Learning How To Live (9/22)
Title: Learning how to live
Authors: jerseystrife , alixzin and I
Rating: mild M for some unpleasant adult themes
Summary: Something is terribly wrong with Barney Stinson and his friends have all started to notice him avoiding them. When questions arise, Barney fights to keep his secrets and to keep the life he's grown comfortable with living.
Disclaimer: Sadly, none of us own either of the shows.
Note: A million thanks to roland44 for the beta.
Previous Chapters: One| Two| ThreeI Four| Five| Six| Seven| Eight
Spring 1996
The auditions were not going as smoothly as Vinnie had planned. Doogie wasn't sure what exactly he had been expecting but it certainly wasn't the fact that Vinnie would choke as soon as the lights were focused on him. It was pretty bad watching as Vinnie struggled to form words and then stutter for a good minute or two on his lines before he was asked to get off stage. It was bad enough that Doogie felt like it was his own painful audition he was watching on stage. He couldn't handle that kind of rejection. At least Vinnie was taking it better than he thought he would.
"I don't get it. I've been in major commercials before and I've been in tons of student documentaries. I even nailed it in that acting class." Vinnie's voice was muffled. He was trying to hide behind the seats in the theater so no one could see his face. He was that embarrassed.
Doogie patted his shoulder in sympathy. He was nervous about being in the theater. Charles wasn't there as far as he could tell but he didn't want to take any chances. At least with Vinnie's failed audition, they could leave and maybe go joke about it over dinner. "Being on stage is completely different, Vinnie. All those bright lights are nerve-wracking."
Vinnie looked up, glaring at him. "Ha! Easy for you to say. You've been under bright lights all your life. This should be a breeze for you."
Taken aback, Doogie took his hand away. "What? You can't be serious. You still want me to audition? I can't act!"
Vinnie rolled his eyes and gave him a little shove towards the stage. "All those pranks you pulled required acting. You can do it Doog. Hell, just sing. It is a musical and you have a voice."
Doogie glanced over at the stage. Charles was nowhere in sight but the brightly lit stage and the horrible audition going on were building on the stress he had been in before even stepping into the theater today. "Sing? I can't do that. Too many people are watching." Charles could be watching.
"You've never been afraid to be the center of attention before, Mr. Big Shot Genius." Another shove towards the stage. Vinnie was not letting him get out of this. What was he going to do? He knew he could sing but to do it in front of people and have them judge him on how well he did? What if he sucked? He didn't think he could handle that feedback.
"Promise me we will leave after this and never mention tonight again."
"Yeah, sure Doog."
Doogie walked down to the stage feeling his stomach flutter, uncertain about what he was going to do. He always planned everything and thought out everything before doing anything. He never tried to do anything that could end with the possibility of failure. This was too uncomfortable, it was outside of what he knew and trusted. He didn't know anything about theater, about being bohemian and living it up. There were too many logical reasons to be absolutely sure he would fail. He was afraid of failure.
He waited until his name was called along with the name of part he was going to sing. The walk to the stage was terrifying and the lights were burning hot and bright on his face. He couldn't see anyone in the audience once he was up on stage, not even Vinnie.
When the pianist started to play the opening chords of the song, he swallowed the fear that was stuck in his throat and then Doogie began to sing.
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“How’s he doing?”
Barney was awakened by the sound of Lily and Ted talking in the other room. It always fascinated him to hear his friends discussing him. They didn’t yet know that he was a light sleeper, so it happened quite a bit. Lily had insisted on taking care of him for the day in order to give Ted and Robin a much needed day off from Barney care. Leave it to Ted to pop in halfway through the day to check on him. He was glad he was shut in Ted’s room, supposedly napping, so he wouldn’t have to deal with him.
“I just put him to bed ten minutes ago. The poor thing just spent the last hour vomiting up the lunch I made for him. It really wore him out.”
He knew that would happen. The food Lily made for him was far too rich, but she had put so much effort into making it for him so he felt obligated to eat it.
“Not anything new I’m afraid. I wish his doctors could find an anti-nausea medication that works for him.”
What was different about today was Lily. Ted and Robin always allowed him to puke in privacy but Lily sat with him the entire time. All the while she had held his head over the toilet, wiped his mouth and sweaty brow, rubbed his back and had spoken lovingly to him. With anyone else he never would have allowed it, but with Lily it was different. Her mothering was so natural it was difficult not to enjoy it.
“He’s been fine up till then. Besides the fact that all he spends all his time reading and never wants to talk. He’s so withdrawn now.”
Barney didn’t mean to upset his friends, it's just that when it came to reading he didn’t have a choice in the matter. The leukemia had released the floodgate holding in his Doogie persona and in addition to all those cursed memories he kept hitting him came the desire to know everything there was to know about the world. It had been years since he last attempted that goal, so he had lots of lost time to make up for. He was always making up for lost time, no matter how hard he pushed he could never come out ahead. What he could never figure out was why no one else around him ever appeared to share his problem.
“It’s been getting better. I found that one of the best ways to reach him is to give him books on topics I know. Then I can discuss it with him and slowly turn the conversation to more personal topics.”
So that was why Ted had suddenly started leaving his architecture books all over the apartment. The tricky bastard. Barney made a resolution to learn those books so well he’ll be able to make Ted look like an idiot next time he starts talking about work. That will teach him a lesson.
“I'm going to look in on him before I head out.”
Ack! Why did Ted have to be so over-protective? He quickly buried himself under the covers and pretended to be asleep. The door opened.
Someone pulled the covers off of his head. “He’s so cute and angelic when he sleeps. I just adore his curlys,” Lily whispered.
Oh god!
Ted’s hand gently brushed his forehead and then went down to feel his neck.
“No fever, but his glands are still swollen. His pulse seems to be going a bit fast.”
If Ted had any medical background he would have interpreted that to mean he wasn’t really sleeping. Barney had been purposely getting only medical books that were far too advanced for any of his friends to understand. Otherwise Ted would have known what was feeling were lymph nodes, not glands. Barney smirked into his pillow-it was in his sanity's best interest to keep his medical babysitter as ignorant as possible.
“Don’t worry; I’ll take good care of him. You should get going Ted. Enjoy your day off.”
“Yeah, okay,” Ted said reluctantly.
Though he’d never admit it, Barney knew that Ted enjoyed taking care of him. It probably had something to do with his bizarre desire for kids and a family of his own.
“Lily!” Barney called out in a fake sleepy voice once he was sure Ted was gone.
“Sweetie, what are you doing up?”
“Heard voices. Who were you talking to?”
“I was just on the phone with Marshall.”
It intrigued him that Lily didn’t want him to know that Ted had stopped by.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Stomach is better. Will you stay with me until I go back to sleep?” He was feeling guilty about worrying her by keeping to himself all morning.
Lily, of course, was delighted to do so and he got some nice Lily cuddles out of the deal. In many ways she was his favorite person to have care for him; sometimes she reminded him of his mom.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bro Code had originally begun as a joke. It was a gimmick he could use to draw readers to his new blog he had created, and he had never intended for it to be taken seriously. It was satire to snark on the overblown sterotype of womanizing men. He didn't really mean half of the things he said and most of the codes were based on personal experiences or stories he had collected over the years from listening to James' friends. But for Barney, it was used mostly as a means for him to stretch out his creative skills but not make him feel weird for snarking on his own built up personality.
He originally did not have most of the articles written down, he would just quote a random number and then say the code on his blog. Usually, said post would have extra pictures for explanations, rewritten history to suit his needs, or little doodles he created for the post. The fun little creative things he drew or thought up during the exceptionally long business meetings. But fans began to compile what he was saying. It wasn't long before his more avid blog fans began quoting some of his "Bro Codes" in their comments, replies, and emails to him. He was at first flattered, then he felt a little inspired, which is what lead to him writing it all down in one book. It also gave him something to do when he had days where all he could do was sit in bed because he was too weak to walk around on his own.
Barney finished typing the last few words before hitting the spell check button. His book was going to be a hit with his fans and would probably make him a decent amount of money to make up for what he was losing at work. He just wasn't sure what the hell he was going to do when Ted found out some of his more interesting articles and their explanations.
He chuckled evilly before shutting his laptop down. He would send the document to a real editor later. The internet was the best tool when wanting to get revenge on his overly protective medical baby sitter. After all, Ted inspired many of his more useful and hilarious adventures contained in "The Bro Code".
Ted should be flattered.
"Self-publish five!"
.
Authors: jerseystrife , alixzin and I
Rating: mild M for some unpleasant adult themes
Summary: Something is terribly wrong with Barney Stinson and his friends have all started to notice him avoiding them. When questions arise, Barney fights to keep his secrets and to keep the life he's grown comfortable with living.
Disclaimer: Sadly, none of us own either of the shows.
Note: A million thanks to roland44 for the beta.
Previous Chapters: One| Two| ThreeI Four| Five| Six| Seven| Eight
Spring 1996
The auditions were not going as smoothly as Vinnie had planned. Doogie wasn't sure what exactly he had been expecting but it certainly wasn't the fact that Vinnie would choke as soon as the lights were focused on him. It was pretty bad watching as Vinnie struggled to form words and then stutter for a good minute or two on his lines before he was asked to get off stage. It was bad enough that Doogie felt like it was his own painful audition he was watching on stage. He couldn't handle that kind of rejection. At least Vinnie was taking it better than he thought he would.
"I don't get it. I've been in major commercials before and I've been in tons of student documentaries. I even nailed it in that acting class." Vinnie's voice was muffled. He was trying to hide behind the seats in the theater so no one could see his face. He was that embarrassed.
Doogie patted his shoulder in sympathy. He was nervous about being in the theater. Charles wasn't there as far as he could tell but he didn't want to take any chances. At least with Vinnie's failed audition, they could leave and maybe go joke about it over dinner. "Being on stage is completely different, Vinnie. All those bright lights are nerve-wracking."
Vinnie looked up, glaring at him. "Ha! Easy for you to say. You've been under bright lights all your life. This should be a breeze for you."
Taken aback, Doogie took his hand away. "What? You can't be serious. You still want me to audition? I can't act!"
Vinnie rolled his eyes and gave him a little shove towards the stage. "All those pranks you pulled required acting. You can do it Doog. Hell, just sing. It is a musical and you have a voice."
Doogie glanced over at the stage. Charles was nowhere in sight but the brightly lit stage and the horrible audition going on were building on the stress he had been in before even stepping into the theater today. "Sing? I can't do that. Too many people are watching." Charles could be watching.
"You've never been afraid to be the center of attention before, Mr. Big Shot Genius." Another shove towards the stage. Vinnie was not letting him get out of this. What was he going to do? He knew he could sing but to do it in front of people and have them judge him on how well he did? What if he sucked? He didn't think he could handle that feedback.
"Promise me we will leave after this and never mention tonight again."
"Yeah, sure Doog."
Doogie walked down to the stage feeling his stomach flutter, uncertain about what he was going to do. He always planned everything and thought out everything before doing anything. He never tried to do anything that could end with the possibility of failure. This was too uncomfortable, it was outside of what he knew and trusted. He didn't know anything about theater, about being bohemian and living it up. There were too many logical reasons to be absolutely sure he would fail. He was afraid of failure.
He waited until his name was called along with the name of part he was going to sing. The walk to the stage was terrifying and the lights were burning hot and bright on his face. He couldn't see anyone in the audience once he was up on stage, not even Vinnie.
When the pianist started to play the opening chords of the song, he swallowed the fear that was stuck in his throat and then Doogie began to sing.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“How’s he doing?”
Barney was awakened by the sound of Lily and Ted talking in the other room. It always fascinated him to hear his friends discussing him. They didn’t yet know that he was a light sleeper, so it happened quite a bit. Lily had insisted on taking care of him for the day in order to give Ted and Robin a much needed day off from Barney care. Leave it to Ted to pop in halfway through the day to check on him. He was glad he was shut in Ted’s room, supposedly napping, so he wouldn’t have to deal with him.
“I just put him to bed ten minutes ago. The poor thing just spent the last hour vomiting up the lunch I made for him. It really wore him out.”
He knew that would happen. The food Lily made for him was far too rich, but she had put so much effort into making it for him so he felt obligated to eat it.
“Not anything new I’m afraid. I wish his doctors could find an anti-nausea medication that works for him.”
What was different about today was Lily. Ted and Robin always allowed him to puke in privacy but Lily sat with him the entire time. All the while she had held his head over the toilet, wiped his mouth and sweaty brow, rubbed his back and had spoken lovingly to him. With anyone else he never would have allowed it, but with Lily it was different. Her mothering was so natural it was difficult not to enjoy it.
“He’s been fine up till then. Besides the fact that all he spends all his time reading and never wants to talk. He’s so withdrawn now.”
Barney didn’t mean to upset his friends, it's just that when it came to reading he didn’t have a choice in the matter. The leukemia had released the floodgate holding in his Doogie persona and in addition to all those cursed memories he kept hitting him came the desire to know everything there was to know about the world. It had been years since he last attempted that goal, so he had lots of lost time to make up for. He was always making up for lost time, no matter how hard he pushed he could never come out ahead. What he could never figure out was why no one else around him ever appeared to share his problem.
“It’s been getting better. I found that one of the best ways to reach him is to give him books on topics I know. Then I can discuss it with him and slowly turn the conversation to more personal topics.”
So that was why Ted had suddenly started leaving his architecture books all over the apartment. The tricky bastard. Barney made a resolution to learn those books so well he’ll be able to make Ted look like an idiot next time he starts talking about work. That will teach him a lesson.
“I'm going to look in on him before I head out.”
Ack! Why did Ted have to be so over-protective? He quickly buried himself under the covers and pretended to be asleep. The door opened.
Someone pulled the covers off of his head. “He’s so cute and angelic when he sleeps. I just adore his curlys,” Lily whispered.
Oh god!
Ted’s hand gently brushed his forehead and then went down to feel his neck.
“No fever, but his glands are still swollen. His pulse seems to be going a bit fast.”
If Ted had any medical background he would have interpreted that to mean he wasn’t really sleeping. Barney had been purposely getting only medical books that were far too advanced for any of his friends to understand. Otherwise Ted would have known what was feeling were lymph nodes, not glands. Barney smirked into his pillow-it was in his sanity's best interest to keep his medical babysitter as ignorant as possible.
“Don’t worry; I’ll take good care of him. You should get going Ted. Enjoy your day off.”
“Yeah, okay,” Ted said reluctantly.
Though he’d never admit it, Barney knew that Ted enjoyed taking care of him. It probably had something to do with his bizarre desire for kids and a family of his own.
“Lily!” Barney called out in a fake sleepy voice once he was sure Ted was gone.
“Sweetie, what are you doing up?”
“Heard voices. Who were you talking to?”
“I was just on the phone with Marshall.”
It intrigued him that Lily didn’t want him to know that Ted had stopped by.
“How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Stomach is better. Will you stay with me until I go back to sleep?” He was feeling guilty about worrying her by keeping to himself all morning.
Lily, of course, was delighted to do so and he got some nice Lily cuddles out of the deal. In many ways she was his favorite person to have care for him; sometimes she reminded him of his mom.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bro Code had originally begun as a joke. It was a gimmick he could use to draw readers to his new blog he had created, and he had never intended for it to be taken seriously. It was satire to snark on the overblown sterotype of womanizing men. He didn't really mean half of the things he said and most of the codes were based on personal experiences or stories he had collected over the years from listening to James' friends. But for Barney, it was used mostly as a means for him to stretch out his creative skills but not make him feel weird for snarking on his own built up personality.
He originally did not have most of the articles written down, he would just quote a random number and then say the code on his blog. Usually, said post would have extra pictures for explanations, rewritten history to suit his needs, or little doodles he created for the post. The fun little creative things he drew or thought up during the exceptionally long business meetings. But fans began to compile what he was saying. It wasn't long before his more avid blog fans began quoting some of his "Bro Codes" in their comments, replies, and emails to him. He was at first flattered, then he felt a little inspired, which is what lead to him writing it all down in one book. It also gave him something to do when he had days where all he could do was sit in bed because he was too weak to walk around on his own.
Barney finished typing the last few words before hitting the spell check button. His book was going to be a hit with his fans and would probably make him a decent amount of money to make up for what he was losing at work. He just wasn't sure what the hell he was going to do when Ted found out some of his more interesting articles and their explanations.
He chuckled evilly before shutting his laptop down. He would send the document to a real editor later. The internet was the best tool when wanting to get revenge on his overly protective medical baby sitter. After all, Ted inspired many of his more useful and hilarious adventures contained in "The Bro Code".
Ted should be flattered.
"Self-publish five!"
.