J2 Fic: To the Beat of Our Noisy Hearts (4/4)
Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Art & Music
The streets were unusually busy as people rushed by the small diner where Jensen sat watching out the window. He and Jared had plans to meet for lunch but Jared had called to let him know he was running late, leaving Jensen nothing but time.
It was a bright, sunny Wednesday afternoon and students were everywhere. They all seemed to have the same idea: escape campus and enjoy freedom while they still could. Finals were still a couple of weeks away but Jensen could practically see everyone's stress levels steadily rising. He had his own exams to worry about but then he also had to deal with a few students who were panicking early. They cornered him after every class, bombarding him with questions at every turn. The faint pressure behind his eyes was taking up permanent residence. The only thing that seemed to make everything stop and shift was Jared.
Jensen smiled to himself as he flipped open the tattered menu. He skimmed through the various options, trying to decide what he wanted.
"Man, I thought I'd never get out of there!" Jared tossed his backpack into the corner before sliding into the booth. He pushed his sunglasses onto the top of his head and reached for the other menu. "You haven't been waiting long, have you?"
"Only about half an hour. I was about to leave your ass," Jensen bit his lip to hide his grin.
"Half an-" Jared narrowed his eyes. "Jerk."
Jensen laughed. "I haven't even been here ten minutes, so relax. You know what you want?"
Jared glanced at the menu one last time before setting it aside. "Yeah, I'm good."
Jensen nodded his head at the waitress, signaling that they were ready and took a sip of his water. "So how'd the project go?"
He set down the glass and Jared immediately snatched it up, taking a large gulp before sliding it back to Jensen's side of the table. "It went pretty well." He shrugged and broke into a huge grin. "Actually, it was fucking awesome. Professor Roberts loved it. She said I should submit it to the Dean for that new student project they're putting together."
"The 'Welcome to STU' thing for the orientations?"
Jared nodded, eyes bright. He was practically bouncing in his seat, his foot tapping against Jensen's in a steady rhythm.
"Dude, that's great! It was a really good idea and you can definitely tell you put a lot of work into it."
Jared ducked his head. "Thanks for watching it before I turned it in. I was a bit paranoid about it."
"Really? I never would have guessed." Jensen laughed as he dodged Jared's hand. It wasn't fair that Jared had that wingspan of his. Jensen wasn't small by any standard but he always felt tiny next to Jared.
The truth was, Jared had been terrified of turning in his video project. He had all the right clips, edited the footage down to a series of quick cuts that showcased the best campus had to offer, music-video style. The only thing he'd been missing was the music. Jensen had watched Jared pace back and forth night after night shuffling through the music on his iPod, searching for that perfect song. He'd finally snapped, making Jared sit down and think about what he wanted.
In the end, the decision was simple. And completely Jared.
"I still can't believe you went with the Muppets."
Jared slouched down into a lazy sprawl as the waitress approached. "You have to admit it was perfect. It made you laugh."
"Only because it was ridiculous...and yeah, ok, it worked." Jared rewarded him with a grin. Not quite up there with the make out session that came directly after Jared finding the song in the first place, but it would do for now.
Jared looked as if he was planning to say something else, but he stopped as the waitress walked up to their table. "Hey Jared."
"Hey Wendy, how're you doing?"
"Not too bad. Keeping busy." The young waitress pressed the cap of her pen into the corner of her mouth. "You know, the usual."
"I hear ya." Jared offered her a crooked smile before glancing over at Jensen. "You go ahead and order first."
Wendy turned her attention to him, pen poised against the paper. "I'll have the chicken and swiss, hold the mayo. And a Coke."
Wendy turned back to Jared. "And you?"
"Just give me the usual."
"Jared, you don't have a usual."
Jared looked affronted. "Sure I do. Triple cheeseburger, six piece chicken sticks, two orders of cheese fries, and a side salad. And a giant glass of sweet tea. Just like last time and the time before that."
"That's your usual?" Wendy gaped at him.
Jared frowned. "Yeah. Why?"
Wendy just shook her head. "I thought you were kidding last time."
"I never kid about food. Oh, and a piece of chocolate pie."
Jensen snorted back a laugh and tapped his foot against Jared's. He was rewarded with one of Jared's mega-watt smiles as Wendy made her way back to the grill.
"Is there anyone you don’t know in this town?"
Jared thought about that for a few seconds. "Maybe one or two."
Jensen settled back into the booth and smiled as Jared launched into a wild tale about his chemistry lab that morning. Jared always talked with his entire body from facial expressions to flailing hands to posture and Jensen was content to just watch and listen. He nodded when appropriate to show he was paying attention but it wasn't like Jared needed encouragement. Jensen knew he was grinning like an idiot but he just didn't care.
Jared tilted his head to the side and gave him a confused look. "What?"
"Nothin', just listening."
Jared shrugged and continued talking, long past Wendy returning with their food and well into the meal.
Jensen swallowed the last of his sandwich and glanced up at Jared. "Anyone ever tell you that you talk a lot?"
Jared grinned. "Only every day. Why else do you think I want to work in radio?"
Jensen laughed. "So that's the real reason. I knew the music thing was just a cover."
"Does it bother you?"
"That you want to work in radio? Nah, not so much." Jared sighed and gave him a look. "No, I don't mind you talking. In fact, I love your voice. Keep going."
"Now I don't know what I was saying." Jared popped a fry in his mouth and licked the cheese off of his fingers. Jensen followed the movement and continued to stare as Jared dug into the plate of fries, happily sucking his fingers clean between bites. Jared's tongue flicked out to wipe away some cheese on his lower lip and Jensen swallowed hard. A meal with Jared shouldn't be so...pornographic.
Jared pushed his empty plate away and smiled at Jensen, a look of pure unabashed joy and Jensen was gone. He pushed himself up and leaned over the table, ignoring the hard edge digging into his hip. He grabbed Jared's shirt and tugged him closer, pressing their lips together. Jensen ran his tongue quickly along Jared's lip before sitting back with a thump.
Jared sat back and stared.
Jensen could feel his face heat up. "You missed a spot."
Jared chuckled and shook his head. He leaned in over the table and Jensen mirrored his pose, bringing their heads closer together. "So I was thinking that tomorrow we could maybe-"
"Jensen?"
Jensen's good mood suddenly vanished. He knew that voice. Soft with a heavy Southern accent, he knew how that voice extremely well. Jensen took a deep breath and pushed back away from Jensen. He looked at the spot just over Jared's shoulder. "Katie."
Katie stood back a moment, a brief hesitation, before squaring her shoulders and walking over to their table. She was as beautiful as ever, her long red hair cascading over her shoulders in soft waves, her green eyes bright. Even dressed in a plain t-shirt and jeans, she managed to stand out in a crowd. Jensen let his eyes drop to her hands, releasing the breath he'd been holding when he saw they were bare.
"Jensen, I thought that was you."
Jensen sat back and forced himself to meet her eyes. "Hey Katie, long time no see."
She frowned and bit her lip. "Did Mike tell you I came by a couple of weeks ago? I was hoping I'd see you but-"
"Yeah, he told me." Jensen stared at the woman in front of him. A year ago, he would have said he knew everything there was to know about her. He knew her favorite color (green) and how she took her coffee (cream and two sugars). He knew how her soft curves felt pressed up against him and what she looked like first thing in the morning, hair tangled and eyes puffy. He knew all these things about her, but in the end, he realized he didn't really know her at all.
Katie shifted, obviously uncomfortable with his intense gaze. She glanced away and reached out her hand. "Hi, I'm Katie."
Jensen's eyes widened as he watched Jared reached out, Katie's tiny hand all but disappearing in Jared's. He had actually forgotten Jared for a moment, forgotten that he wasn't here alone.
Jared tossed an unsure glance in his direction before turning to Katie with a smile. "I'm Jared."
Jensen stared at Jared's profile, could tell that his smile didn't reach his eyes. He held his breath, waiting to see what Jared would say next. When Jared didn't say anything, Jensen exhaled slowly. He glanced back and forth between Jared and Katie, thinking about his options. Finally, he settled on one. "Jared's a friend of mine."
He tried not to wince at how the word "friend" sounded rolling off his tongue. Friend. The end. Period. He also tried not to notice how the light in Jared's eyes dimmed a little bit more.
Katie frowned and tilted her head, obviously noticing the underlying tension. Jensen ducked his head down, avoiding her gaze. "Well, I actually have to be going. I just saw you sitting here and wanted to say hi."
Jensen could feel Jared's eyes on him. "Well, it was really nice meeting you." Jared's voice sounded off, distantly friendly. Jensen wanted nothing more than to fix that, to wipe the last few minutes away and pretend they never existed.
"Likewise." Jensen looked up at Katie as she turned back to him. "Jensen, we really should talk. Call me?"
Jensen didn't trust his voice so he just nodded. Katie paused for a minute before sighing and heading toward the door. After she was gone, he just sat there, staring at the cracked linoleum floor.
"So I take it that there's a story there."
Startled, Jensen glanced up at Jared so fast, his head spun. Jared was watching him with a carefully blank face, lips drawn into a tight line. Jensen swallowed. "Katie is- was- my girlfriend. My fiancée. But she- it didn't work out. We broke up last November."
"I see."
Jensen frowned and twisted his hands together. This wasn't right. Everything felt off-kilter. Being with Jared was supposed to be his happy place. Not tainted with this sudden uneasiness and frustration.
"Jensen." Jared spoke, voice soft but firm. Jensen met his eyes and wished he hadn't. Jared's normally sparkling eyes were colored with sadness. "Jen. I really like you."
Jensen gave Jared a hesitant smile. "I like you, too."
Jared shook his head. "No, Jen. I like you. But this isn't going to work unless you really want it, too."
"What do you mean, unless I want it to?" Jensen slipped back in his seat and stared at Jared.
Jared's shoulders slumped and he tossed a pleading glance in Jensen's direction. "Look, you need to figure things out for yourself. I get that." Jared sighed. "You obviously have some issues that you need to work out. I don't want to pressure you but I can't-"
Jensen's heart pounded. "You can't what, Jared?"
Jared's head dropped down. "I just- I want to be with you, Jen, but I need you to feel the same way. Maybe we should take a step back until you get things figured out."
Jensen stared at Jared, his chest tightening. "You don't believe me now? Is that what this is? You don't believe I want to be with you?"
Jared frowned, twisting uncomfortably in his seat. "It's not that I don't believe you. I know you like me. I can tell that much. I just- I want it all, Jen. I want to be able to call you my boyfriend and not see the flash of panic in your eyes. I want you to be able to introduce me to others and not have it sound like it's being ripped from your throat. I don't want to be your friend."
"Jay, I didn't mean it like that, it-" Jensen dropped his gaze, unable to see the hurt and defeat in Jared's eyes. They sat in uneasy silence for a couple of minutes before Jensen couldn't take it anymore. "We should get Wendy to bring over your pie."
Jared bit his lip and glanced at the wall. "I'm not really hungry anymore."
Jensen tried not to notice the way Jared's voice cracked or how his hands shook as he reached for his backpack.
Jared slowly unfolded himself from the booth and reached into his back pocket, pulling out a twenty and tossing it onto the table. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, nearly knocking off his sunglasses in the process. "Look, I should go."
"Jared, we should-" Jensen didn't know what to say, how to make this better.
"It doesn't have to be forever, Jen," Jared said, his voice so low it was nearly a whisper. Before Jensen could respond, Jared was gone, leaving behind nothing but a gaping hole deep down inside of him.
Where did things go so wrong?
xxxxxx
Jared couldn't help but see the irony in his current situation. Only one month ago, Jared had spent all of his free time looking for Jensen but could never find him. Now, when he wanted nothing more than to avoid him completely, Jensen was everywhere he turned.
It had been nearly one week since his diner meltdown. And Jared felt every minute, every second, they were apart. But the world seemed determined to torture him. He just couldn't escape Jensen. Jared, earbuds firmly in place, head down, and hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans barely avoided running into him in the hall as he left the editing room. Jensen was studying underneath a tree as Jared walked Sandy to class. And when Jared was airing live at the Sophomore Soapbox Derby, he felt Jensen's eyes on him the entire time.
Jared had even started avoiding Mike and Tom. Every time he was with either one of them, they insisted on telling him how Jensen was doing. Things like 'Jensen's miserable, man' and 'he won't talk to anyone' weren't really helping him. Did they think it was a picnic for him?
Jared made his way out of the science building and nearly turned right back around. He could see Jensen exiting the library less than ten feet away. Jared inhaled sharply and squared himself, softly chastising himself for acting like a coward while doing his best to avoid looking in Jensen's direction. He was nearly across the quad when he heard his name shouted out. Jared bit his lip and ignored the call, heading quickly for the Commissary. He just wasn't ready to deal with Jensen. Not yet.
Jared didn't let himself fall easily. But then Jensen had come along and Jared had immediately felt drawn to him. He and Jensen had an easy connection, something that made them click. Jared wasn't ready to just let that go, but he didn't know how to get Jensen to see that what they had together was something that didn't come along every day. Jared knew deep down in his gut that this thing with Jensen was worth fighting for.
Unfortunately, he also remembered those agonizingly painful minutes in the diner when Jensen introduced him to Katie. Friend. A nice, dependable, easy way to define their relationship. Nothing complicated. Nothing close to being the truth. Just friends. But Jared wanted more. He needed more.
He had promised Jensen that he'd give him space to figure things out. He just hoped he wasn't making a big mistake by taking a step back. Jared opened the door to the cafeteria and made a beeline across the floor, heading toward the back where all the food was.
"Yo Jay, over here!"
Jared stopped and turned to find Justin waving him over to a small table in the corner. Happy for the distraction, Jared changed direction and headed towards the group assembled there. "Hey man, what's up?"
"Not much. Just having lunch before my CS class." Justin kicked an empty chair away from the table, motioning for Jared to have a seat. "Do you know everyone?"
Jared glanced at the others as he sat down. "Not really. No."
"That's Ben and Adam and this here is Sarah."
Ben lifted a hand in a lazy wave, Adam nodded, and Sarah smiled her greeting before resuming a mumbled conversation into her cell phone.
Justin leaned back, resting his arm along the back of Sarah's chair. "Actually, I'm glad I ran into you. I need to ask a favor."
"Oh really? What's that?" Jared tried not to stare at the others' trays, ignoring the low growl in his stomach.
"I have this group project and the only time we could work on it is at 6 tonight. But it's all the way across campus." Justin paused and Jared nodded to show he was listening. "I was just wondering if you could cover the last fifteen minutes of my shift since you'll be there already."
Jared shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Just make sure everything is queued up and ready to go and I'll just make sure I have all the ad placement calls taken care of before 5:30. I can always work on the Finals Week schedule in the booth."
Sarah stopped talking into her phone and leaned across the table. "Wait. You're that Jared? With the Mix?"
Jared gave her a half smile. "Guilty as charged."
"Oh my god! I love that show!" Sarah practically squealed with excitement before telling the person on the other end that she'd have to call them back. "You have such great themes every week. I have to admit that this week is a bit sad, though."
Jared shrugged. "The themes usually pick me. I just run with them."
"So you're, like, Justin's boss, aren't you?"
Justin glared at Sarah and Jared grinned. "Well, we do have a faculty advisor, but yeah, pretty much. Mike and I do all the dirty work."
One of the other guys, Ben, leaned over. "Don't get her going, man, she'll talk your ear off." Ben grimaced suddenly and Jared figured he'd earned a kick to the shin for his comment.
Sarah huffed a breath and pointedly turned her face away from Ben. Ben pointed at her and mouthed the word 'RUN' and Jared tried not to laugh. "How long have you worked at the station? I only started listening to your show a few months ago but I listen to it all the time now."
"I've been working at the station since my freshman year. I started as a volunteer and then they started putting me on the air last year right before finals because one of the DJs was failing a couple of classes. And this year they hired me on as a manager."
"That's so cool," Sarah smiled at him. "Hey, if you're not doing-"
"Hey Jared," Justin interrupted, looking at something behind Jared. "Isn't that your boy over there?"
Jared twisted around, trying to follow Justin's gaze. His eyes landed on a table halfway across the room and his heart clenched. Jensen had apparently been heading in the same direction earlier and was now having lunch with Katie. And by the looks of it, they were obviously in the middle of a serious conversation. Jensen was leaning forward, shaking his head at whatever Katie was saying. She was laughing and Jared turned away as she reached across the table and brushed a thumb across Jensen's cheek, unable to look anymore.
"No, not my boy." Jared's voice sounded wrong, his tone flat. Jensen had apparently made his decision. Now Jared just had to learn to live with it.
"Huh." Justin shrugged his shoulders and turned back to face them. "Could have sworn that was him. Anyway, you planning to get something to eat?"
The Commissary was a chaotic mass of noise and smells and Jared felt sick to his stomach. He shook his head. "Not really hungry. I should probably go."
Sarah's eyes followed Jared as he stood up, watching him carefully. "You ok, Jared?"
"What?" Jared forced himself to look at Sarah and not at the other table. "Yeah, just-" He shrugged his shoulders, unsure of what to say.
"Well, hey, if you want to get together sometime, give me a call." Sarah gave him a tentative smile. She nudged Justin next to her. "This guy has my number."
"Um, okay, thanks." Jared adjusted his backpack over his shoulder and nodded at the table. "It was nice meeting you all."
Ben and Adam both waved and Sarah smiled again. Justin turned and grabbed Jared's elbow before he could leave. "So 5:45, right?"
Jared nodded and gave him a tight smile, sighing as Justin let go of his arm and he was free to leave. He mumbled his goodbyes and took off across the room, eager to get away.
When he reached the door, he risked one last glance over his shoulder and immediately wished he hadn't. His eyes locked with Jensen's and he felt a tug at his heart. Jensen's eyes were wide, as if he hadn't expected to see Jared there. Jared took a deep breath and said a silent goodbye as he pushed his way into the sunlight.
Times like these, he wished for the rain.
xxxxxx
Jensen glared at the stereo, taunting him from the other side of the room. It would be easy to get up, walk across the floor, and turn it on. Music would fill the empty silence in the room. But then the music would end and Jared's voice would ring out and Jensen would be reminded of just how badly he screwed things up.
Not that he needed any reminders. He was doing a bang up job of remembering all on his own.
After Jared had left him behind at the diner, Jensen had done a lot of thinking. He knew deep down that Jared was right. If he was ever going to have a real relationship with Jared or anyone else, he was going to have to find closure with his past and accept himself for who he really was.
The past week had been hell. He missed Jared more than he thought was possible. Hell, they hadn't been dating all that long but Jared had somehow gotten under his skin, made himself such a huge part of his life that without him, everything just seemed dull and meaningless.
Jensen sighed and stood up, moving to the stereo. He flipped on the power, deciding that any connection with Jared, even one he had to share with the rest of campus, was better than nothing. He just wanted to hear his voice. Jared wasn't answering any of his phone calls and had been avoiding him since that painful moment in the Commissary.
"...brought to my attention that this week's theme is a bit on the sad side." Jensen closed his eyes and let Jared's voice wash over him. "I agree, it's a bit depressing. But sometimes, even the greatest stories don't get a happy ending. But the pain inspires some really great music. Sometimes the writer is telling the other person to take a hike because they've done wrong. Other times-well, other times it's just hard to let someone go. But it has to be done. It's hard and painful, but in the end, it's for the best. So grab some tissues because here's the next set for this week's theme 'Sighs and Sorrow.'"
Jensen frowned as the music began to play. He hadn't listened to Jared's show since the Katie incident. But hearing him now, Jared just sounded so sad and defeated.
"What exactly did you do to him?"
Startled, Jensen turned to find Mike watching him from the hallway. "I didn't do-"
Mike just stared at him, shoulder propped against the wall.
Jensen looked down at the carpet, glaring at the stain peeking out from under the couch. "I think I fucked up, Mike."
Mike sighed. "No kidding. So you ready to tell me about it?"
"I introduced him as my friend."
"Ok, that sucks. But it's not the end of the world so what else?"
Jensen hated when Mike was all intuitive. "I wasn't really ready to accept the fact that I might have a thing for him. I didn't want to label things. So I kept pulling away."
"You idiot," Mike said, but there was no heat in it. Just a deep affection.
"I know, but that's still not it." Jensen sat down on the arm of the couch and looked up at his friend.
"Go on," Mike encouraged.
"So I decided that maybe Jared was right. He said he'd give me space to figure things out and that's just what I was doing. I asked Katie to lunch yesterday."
"This can't be good," Mike muttered.
Jensen shook his head. He could remember the pain in Jared's eyes when he saw them together. Jensen had just been telling Katie that it was truly over, that there was someone else in his life, someone who deserved to have all of him. He hadn't told Katie that he was dating a guy but in the end, that detail hadn't seemed all that important. Guy or girl, the fact remained that Jensen had fallen for someone else. He had once loved Katie, asked her to marry him, and then caught her with another man. He'd never really gotten the closure he needed, just stormed away and let everything else fall apart. He told Mike as much. "I was just saying goodbye, that's all."
"And Jared saw you?"
Jensen nodded, miserable. "I should've run after him, explained then and there. I'm sure he thought I chose her. I mean, you heard him. He sounded awful."
"Yeah, and you're just a fucking ray of sunshine." Mike walked into the room and flopped down on the couch. "What you need is to fix this. You both are just too damned stubborn. And stupid. Just talk to him, Jensen."
Jensen shoved Mike's feet off the couch and slid down onto the cushion. "He won't answer my calls."
"Call the station, he has to answer there," Mike pointed out.
But Jensen knew he couldn't fix things over the phone. It was something he needed to do in person. He needed a plan. Jensen turned to Mike.
"I have an idea. But there's something I need you to do for me-"
xxxxxx
Jared ignored the heavy book in his lap, choosing to stare out the floor to ceiling window of the library's fifth floor. Every floor of the library was set up with a lounge area full of comfortable chairs and couches perfect for studying, but the fifth floor was usually quiet and empty. Jared had discovered this particular spot early on during his freshman year and it had been his place to hide out ever since.
The window looked out over campus and Jared could see the small forms of students rushing back and forth across the quad. He idly wondered about each person as he played with the candy necklace wrapped around his neck, a cheer up gift from Sandy. What was that guy's story? Where was she going? Did those two ever come up for breath?
Jared was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the approaching footsteps, the quiet tap-tap against the tiles. The soft cough startled him from his thoughts and he turned to find Jensen standing next to his chair, staring down at him.
"Hey."
Jared was speechless. He hadn't seen Jensen since Tuesday, back in the Commissary, hadn't wanted to face the truth. But here he was and Jared was stuck out in the open, no place to hide. "How'd you find me?"
Jensen smiled slightly. "Mike."
"So that's why he kept asking me all those questions last night?" Jared shook his head. "Bastard."
"Yeah. But he's a bastard who cares." Jensen sighed. "Jared, we need to talk."
Jared glanced around the room, desperately hoping to see someone, anyone, around. But as always, there was no one. He sighed and motioned to the many empty chairs around them.
Jensen ignored the chairs and sat down on the footstool next to Jared's feet. "So I told Katie there was someone else." Jared just raised an eyebrow and Jensen continued. "When you saw us the other day, I was telling her there was someone else and then I told her goodbye. Got that closure I needed."
Jared didn't know what to say. He bit his lip and tried to stuff down the tiny flare of hope that was igniting with Jensen's words.
Jensen shifted and leaned forward, placing his hand on Jared's thigh. "Jay, I want you. I'm sorry it took me so long to be sure, to put you through that, but I know what I want now. I'll scream it from the rooftops if you want me to, if it'll prove to you that I'm with you all the way."
Jared couldn't stop the tiny smile from forming. "No doubts?"
Jensen gave him a heated stare that Jared felt down to his toes. He could feel Jensen's hand burning through the denim of his jeans. "None."
"So does this mean you're gay?"
Jensen grew quiet, watching Jared closely. "I'm...Jensen. And I have a boyfriend named Jared. That is, if he'll have me. Other than that, I don't really want to label anything."
Jared smiled wide, the stretch of muscles feeling strange after the week he'd had. "That's the only label I need."
Jensen laughed, relieved, and leaned closer. He flicked the candy necklace around Jared's neck. "What's with the sweets?"
Jared's grin deepened. "Gift from Sandy. She decided I needed the pick-me-up."
"Your friend willingly gave you sugar?" Jensen frowned and bit his lip. "Jay, I really am sorry."
Jared just shook his head. "Doesn't matter. You're sure now?"
"Positive."
"Good." Jared nodded his head. "Want a bite?"
Jensen was up and moving almost instantly. He straddled Jared's lap, his knees digging into the cushion, his hands pressed into the chair's back on either side of Jared's head. He pressed in, nipping at the round pieces of candy.
Jared shivered as the tip of Jensen's tongue brushed along the sensitive skin of his neck. "You can use your hands, you know."
"Nah, this is more fun." Jensen finally bit into a piece of candy and pulled back, letting the sugar dissolve in his mouth.
Jared closed his eyes and leaned back. "Promise you're not toying with me."
Jensen settled his weight down firmly on Jared's thighs. "Says the man wearing the candy necklace."
Jared opened his eyes and glared at the other man.
Jensen pressed a hand to the side of Jared's head, running his thumb along the smooth skin of Jared's jaw. "I promise." He leaned in and kissed Jared, a tender brush of lips that said more than words ever could.
Jared laughed as Jensen pulled back and ducked down, feeling the tickle of his tongue as he attempted to bite off another piece of candy.
There was a loud chomp and Jensen pulled back, smile wide and green eyes glittering with triumph. Jared pushed forward, latching onto Jensen's mouth.
Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's neck and moaned as Jared explored the inside of Jensen's mouth with his tongue. "Mmmmm, sweet," Jared whispered, his breath puffing against Jensen's lips before he pressed their mouths together once more.
Jensen twisted his fingers in Jared's hair as Jared slid his mouth over to nuzzle just under Jensen's jaw. Jared's nose brushed along the sensitive hollow below Jensen's ear and he moaned, pulling back.
Jared stared up into deep green eyes as they both struggled to catch their breath.
Jensen dropped his head forward, pressing their foreheads together. "Jay, I want this. I want you. But I'm not ready for anything more. Not yet anyway."
Jared chuckled and glanced at their surroundings. "Jen, we're in a public library. I can wait."
Jensen laughed and brought his mouth to Jared's ear. "Did I forget to tell you that I'm a bit of an exhibitionist?"
Jared groaned and pressed his face into Jensen's neck. "Man, telling me that now is just mean."
Jensen laughed and stood up. Jared held out his hand and Jensen grabbed it, pulling him up to stand beside him.
"I can wait, Jen. As long as you need me to."
Jensen gazed up at Jared, eyes soft. "I know you can." He clapped his hands together as Jared gathered up his books and stuffed them into his backpack. "So, what do you want to do now?"
Jared cocked his head to the side and thought about it. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving."
Jensen's laughter filled the room. "How'd I know you were going to say that?"
Jared shrugged. "Just know me, I guess."
Jensen smiled. "Yeah, I guess I do."
As they headed across the room to the elevators, Jensen reached up and tugged on the necklace at Jared's neck. "You know, I think we should get you some more of these."
Jared couldn't agree more.
xxxxxx
Jensen stopped just outside of the booth and stared at Jared through the glass window. Jared. His boyfriend. Sweet, loving, friendly, and ever-so-patient Jared. Who was apparently incredibly bored at that moment, if the spinning chair was any indication. Jensen smiled at the sight.
With a deep breath, he pushed open the door. This was it. Jensen knew what he wanted. It was time to take charge.
Jared saw him as he entered and dropped his feet to the floor with a heavy thump. The chair stopped spinning but the momentum left Jared swaying slightly. He stood up and a wide smile spread across his face. "Jen! I'm glad you're here! I tried to call you earlier, but you didn't answer. I signed the lease today." Jensen smiled as Jared rambled on. "And I finished studying so now I'm bored."
Jensen raised an eyebrow and looked at the chair. "Really? I never could've guessed."
"Shut up," Jared began to move forward but before he could get too far, Jensen stopped him with a hand on his chest. A gentle push knocked Jared back into the chair. "Jensen?"
Jensen ignored the question in Jared's eyes. Sometimes actions spoke louder than words. He lifted one leg and slid it through the armrest of Jared's chair, settling his weight on Jared's thigh. A slow shift and careful maneuvering and he finally had his other leg pushed through the other side, straddling Jared's lap, his feet barely skimming the floor.
Jared looked up at Jensen, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Hey."
"Hey back," Jensen replied, leaning in and dragging his lips against Jared's. He traced the edge of Jared's smile with the tip of his tongue, drawing a soft moan from his boyfriend.
Jared's hands wrapped around Jensen's hips, fingertips digging into his lower back as Jensen licked his way into Jared's mouth. The arms of the chair held Jensen tight against Jared's body, every shift creating friction.
Jared hummed and pulled back. "Hold that thought," he murmured as Jensen pushed in, attempting to reclaim his mouth. Jared laughed and twisted his head, reaching out an arm and straining for the desk. His long fingers locked around the boom mike and he tugged it closer to his face before punching a few buttons on the console.
Jensen looked at the long expanse of neck in front of him, tempting him with smooth tanned skin. He leaned forward and licked a path from Jared's shirt collar to his jaw, smirking at the shiver that made its way through Jared's body.
"Stop that," Jared muttered, stretching his arm out a bit further.
Jensen scraped his teeth along the underside of Jared's jaw, the faint stubble coarse against his skin. He tongued the edge of Jared's ear. "Make me," he whispered, voice rough, and bit down on Jared's earlobe.
Jared slapped his hand down on the desk, pushing a button before grasping at Jensen's hip once again. "Fuck, Jen," he moaned. His eyes rolled as Jensen tilted his hips, grinding down.
"That's the idea," Jensen grabbed Jared's face, his thumb brushing along his cheekbone. He nudged Jared to twist his head again, chin raised slightly. Jensen crushed their lips together before tilting Jared's head again to suck on his pulse point. Jared's fingers tightened at Jensen's waist, denim twisting in his firm grip. Jensen glanced up at Jared, smile predatory. "I don't want to wait any longer."
Jared took a deep, shuddering breath. "You sure?"
Jensen could see Jared strain to hold back, muscles tight beneath his wandering hands. He tilted his hips forward, pressing his hard cock into Jared's stomach. "That answer your question?"
Eyes wide, Jared's fingers dug into Jensen's lower back, nails dragging across the skin. He pushed up enough to capture Jensen's mouth, sucking his lower lip between his teeth. Jensen pushed his hands up under Jared's shirt, tangling in the thin cotton as he brushed the pads of his thumbs across his nipples. Jared sucked in a breath, arching into the contact.
Jensen pulled his mouth away from Jared's and began to kiss a path down his neck. His hands trailed along Jared's sides, thumbs idly tracing ribs. Jensen bent down and sucked on Jared's nipple through the worn shirt. He bit down and blew cool air, watching the nub harden beneath cotton.
Jared shuddered and ran his hands up higher on Jensen's back, beneath his shirt, and tugged him closer. Jensen's own hands were trapped between their bodies, his fingertips barely grazing the rough denim of Jared's jeans.
Jared's eyes were dark, his gaze intense. "You're in control here, Jen."
And he was. Jared was holding back, allowing Jensen to lead the way. He was willing to take things slow for Jensen. And damn if that didn't make Jensen want him even more.
His fingers traced a path along Jared's waist until they reached the button of Jared's jeans. "Damn straight I am," he growled as he popped the button and began to work the zipper open. "I want you, Jared. Like this. Under me and at my mercy. You have any idea what you do to me?"
Jared moaned as Jensen pushed his hand inside his pants, cupping him through the thin material of his boxers. The angle was off, their positions awkward. Jensen wriggled his hips, struggling to get a better grip, and Jared groaned.
"Here, let me-" he said before turning the chair and pushing off the floor with his feet. The chair rolled back until it hit the solid wood of the desk. Jared scratched his nails down Jensen's back before pulling out of Jensen's shirt. He slouched down in the chair, pushing back and angling his body away from Jensen's. He grabbed the desk with one hand, the other resting on Jensen's thigh. Jensen leaned back, trusting Jared not to let him fall.
The angle worked, giving Jensen the space he needed. Jared pushed his hips up, his back arching as Jensen wrapped his fingers around Jared's cock. It was weird at first, the weight and feel unfamiliar. Jensen gave a few experimental tugs and Jared hissed beneath him.
Jensen could feel Jared's fingers tighten around his thigh as he fell into a steady rhythm, dragging his fist along the length, brushing his thumb across the head with each tug. His hips began to rock in time with the movement of his hand, the smooth roll like a wave crashing against the shore.
His pants felt tight, the pressure increasing as his cock grew harder, the steady roll of his hips creating the friction he needed. Jensen ignored his own desire and focused on Jared's expressions, learning what his partner liked, what made his breath hitch, what made him bite his lip. Jensen twisted his wrist on an upstroke, dragging his thumb along the vein on the underside of Jared's cock and Jared's shoulders pushed back into the chair, his head dropping back, neck muscles straining. "Oh god, do that again," he moaned.
Jensen took his free hand and placed it on Jared's shoulder, giving him additional support to thrust harder. The chair rolled back and forth along the floor as Jared tried to hold onto the desk in vain. His fingers scraped across the smooth surface, scrambling to find purchase as Jensen repeated his earlier motion.
Jensen's fingers dug into the flesh of Jared's shoulder. "God, you're so gorgeous like this, all hot and wanting. Just for me, right here where anyone can see us, can see that you're mine," he murmured. Jared bit down on his lip, muffling a moan. His muscles were tense and Jensen could tell he was close. "It's ok, Jay. Come for me. I want to see you."
Jared's eyes widened and his fingers slipped along the edge of the console, tripping over buttons as he came, the wet warmth washing across Jensen's fist. Jensen stroked him through it, his other hand moving from Jared's shoulder to card through his hair. As Jared came down, the pressure on his own erection became too much and Jensen pulled away from Jared's cock, yanked the button of his jeans open and tugged the zipper down, freeing his cock. He wrapped his hand around the length and after only two rough tugs, he was gone, his come mixing with Jared's.
It took Jensen longer than it should to realize that the ringing in his ears was actually the ring of the telephone. Jared's eyes never left his as he reached behind him and fumbled with the receiver. "Lo?"
The low rumble of Jared's voice caused something to warm inside of Jensen. He'd done it. He overcame his nervousness and gotten past the sex hurdle with Jared. And it had been incredible. Jensen watched as a look of confusion crossed Jared's face. Jared suddenly swung them around and punched a button, listening to the person on the other end.
"Nah," Jared's voice was still rough, winded. "m'fine. You don't need to...goddammit!"
Jensen smiled as Jared hung up the phone. He couldn't help but laugh at the mixed emotions on Jared's face. Jared looked awestruck, completely fucked out, with a hint of annoyance. Jensen knew the last one had nothing to do with him.
He reached down and tucked them both into their pants as Jared explained. "Fucking Mike is coming over. Figured something was wrong because there was dead air," he muttered.
Jensen quirked an eyebrow. "Dead air?"
"Silence. No music. Nothing," Jared explained. He blushed. "I guess I hit something."
Jensen laughed. "Guess we'll just have to be more careful next time."
Jared tilted his head, definitely interested. "Next time?"
Jensen leaned closer, dropping his voice. "Yeah, next time," he said. "When I let you fuck me, just like this. Something tells me we're going to have a lot of fun with this chair."
Jared watched as Jensen lifted his hand up in front of him. He looked at their mixed come painting the surface of his skin. His tongue darted out, cautiously tasting the mixture before swiping up the flat of his palm. Jared swallowed hard, eyes following the movement.
Jensen stood up and carefully untangled himself from Jared and the chair. His legs were numb and tingling but he'd never felt better. He leaned down and kissed Jared, soft and tender. Before pulling away, he took his hand rubbed the inside of Jared's thigh, his thumb brushing across his tender cock. He smiled against Jared's lips when he felt the familiar twitch. "I should go before Mike gets here."
He reluctantly pulled away and straightened his clothes before moving towards the door. Jared was quiet for once. He looked completely debauched. His clothes were rumpled, jeans open, with mussed hair and bitten-red lips. He had never looked sexier.
He stopped with his hand on the door. "Hey Jay?" he said, leaning back against the door. "How about staying in tonight? Get some takeout, watch a movie? Relax before your last final tomorrow? Clothing optional, of course."
Jared smiled and tapped his chin. "Hmmmm, I think that can be arranged."
"Good," Jensen replied as he pulled open the door. He turned to his boyfriend one last time. "Dude, don't you have a radio show to run? You better be careful, you're really starting to slack."
He stepped out into the hallway and chuckled as he pushed the door closed, Jared's response muffled by the heavy wood. He stopped suddenly and opened the door once more. He stuck his head into the booth. "Oh my god, does this mean you're no longer one of STU's most eligible bachelors?"
Jared snorted and flipped him off. "Fuck you."
Jensen laughed. "Soon enough," he promised as he closed the door again and headed off down the hallway. He hummed low under his breath as he made his way out into the cool night air. He really wasn't in any hurry and the night was young.
He had all the time in the world.
Art & Music
The streets were unusually busy as people rushed by the small diner where Jensen sat watching out the window. He and Jared had plans to meet for lunch but Jared had called to let him know he was running late, leaving Jensen nothing but time.
It was a bright, sunny Wednesday afternoon and students were everywhere. They all seemed to have the same idea: escape campus and enjoy freedom while they still could. Finals were still a couple of weeks away but Jensen could practically see everyone's stress levels steadily rising. He had his own exams to worry about but then he also had to deal with a few students who were panicking early. They cornered him after every class, bombarding him with questions at every turn. The faint pressure behind his eyes was taking up permanent residence. The only thing that seemed to make everything stop and shift was Jared.
Jensen smiled to himself as he flipped open the tattered menu. He skimmed through the various options, trying to decide what he wanted.
"Man, I thought I'd never get out of there!" Jared tossed his backpack into the corner before sliding into the booth. He pushed his sunglasses onto the top of his head and reached for the other menu. "You haven't been waiting long, have you?"
"Only about half an hour. I was about to leave your ass," Jensen bit his lip to hide his grin.
"Half an-" Jared narrowed his eyes. "Jerk."
Jensen laughed. "I haven't even been here ten minutes, so relax. You know what you want?"
Jared glanced at the menu one last time before setting it aside. "Yeah, I'm good."
Jensen nodded his head at the waitress, signaling that they were ready and took a sip of his water. "So how'd the project go?"
He set down the glass and Jared immediately snatched it up, taking a large gulp before sliding it back to Jensen's side of the table. "It went pretty well." He shrugged and broke into a huge grin. "Actually, it was fucking awesome. Professor Roberts loved it. She said I should submit it to the Dean for that new student project they're putting together."
"The 'Welcome to STU' thing for the orientations?"
Jared nodded, eyes bright. He was practically bouncing in his seat, his foot tapping against Jensen's in a steady rhythm.
"Dude, that's great! It was a really good idea and you can definitely tell you put a lot of work into it."
Jared ducked his head. "Thanks for watching it before I turned it in. I was a bit paranoid about it."
"Really? I never would have guessed." Jensen laughed as he dodged Jared's hand. It wasn't fair that Jared had that wingspan of his. Jensen wasn't small by any standard but he always felt tiny next to Jared.
The truth was, Jared had been terrified of turning in his video project. He had all the right clips, edited the footage down to a series of quick cuts that showcased the best campus had to offer, music-video style. The only thing he'd been missing was the music. Jensen had watched Jared pace back and forth night after night shuffling through the music on his iPod, searching for that perfect song. He'd finally snapped, making Jared sit down and think about what he wanted.
In the end, the decision was simple. And completely Jared.
"I still can't believe you went with the Muppets."
Jared slouched down into a lazy sprawl as the waitress approached. "You have to admit it was perfect. It made you laugh."
"Only because it was ridiculous...and yeah, ok, it worked." Jared rewarded him with a grin. Not quite up there with the make out session that came directly after Jared finding the song in the first place, but it would do for now.
Jared looked as if he was planning to say something else, but he stopped as the waitress walked up to their table. "Hey Jared."
"Hey Wendy, how're you doing?"
"Not too bad. Keeping busy." The young waitress pressed the cap of her pen into the corner of her mouth. "You know, the usual."
"I hear ya." Jared offered her a crooked smile before glancing over at Jensen. "You go ahead and order first."
Wendy turned her attention to him, pen poised against the paper. "I'll have the chicken and swiss, hold the mayo. And a Coke."
Wendy turned back to Jared. "And you?"
"Just give me the usual."
"Jared, you don't have a usual."
Jared looked affronted. "Sure I do. Triple cheeseburger, six piece chicken sticks, two orders of cheese fries, and a side salad. And a giant glass of sweet tea. Just like last time and the time before that."
"That's your usual?" Wendy gaped at him.
Jared frowned. "Yeah. Why?"
Wendy just shook her head. "I thought you were kidding last time."
"I never kid about food. Oh, and a piece of chocolate pie."
Jensen snorted back a laugh and tapped his foot against Jared's. He was rewarded with one of Jared's mega-watt smiles as Wendy made her way back to the grill.
"Is there anyone you don’t know in this town?"
Jared thought about that for a few seconds. "Maybe one or two."
Jensen settled back into the booth and smiled as Jared launched into a wild tale about his chemistry lab that morning. Jared always talked with his entire body from facial expressions to flailing hands to posture and Jensen was content to just watch and listen. He nodded when appropriate to show he was paying attention but it wasn't like Jared needed encouragement. Jensen knew he was grinning like an idiot but he just didn't care.
Jared tilted his head to the side and gave him a confused look. "What?"
"Nothin', just listening."
Jared shrugged and continued talking, long past Wendy returning with their food and well into the meal.
Jensen swallowed the last of his sandwich and glanced up at Jared. "Anyone ever tell you that you talk a lot?"
Jared grinned. "Only every day. Why else do you think I want to work in radio?"
Jensen laughed. "So that's the real reason. I knew the music thing was just a cover."
"Does it bother you?"
"That you want to work in radio? Nah, not so much." Jared sighed and gave him a look. "No, I don't mind you talking. In fact, I love your voice. Keep going."
"Now I don't know what I was saying." Jared popped a fry in his mouth and licked the cheese off of his fingers. Jensen followed the movement and continued to stare as Jared dug into the plate of fries, happily sucking his fingers clean between bites. Jared's tongue flicked out to wipe away some cheese on his lower lip and Jensen swallowed hard. A meal with Jared shouldn't be so...pornographic.
Jared pushed his empty plate away and smiled at Jensen, a look of pure unabashed joy and Jensen was gone. He pushed himself up and leaned over the table, ignoring the hard edge digging into his hip. He grabbed Jared's shirt and tugged him closer, pressing their lips together. Jensen ran his tongue quickly along Jared's lip before sitting back with a thump.
Jared sat back and stared.
Jensen could feel his face heat up. "You missed a spot."
Jared chuckled and shook his head. He leaned in over the table and Jensen mirrored his pose, bringing their heads closer together. "So I was thinking that tomorrow we could maybe-"
"Jensen?"
Jensen's good mood suddenly vanished. He knew that voice. Soft with a heavy Southern accent, he knew how that voice extremely well. Jensen took a deep breath and pushed back away from Jensen. He looked at the spot just over Jared's shoulder. "Katie."
Katie stood back a moment, a brief hesitation, before squaring her shoulders and walking over to their table. She was as beautiful as ever, her long red hair cascading over her shoulders in soft waves, her green eyes bright. Even dressed in a plain t-shirt and jeans, she managed to stand out in a crowd. Jensen let his eyes drop to her hands, releasing the breath he'd been holding when he saw they were bare.
"Jensen, I thought that was you."
Jensen sat back and forced himself to meet her eyes. "Hey Katie, long time no see."
She frowned and bit her lip. "Did Mike tell you I came by a couple of weeks ago? I was hoping I'd see you but-"
"Yeah, he told me." Jensen stared at the woman in front of him. A year ago, he would have said he knew everything there was to know about her. He knew her favorite color (green) and how she took her coffee (cream and two sugars). He knew how her soft curves felt pressed up against him and what she looked like first thing in the morning, hair tangled and eyes puffy. He knew all these things about her, but in the end, he realized he didn't really know her at all.
Katie shifted, obviously uncomfortable with his intense gaze. She glanced away and reached out her hand. "Hi, I'm Katie."
Jensen's eyes widened as he watched Jared reached out, Katie's tiny hand all but disappearing in Jared's. He had actually forgotten Jared for a moment, forgotten that he wasn't here alone.
Jared tossed an unsure glance in his direction before turning to Katie with a smile. "I'm Jared."
Jensen stared at Jared's profile, could tell that his smile didn't reach his eyes. He held his breath, waiting to see what Jared would say next. When Jared didn't say anything, Jensen exhaled slowly. He glanced back and forth between Jared and Katie, thinking about his options. Finally, he settled on one. "Jared's a friend of mine."
He tried not to wince at how the word "friend" sounded rolling off his tongue. Friend. The end. Period. He also tried not to notice how the light in Jared's eyes dimmed a little bit more.
Katie frowned and tilted her head, obviously noticing the underlying tension. Jensen ducked his head down, avoiding her gaze. "Well, I actually have to be going. I just saw you sitting here and wanted to say hi."
Jensen could feel Jared's eyes on him. "Well, it was really nice meeting you." Jared's voice sounded off, distantly friendly. Jensen wanted nothing more than to fix that, to wipe the last few minutes away and pretend they never existed.
"Likewise." Jensen looked up at Katie as she turned back to him. "Jensen, we really should talk. Call me?"
Jensen didn't trust his voice so he just nodded. Katie paused for a minute before sighing and heading toward the door. After she was gone, he just sat there, staring at the cracked linoleum floor.
"So I take it that there's a story there."
Startled, Jensen glanced up at Jared so fast, his head spun. Jared was watching him with a carefully blank face, lips drawn into a tight line. Jensen swallowed. "Katie is- was- my girlfriend. My fiancée. But she- it didn't work out. We broke up last November."
"I see."
Jensen frowned and twisted his hands together. This wasn't right. Everything felt off-kilter. Being with Jared was supposed to be his happy place. Not tainted with this sudden uneasiness and frustration.
"Jensen." Jared spoke, voice soft but firm. Jensen met his eyes and wished he hadn't. Jared's normally sparkling eyes were colored with sadness. "Jen. I really like you."
Jensen gave Jared a hesitant smile. "I like you, too."
Jared shook his head. "No, Jen. I like you. But this isn't going to work unless you really want it, too."
"What do you mean, unless I want it to?" Jensen slipped back in his seat and stared at Jared.
Jared's shoulders slumped and he tossed a pleading glance in Jensen's direction. "Look, you need to figure things out for yourself. I get that." Jared sighed. "You obviously have some issues that you need to work out. I don't want to pressure you but I can't-"
Jensen's heart pounded. "You can't what, Jared?"
Jared's head dropped down. "I just- I want to be with you, Jen, but I need you to feel the same way. Maybe we should take a step back until you get things figured out."
Jensen stared at Jared, his chest tightening. "You don't believe me now? Is that what this is? You don't believe I want to be with you?"
Jared frowned, twisting uncomfortably in his seat. "It's not that I don't believe you. I know you like me. I can tell that much. I just- I want it all, Jen. I want to be able to call you my boyfriend and not see the flash of panic in your eyes. I want you to be able to introduce me to others and not have it sound like it's being ripped from your throat. I don't want to be your friend."
"Jay, I didn't mean it like that, it-" Jensen dropped his gaze, unable to see the hurt and defeat in Jared's eyes. They sat in uneasy silence for a couple of minutes before Jensen couldn't take it anymore. "We should get Wendy to bring over your pie."
Jared bit his lip and glanced at the wall. "I'm not really hungry anymore."
Jensen tried not to notice the way Jared's voice cracked or how his hands shook as he reached for his backpack.
Jared slowly unfolded himself from the booth and reached into his back pocket, pulling out a twenty and tossing it onto the table. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, nearly knocking off his sunglasses in the process. "Look, I should go."
"Jared, we should-" Jensen didn't know what to say, how to make this better.
"It doesn't have to be forever, Jen," Jared said, his voice so low it was nearly a whisper. Before Jensen could respond, Jared was gone, leaving behind nothing but a gaping hole deep down inside of him.
Where did things go so wrong?
xxxxxx
Jared couldn't help but see the irony in his current situation. Only one month ago, Jared had spent all of his free time looking for Jensen but could never find him. Now, when he wanted nothing more than to avoid him completely, Jensen was everywhere he turned.
It had been nearly one week since his diner meltdown. And Jared felt every minute, every second, they were apart. But the world seemed determined to torture him. He just couldn't escape Jensen. Jared, earbuds firmly in place, head down, and hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans barely avoided running into him in the hall as he left the editing room. Jensen was studying underneath a tree as Jared walked Sandy to class. And when Jared was airing live at the Sophomore Soapbox Derby, he felt Jensen's eyes on him the entire time.
Jared had even started avoiding Mike and Tom. Every time he was with either one of them, they insisted on telling him how Jensen was doing. Things like 'Jensen's miserable, man' and 'he won't talk to anyone' weren't really helping him. Did they think it was a picnic for him?
Jared made his way out of the science building and nearly turned right back around. He could see Jensen exiting the library less than ten feet away. Jared inhaled sharply and squared himself, softly chastising himself for acting like a coward while doing his best to avoid looking in Jensen's direction. He was nearly across the quad when he heard his name shouted out. Jared bit his lip and ignored the call, heading quickly for the Commissary. He just wasn't ready to deal with Jensen. Not yet.
Jared didn't let himself fall easily. But then Jensen had come along and Jared had immediately felt drawn to him. He and Jensen had an easy connection, something that made them click. Jared wasn't ready to just let that go, but he didn't know how to get Jensen to see that what they had together was something that didn't come along every day. Jared knew deep down in his gut that this thing with Jensen was worth fighting for.
Unfortunately, he also remembered those agonizingly painful minutes in the diner when Jensen introduced him to Katie. Friend. A nice, dependable, easy way to define their relationship. Nothing complicated. Nothing close to being the truth. Just friends. But Jared wanted more. He needed more.
He had promised Jensen that he'd give him space to figure things out. He just hoped he wasn't making a big mistake by taking a step back. Jared opened the door to the cafeteria and made a beeline across the floor, heading toward the back where all the food was.
"Yo Jay, over here!"
Jared stopped and turned to find Justin waving him over to a small table in the corner. Happy for the distraction, Jared changed direction and headed towards the group assembled there. "Hey man, what's up?"
"Not much. Just having lunch before my CS class." Justin kicked an empty chair away from the table, motioning for Jared to have a seat. "Do you know everyone?"
Jared glanced at the others as he sat down. "Not really. No."
"That's Ben and Adam and this here is Sarah."
Ben lifted a hand in a lazy wave, Adam nodded, and Sarah smiled her greeting before resuming a mumbled conversation into her cell phone.
Justin leaned back, resting his arm along the back of Sarah's chair. "Actually, I'm glad I ran into you. I need to ask a favor."
"Oh really? What's that?" Jared tried not to stare at the others' trays, ignoring the low growl in his stomach.
"I have this group project and the only time we could work on it is at 6 tonight. But it's all the way across campus." Justin paused and Jared nodded to show he was listening. "I was just wondering if you could cover the last fifteen minutes of my shift since you'll be there already."
Jared shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. Just make sure everything is queued up and ready to go and I'll just make sure I have all the ad placement calls taken care of before 5:30. I can always work on the Finals Week schedule in the booth."
Sarah stopped talking into her phone and leaned across the table. "Wait. You're that Jared? With the Mix?"
Jared gave her a half smile. "Guilty as charged."
"Oh my god! I love that show!" Sarah practically squealed with excitement before telling the person on the other end that she'd have to call them back. "You have such great themes every week. I have to admit that this week is a bit sad, though."
Jared shrugged. "The themes usually pick me. I just run with them."
"So you're, like, Justin's boss, aren't you?"
Justin glared at Sarah and Jared grinned. "Well, we do have a faculty advisor, but yeah, pretty much. Mike and I do all the dirty work."
One of the other guys, Ben, leaned over. "Don't get her going, man, she'll talk your ear off." Ben grimaced suddenly and Jared figured he'd earned a kick to the shin for his comment.
Sarah huffed a breath and pointedly turned her face away from Ben. Ben pointed at her and mouthed the word 'RUN' and Jared tried not to laugh. "How long have you worked at the station? I only started listening to your show a few months ago but I listen to it all the time now."
"I've been working at the station since my freshman year. I started as a volunteer and then they started putting me on the air last year right before finals because one of the DJs was failing a couple of classes. And this year they hired me on as a manager."
"That's so cool," Sarah smiled at him. "Hey, if you're not doing-"
"Hey Jared," Justin interrupted, looking at something behind Jared. "Isn't that your boy over there?"
Jared twisted around, trying to follow Justin's gaze. His eyes landed on a table halfway across the room and his heart clenched. Jensen had apparently been heading in the same direction earlier and was now having lunch with Katie. And by the looks of it, they were obviously in the middle of a serious conversation. Jensen was leaning forward, shaking his head at whatever Katie was saying. She was laughing and Jared turned away as she reached across the table and brushed a thumb across Jensen's cheek, unable to look anymore.
"No, not my boy." Jared's voice sounded wrong, his tone flat. Jensen had apparently made his decision. Now Jared just had to learn to live with it.
"Huh." Justin shrugged his shoulders and turned back to face them. "Could have sworn that was him. Anyway, you planning to get something to eat?"
The Commissary was a chaotic mass of noise and smells and Jared felt sick to his stomach. He shook his head. "Not really hungry. I should probably go."
Sarah's eyes followed Jared as he stood up, watching him carefully. "You ok, Jared?"
"What?" Jared forced himself to look at Sarah and not at the other table. "Yeah, just-" He shrugged his shoulders, unsure of what to say.
"Well, hey, if you want to get together sometime, give me a call." Sarah gave him a tentative smile. She nudged Justin next to her. "This guy has my number."
"Um, okay, thanks." Jared adjusted his backpack over his shoulder and nodded at the table. "It was nice meeting you all."
Ben and Adam both waved and Sarah smiled again. Justin turned and grabbed Jared's elbow before he could leave. "So 5:45, right?"
Jared nodded and gave him a tight smile, sighing as Justin let go of his arm and he was free to leave. He mumbled his goodbyes and took off across the room, eager to get away.
When he reached the door, he risked one last glance over his shoulder and immediately wished he hadn't. His eyes locked with Jensen's and he felt a tug at his heart. Jensen's eyes were wide, as if he hadn't expected to see Jared there. Jared took a deep breath and said a silent goodbye as he pushed his way into the sunlight.
Times like these, he wished for the rain.
xxxxxx
Jensen glared at the stereo, taunting him from the other side of the room. It would be easy to get up, walk across the floor, and turn it on. Music would fill the empty silence in the room. But then the music would end and Jared's voice would ring out and Jensen would be reminded of just how badly he screwed things up.
Not that he needed any reminders. He was doing a bang up job of remembering all on his own.
After Jared had left him behind at the diner, Jensen had done a lot of thinking. He knew deep down that Jared was right. If he was ever going to have a real relationship with Jared or anyone else, he was going to have to find closure with his past and accept himself for who he really was.
The past week had been hell. He missed Jared more than he thought was possible. Hell, they hadn't been dating all that long but Jared had somehow gotten under his skin, made himself such a huge part of his life that without him, everything just seemed dull and meaningless.
Jensen sighed and stood up, moving to the stereo. He flipped on the power, deciding that any connection with Jared, even one he had to share with the rest of campus, was better than nothing. He just wanted to hear his voice. Jared wasn't answering any of his phone calls and had been avoiding him since that painful moment in the Commissary.
"...brought to my attention that this week's theme is a bit on the sad side." Jensen closed his eyes and let Jared's voice wash over him. "I agree, it's a bit depressing. But sometimes, even the greatest stories don't get a happy ending. But the pain inspires some really great music. Sometimes the writer is telling the other person to take a hike because they've done wrong. Other times-well, other times it's just hard to let someone go. But it has to be done. It's hard and painful, but in the end, it's for the best. So grab some tissues because here's the next set for this week's theme 'Sighs and Sorrow.'"
Jensen frowned as the music began to play. He hadn't listened to Jared's show since the Katie incident. But hearing him now, Jared just sounded so sad and defeated.
"What exactly did you do to him?"
Startled, Jensen turned to find Mike watching him from the hallway. "I didn't do-"
Mike just stared at him, shoulder propped against the wall.
Jensen looked down at the carpet, glaring at the stain peeking out from under the couch. "I think I fucked up, Mike."
Mike sighed. "No kidding. So you ready to tell me about it?"
"I introduced him as my friend."
"Ok, that sucks. But it's not the end of the world so what else?"
Jensen hated when Mike was all intuitive. "I wasn't really ready to accept the fact that I might have a thing for him. I didn't want to label things. So I kept pulling away."
"You idiot," Mike said, but there was no heat in it. Just a deep affection.
"I know, but that's still not it." Jensen sat down on the arm of the couch and looked up at his friend.
"Go on," Mike encouraged.
"So I decided that maybe Jared was right. He said he'd give me space to figure things out and that's just what I was doing. I asked Katie to lunch yesterday."
"This can't be good," Mike muttered.
Jensen shook his head. He could remember the pain in Jared's eyes when he saw them together. Jensen had just been telling Katie that it was truly over, that there was someone else in his life, someone who deserved to have all of him. He hadn't told Katie that he was dating a guy but in the end, that detail hadn't seemed all that important. Guy or girl, the fact remained that Jensen had fallen for someone else. He had once loved Katie, asked her to marry him, and then caught her with another man. He'd never really gotten the closure he needed, just stormed away and let everything else fall apart. He told Mike as much. "I was just saying goodbye, that's all."
"And Jared saw you?"
Jensen nodded, miserable. "I should've run after him, explained then and there. I'm sure he thought I chose her. I mean, you heard him. He sounded awful."
"Yeah, and you're just a fucking ray of sunshine." Mike walked into the room and flopped down on the couch. "What you need is to fix this. You both are just too damned stubborn. And stupid. Just talk to him, Jensen."
Jensen shoved Mike's feet off the couch and slid down onto the cushion. "He won't answer my calls."
"Call the station, he has to answer there," Mike pointed out.
But Jensen knew he couldn't fix things over the phone. It was something he needed to do in person. He needed a plan. Jensen turned to Mike.
"I have an idea. But there's something I need you to do for me-"
xxxxxx
Jared ignored the heavy book in his lap, choosing to stare out the floor to ceiling window of the library's fifth floor. Every floor of the library was set up with a lounge area full of comfortable chairs and couches perfect for studying, but the fifth floor was usually quiet and empty. Jared had discovered this particular spot early on during his freshman year and it had been his place to hide out ever since.
The window looked out over campus and Jared could see the small forms of students rushing back and forth across the quad. He idly wondered about each person as he played with the candy necklace wrapped around his neck, a cheer up gift from Sandy. What was that guy's story? Where was she going? Did those two ever come up for breath?
Jared was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't hear the approaching footsteps, the quiet tap-tap against the tiles. The soft cough startled him from his thoughts and he turned to find Jensen standing next to his chair, staring down at him.
"Hey."
Jared was speechless. He hadn't seen Jensen since Tuesday, back in the Commissary, hadn't wanted to face the truth. But here he was and Jared was stuck out in the open, no place to hide. "How'd you find me?"
Jensen smiled slightly. "Mike."
"So that's why he kept asking me all those questions last night?" Jared shook his head. "Bastard."
"Yeah. But he's a bastard who cares." Jensen sighed. "Jared, we need to talk."
Jared glanced around the room, desperately hoping to see someone, anyone, around. But as always, there was no one. He sighed and motioned to the many empty chairs around them.
Jensen ignored the chairs and sat down on the footstool next to Jared's feet. "So I told Katie there was someone else." Jared just raised an eyebrow and Jensen continued. "When you saw us the other day, I was telling her there was someone else and then I told her goodbye. Got that closure I needed."
Jared didn't know what to say. He bit his lip and tried to stuff down the tiny flare of hope that was igniting with Jensen's words.
Jensen shifted and leaned forward, placing his hand on Jared's thigh. "Jay, I want you. I'm sorry it took me so long to be sure, to put you through that, but I know what I want now. I'll scream it from the rooftops if you want me to, if it'll prove to you that I'm with you all the way."
Jared couldn't stop the tiny smile from forming. "No doubts?"
Jensen gave him a heated stare that Jared felt down to his toes. He could feel Jensen's hand burning through the denim of his jeans. "None."
"So does this mean you're gay?"
Jensen grew quiet, watching Jared closely. "I'm...Jensen. And I have a boyfriend named Jared. That is, if he'll have me. Other than that, I don't really want to label anything."
Jared smiled wide, the stretch of muscles feeling strange after the week he'd had. "That's the only label I need."
Jensen laughed, relieved, and leaned closer. He flicked the candy necklace around Jared's neck. "What's with the sweets?"
Jared's grin deepened. "Gift from Sandy. She decided I needed the pick-me-up."
"Your friend willingly gave you sugar?" Jensen frowned and bit his lip. "Jay, I really am sorry."
Jared just shook his head. "Doesn't matter. You're sure now?"
"Positive."
"Good." Jared nodded his head. "Want a bite?"
Jensen was up and moving almost instantly. He straddled Jared's lap, his knees digging into the cushion, his hands pressed into the chair's back on either side of Jared's head. He pressed in, nipping at the round pieces of candy.
Jared shivered as the tip of Jensen's tongue brushed along the sensitive skin of his neck. "You can use your hands, you know."
"Nah, this is more fun." Jensen finally bit into a piece of candy and pulled back, letting the sugar dissolve in his mouth.
Jared closed his eyes and leaned back. "Promise you're not toying with me."
Jensen settled his weight down firmly on Jared's thighs. "Says the man wearing the candy necklace."
Jared opened his eyes and glared at the other man.
Jensen pressed a hand to the side of Jared's head, running his thumb along the smooth skin of Jared's jaw. "I promise." He leaned in and kissed Jared, a tender brush of lips that said more than words ever could.
Jared laughed as Jensen pulled back and ducked down, feeling the tickle of his tongue as he attempted to bite off another piece of candy.
There was a loud chomp and Jensen pulled back, smile wide and green eyes glittering with triumph. Jared pushed forward, latching onto Jensen's mouth.
Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's neck and moaned as Jared explored the inside of Jensen's mouth with his tongue. "Mmmmm, sweet," Jared whispered, his breath puffing against Jensen's lips before he pressed their mouths together once more.
Jensen twisted his fingers in Jared's hair as Jared slid his mouth over to nuzzle just under Jensen's jaw. Jared's nose brushed along the sensitive hollow below Jensen's ear and he moaned, pulling back.
Jared stared up into deep green eyes as they both struggled to catch their breath.
Jensen dropped his head forward, pressing their foreheads together. "Jay, I want this. I want you. But I'm not ready for anything more. Not yet anyway."
Jared chuckled and glanced at their surroundings. "Jen, we're in a public library. I can wait."
Jensen laughed and brought his mouth to Jared's ear. "Did I forget to tell you that I'm a bit of an exhibitionist?"
Jared groaned and pressed his face into Jensen's neck. "Man, telling me that now is just mean."
Jensen laughed and stood up. Jared held out his hand and Jensen grabbed it, pulling him up to stand beside him.
"I can wait, Jen. As long as you need me to."
Jensen gazed up at Jared, eyes soft. "I know you can." He clapped his hands together as Jared gathered up his books and stuffed them into his backpack. "So, what do you want to do now?"
Jared cocked his head to the side and thought about it. "I don't know about you, but I'm starving."
Jensen's laughter filled the room. "How'd I know you were going to say that?"
Jared shrugged. "Just know me, I guess."
Jensen smiled. "Yeah, I guess I do."
As they headed across the room to the elevators, Jensen reached up and tugged on the necklace at Jared's neck. "You know, I think we should get you some more of these."
Jared couldn't agree more.
xxxxxx
Jensen stopped just outside of the booth and stared at Jared through the glass window. Jared. His boyfriend. Sweet, loving, friendly, and ever-so-patient Jared. Who was apparently incredibly bored at that moment, if the spinning chair was any indication. Jensen smiled at the sight.
With a deep breath, he pushed open the door. This was it. Jensen knew what he wanted. It was time to take charge.
Jared saw him as he entered and dropped his feet to the floor with a heavy thump. The chair stopped spinning but the momentum left Jared swaying slightly. He stood up and a wide smile spread across his face. "Jen! I'm glad you're here! I tried to call you earlier, but you didn't answer. I signed the lease today." Jensen smiled as Jared rambled on. "And I finished studying so now I'm bored."
Jensen raised an eyebrow and looked at the chair. "Really? I never could've guessed."
"Shut up," Jared began to move forward but before he could get too far, Jensen stopped him with a hand on his chest. A gentle push knocked Jared back into the chair. "Jensen?"
Jensen ignored the question in Jared's eyes. Sometimes actions spoke louder than words. He lifted one leg and slid it through the armrest of Jared's chair, settling his weight on Jared's thigh. A slow shift and careful maneuvering and he finally had his other leg pushed through the other side, straddling Jared's lap, his feet barely skimming the floor.
Jared looked up at Jensen, amusement dancing in his eyes. "Hey."
"Hey back," Jensen replied, leaning in and dragging his lips against Jared's. He traced the edge of Jared's smile with the tip of his tongue, drawing a soft moan from his boyfriend.
Jared's hands wrapped around Jensen's hips, fingertips digging into his lower back as Jensen licked his way into Jared's mouth. The arms of the chair held Jensen tight against Jared's body, every shift creating friction.
Jared hummed and pulled back. "Hold that thought," he murmured as Jensen pushed in, attempting to reclaim his mouth. Jared laughed and twisted his head, reaching out an arm and straining for the desk. His long fingers locked around the boom mike and he tugged it closer to his face before punching a few buttons on the console.
Jensen looked at the long expanse of neck in front of him, tempting him with smooth tanned skin. He leaned forward and licked a path from Jared's shirt collar to his jaw, smirking at the shiver that made its way through Jared's body.
"Stop that," Jared muttered, stretching his arm out a bit further.
Jensen scraped his teeth along the underside of Jared's jaw, the faint stubble coarse against his skin. He tongued the edge of Jared's ear. "Make me," he whispered, voice rough, and bit down on Jared's earlobe.
Jared slapped his hand down on the desk, pushing a button before grasping at Jensen's hip once again. "Fuck, Jen," he moaned. His eyes rolled as Jensen tilted his hips, grinding down.
"That's the idea," Jensen grabbed Jared's face, his thumb brushing along his cheekbone. He nudged Jared to twist his head again, chin raised slightly. Jensen crushed their lips together before tilting Jared's head again to suck on his pulse point. Jared's fingers tightened at Jensen's waist, denim twisting in his firm grip. Jensen glanced up at Jared, smile predatory. "I don't want to wait any longer."
Jared took a deep, shuddering breath. "You sure?"
Jensen could see Jared strain to hold back, muscles tight beneath his wandering hands. He tilted his hips forward, pressing his hard cock into Jared's stomach. "That answer your question?"
Eyes wide, Jared's fingers dug into Jensen's lower back, nails dragging across the skin. He pushed up enough to capture Jensen's mouth, sucking his lower lip between his teeth. Jensen pushed his hands up under Jared's shirt, tangling in the thin cotton as he brushed the pads of his thumbs across his nipples. Jared sucked in a breath, arching into the contact.
Jensen pulled his mouth away from Jared's and began to kiss a path down his neck. His hands trailed along Jared's sides, thumbs idly tracing ribs. Jensen bent down and sucked on Jared's nipple through the worn shirt. He bit down and blew cool air, watching the nub harden beneath cotton.
Jared shuddered and ran his hands up higher on Jensen's back, beneath his shirt, and tugged him closer. Jensen's own hands were trapped between their bodies, his fingertips barely grazing the rough denim of Jared's jeans.
Jared's eyes were dark, his gaze intense. "You're in control here, Jen."
And he was. Jared was holding back, allowing Jensen to lead the way. He was willing to take things slow for Jensen. And damn if that didn't make Jensen want him even more.
His fingers traced a path along Jared's waist until they reached the button of Jared's jeans. "Damn straight I am," he growled as he popped the button and began to work the zipper open. "I want you, Jared. Like this. Under me and at my mercy. You have any idea what you do to me?"
Jared moaned as Jensen pushed his hand inside his pants, cupping him through the thin material of his boxers. The angle was off, their positions awkward. Jensen wriggled his hips, struggling to get a better grip, and Jared groaned.
"Here, let me-" he said before turning the chair and pushing off the floor with his feet. The chair rolled back until it hit the solid wood of the desk. Jared scratched his nails down Jensen's back before pulling out of Jensen's shirt. He slouched down in the chair, pushing back and angling his body away from Jensen's. He grabbed the desk with one hand, the other resting on Jensen's thigh. Jensen leaned back, trusting Jared not to let him fall.
The angle worked, giving Jensen the space he needed. Jared pushed his hips up, his back arching as Jensen wrapped his fingers around Jared's cock. It was weird at first, the weight and feel unfamiliar. Jensen gave a few experimental tugs and Jared hissed beneath him.
Jensen could feel Jared's fingers tighten around his thigh as he fell into a steady rhythm, dragging his fist along the length, brushing his thumb across the head with each tug. His hips began to rock in time with the movement of his hand, the smooth roll like a wave crashing against the shore.
His pants felt tight, the pressure increasing as his cock grew harder, the steady roll of his hips creating the friction he needed. Jensen ignored his own desire and focused on Jared's expressions, learning what his partner liked, what made his breath hitch, what made him bite his lip. Jensen twisted his wrist on an upstroke, dragging his thumb along the vein on the underside of Jared's cock and Jared's shoulders pushed back into the chair, his head dropping back, neck muscles straining. "Oh god, do that again," he moaned.
Jensen took his free hand and placed it on Jared's shoulder, giving him additional support to thrust harder. The chair rolled back and forth along the floor as Jared tried to hold onto the desk in vain. His fingers scraped across the smooth surface, scrambling to find purchase as Jensen repeated his earlier motion.
Jensen's fingers dug into the flesh of Jared's shoulder. "God, you're so gorgeous like this, all hot and wanting. Just for me, right here where anyone can see us, can see that you're mine," he murmured. Jared bit down on his lip, muffling a moan. His muscles were tense and Jensen could tell he was close. "It's ok, Jay. Come for me. I want to see you."
Jared's eyes widened and his fingers slipped along the edge of the console, tripping over buttons as he came, the wet warmth washing across Jensen's fist. Jensen stroked him through it, his other hand moving from Jared's shoulder to card through his hair. As Jared came down, the pressure on his own erection became too much and Jensen pulled away from Jared's cock, yanked the button of his jeans open and tugged the zipper down, freeing his cock. He wrapped his hand around the length and after only two rough tugs, he was gone, his come mixing with Jared's.
It took Jensen longer than it should to realize that the ringing in his ears was actually the ring of the telephone. Jared's eyes never left his as he reached behind him and fumbled with the receiver. "Lo?"
The low rumble of Jared's voice caused something to warm inside of Jensen. He'd done it. He overcame his nervousness and gotten past the sex hurdle with Jared. And it had been incredible. Jensen watched as a look of confusion crossed Jared's face. Jared suddenly swung them around and punched a button, listening to the person on the other end.
"Nah," Jared's voice was still rough, winded. "m'fine. You don't need to...goddammit!"
Jensen smiled as Jared hung up the phone. He couldn't help but laugh at the mixed emotions on Jared's face. Jared looked awestruck, completely fucked out, with a hint of annoyance. Jensen knew the last one had nothing to do with him.
He reached down and tucked them both into their pants as Jared explained. "Fucking Mike is coming over. Figured something was wrong because there was dead air," he muttered.
Jensen quirked an eyebrow. "Dead air?"
"Silence. No music. Nothing," Jared explained. He blushed. "I guess I hit something."
Jensen laughed. "Guess we'll just have to be more careful next time."
Jared tilted his head, definitely interested. "Next time?"
Jensen leaned closer, dropping his voice. "Yeah, next time," he said. "When I let you fuck me, just like this. Something tells me we're going to have a lot of fun with this chair."
Jared watched as Jensen lifted his hand up in front of him. He looked at their mixed come painting the surface of his skin. His tongue darted out, cautiously tasting the mixture before swiping up the flat of his palm. Jared swallowed hard, eyes following the movement.
Jensen stood up and carefully untangled himself from Jared and the chair. His legs were numb and tingling but he'd never felt better. He leaned down and kissed Jared, soft and tender. Before pulling away, he took his hand rubbed the inside of Jared's thigh, his thumb brushing across his tender cock. He smiled against Jared's lips when he felt the familiar twitch. "I should go before Mike gets here."
He reluctantly pulled away and straightened his clothes before moving towards the door. Jared was quiet for once. He looked completely debauched. His clothes were rumpled, jeans open, with mussed hair and bitten-red lips. He had never looked sexier.
He stopped with his hand on the door. "Hey Jay?" he said, leaning back against the door. "How about staying in tonight? Get some takeout, watch a movie? Relax before your last final tomorrow? Clothing optional, of course."
Jared smiled and tapped his chin. "Hmmmm, I think that can be arranged."
"Good," Jensen replied as he pulled open the door. He turned to his boyfriend one last time. "Dude, don't you have a radio show to run? You better be careful, you're really starting to slack."
He stepped out into the hallway and chuckled as he pushed the door closed, Jared's response muffled by the heavy wood. He stopped suddenly and opened the door once more. He stuck his head into the booth. "Oh my god, does this mean you're no longer one of STU's most eligible bachelors?"
Jared snorted and flipped him off. "Fuck you."
Jensen laughed. "Soon enough," he promised as he closed the door again and headed off down the hallway. He hummed low under his breath as he made his way out into the cool night air. He really wasn't in any hurry and the night was young.
He had all the time in the world.
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