Writing: Dialogue (addendum)
In the last 48 hours, I have:
- Shaken off the remnants of a head cold that hit on the heels of an allergic reaction
- Had a meltdown and threatened to push the DELETE key over everything that I'd managed to write for the BB thus far (but one beta and a cheerleader who doesn't realize she's been co-opted as a cheerleader talked me off the ledge)
- Gotten greatly antagonized with the realization that the last two weeks at work have pretty much eaten my brain, because there have been nothing but interruptions and dead bodies to clean up as a result
- Realized that I'm a bit of a dolt on many levels, the least of which is not that I completely forgot to mention dialogue tags in the about-writing-dialogue post.
So I will do that now.
Dialogue tags are the he-saids, she-saids it-saids and the they-saids in any piece of fiction. But how to use them properly?
When I first started to write, I didn't know that there were Rules about dialogue tags. I used "said" because it seemed logical to use it. Then someone told me there were Rules and proceeded to teach them to me. Those Rules included:
- There are much better words to use as dialogue tags than "said". A thesaurus gives you plenty of alternatives. You can use "exclaimed"; you can use "retorted", and you can use "muttered". The dialogue tag for "said" is the absolute last resort -- especially when your thesaurus runs dry.
- As a corollary to the above, the same thing goes for "asked". The thesaurus gives you the same sort of alternatives. How about "inquired"? What about "interrogated"? How about "postulated"? Again, "asked" is the absolute last resort -- especially when your thesaurus runs dry.
- If you must use "said" and "asked", then you should always pair it up with something descriptive. For example, "he said, slovenly," or perhaps, "she asked beguilingly". It not only conveys the tone that the dialogue didn't get across, but, bonus, you could also pair them up with an action so that we don't just have a bunch of talking heads bobbing across the page. For example, "he said, slovenly, while shoving cupcakes down his throat", or perhaps, "she asked beguilingly, as she slurped her fruity tropical drink."
At the time, I thought, "Oh, I didn't know there were Rules." They sounded funny to me but everyone I talked to at the time confirmed that they were hard and fast Rules. So I followed the Rules and promptly wrote story after story of utter and complete crap and received rejection after rejection for the short stories I submitted (I could write "short", once upon a time; that talent now completely eludes me, but I digress).
Then, eventually, I uncovered the most important Rule of all. As soon as I followed this one particular Rule, I stopped getting form rejections in the mail and started to get personalized and complimentary rejections from editors and publishers. I even got a couple of stories published. (No, I will not tell you where. This was a long time ago. But there is proof in the ether that I could write short stories, once.)
What is this mysterious, elusive Rule that no one talks about?
It's the same Rule I harp about all the damn time when it comes to writing.
There are no Rules.
There are no Rules.
There are no Rules.
Yes, I repeated it three times. I would've kept going, à la Bart Simpson on the blackboard, writing the phrase over and over, but I have more things to say and reading the same thing gets boring. All those people telling you that you're doing it wrong? Tell them to shove it where the sun doesn't shine (politely), because the most important thing is that as long as it feels right to you, then there's no way you're doing it wrong.
There are, however, some tricks to using dialogue tags.
The first and most important trick is that you shouldn't be afraid of using "said" or "asked". In fact, use it as much as you want. The truth of the matter is that these two words, and other similar words (like "the", "and", and "Mr Snuffleupagus") are considered to be generic. We see them and use them so much in regular life that they become invisible to the reader. You can use them as much as you want, after a while your reader won't notice them. Or you can leave them out entirely, as long as you make it clear it's a ping-pong dialogue with two people talking, one after the other, and you occasionally indicate who's saying what, so that the reader can keep track. Whatever works for you.
"I'm kind of hungry," Merlin said.
"Is that the kind of hungry where if the pizza hasn't arrived in the next twenty minutes, you'll start gnawing at the plates?" Arthur asked.
"More like it's the kind of hungry where in twenty minutes, I'll turn into a zombie and start yammering about bra-aiiiins."
"I should be calling for delivery now, then?"
"Oh, yeah, definitely. The brain you save might be your own," Merlin said.
There's absolutely no reason why you shouldn't use other dialogue tags besides "said" and "asked". If you do, moderate their use. Treat them as if they are precious, precious... well, preciouses, so rare that you can only use some of them once for every 10,000 words you write, and some of them can only ever be used once in your entire lifetime. I'm serious. They're words that will stick out to the reader -- and the reality is, you don't want them wondering how often they'll see words like "postulating" and "responding" and "exclaiming" throughout the book. Those are 10 dollar (or Euro, or Lire) words that will get the reader unnecessarily excited, and after too much excitement, they get fatigued.
Unless you have a snippet like this one:
"So," Leon postulated, in the way that postulating people postulate, "What... is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
Arthur stared at Leon for a very long time before pompously responding, "What do you mean? An African or European swallow?"
"That's it," Merlin exclaimed. "I'm not drunk enough for this. I'm taking Monty Python back to the rental store. Right now."
Another trick is, well, you can always use a different dialogue tag entirely! It just can't be an obnoxious one. If you can't get across a particular effect of dialogue through description, then by all means, use a different dialogue tag, but keep it simple. If you want to show someone yelling, then use "he yelled" as a dialogue tag. Or just use an exclamation point instead and dispense with the dialogue tag entirely (because it makes no sense to use both). In the example below, I'm using all three -- scene and action description, simple dialogue tags, question marks and exclamation points:
"Hey. Perce?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think that we should get Merlin that feather boa that Morgana threatened him with back in Paris? For his birthday, I mean," Gwaine whispered.
Perceval's face twisted and Gwaine knew exactly what Perceval was thinking right now -- how he could obtain pictures of Merlin wearing a feather boa for future wank material or, even better, to use it as embarrassment material for the wedding. Because Gwaine was sure that there was a wedding in Arthur and Merlin's futures. "That's brilliant. What colour, though?"
"I don't know. That's the problem."
Perceval sat up straight and peered over the rows of seats ahead of them. "Merlin! Pink or blue?"
"Blue!" Merlin's head popped up from the front of the bus. "Wait. What?"
"Never mind! Settled a bet!" Perceval waited until Merlin settled back down in his seat before leaning into Gwaine. He lowered his voice. "Pink. Definitely pink."
Gwaine grinned. "I'm madly in love with your devious mind."
Perceval blushed.
Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with adding descriptives (Ok, they're officially called adjectives, but I like "descriptives" better) to the to a dialogue tag. I do it a lot. There's nothing wrong with it. By descriptives, I mean adding an explanation to the dialogue tag. Someone could be saying something, but their voice is raising at the same time. Or someone's voice is going hoarse. But honestly. Really. How much explanation do you really need?
I know I use descriptives (hopefully not too often) and that I could polish things better, but essentially, you want to ask a yourself, does the dialogue match the dialogue tag? If it doesn't, why are you using this particular dialogue tag? If the explanation is necessary because the dialogue doesn't match the effect you're going for, then why not just change the dialogue?
For example:
"I don't care if we're undercover, I don't care how much it cost, and I really don't care if you think it flatters my figure. I am not wearing a dress to the party," Merlin warned, flailing his arms wildly.
This would be better with:
"I don't care if we're undercover, I don't care how much it cost, and I really don't care if you think it flatters my figure. I am not wearing a dress to the party," Merlin snarled, poking a finger in Arthur's chest.
Mostly it's better because I'm going for a furious Merlin. Or, how about this one:
"I don't care if we're undercover, I don't care how much it cost, and I really don't care if you think it flatters my figure. I am not wearing a dress to the party." Merlin glared, his hands on his hips.
This time I did away with the dialogue tag entirely and just described his indignation through his physical actions.
Or, how about this one:
"I don't care if we're undercover, I don't care how much it cost, and I really don't care if you think it flatters my figure. I am not wearing a dress to the party!" Merlin compounded each word with an increase in pitch, and was rewarded by Arthur wincing and pressing a hand against his ear.
I'm going for the drama queen act here, with Merlin shrieking at the mere thought of wearing a dress, which of course would mean that Arthur has a perfect comeback: "Jesus, Merlin. As if I needed more evidence that you're a girl. Put the damn thing on."
Hold on. I have another example in my Bag of Holding:
"I'm going to take revenge on you in a very, very bad way," Merlin warned, hands on his hips. He stared at the lovely sequined gown that Arthur held up for him, and decided to time travel into the past to tell himself not to become a secret agent.
There's so many ways that you can go about it -- it all depends on the effect you're going for. In this example, I changed the dialogue, I kept the dialogue tag and descriptive, and added a bit more description to explain why Merlin's unhappy.
Another trick with dialogue tags -- whether or not you use them, however that you use them -- is using them to set rhythm in a conversation. You've probably noticed that some writers put the tag smack dab in the middle of the dialogue. It makes the reader follow the flow. Maybe for emphasis, maybe to keep the dialogue in line with an action, maybe for a pause. The trick of it is making sure you put it in the right spot. It's usually where you'd stop for breath, or naturally trail off in a conversation, or whatever sounds right to you.
Attempt #1:
"If your mechadragon," Arthur said, "Doesn't stop chewing on the furniture and leave oil stains everywhere, we're keeping him outside until you have him properly housetrained."
Doesn't sound right to me at all. The pause is in the wrong place.
Attempt #2:
"If your mechadragon, doesn't stop chewing on the furniture and leave oil stains everywhere," Arthur said, "We're keeping him outside until you have him properly housetrained."
Better! Now the pause is right after the conditions, and right before the threat. But it could do with a better dialogue tag.
Attempt #3:
"If your mechadragon, doesn't stop chewing on the furniture and leave oil stains everywhere," Arthur warned, "We're keeping him outside until you have him properly housetrained."
Better dialogue tag, but I'm not sure I want Arthur to give conditions or threaten. He knows Merlin loves his mechadragon. So I would rewrite it entirely so that it sounds like resignation.
Attempt #4:
"Merlin? Have you seen this TPS report?" Arthur held up a shredded LaserJet printout of the latest quarter numbers that appeared to also have been used as toilet paper. "I don't suppose you're getting anywhere with the housetraining module on your mechadragon?"
Actually, now that I think about it, maybe Arthur would threaten a little bit.
Attempt #5:
"Merlin? Have you seen this TPS report?" Arthur held up a shredded LaserJet printout of the latest quarter numbers that appeared to also have been used as toilet paper. "If you don't hurry up and housetrain him, I'm chaining your damned mechadragon outside."
Not that he really would. He's not that mean.
I could keep going with the examples, but I just killed 2,000 words on this post and could easily write 2,000 more, because writing dialogue is fun and hilarious and I suddenly want to write a fic that is centred around the zombie brains conversation (I don't need more plot bunnies, damn it!). So now, it's your turn. Write some dialogue for me. If you're not sure about it, say so, and I'll see if I can poke at it a bit. Hell, if you have ideas on how to fix a bit of dialogue either here in my post or from someone's example, pitch in too!
Just remember: do what sounds right to you, what works for you, and most importantly, remember the most important Rule: There are no rules.