Series: His Sakura (Chapter 14)
Title: His Sakura
Pairing: Sakumoto (other pairings may be appearing later)
Setting: Early Edo period. Historically incorrect and purely fiction.
Rating: PG-13
Beta-ed by the lovely
ivenclaire ♥ ♥ ♥
Summary: When Jun ended up in a castle.
Chapter 1 >> Chapter 2 >> Chapter 3 >> Chapter 4 >> Chapter 5 >> Chapter 6 >> Chapter 7 >> Chapter 8 >> Chapter 9 >> Chapter 10 > Chapter 11 >> Chapter 12 >> Chapter 13 >> Chapter 14 >> Chapter 15
Jun stared blankly at the space in front of him. His dinner had grown cold on him, having not even once touched it. His nerves didn’t allow him to have a single bite. He grimaced when Shunsuke brandished a big piece of tofu in front of his face with his chopsticks, urging him to open his mouth and accept the food.
“Matsumoto-sama, please eat. Sakurai-sama will come any minute now and we must get your stomach full…”
Shunsuke was looking worriedly at him. Hiroki, who was preparing two futons which he placed side by side, stopped his actions and stared at Jun when he heard his friend trying to coax Jun into eating but failing. He also had a certain look on him that seemed to be begging Jun to just get it over with. Jun watched him go back to fluffing the futons before his eyes trained back on Shunsuke in front of him, and his heart felt a little twinge of guilt.
He sighed slowly, his breath escaping in between his teeth. He closed his eyes for a moment before he dropping his gaze to his lap, watching the manicured nail of his index finger trying to dig a hole on the soft cotton of his yukata. Actually, Jun didn’t want to trouble his servants. Even if they have only been around for a short while, Jun was really comfortable being with them. And they were just doing their job by preparing him for the lord. They were simply under the obligation to stay true to the lord who is employing them.
“It’s going to be alright, Matsumoto-sama… You don’t have to look so afraid…” Shunsuke’s tone was soothing, but the slight crease on his forehead showed that he was puzzled by Jun’s behaviour.
Jun stared at Shunsuke with a slight frown. He was itching to tell him a long list of reasons why he was not looking forward to spending the night with the daimyo. But of course, his lips stayed sealed.
Jun didn’t blame them for being bewildered and not knowing why he was in turmoil right now, especially when Jun has never spoken out loud about his troubles with those two.
Ah, I wish Satoshi-kun is here instead so that I don’t have to express anything out loud. Satoshi-kun understands me completely….
He mulled over the very fact that his best friend wasn’t here to share his troubles. Satoshi-kun would hug him silently and his hug was the best in the world, besides his mother’s hug of course.
Jun sighed again, heavily this time. He regretted his decision to accept the proposal. At first, he thought he could do it. He thought that his reason for accepting was strong enough to make him wade through whatever it was that he should be facing, but when the actual time came, his brave little heart dwindled away, leaving only a fearful heart in its place.
What should he do now? What should he do?
Unfortunately, he didn’t know what exactly he should do. Neither does he know whether he would be able to do anything about it.
At the same time, his servant hasn’t given up on his mission of making sure that Jun empties his plate, even if he couldn’t understand his master. Shunsuke opted to bring a full plate of steamed, boneless fish in front of Jun, his hand readily holding the spoon just in front of Jun’s lips, wiggling his eyebrows and opening his mouth to try and coax Jun into doing the same. Reluctantly, Jun had to open his mouth to receive a spoonful of fish mixed with rice. Jun nearly chocked but he ended up swallowing a few mouthfuls.
After a few more forceful bites, Jun shook his head, not wanting to swallow any more food. Shunsuke relented, not wanting to force Jun anymore. He swiftly cleaned up all the plates and with a nod to Hiroki, he went outside without showing his face anymore.
After Hiroki finished preparing all the necessary things aside from the futons, he followed Shunsuke’s steps outside. He placed two sets of spare yukatas a few feet away from the futons. He lighted scented candles at every corner of the room so the room smelled of sakura. There was a small bottle with two sets of small towels placed at the head of the futon on the right.
Everything was prepared… The only thing was, he wasn’t.
He stared at the double futons. He must have been concentrating so much on the futons that his overactive mind began imagining the things that might happen on top of those very things subconsciously.
And just like that, images of him completely naked and being pinned underneath an equally naked Sakurai played in front of his eyes.
The light from the candles was dancing upon their skin, creating shadows of their bodies that moved in the same rhythm as their movements.
It looked like a romantic scene from afar; until Jun saw how the clothes were strewn everywhere. And at one corner, he could see his own clothes that were ripped apart…
…. And a pathetic whine broke into the air…
Help!
A déjà vu hit his being in full force.
Cold shivers ran down Jun’s spine. He could see clearly how the body underneath Sakurai struggled to let himself free. But he didn’t do anything to help. He couldn’t. He was too shocked to even move.
Stop it!
He heard a distant whisper. It wasn’t so distant when he realized that it came from his own mouth.
Shut up!
He heard Sakurai hush him up, or rather someone that resembled him who was being pinned on that futon. A wave of déjà vu hit him again.
Please… Stop it!
Even from where he was seated, the sound of his imaginary self begging Sakurai not to hurt him filtered through his ears clearly before it was shut by Sakurai’s mouth.
Stop it…
He begged again, but it must have been only in his head because Sakurai didn’t seem to take any note of Jun’s distress. The kissing sounds obnoxiously entered Jun’s ear drums before Sakurai lifted one of Jun’s leg…
And he could hear himself screaming…
For real.
He covered his mouth with both of his hands. He was wheezing, trying to catch his breath. He found himself trembling, shaken to the core.
He hid his face in his hands, too afraid to see himself being broken down by Sakurai.
Go away… Go away please…
He chanted silently.
Then, there was silence, a long stretch of silence that made Jun take a peek in between his fingers. He saw nothing in front of him except the empty and innocent futons staring back at him.
They had vanished. He blinked a few times before he realized that everything that he saw just now was the product of his own imagination.
The back of his eyes prickled before a few silent tears made their way out and fell on his fear-stricken face. He couldn’t take it anymore. It seemed so real and he was afraid, so afraid that the same thing could happen with Sakurai’s impending arrival.
He spent a few seconds more staring unseeingly onto the empty futons, his teeth chattering in fear. His brain was in overdrive. He got up and ran to his door to find no one outside.
He made his mind up. He would run tonight. Anywhere, he didn’t care. As long it was far away from his room, from this place that would further hurt his fragile heart.
He ran to the empty corridor to find the back door. He slipped his sock-cladded feet into his slippers and after stumbling a few times due to his yukata, he loosened it up. After a few moments, he reached the back door of his former quarters in heavy pants.
He blinked. In his panic, his feet unconsciously brought him to his former room, the one that he shared with Satoshi. Luckily, the room was at the back of the quarters and no one appeared to be lingering in the vicinity that night.
With loud thumps of his heart and heavy breathing, he slowly opened the back door that lead to the room. Satoshi didn’t seem to be back yet so he slipped inside the dark room quietly. He heaved a heavy sigh as he sat at the corner of the room beside the door, his back resting against the wall and both of his knees drawn to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. He eyed the shouji door frequently for any sign of anyone who might be looking for him. Fortunately, nobody seemed to be around. He prayed that nobody would find him there. He continued sitting in the utter darkness, hiding, waiting for the owner of the room to come back.
He had probably fallen asleep on his butt, but he was jerked awake by the sound of the door opening carefully. Jun shrunk further into the corner, nervously waiting for the person who was opening the door to come inside. He was prepared to knock down whoever that person was if he came to drag him back to his house.
Jun was so relieved when he found the outline of Satoshi’s head cautiously poking in instead.
“Is anyone in here?” Jun heard Satoshi’s voice asking guardedly in the darkness. The moon shed some light on the door way, illuminating it. And from what Jun could see, he gathered that no one else was there aside from his friend.
“Satoshi-kun…” Jun called back in a hush voice. Satoshi’s head turned sharply towards his voice, his eyes squinting to look for him in the dark. He crawled towards Jun after making out that Jun was hiding at the corner of his room. Jun extended his hand, blindly grabbing something that he thought was Satoshi’s arm.
“Jun-kun? What are you doing here? Are you hurt?” The string of questions flowed from Satoshi’s mouth, barraging Jun with obvious concern. For a split moment, Jun regretted his decision of running to his friend. He made Satoshi worry about him again. That was the very least of his wants. But he was already there, whether he was regretting it or not.
Satoshi reached for a lamp from another corner and lighted it. As soon as a small light flickered, illuminating the room with an orange glow, Jun was taken aback when he realized that someone else was behind Satoshi.
Jun yelped, thinking that an intruder or one of Sakurai’s men has already found out where he was. At first, Satoshi was confused with Jun’s reaction, so he turned to look behind him. After a few seconds, he turned back to Jun calmly, not looking surprised that there was someone tailing him.
“Don’t worry Jun-kun. He’s okay.”
The boy who was apparently much younger than them entered the room completely, bowing slightly at him. Jun, who still couldn’t bring himself to calm down after being shocked at seeing the boy, only managed a simple nod.
“He’s Yamada Ryosuke. He’s our new kitchen apprentice. He just came in a few days ago. There isn’t any empty room for him in the quarters yet so he’ll be sharing the room with me for a short while.” Satoshi explained to Jun calmly.
“Is that so?” Jun asked, slightly frowning. It was strange, but Jun felt a slight twinge of strange feelings invading his heart after knowing that Satoshi already had a replacement for him in such a short span of time. Jun found himself not ready to accept it so easily.
“I’m Ryosuke. Pleased to meet you.” Ryosuke bowed, introducing himself to Jun in a voice that matched his cute-looking features, a soft and polite smile gracing his lips.
Jun returned the greeting rather awkwardly. He said his name and he added that he was happy to be his acquaintance. However, deep inside, he was very uncomfortable. He was a little shocked after realizing that he felt like there was a certain sadness in his heart after knowing that Satoshi had found a new friend. He was slightly afraid that Satoshi no longer wants to be his friend.
So he found himself questioning his purpose of being there. He should stop bothering his friend who now has a new company.
But then, Satoshi was his only friend. Nobody should steal his best friend from him, especially not some random boy who came out from nowhere!
That was what he thought before he gasped silently. He came to realize the dangerous thought that was fleeting in his mind. He couldn’t believe his possessiveness. What’s wrong with Satoshi finding a new friend? Satoshi must be lonely being in that small room. And it’s just by chance that this Ryosuke boy is staying here for a while before moving to a better room. There’s nothing wrong with that, he consoled himself. There’s nothing to be jealous of even if that Ryosuke boy is cuter than him.
He stopped himself. He was jealous of the boy? He couldn’t believe that. Satoshi is a good friend to him and now he’s jealous of him making a new friend? What kind of friend is he when he himself left Satoshi alone? Satoshi has every right to have new friend, and that new friend can be more than a friend if Satoshi wills it to happen. Satoshi deserved that, and Jun shouldn’t bother him any longer when he was the one who left his friend behind in this tiny room.
“I’m sorry… I should leave…” Jun said weakly, trying to flee so he won’t trouble his friend.
“No!”
Satoshi’s firm refusal at Jun’s intention to leave surprised him a little. Satoshi cleared his throat, a little embarrassed that he sounded a little forceful.
“Stay here for a while, for a little chat, and then I can walk you home. We haven’t seen each other for days. And clearly, something is happening to you to make you come here….” he added. Jun found himself agreeing to Satoshi’s sensible proposition readily. He was actually glad that he didn’t need to leave yet, in fact, he wanted to stay as long as he could.
“Is he hurting you?” Satoshi scooted closer to Jun and asked in a whispered voice so that his question won’t be heard by Ryosuke who was already changing into his sleepwear and spreading Jun’s futon, or he should say, his used-to-be futon.
“Urm… no…” Jun whispered back. It was the truth though, he wasn’t hurt… yet. Satoshi looked slightly relieved but he was looking at Jun again in suspicion, aware that there must be something that made Jun come running to him in the middle of the night.
The enquiring look on his face made Jun add, “Well, I came here because… I miss you… You haven’t come to visit me at all!”
Satoshi looked down at the floor in embarrassment. His hand flew to his nape and scratched it absentmindedly.
“It was just… I think you probably don’t need me there since you’re now-” Jun found Satoshi’s free hand and squished it hard so that Satoshi wouldn’t continue his words. Jun darted his eyes at Ryosuke who was already under the quilt, his back facing them. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to reveal his circumstances to the newly-arrived Ryosuke yet. He might find out later, but not now.
Jun stared at his friend, channelling his inner thoughts nonverbally, that Satoshi got it wrong. He would always need his best friend, always.
Satoshi ducked his head, a certain blush tingeing his cheeks before he murmured, “Sorry”. Jun smiled and hummed at him that Satoshi was already forgiven. It made Jun’s heart soar seeing his friend’s smile back on his face again.
Satoshi turned his head to check his new companion who seemed to be already asleep. However, he still continued speaking in a low voice. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your ceremony… I couldn’t... Only a select few could participate and we were so busy in the kitchen and I couldn’t ask for permission to-“
Jun covered Satoshi’s mouth with his fingers to make him shut up. He smiled.
“It’s okay. It wasn’t a big deal really… I don’t exactly know the purpose of it either… so you don’t have to feel guilty about it…”
“But-”
“It was nothing really…I’m fine and it has already passed …”
Silence engulfed them for a few moments. Jun hesitated before he found his voice, asking.
“Can I stay here for tonight?”
Satoshi’s face showed that he wanted to ask further but he held himself back, and Jun was thankful for that. He didn’t want to say to his friend that he was running away from spending the night with Sakurai.
Satoshi gave his assent with a soft smile that prompted Jun to a form a wide smile in return.
“Thank you,” he whispered towards his friend before Satoshi fetched the futon. His friend apologized that they needed to share it, but Jun said it was alright. He had to remind Satoshi that they had already shared it once. Of course, with three people occupying the room, it felt so cramped. Jun had to squeeze his body tightly onto Ohno. He felt the familiar warmth, and as they drifted off to sleep, he wondered whether he could find similar warmth with Sakurai.
Pairing: Sakumoto (other pairings may be appearing later)
Setting: Early Edo period. Historically incorrect and purely fiction.
Rating: PG-13
Beta-ed by the lovely
ivenclaire ♥ ♥ ♥
Summary: When Jun ended up in a castle.
Chapter 1 >> Chapter 2 >> Chapter 3 >> Chapter 4 >> Chapter 5 >> Chapter 6 >> Chapter 7 >> Chapter 8 >> Chapter 9 >> Chapter 10 > Chapter 11 >> Chapter 12 >> Chapter 13 >> Chapter 14 >> Chapter 15
Jun stared blankly at the space in front of him. His dinner had grown cold on him, having not even once touched it. His nerves didn’t allow him to have a single bite. He grimaced when Shunsuke brandished a big piece of tofu in front of his face with his chopsticks, urging him to open his mouth and accept the food.
“Matsumoto-sama, please eat. Sakurai-sama will come any minute now and we must get your stomach full…”
Shunsuke was looking worriedly at him. Hiroki, who was preparing two futons which he placed side by side, stopped his actions and stared at Jun when he heard his friend trying to coax Jun into eating but failing. He also had a certain look on him that seemed to be begging Jun to just get it over with. Jun watched him go back to fluffing the futons before his eyes trained back on Shunsuke in front of him, and his heart felt a little twinge of guilt.
He sighed slowly, his breath escaping in between his teeth. He closed his eyes for a moment before he dropping his gaze to his lap, watching the manicured nail of his index finger trying to dig a hole on the soft cotton of his yukata. Actually, Jun didn’t want to trouble his servants. Even if they have only been around for a short while, Jun was really comfortable being with them. And they were just doing their job by preparing him for the lord. They were simply under the obligation to stay true to the lord who is employing them.
“It’s going to be alright, Matsumoto-sama… You don’t have to look so afraid…” Shunsuke’s tone was soothing, but the slight crease on his forehead showed that he was puzzled by Jun’s behaviour.
Jun stared at Shunsuke with a slight frown. He was itching to tell him a long list of reasons why he was not looking forward to spending the night with the daimyo. But of course, his lips stayed sealed.
Jun didn’t blame them for being bewildered and not knowing why he was in turmoil right now, especially when Jun has never spoken out loud about his troubles with those two.
Ah, I wish Satoshi-kun is here instead so that I don’t have to express anything out loud. Satoshi-kun understands me completely….
He mulled over the very fact that his best friend wasn’t here to share his troubles. Satoshi-kun would hug him silently and his hug was the best in the world, besides his mother’s hug of course.
Jun sighed again, heavily this time. He regretted his decision to accept the proposal. At first, he thought he could do it. He thought that his reason for accepting was strong enough to make him wade through whatever it was that he should be facing, but when the actual time came, his brave little heart dwindled away, leaving only a fearful heart in its place.
What should he do now? What should he do?
Unfortunately, he didn’t know what exactly he should do. Neither does he know whether he would be able to do anything about it.
At the same time, his servant hasn’t given up on his mission of making sure that Jun empties his plate, even if he couldn’t understand his master. Shunsuke opted to bring a full plate of steamed, boneless fish in front of Jun, his hand readily holding the spoon just in front of Jun’s lips, wiggling his eyebrows and opening his mouth to try and coax Jun into doing the same. Reluctantly, Jun had to open his mouth to receive a spoonful of fish mixed with rice. Jun nearly chocked but he ended up swallowing a few mouthfuls.
After a few more forceful bites, Jun shook his head, not wanting to swallow any more food. Shunsuke relented, not wanting to force Jun anymore. He swiftly cleaned up all the plates and with a nod to Hiroki, he went outside without showing his face anymore.
After Hiroki finished preparing all the necessary things aside from the futons, he followed Shunsuke’s steps outside. He placed two sets of spare yukatas a few feet away from the futons. He lighted scented candles at every corner of the room so the room smelled of sakura. There was a small bottle with two sets of small towels placed at the head of the futon on the right.
Everything was prepared… The only thing was, he wasn’t.
He stared at the double futons. He must have been concentrating so much on the futons that his overactive mind began imagining the things that might happen on top of those very things subconsciously.
And just like that, images of him completely naked and being pinned underneath an equally naked Sakurai played in front of his eyes.
The light from the candles was dancing upon their skin, creating shadows of their bodies that moved in the same rhythm as their movements.
It looked like a romantic scene from afar; until Jun saw how the clothes were strewn everywhere. And at one corner, he could see his own clothes that were ripped apart…
…. And a pathetic whine broke into the air…
Help!
A déjà vu hit his being in full force.
Cold shivers ran down Jun’s spine. He could see clearly how the body underneath Sakurai struggled to let himself free. But he didn’t do anything to help. He couldn’t. He was too shocked to even move.
Stop it!
He heard a distant whisper. It wasn’t so distant when he realized that it came from his own mouth.
Shut up!
He heard Sakurai hush him up, or rather someone that resembled him who was being pinned on that futon. A wave of déjà vu hit him again.
Please… Stop it!
Even from where he was seated, the sound of his imaginary self begging Sakurai not to hurt him filtered through his ears clearly before it was shut by Sakurai’s mouth.
Stop it…
He begged again, but it must have been only in his head because Sakurai didn’t seem to take any note of Jun’s distress. The kissing sounds obnoxiously entered Jun’s ear drums before Sakurai lifted one of Jun’s leg…
And he could hear himself screaming…
For real.
He covered his mouth with both of his hands. He was wheezing, trying to catch his breath. He found himself trembling, shaken to the core.
He hid his face in his hands, too afraid to see himself being broken down by Sakurai.
Go away… Go away please…
He chanted silently.
Then, there was silence, a long stretch of silence that made Jun take a peek in between his fingers. He saw nothing in front of him except the empty and innocent futons staring back at him.
They had vanished. He blinked a few times before he realized that everything that he saw just now was the product of his own imagination.
The back of his eyes prickled before a few silent tears made their way out and fell on his fear-stricken face. He couldn’t take it anymore. It seemed so real and he was afraid, so afraid that the same thing could happen with Sakurai’s impending arrival.
He spent a few seconds more staring unseeingly onto the empty futons, his teeth chattering in fear. His brain was in overdrive. He got up and ran to his door to find no one outside.
He made his mind up. He would run tonight. Anywhere, he didn’t care. As long it was far away from his room, from this place that would further hurt his fragile heart.
He ran to the empty corridor to find the back door. He slipped his sock-cladded feet into his slippers and after stumbling a few times due to his yukata, he loosened it up. After a few moments, he reached the back door of his former quarters in heavy pants.
He blinked. In his panic, his feet unconsciously brought him to his former room, the one that he shared with Satoshi. Luckily, the room was at the back of the quarters and no one appeared to be lingering in the vicinity that night.
With loud thumps of his heart and heavy breathing, he slowly opened the back door that lead to the room. Satoshi didn’t seem to be back yet so he slipped inside the dark room quietly. He heaved a heavy sigh as he sat at the corner of the room beside the door, his back resting against the wall and both of his knees drawn to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them. He eyed the shouji door frequently for any sign of anyone who might be looking for him. Fortunately, nobody seemed to be around. He prayed that nobody would find him there. He continued sitting in the utter darkness, hiding, waiting for the owner of the room to come back.
He had probably fallen asleep on his butt, but he was jerked awake by the sound of the door opening carefully. Jun shrunk further into the corner, nervously waiting for the person who was opening the door to come inside. He was prepared to knock down whoever that person was if he came to drag him back to his house.
Jun was so relieved when he found the outline of Satoshi’s head cautiously poking in instead.
“Is anyone in here?” Jun heard Satoshi’s voice asking guardedly in the darkness. The moon shed some light on the door way, illuminating it. And from what Jun could see, he gathered that no one else was there aside from his friend.
“Satoshi-kun…” Jun called back in a hush voice. Satoshi’s head turned sharply towards his voice, his eyes squinting to look for him in the dark. He crawled towards Jun after making out that Jun was hiding at the corner of his room. Jun extended his hand, blindly grabbing something that he thought was Satoshi’s arm.
“Jun-kun? What are you doing here? Are you hurt?” The string of questions flowed from Satoshi’s mouth, barraging Jun with obvious concern. For a split moment, Jun regretted his decision of running to his friend. He made Satoshi worry about him again. That was the very least of his wants. But he was already there, whether he was regretting it or not.
Satoshi reached for a lamp from another corner and lighted it. As soon as a small light flickered, illuminating the room with an orange glow, Jun was taken aback when he realized that someone else was behind Satoshi.
Jun yelped, thinking that an intruder or one of Sakurai’s men has already found out where he was. At first, Satoshi was confused with Jun’s reaction, so he turned to look behind him. After a few seconds, he turned back to Jun calmly, not looking surprised that there was someone tailing him.
“Don’t worry Jun-kun. He’s okay.”
The boy who was apparently much younger than them entered the room completely, bowing slightly at him. Jun, who still couldn’t bring himself to calm down after being shocked at seeing the boy, only managed a simple nod.
“He’s Yamada Ryosuke. He’s our new kitchen apprentice. He just came in a few days ago. There isn’t any empty room for him in the quarters yet so he’ll be sharing the room with me for a short while.” Satoshi explained to Jun calmly.
“Is that so?” Jun asked, slightly frowning. It was strange, but Jun felt a slight twinge of strange feelings invading his heart after knowing that Satoshi already had a replacement for him in such a short span of time. Jun found himself not ready to accept it so easily.
“I’m Ryosuke. Pleased to meet you.” Ryosuke bowed, introducing himself to Jun in a voice that matched his cute-looking features, a soft and polite smile gracing his lips.
Jun returned the greeting rather awkwardly. He said his name and he added that he was happy to be his acquaintance. However, deep inside, he was very uncomfortable. He was a little shocked after realizing that he felt like there was a certain sadness in his heart after knowing that Satoshi had found a new friend. He was slightly afraid that Satoshi no longer wants to be his friend.
So he found himself questioning his purpose of being there. He should stop bothering his friend who now has a new company.
But then, Satoshi was his only friend. Nobody should steal his best friend from him, especially not some random boy who came out from nowhere!
That was what he thought before he gasped silently. He came to realize the dangerous thought that was fleeting in his mind. He couldn’t believe his possessiveness. What’s wrong with Satoshi finding a new friend? Satoshi must be lonely being in that small room. And it’s just by chance that this Ryosuke boy is staying here for a while before moving to a better room. There’s nothing wrong with that, he consoled himself. There’s nothing to be jealous of even if that Ryosuke boy is cuter than him.
He stopped himself. He was jealous of the boy? He couldn’t believe that. Satoshi is a good friend to him and now he’s jealous of him making a new friend? What kind of friend is he when he himself left Satoshi alone? Satoshi has every right to have new friend, and that new friend can be more than a friend if Satoshi wills it to happen. Satoshi deserved that, and Jun shouldn’t bother him any longer when he was the one who left his friend behind in this tiny room.
“I’m sorry… I should leave…” Jun said weakly, trying to flee so he won’t trouble his friend.
“No!”
Satoshi’s firm refusal at Jun’s intention to leave surprised him a little. Satoshi cleared his throat, a little embarrassed that he sounded a little forceful.
“Stay here for a while, for a little chat, and then I can walk you home. We haven’t seen each other for days. And clearly, something is happening to you to make you come here….” he added. Jun found himself agreeing to Satoshi’s sensible proposition readily. He was actually glad that he didn’t need to leave yet, in fact, he wanted to stay as long as he could.
“Is he hurting you?” Satoshi scooted closer to Jun and asked in a whispered voice so that his question won’t be heard by Ryosuke who was already changing into his sleepwear and spreading Jun’s futon, or he should say, his used-to-be futon.
“Urm… no…” Jun whispered back. It was the truth though, he wasn’t hurt… yet. Satoshi looked slightly relieved but he was looking at Jun again in suspicion, aware that there must be something that made Jun come running to him in the middle of the night.
The enquiring look on his face made Jun add, “Well, I came here because… I miss you… You haven’t come to visit me at all!”
Satoshi looked down at the floor in embarrassment. His hand flew to his nape and scratched it absentmindedly.
“It was just… I think you probably don’t need me there since you’re now-” Jun found Satoshi’s free hand and squished it hard so that Satoshi wouldn’t continue his words. Jun darted his eyes at Ryosuke who was already under the quilt, his back facing them. He wasn’t sure whether he wanted to reveal his circumstances to the newly-arrived Ryosuke yet. He might find out later, but not now.
Jun stared at his friend, channelling his inner thoughts nonverbally, that Satoshi got it wrong. He would always need his best friend, always.
Satoshi ducked his head, a certain blush tingeing his cheeks before he murmured, “Sorry”. Jun smiled and hummed at him that Satoshi was already forgiven. It made Jun’s heart soar seeing his friend’s smile back on his face again.
Satoshi turned his head to check his new companion who seemed to be already asleep. However, he still continued speaking in a low voice. “I’m sorry I couldn’t come to your ceremony… I couldn’t... Only a select few could participate and we were so busy in the kitchen and I couldn’t ask for permission to-“
Jun covered Satoshi’s mouth with his fingers to make him shut up. He smiled.
“It’s okay. It wasn’t a big deal really… I don’t exactly know the purpose of it either… so you don’t have to feel guilty about it…”
“But-”
“It was nothing really…I’m fine and it has already passed …”
Silence engulfed them for a few moments. Jun hesitated before he found his voice, asking.
“Can I stay here for tonight?”
Satoshi’s face showed that he wanted to ask further but he held himself back, and Jun was thankful for that. He didn’t want to say to his friend that he was running away from spending the night with Sakurai.
Satoshi gave his assent with a soft smile that prompted Jun to a form a wide smile in return.
“Thank you,” he whispered towards his friend before Satoshi fetched the futon. His friend apologized that they needed to share it, but Jun said it was alright. He had to remind Satoshi that they had already shared it once. Of course, with three people occupying the room, it felt so cramped. Jun had to squeeze his body tightly onto Ohno. He felt the familiar warmth, and as they drifted off to sleep, he wondered whether he could find similar warmth with Sakurai.