If you only knew the half of it.
There were times I thought I would like to not go home today. Not in the mean and vengeful way that I did it before, but in a desperate and self-loathing way.
The Freudian plea of the run away.
I am not sure where I would have gone to instead. What I would have occupied myself with as an alternative. What I so desire to leave behind me. I feel like i need to be alone to work this out. This emptiness in my chest where I should feel something. I am not sure what I need to do to fix this. I only look back at the past year and see one bad decision after the next.
I don't know how to stop this.
In other news, captain karma himself - my angel - and his wife invited us out to their house. It was lovely. We ended up on the couch, a tight fit with three across on the loveseat. He jumped into the small space that existed between his other friend and I and where his elbow touched my leg it was warm all the way home.
It was a half hour drive.
The Freudian plea of the run away.
I am not sure where I would have gone to instead. What I would have occupied myself with as an alternative. What I so desire to leave behind me. I feel like i need to be alone to work this out. This emptiness in my chest where I should feel something. I am not sure what I need to do to fix this. I only look back at the past year and see one bad decision after the next.
I don't know how to stop this.
In other news, captain karma himself - my angel - and his wife invited us out to their house. It was lovely. We ended up on the couch, a tight fit with three across on the loveseat. He jumped into the small space that existed between his other friend and I and where his elbow touched my leg it was warm all the way home.
It was a half hour drive.