A Glimpse of my Life with an Aspberger's (high functioning autistic) Hubby

[luckycricket_1]

 Hubs came back last night after a 3-day business trip out of town. Keep in mind that I've been dealing with 3 kids (2 of them moderately/severely autistic). Please reassure me that I'm not crazy or an idiot.

Comments

[cedarrapidsgirl]

You're not nuts, my dear, I promise. *hugs* You do what you gotta do for the the little ones, trust me, I'm doing it too. I don't understand men, especially my husband, who I'm convinced is the biggest moron on the planet. The world only revolves around them, and we are just there for them. I'm not lying when I say I have 3 children, and my husband is one of them. He doesn't touch a dish, take out the garbage(either to the can or the curb) doesn't ever pick up the house, refuses to cook anything that can't be microwaved, and sits on his butt playing video games, drinking until he's too drunk to know who I am (he locked the screen door the other night while I was at work, and when I got home, he had to squint and stare at the door for 5 minutes to see it was me) and generally not doing anything

[luckycricket_1]

Yeah, I know about the support thing. I'm a part of an online group called "Aspbergers and the Other Half", spouses of people with it (there are a couple of husbands in there too). It's helped with venting and affirming that I'm not nuts.

There's something called "Cassandra syndrome". Cassandra was a Greek woman who warned her fellow people from Troy that the city would fall. No one listened to her, and the city fell. People don't believe such a nice guy like him can be such a social idiot, so when things like this happen, they don't believe it can be true.

[catrinataylor]

that sounds like the crap i listened to w/ my ex

'he's so smart' 'he's so nice' etc

'your making to much of this or that' *hugs* i get it, and i'm sorry.

[greeneyedtengu]

I'm not married, nor do I have children. But. I do come from a so-called 'broken' home. Sometimes, in order to do what is genuinely best for your kids, you have to do what is first best for you.

I'm not urging you to divorce. That's a long hard road that my mom thinks I don't remember, but I do. I'm saying that sometimes you need to do you things and not let him walk on you for the sake of family harmony. He has Asperger's though so I'm not sure how well he'd take to being called out on his shit...

I don't know... I want to help and lend my support, but I don't know how. I'm sorry hon. But on the bright side? You aren't an idiot... He's definitely being an asshole.

[rigil_kent]

Yeah, I've gotta agree with greeneyetengu here - I'm still single and w/out any kids, but it really seems to me that he needs an attitude adjustment.

:(

[luckycricket_1]

Attitude adjustment is an understatement, hon.

The thing is, when we first got married, it wasn't this bad. It's become worse over the years. His parents are even worse than this. (My FIL once introduced me to his friends as "a housewife". >.< And Hubs and MIL didn't say anything about it at the time.)

[luckycricket_1]

Thanks, hon.

My family went through a lot of heartbreak for the opposite reason. Mum stayed w/Dad even though she was obviously unhappy. So we kids suffered. Leaving is easier said than done, esp. since I haven't had a teaching job in nearly 10 years and I have to depend on him financially.

Yeah, he reacts by denying he's being an asshole, then points out that he also takes care of the kids. He does care about them, but he doesn't have to worry about housekeeping, entertaining them M-F, etc.

*hugs*

[catrinataylor]

You know I"m just getting out of a marriage. Divorce hearing was July 7. I may not be the nicest person on this subject atm - so I apologize if that turns out to be the case

Re: *hugs*

[luckycricket_1]

Hubs was in denial about getting Son tested too. Luckily, I had a good pediatrician and he listened to the doc (as opposed to me, because I *obviously* had no idea what I was talking about). Then both of us were in denial of the diagnosis. But he withdrew, and I took up dealing w/therapists, teachers, etc.

My FIL would drive 6 hours to visit family for maybe an hour, then drive 6 hours back because he "wanted to sleep in his own bed". Neither he nor MIL has anything to do with the kids, which is sad, because Hubs is an only child. They're of the "no news is good news" and "out of sight, out of mind" school. :-(

Re: *hugs*

[catrinataylor]

that's terrible!

my fam and his embraced the facts, even when he didn't. but ds was born at 1lb 6 oz. (is it terrible that it bothers me so much he doesn't remember our ds's weight?)

he just couldn't accept it and, even now, still doesn't want to. it lead him to lose his mind and hit a 5 yr old asbergers child for behaving like he's got asbergers in school. guess you can see why i finally left. i was forced dependent on him for finances and i'm just now starting to barely rebuild the business i once had that thrived. divorce recovery sucks!

/vent - sorry wasn't intending that.

[capthek]

My nephew has a less functioning form and I can hardly get him to do anything other than monologue. The really tough thing is that they always assume that the rest of the world is being a bad communicator, that everyone else is just dumb or something. He even did this when he was a kid, constantly calling others "IDIOTS!" because his condition made it so he could never really see anything from any other place than the inside of his own head. It would drive me up the wall when I was younger and it seems like I can see a touch of that with you two. You may want to sit him down for a specific talk time because he wont get a clue about what is going on in your head. Thats my two cents

[entallat]

Oy. The blase reaction to the summons papers is enough grounds for a kick in the ass. In fact, that pretty much sums up the problem here: he comes across as a teenager rather than a mature adult, supportive spouse and responsible father of special-needs kids.