-
She's gone
(the girl I used to be)
When they say "but you survived!"
I smile and nod.
I look around and within for any sign of life or remnants of who I had been
She's gone (the girl I used to be)
My heart was destroyed
I only survived physically
Story of my life
They watch me barely hanging onto life and then they say
"but you survived!"
-
What's it going to take?
What is going to take girl?
To see that he doesn't love you
What's it going to take?
To see he isn't afraid to lose you
What's it going to take?
To see that he doesn't respect you
You keep telling yourself
"The next time..."
The next time he is downright rude to you
The next time
The next time he bulldozes your boundaries
The next time
The next ( Read more... ) -
Cringe
As his fingers run down my chin to my sternum
Slowly, making their way down my stomach
Feeling just the coarse tips of his fingers and his hot breath upon my neck
I flinch
What's wrong?
Your hand moving down towards my hip bone
is my only response
-
Me, minus 10 years
I recently went back to my childhood home and spent an afternoon nose deep inside of a Mr. Coffee box I found in the garage. This was no ordinary coffee maker box- this box was a time capsule to my life from ages 10-15. Before he left my mother.
I spent a rainy afternoon reading through journals I had written as early as 10 years old. Writing, ( Read more... ) -
A Gift From My Father
I sometimes despise my own hypersensitiveness
My ability to feel things so much deeper than everyone else
Which requires so much reassurance from the world when the only reassurance I should need is me
It must be so abnormal
To crave so much
to be loved and understood
#livingwithbpd
#parentalbpd
-
Don't
With shaking hands
I am carefully untying the thread you left around my heart
please don't pull on me anymore
-
Therapy only went so far
The doubt is so persistent
you might not even notice her
fluttering eyelashes, not-so-subtle
whispers she blends in with
do I belong here
and why am i trying to fold into myself
why aren't I speaking louder
why do all of my sentences end in a question when
i know i am right
i know i am smart
i know i make good decisions
i am more worthy than i have ( Read more... ) -
Artificial Gaze
I fell in love with a version of you
that I created inside of my head
Refusing to see what was right in front of me
Disembodied to the fact that you
are everyone else
-
Attach or Run
I often accuse people of leaving me
But I'm always the one with one foot out the door.
-
Consequences of his actions
when he left my mother
he left a hole inside of her
she tried to hide it with her hands
she tried to cover it to make sure nothing spilled
out, only let her tears leak at night when
she thought i could not feel the ripples that the droplets
created in my bedroom
i would try to use my hands to help her cover up the pain
but the hole she had wasn't ( Read more... )