Comments | loaded_march: Writing: Dialogue (addendum)

loaded_march

Writing: Dialogue (addendum)

Feb 15, 2012 20:16

In the last 48 hours, I have:

Shaken off the remnants of a head cold that hit on the heels of an allergic reaction
Had a meltdown and threatened to push the DELETE key over everything that I'd managed to write for the BB thus far (but one beta and a cheerleader who doesn't realize she's been co-opted as a cheerleader talked me off the ledge)
Gotten ( Read more... )

Comments 21

waywardson_lvr February 16 2012, 01:48:00 UTC

That was fantastic.
I find dialogue tags a total bitch - the dialogue itself NO PROBLEM but shit, the he-said-she-said battle has driven me completely mental at times.
Love your work btw - Loaded March has become my new crack ;)

loaded_march February 17 2012, 02:02:43 UTC

I just hope it helps. The whole thing about the tags drove me absolutely batty once upon a time, because everyone says something different about it, but nowadays I just don't think about it too much.

And thank you! :D

taegan February 16 2012, 02:34:10 UTC

Squee! That was great. I'll try and rustle up some dialogue and post it for your review soon.

You should definitely be a writing columnist. I've read a horrifying number of writing and SPaG books, and I have never been so entertained.

Although, you may have to lose the fandom snippets... hmm. Maybe you should just keep writing these articles for us, then. :)

loaded_march February 17 2012, 02:05:23 UTC

I just hope that they're useful :D And yes, please! I sometimes have a hard time coming up with examples, but if you're willling to put a bit of dialogue up...!

Gah, I think I would be bored if I were a writing columnist. It's more fun to use random examples that people can relate to!

dimanchemieux February 16 2012, 04:46:54 UTC

unrelated but THAT ZOMBIE THING MADE ME LAUGH SO MUCH thank you!!!
and I don't trust myself to remember this later so:
http://terrabellum.tumblr.com/post/17697151309
APPLY TO EXCALIBUR????

loaded_march February 17 2012, 02:06:05 UTC

I LOVE THE ZOMBIE LINE -- The brain you save might be your own.

And

OMG

How many times have I watched that???

It's PERFECT

dimanchemieux February 17 2012, 07:39:37 UTC

I just love how visual ASL is - I mean, DUH but I JUST AM A VERY VISUAL PERSON OK

and yes. a thousand times. it has to happen one day.

loaded_march February 18 2012, 02:37:46 UTC

I have an interpreter at staff meetings, but THIS GUY TAKES THE CAKE!!

Thread 6

etharei February 16 2012, 11:25:07 UTC

ZOMBIE BRAINS VS. MECHADRAGONS

Actually I really, really want this now.

loaded_march February 17 2012, 02:06:21 UTC

You aren't the only one!

My brain is already working on a plot!

bookscrazygirl February 16 2012, 15:21:22 UTC

Glad to hear you're feeling better. Lol, glad to see I'm not the only one who doesn't follow the rules. I admit, I don't have a good relationship with dialogue tags. We have agreed to ignore each other unless necessary. Here's an example:

"So, he's not going to try to kill me?"

Despite his calm question, the young trainer was almost bouncing across the room in his excitement, showing no indication of nerves at what he believes could be his impending death.

"No kid, he doesn't kill, and he wouldn't be aiming at you in any case."

Crystal allowed her bemusement to lace the words as she watched her guest vibrate as he prepared for the battle ahead, nevermind he was implying one of her best friends would enter a battle with malice aforethought!

Poke at it all you want ^_^ Like I said before, if you're going to allow people to pick your brain for impromptu edits, I'm going to take full advantage!

loaded_march February 18 2012, 02:59:22 UTC

My brain is ripe for the picking, but I don't think your snippet needs much poking.

The only thing I would suggest is not breaking up the dialogue and the connecting description, but also tighten up the description a bit more. For example, if the trainer (do you mean trainee?) speaks calmly, but is still bouncing, that *IS* an indication of nerves. And if Crystal is amused by his question, wouldn't she also be somewhat annoyed that he's implying her best friend would be malicious?

Not knowing what's behind the story, those are just the things I'd consider for dialogue. If I am right about my interpretation, I'd tweak the descriptions ever so slightly, but I'd keep the dialogue the same.

"So, he's not going to try to kill me?" The young trainee's nerves had him bouncing across the room, though Crystal couldn't fathom why. Everyone knew that her best friend wouldn't harm a fly. Still, she couldn't help but be a little annoyed.

"No, kid, he doesn't kill, and he wouldn't be aiming at you in any case."OR, if I were to change ( ... )

bookscrazygirl February 18 2012, 09:42:57 UTC

Lol, yeah, thanks! This helps a lot (and yes, it is trainer) ^_^

I was trying to show that he was not nervous about the battle but excited, and that the question was just asked as a clarification, not because of any fear of death. I think I didn't get that point through tho... Well, back to the editing board.

loaded_march February 21 2012, 22:01:53 UTC

Oh, in that case, yes, a trainer would be... well. Hm.

How about this:

"Just so we're clear here, he's not going to accidentally slip and kill me?"

Despite his calm question, the young trainer was almost bouncing across the room with excitement. Getting a chance to test his skills against Crystal's best friend was probably the highlight of his entire life, even if it came at the possibility that the match might also involve his untimely death.

Crystal smirked in amusement. As preposterous as the idea was that her friend would "slip" and kill someone, she couldn't help herself. She turned to the trainer with every intention of winding him up a bit more.

"Nah. If he kills you, it'll be totally on purpose."

Thread 5