So before the year ends, I got to talk finally with my brother. I got to hear his voice again after such a long time. It felt good, really, really good, even if we only greeted each other a Merry Christmas.

Also, surprise, Papa has a new partner --- someone he thinks he can grow old with, a few years older than him, a former colleague who ( Read more... )

The reasons are endless, as well as the why-not's. I'm starting with the most obvious ones. Friends - yes I have, but they are not within reach. I have always been my lonesome self, used to solving my own problems and doing my own thing. Calling or messaging them has never been a knee-jerk response. None of them had ever suspected or known that I ( Read more... )

I know now what I'm good at, after several years (and entries) of introspection. I'm good at leaving people behind, but I'm better at making people leave. Makes sense, as my mother reminded me tonight, why my brother still refuses to talk to me. She has this theory that once upon a time, he and his wife visited me in my (ours actually, before he ( Read more... )

Like this is something new, but as usual, it's not. Just like how it was more than a decade ago, I do not remember anything remotely memorable for the past eight years. Eight years of working for somebody, for something that does not define me. But then again, I have no definition. How am I able to describe myself when I do not know where to begin ( Read more... )

If money is no object, I would not be here by now. I would find myself studying, enclosed in dusty corners at the public library, far away from here, somewhere cold. I would perhaps see myself in a room, surrounded by white walls, bereft of photos and pain. I would stare at nothing, waiting for time to do its job. Or maybe, I would rise, hungry for ( Read more... )

I'm turning 32 in a few weeks and still, I haven't been kissed, or even shown a meager interest in. Walang interesado. No one ever showed physical interest, ever, or heck, even an emotional one. To this day, ganun pa rin 'tsura ko. I look the same as that 10 year old who gave huge smiles for photos while her eyes half-close in giddiness. The only ( Read more... )

EDIT 10/18/20:I wrote this draft many moons ago - I don't even remember when anymore. But the thought remains the same, the emotions still linger. I still ask myself - what if I stayed? What if I told them everything? Would it have mattered? Would things remain the same? I do not know, but I cannot help it. Would they remember? Most of it, I do not ( Read more... )

A month, and a few days ago, she decided to die. Those are two instances - not a particular time frame. Most insisted they knew her, well. Apparently, it was not enough. Never enough, honestly.

She tried to reason with herself. Why die? Why this chosen method? Why not forgive onself, and be true? Be honest? She did not know the answer. Her self did ( Read more... )

In my next life, I would be studying. Poring over countless books, climbing on century-old ladders just so I may reach the topmost part of that library shelf.

In that next life, I would find myself spending time in classrooms more than I have to. I would furiously take notes, constantly splattering ink all over my fingers. I would annotate pages, ( Read more... )

I waited for the rain today, but it did not come.

What arrived instead was a friend whom I have not met for a long time, waiting for me at the sidewalk from where I had my last work meeting for the day, then dragging me to her favorite spot in Chinatown, while we drowned ourselves in maki mi, fresh lumpia, my silence, and her tales.

Thank you, M. 🙂 ( Read more... )