Series: His Sakura (Chapter 9)
Title: His Sakura
Pairing: Sakumoto (other pairings may be appearing later)
Setting: Early Edo period. Historically incorrect and purely fiction.
Rating: PG-13
Beta-ed by the lovely
ivenclaire ♥ ♥ ♥
Summary: When Jun ended up in a castle.
Chapter 1 >> Chapter 2 >> Chapter 3 >> Chapter 4 >> Chapter 5 >> Chapter 6 >> Chapter 7 >> Chapter 8 >> Chapter 9 >> Chapter 10
A set of red kimono folded carefully in a box was pushed politely towards him. Jun stared at it, wondering why he was being presented with something that looked very expensive. It's simply suspicious. Furthermore, he believed that he has not done anything noteworthy to be presented with anything at all. This must have something to do with that person! He was supposed to receive a beheading, not a present. Is this a preamble to something more? Something he doesn't know yet?
Jun lifted his head to meet Yoshida-san's expectant eyes. He flitted his eyes from Yoshida-san to the person seated beside him, Matsuoka-sama, who was regarding him with keen eyes. Behind them, a few samurais sat quietly, cramping themselves in his tiny room. Satoshi was seen peeking from behind the door and it relieved Jun a little from the suffocation he felt. He felt comforted to see someone he was close with nearby.
Just a few minutes ago, he was abruptly woken up by Satoshi. He was still in a groggy state when Yoshida-san and Matsuoka-sama entered, making themselves comfortable sitting in his room. Jun carelessly brushed his messy hair with his fingers and rubbed his face a little to free himself from sleep. He found that his vision has narrowed somewhat. It seemed that his eyes have developed a bit of puffiness as he felt a slight tenderness around his eyes. He was slightly embarrassed since it was obvious that he was crying last night. Thankfully, they didn't make any remark on it.
Jun darted his eyes back to the kimono in the dark wooden box which was elegantly carved with sakura symbols on the surface. A small frown formed on his forehead.
"May I know the meaning of this?" Jun asked slowly, his voice a mixture of curiosity and bewilderment.
Yoshida, the one who had pushed the box towards him, smiled benevolently at him, his features softening with the curve of his smile.
Jun wasn't sure if he was supposed to be alarmed by it.
Yoshida has never smiled at him before, not even once.
"They must want something from me then." he reckoned.
"We came here in behalf of Sakurai-dono to present this to you." Yoshida-san said as he beamed at Jun.
Jun's eyes narrowed. A present from the daimyo? A sudden irritation shot throughout his body with just the mention of Sakurai's name.
"For what? I didn't let him fuck me yesterday so he doesn't need to thank me." Jun retorted curtly.
Jun heard the collective intake of breath by the people in front of him. "Mind your language!" Yoshida nearly leapt from his seat to reprimand Jun of his crudeness, but he was firmly held by Matsuoka by the elbow. Matsuoka cleared his throat and this time, Jun kept his vision down on the floor, suddenly feeling embarrassed for using a vulgar word. He was sure that that word was never used by the men in front of him, in fact, it might not even exist in their vocabulary. It was really inappropriate, especially in front of Matsuoka-sama whom Jun had high respect for. Jun blamed all those perverted servants from whom he had picked the word up, but he blamed himself more for not using his brain properly.
Matsuoka cleared his throat. Jun flinched slightly, expecting a berating from the man who had once saved him.
"Jun-kun, pardon us for intruding on your day today. But we're here on an errand for our daimyo. I hope that what I'm going to say will not surprise you too much. I really much hope that you'll be open-minded about it." Matsuoka said politely which made Jun feel even more ashamed.
"What is it, Matsuoka-sama?" Jun whispered nervously. He kept his gaze on the floor and his heart began beating furiously. He's not really sure whether he wanted to hear the answer to his own question.
Matsuoka cleared his throat once again. As much as Jun liked the man, he wasn't sure whether he's going to like what would come out of his mouth next. In fact, he felt like he wanted to cover his ears and take refuge under his quilt instead.
"Sakurai-sama would like you to become his consort."
Jun felt his heartbeat still. The simple sentence was like a bomb that stopped his world.
"Pardon... me? Jun whispered under his breath after he got his bearing back.
"As what I said, Sakurai-sama would like you to become his concubine. So what do you say?"
Jun stared hard at Matsuoka who looked so genuinely serious about it. This didn't seem to be a joke. It's not possible for someone as proper as Matsuoka-sama to be doing something like that. When he realized that, he was hit with a sudden shortness of breath that made him clutch his chest in slight pain. He took a few deep breaths in turn to steady himself. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Matsuoka nearly leap from his seat towards him in worry, but Jun raised his palm at him to indicate that he was going to be okay. He just needs time to recover.
Sakurai wanted him as his concubine.
"Why?" Jun didn't realize that the question had slipped loudly from his mouth.
"It seems he finds you a suitable candidate."
Matsuoka's words were not comforting at all. What does he mean by candidate? Does that mean I can refuse?
"I think there are better suited candidates he can find out there. I'm not even suitable to grace his path." No matter how lowly he thought the daimyo was, it is true though that their social statuses are worlds apart. The daimyo is on top of the social ladder. What about him? He has no place on earth at all.
"No, don't think so low of yourself, Jun-kun. As far as I know, he has taken a liking to you." Matsuoka's words were supposed to be reassuring, but unbeknownst to the high-class samurai, the opposite happened.
Jun snorted under his breath. Sakurai has taken a liking to him? Yeah, that's right. Sakurai likes him so much that he made him a suitable candidate for rape. Now, if he was to be his concubine, he will definitely have no say at all on the way Sakurai was to use his body. Because from the moment he agrees, he inadvertently surrenders his body to that man. What pathetic life would he lead after that?
"Jun-kun?"
Jun huffed. He straightened his body and daringly crossed his arms on his chest, his eyes looking away. He knew he was being difficult. If people with no status in the society like him were to be offered something like that, he was sure that they won't reject. They might even receive that offer with open arms. Being a concubine is like being married into the family, albeit, it's more like being an unofficial wife whose main purpose is to serve the master's sexual desires. The family name couldn't be passed down, and in certain events where separation is inevitable, the concubine might not have even a sniff on any part of the partner's wealth at all. However, it could be such a grandiose opportunity to raise someone's rank and to mix with the people in the highest tier of the social order. He was sure anyone would be willing, no, would do anything for this opportunity, but not him. If taking the daimyo's offer meant he'll become his plaything, he would rather live and die as a slave.
"And if I refuse?”
"Then you'll be going against the lord's will!" Yoshida exclaimed firmly which seemed to indicate that the offer was not meant to be rejected as opposed to what Jun thought earlier.
"Just accept it you ungrateful brat!" someone from Yoshida's back chimed in harshly but he was shushed immediately.
"I thought everyone should be given choices? Not me, it seems." Jun replied curtly.
Matsuoka looked at him pensively. He drew some breath in and exhaled it as he seemed to be disappointed with Jun's stubborn attitude. Jun felt a little bit bad for Matsuoka. He was just doing his job, but unfortunately, the thing that they are asking is such a difficult thing for him to accept.
"Jun-kun, I know that this proposal came out of the blue for you. But it is in my deepest hopes that you will agree to this. Our daimyo is a great man and he can be greater in the future. Don't you want to become a part of his life then? Don't you want to become someone who would be there for him, to comfort him, and to love him in return for the utmost care that he will provide you, which I believe that he will..."
"Why would he need me to love him? He already has a wife to do that for him." Jun mumbled bitterly. Of course he knew that Sakurai was already married. Only that with the rule of the shogun, Sakurai was unable to bring his wife here, to his own land. They said through the grapevine that the shogun was using all of the daimyos' wife and children as hostages, so that all the daimyos in the entire country would be loyal to him and to the central government of Edo. No one would dare to usurp him if the daimyos didn't want their family to be killed.
"It is true. But here is here. He needs someone like you here."
"Ah, he must be so deprived then." Jun muttered, not even trying to lower down his voice.
"Jun-kun!" Yoshida berated him, but once again, he was held down by Matsuoka who continued to reassure Jun.
"Jun-kun, I know this is hard for you, with the thing that happened to you in the past. I know that you hold a grudge against him. It can't be undone, as much as you and I want to try..." With this, Jun looked up to meet Matsuoka's eyes. He thought that the topic of his raping would never be brought up, but it was inevitable it seemed.
"Then you understand why it's hard for me to accept this?" Jun asked. Matsuoka sighed.
"I understand it completely. It's just that the reason that we're being insistent that you accept the proposal is not because of our fear that the lord will not take gracefully your rejection, but we're also thinking about you and your family..."
"My... family?" Sudden fear struck him. Why is his family being dragged into this too? If he refused, will they go on harming his family back in the village?
"What's my family got to do with this?"
"I know the reason why you were brought here all those years ago. Although I wasn't here during that time, the records said that they made you work here to pay the debt your late father had put on himself."
Jun became more attentive all of a sudden. He couldn't wait to hear what more Matsuoka was going to say.
"If you become the lord's consort, all the debt will be erased from you and your family. You will no longer be a servant, and your family will get its pride back. In fact, your family will receive certain dowries in the instance you agree."
Jun found himself trembling. This was what he has wanted all his life, for him to be free of debt. His family would be debtless too.
But, in turn, there's a price that needs to be paid.
Jun was in a major crossroad. On one end, if he accepted the offer, his family's debt would be gone much sooner than he anticipated. He would need to dedicate his life to Sakurai, even if that person had hurt him a lot, he needed to think later whether he could bring himself to be intimate with his rapist.
On the other hand, if he stubbornly rejects the opportunity, he would not know when he would finish paying the debt. And if he were to die here prematurely, his sister might be taken in to continue working in his stead.
He shuddered; he closed his eyes tightly as he tried to think. It was obvious that his family was of the utmost importance to him, and it was clear what his final choice would be.
He laughed internally. He had sacrificed his own life by stepping foot here, so it feels nothing new if he were to continue being here for the sake of his family, albeit, in a different purpose than what it initially was. If he was to become a sacrificial lamb his entire life for the sake of the happiness of his family, then so be it.
"Do I even have a choice?" Jun grumbled weakly, like his mind still wanted to fight, but the other part of him knew he had already lost. Internally, he cursed his own life. He could clearly hear the invisible glass wall he had tried to build over the years breaking into a thousand pieces. It took just one word - family - to break Jun's stubbornness.
The silence was suffocating. Everyone was waiting for Jun's answer in baited breath.
"I'm in his care from now on." Jun muttered with finality, albeit in slight reluctance as he bowed to them, squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing the bitterness of his own words. He didn't see how Matsuoka let out a relieved smile, he didn't see how Yoshida's face burst into a bright smile as the buzz around them began to increase in volume. He definitely didn't see how Satoshi didn't seem to be in the same vein as everyone else.
As soon as Yoshida, Matsuoka and his men left Jun, Satoshi instantly went to him, worry lines forming on his gentle face.
"Are you really okay with this, Jun?"
"What else would it be, Satoshi? I'm just a small fish trying to live in this big world. I can't fight all the time. I can't when it involves my mother and my sister. If this is the thing that I need to do to make them happy, then I'm happy to do it."
"How do you know that your mother and sister are happy with you being made a consort to someone who had hurt you so much? How can you be happy about it, Jun?" Satoshi asked silently.
Jun stared at Satoshi in sadness. True, Sakurai had hurt him. Even if it was already in the past, what assurance does he have that Sakurai would not hurt him again in the future? He was unable to answer that.
He was not pure anymore. He was dirty. No one would want to make him as anyone's partner, not even Satoshi whom he had high regard for.
In fact, if his mother and sister were to find out about his raping, who was he to think that they won't see him as a dirty person too?
Conversely, they might not care about it as long as their debt was no more. And that was the most important thing to him right now, more than his own happiness.
He has nothing to lose anymore. This consort thing might not even last long. Sakurai might get bored with him the moment he finds someone else to play with. And when that time comes, he would hopefully be allowed to get out of here. And that is the future he was most looking forward to.
In the end, he didn't say all his thoughts out loud. Instead, he answered his friend's question with a simple, "I don't know."
A/N: I’m sorry I married Sho off (but there's reasons >.>)
Pairing: Sakumoto (other pairings may be appearing later)
Setting: Early Edo period. Historically incorrect and purely fiction.
Rating: PG-13
Beta-ed by the lovely
ivenclaire ♥ ♥ ♥
Summary: When Jun ended up in a castle.
Chapter 1 >> Chapter 2 >> Chapter 3 >> Chapter 4 >> Chapter 5 >> Chapter 6 >> Chapter 7 >> Chapter 8 >> Chapter 9 >> Chapter 10
A set of red kimono folded carefully in a box was pushed politely towards him. Jun stared at it, wondering why he was being presented with something that looked very expensive. It's simply suspicious. Furthermore, he believed that he has not done anything noteworthy to be presented with anything at all. This must have something to do with that person! He was supposed to receive a beheading, not a present. Is this a preamble to something more? Something he doesn't know yet?
Jun lifted his head to meet Yoshida-san's expectant eyes. He flitted his eyes from Yoshida-san to the person seated beside him, Matsuoka-sama, who was regarding him with keen eyes. Behind them, a few samurais sat quietly, cramping themselves in his tiny room. Satoshi was seen peeking from behind the door and it relieved Jun a little from the suffocation he felt. He felt comforted to see someone he was close with nearby.
Just a few minutes ago, he was abruptly woken up by Satoshi. He was still in a groggy state when Yoshida-san and Matsuoka-sama entered, making themselves comfortable sitting in his room. Jun carelessly brushed his messy hair with his fingers and rubbed his face a little to free himself from sleep. He found that his vision has narrowed somewhat. It seemed that his eyes have developed a bit of puffiness as he felt a slight tenderness around his eyes. He was slightly embarrassed since it was obvious that he was crying last night. Thankfully, they didn't make any remark on it.
Jun darted his eyes back to the kimono in the dark wooden box which was elegantly carved with sakura symbols on the surface. A small frown formed on his forehead.
"May I know the meaning of this?" Jun asked slowly, his voice a mixture of curiosity and bewilderment.
Yoshida, the one who had pushed the box towards him, smiled benevolently at him, his features softening with the curve of his smile.
Jun wasn't sure if he was supposed to be alarmed by it.
Yoshida has never smiled at him before, not even once.
"They must want something from me then." he reckoned.
"We came here in behalf of Sakurai-dono to present this to you." Yoshida-san said as he beamed at Jun.
Jun's eyes narrowed. A present from the daimyo? A sudden irritation shot throughout his body with just the mention of Sakurai's name.
"For what? I didn't let him fuck me yesterday so he doesn't need to thank me." Jun retorted curtly.
Jun heard the collective intake of breath by the people in front of him. "Mind your language!" Yoshida nearly leapt from his seat to reprimand Jun of his crudeness, but he was firmly held by Matsuoka by the elbow. Matsuoka cleared his throat and this time, Jun kept his vision down on the floor, suddenly feeling embarrassed for using a vulgar word. He was sure that that word was never used by the men in front of him, in fact, it might not even exist in their vocabulary. It was really inappropriate, especially in front of Matsuoka-sama whom Jun had high respect for. Jun blamed all those perverted servants from whom he had picked the word up, but he blamed himself more for not using his brain properly.
Matsuoka cleared his throat. Jun flinched slightly, expecting a berating from the man who had once saved him.
"Jun-kun, pardon us for intruding on your day today. But we're here on an errand for our daimyo. I hope that what I'm going to say will not surprise you too much. I really much hope that you'll be open-minded about it." Matsuoka said politely which made Jun feel even more ashamed.
"What is it, Matsuoka-sama?" Jun whispered nervously. He kept his gaze on the floor and his heart began beating furiously. He's not really sure whether he wanted to hear the answer to his own question.
Matsuoka cleared his throat once again. As much as Jun liked the man, he wasn't sure whether he's going to like what would come out of his mouth next. In fact, he felt like he wanted to cover his ears and take refuge under his quilt instead.
"Sakurai-sama would like you to become his consort."
Jun felt his heartbeat still. The simple sentence was like a bomb that stopped his world.
"Pardon... me? Jun whispered under his breath after he got his bearing back.
"As what I said, Sakurai-sama would like you to become his concubine. So what do you say?"
Jun stared hard at Matsuoka who looked so genuinely serious about it. This didn't seem to be a joke. It's not possible for someone as proper as Matsuoka-sama to be doing something like that. When he realized that, he was hit with a sudden shortness of breath that made him clutch his chest in slight pain. He took a few deep breaths in turn to steady himself. From the corner of his eyes, he saw Matsuoka nearly leap from his seat towards him in worry, but Jun raised his palm at him to indicate that he was going to be okay. He just needs time to recover.
Sakurai wanted him as his concubine.
"Why?" Jun didn't realize that the question had slipped loudly from his mouth.
"It seems he finds you a suitable candidate."
Matsuoka's words were not comforting at all. What does he mean by candidate? Does that mean I can refuse?
"I think there are better suited candidates he can find out there. I'm not even suitable to grace his path." No matter how lowly he thought the daimyo was, it is true though that their social statuses are worlds apart. The daimyo is on top of the social ladder. What about him? He has no place on earth at all.
"No, don't think so low of yourself, Jun-kun. As far as I know, he has taken a liking to you." Matsuoka's words were supposed to be reassuring, but unbeknownst to the high-class samurai, the opposite happened.
Jun snorted under his breath. Sakurai has taken a liking to him? Yeah, that's right. Sakurai likes him so much that he made him a suitable candidate for rape. Now, if he was to be his concubine, he will definitely have no say at all on the way Sakurai was to use his body. Because from the moment he agrees, he inadvertently surrenders his body to that man. What pathetic life would he lead after that?
"Jun-kun?"
Jun huffed. He straightened his body and daringly crossed his arms on his chest, his eyes looking away. He knew he was being difficult. If people with no status in the society like him were to be offered something like that, he was sure that they won't reject. They might even receive that offer with open arms. Being a concubine is like being married into the family, albeit, it's more like being an unofficial wife whose main purpose is to serve the master's sexual desires. The family name couldn't be passed down, and in certain events where separation is inevitable, the concubine might not have even a sniff on any part of the partner's wealth at all. However, it could be such a grandiose opportunity to raise someone's rank and to mix with the people in the highest tier of the social order. He was sure anyone would be willing, no, would do anything for this opportunity, but not him. If taking the daimyo's offer meant he'll become his plaything, he would rather live and die as a slave.
"And if I refuse?”
"Then you'll be going against the lord's will!" Yoshida exclaimed firmly which seemed to indicate that the offer was not meant to be rejected as opposed to what Jun thought earlier.
"Just accept it you ungrateful brat!" someone from Yoshida's back chimed in harshly but he was shushed immediately.
"I thought everyone should be given choices? Not me, it seems." Jun replied curtly.
Matsuoka looked at him pensively. He drew some breath in and exhaled it as he seemed to be disappointed with Jun's stubborn attitude. Jun felt a little bit bad for Matsuoka. He was just doing his job, but unfortunately, the thing that they are asking is such a difficult thing for him to accept.
"Jun-kun, I know that this proposal came out of the blue for you. But it is in my deepest hopes that you will agree to this. Our daimyo is a great man and he can be greater in the future. Don't you want to become a part of his life then? Don't you want to become someone who would be there for him, to comfort him, and to love him in return for the utmost care that he will provide you, which I believe that he will..."
"Why would he need me to love him? He already has a wife to do that for him." Jun mumbled bitterly. Of course he knew that Sakurai was already married. Only that with the rule of the shogun, Sakurai was unable to bring his wife here, to his own land. They said through the grapevine that the shogun was using all of the daimyos' wife and children as hostages, so that all the daimyos in the entire country would be loyal to him and to the central government of Edo. No one would dare to usurp him if the daimyos didn't want their family to be killed.
"It is true. But here is here. He needs someone like you here."
"Ah, he must be so deprived then." Jun muttered, not even trying to lower down his voice.
"Jun-kun!" Yoshida berated him, but once again, he was held down by Matsuoka who continued to reassure Jun.
"Jun-kun, I know this is hard for you, with the thing that happened to you in the past. I know that you hold a grudge against him. It can't be undone, as much as you and I want to try..." With this, Jun looked up to meet Matsuoka's eyes. He thought that the topic of his raping would never be brought up, but it was inevitable it seemed.
"Then you understand why it's hard for me to accept this?" Jun asked. Matsuoka sighed.
"I understand it completely. It's just that the reason that we're being insistent that you accept the proposal is not because of our fear that the lord will not take gracefully your rejection, but we're also thinking about you and your family..."
"My... family?" Sudden fear struck him. Why is his family being dragged into this too? If he refused, will they go on harming his family back in the village?
"What's my family got to do with this?"
"I know the reason why you were brought here all those years ago. Although I wasn't here during that time, the records said that they made you work here to pay the debt your late father had put on himself."
Jun became more attentive all of a sudden. He couldn't wait to hear what more Matsuoka was going to say.
"If you become the lord's consort, all the debt will be erased from you and your family. You will no longer be a servant, and your family will get its pride back. In fact, your family will receive certain dowries in the instance you agree."
Jun found himself trembling. This was what he has wanted all his life, for him to be free of debt. His family would be debtless too.
But, in turn, there's a price that needs to be paid.
Jun was in a major crossroad. On one end, if he accepted the offer, his family's debt would be gone much sooner than he anticipated. He would need to dedicate his life to Sakurai, even if that person had hurt him a lot, he needed to think later whether he could bring himself to be intimate with his rapist.
On the other hand, if he stubbornly rejects the opportunity, he would not know when he would finish paying the debt. And if he were to die here prematurely, his sister might be taken in to continue working in his stead.
He shuddered; he closed his eyes tightly as he tried to think. It was obvious that his family was of the utmost importance to him, and it was clear what his final choice would be.
He laughed internally. He had sacrificed his own life by stepping foot here, so it feels nothing new if he were to continue being here for the sake of his family, albeit, in a different purpose than what it initially was. If he was to become a sacrificial lamb his entire life for the sake of the happiness of his family, then so be it.
"Do I even have a choice?" Jun grumbled weakly, like his mind still wanted to fight, but the other part of him knew he had already lost. Internally, he cursed his own life. He could clearly hear the invisible glass wall he had tried to build over the years breaking into a thousand pieces. It took just one word - family - to break Jun's stubbornness.
The silence was suffocating. Everyone was waiting for Jun's answer in baited breath.
"I'm in his care from now on." Jun muttered with finality, albeit in slight reluctance as he bowed to them, squeezing his eyes shut and swallowing the bitterness of his own words. He didn't see how Matsuoka let out a relieved smile, he didn't see how Yoshida's face burst into a bright smile as the buzz around them began to increase in volume. He definitely didn't see how Satoshi didn't seem to be in the same vein as everyone else.
As soon as Yoshida, Matsuoka and his men left Jun, Satoshi instantly went to him, worry lines forming on his gentle face.
"Are you really okay with this, Jun?"
"What else would it be, Satoshi? I'm just a small fish trying to live in this big world. I can't fight all the time. I can't when it involves my mother and my sister. If this is the thing that I need to do to make them happy, then I'm happy to do it."
"How do you know that your mother and sister are happy with you being made a consort to someone who had hurt you so much? How can you be happy about it, Jun?" Satoshi asked silently.
Jun stared at Satoshi in sadness. True, Sakurai had hurt him. Even if it was already in the past, what assurance does he have that Sakurai would not hurt him again in the future? He was unable to answer that.
He was not pure anymore. He was dirty. No one would want to make him as anyone's partner, not even Satoshi whom he had high regard for.
In fact, if his mother and sister were to find out about his raping, who was he to think that they won't see him as a dirty person too?
Conversely, they might not care about it as long as their debt was no more. And that was the most important thing to him right now, more than his own happiness.
He has nothing to lose anymore. This consort thing might not even last long. Sakurai might get bored with him the moment he finds someone else to play with. And when that time comes, he would hopefully be allowed to get out of here. And that is the future he was most looking forward to.
In the end, he didn't say all his thoughts out loud. Instead, he answered his friend's question with a simple, "I don't know."
A/N: I’m sorry I married Sho off (but there's reasons >.>)