendsetter.

Most high fashion items look odd compared to what most people wear.

[margaretc]

He's very much a leader. Perversely, he gets annoyed when other kids copy him, but that's a different problem.

He IS extraordinarily sensitive, though. His dad and I have to be careful because we can flatten him with a look, or a tone of voice. He's gotten a bit tougher about it, and we'll keep working on that, but he is a very emotional child.

And it turned out that the hat was a non-issue. So that's good.

[redsquirrel]

Do you ever read cvirtue's LJ? (ska Mistress Cynthia du Pre d'Argent, "The Hat Laurel") She had an interesting post about teaching one of her first graders (she has twins) to deal with a girl who was teasing her. Check it out.

[margaretc]

Oh, that was PERFECT, thank you for pointing that out! I'll definitely keep that in mind.

[lady_guenievre]

I think this technique only works if the kid actually doesn't buy into the teasing - in other words if it starts early. I can remember when I was a bit older than Nate, I was harassed mercilessly (it crossed the line from just teasing) and had I had more self confidence, maybe this would have worked, but by the time I tried it? well, that was just worse. Just sayin'...

[soucyn]

I've always figured that kids will pick on each other no matter what adults do. The only way to stop it is to have adult supervision over every child 100% of their waking hours - which brings on it's own issues.

That said, Nate seems like a smart kid. He'll make choices for himself where you allow it, and will figure out how to deal with those consequences. It might be that he feels like fitting in a bit more now, and then later will want to be more expressive again later. Some days, I feel like fitting in, and some days I feel like making a statement.

Though, fair warning, if Nate turns into a Hot-Topic-Goth-Angsty-Teenager, I will have to tease him to no end... ;P

[margaretc]

I'm sure he will for a little while, although Hot Topic will be totally passe' by then, but yes, I'm sure I'll tease him too.

Teasing by grown-ups is different from teasing by kids, though. I still react to them differently. How irrational is that?

[soucyn]

Well, when an adult teases someone, they usually do it in a way that implies that they are only joking, and that they really consider the person to be a friend. Kids haven't learned that skill yet, and tend not to censor their negative opinions like adults do. So, kids come off as mean while adults come off as loving.

[soucyn]

Sorry, that was me with the anonymous comment. Silly iPhone didn't stay logged in.