So I have been having a really shitty day today. I finally let it sink in how screwed I am. Two years ago I had almost perfect credit and an ok job. Yesterday I realized my credit score has dropped to the 500s and my job doesn't pay the bills. I was trying to drift to sleep a few moments ago and suddenly daydreamed I'd shot myself in the stomach. ( Read more... )

I've been silent for quite some time. I'm not sure how best to begin. It's almost like I developed some form of PTSD. Being anything but angry and irritated hurts and is hard to settle into ( Read more... )

I had a work discussion with my soon to be new boss (probably, hopefully). I answered smartly, knew what I was talking about, and was plesantly surprised by his answers. He will be a good boss, it will be a real collaborative effort ( Read more... )

I wish you knew. I wish I could tell you. All day Friday I let you run through my head, and I am exhausted. I thought about stopping for a second, to ponder on reality for a moment, how you are married after all, and a sad little thought cried out. It complained about how awful it was to go around not 100% convinced that my daydreams were possible ( Read more... )

Monday our numbers guy suggested I really didnt like you all that much, jugding from the way I acted at the party. I played it cool, of course, explaining how I played it cool. Because, you know, I had to get in line to hug on you anyway ( Read more... )

After all that, and weeks later, I think I will be okay. That deep longing has resided, the longing for the longing has resided. I can laugh again. But there are still dreams that dredge themselves up every now and again ( Read more... )

Oh franz ferdinand, your tonight album was so good, please make another soon. And dear, if I wasnt afraid of the internet, id have simply posted a entry with only your name, with a few extra letters.

I think Im going crazy.

There were times I thought I would like to not go home today. Not in the mean and vengeful way that I did it before, but in a desperate and self-loathing way ( Read more... )

oh st jude. I have no idea what I want but I need you to help me find it. I thank you for those texts last night. I really needed them. I need more, you know. I need it to become clear. I feel so foggy ( Read more... )

I've become one of those women. One that reads romance novels ( Read more... )