I’m overdue. I’ve been trying to coast along as though nothing is bothering me when in fact things are coming to a head. Will I ever learn ( Read more... )

On Thursday I went to get my tattoo and he asked if I wanted to put it off another day and hang out instead. I did. We sat around talking and drinking with a couple of other guys. Again. It’s pleasant enough, but I feel restless, it’s not satisfying. It feels like I’m wasting my time. I feel like I’m waiting and am increasingly dissatisfied doing ( Read more... )

So last night I hung out with the guys. Mark made a real point of trying to get me to stick around and including me. I would say he largely ignored the other guys and mostly talked just to me. He even showed me a really funny video of a band he was in during his early 20s. I looked them up this morning and they are apparently pretty famous and ( Read more... )

I am walking to work today and Mark approaches me from behind. He is grinning and happy. He tells me what he has just been doing, what he did that morning, what he is going to do. He asks me what I’m listening to. Something he gave me. He asks me what I’m up to. He is celebrating, he invites me to come. I decline. I have to go to work. He smiles ( Read more... )

Well what the fuck do I say? Everything is great. My life is…pretty great. I am very dramatic you know? A real romantic. I’m not sure I really want to be all that happy. I want some tragedy. I want a little bit of heartache. I want to feel a range of emotions. I want to burn with longing. I’m tempting fate just by typing this. It’s all about ( Read more... )

I turned 32 today. I had a really wonderful first half and a disappointing second half. Disappointing isn’t all it was, I am glad for the clarity it provided, but it gives you an idea of the contrast. In the morning I wheeled a cartload and cooler full of food and blankets and water balloons and flowers and bubbles and dogs to the park. I set up ( Read more... )

Alright. Tell me what I’m supposed to do with this ( Read more... )

Here's how ridiculous I am. I was freaking out about the fact that we did not have sex. I was freaking out that this was all going to burst into flames. I was freaking out that he doesn't feel strong enough about me. Then my girlfriend says, "How long since you guys actually started dating that first night ( Read more... )

Ok. Something is still wrong with me. I started feeling some anxiety this morning. I managed to pretty much keep a lid on it until I was alone this afternoon when it really started raging ( Read more... )

I am exhausted. Last night around 10:30 I texted my tattoo guy, “I have clean sheets ( Read more... )