Who We Are (25/35)
Title: Who We Are (25/35)
Author: ladygray99
Rating: PG13
Characters/Pairings: Charlie/David
Word count: 4,254
Warnings/Spoilers: Attempted Suicide and the after effects there of. See Part 1 for Spoilers.
Summary: Sometimes life makes you look in the mirror and if you don’t like what you see there are only a couple of options. - No matter what's happening on the home front sometimes it's the job that knocks you around.
Previous Chapters: 1 5 10 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
Notes:Written for choc_fic 's 100 Days of Color. Thoughts on David and Alan's conversation please?
Beta: swingandswirl and riverotter1951
Chapter 25
David wondered if it was possible to be too tired to breathe. It had been a long 48 hours and any hour spent in TAC gear felt like two. The locker room had cleared out. David had yet to get up the energy to take off his gear. The only thing that was keeping him from curling up on the floor and falling asleep there was the dull throb in his shoulder that did not want to go away.
Something touched his face. David jumped. He had been on the verge of falling asleep.
“David?” Charlie was crouched down in front of him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” David was aware that his voice was slightly slurred.
“Sure you are. Don’t move.”
“No problem.”
Charlie’s hands went first to the straps on his holsters. David watched through the blur of exhaustion as Charlie carefully removed and properly secured each weapon. Then Charlie went to remove his vest. David tried to lift his arm and suddenly he was awake as a white hot bolt of pain took the short trip from his shoulder to his brain and back again. He had a funny feeling he might have screamed as well ‘cause Charlie jumped back.
“Shit. How hard did you hit your shoulder?”
“It’s fine,” David said automatically even though the throbbing had kicked up a notch.
“Yeah right.”
Charlie reached out and tried to move David’s arm again. David took pride in the fact that he didn’t scream this time but his whole body twitched.
“David, you need a doctor to look at that.”
“It’ll be fine.”
“You can’t move it.”
“I just need some rest.”
“You just need a doctor and possibly an MRI on that.”
“I’m too tired for a doctor.” Charlie pinched his lips. “Please, Charlie. I just need some sleep.”
“Okay, but you’re doing what I say first. Now brace yourself.”
David braced and Charlie reached for the straps of his vest again. He unclipped as many as he could without jarring David’s right shoulder, then unwove the straps from the clips themselves for the rest. By the time Charlie was done David’s vest was more or less dismantled but he’d gotten it off without passing out from the pain.
“How are you holding up?” Charlie asked.
“Still here.”
“Good. You’re coming home with me. We’ll find you something for the pain then put you to bed.” At the word bed David felt his eyes begin to close. Charlie patted his cheek. “Not here. Come on.”
David slowly, and with great effort, hauled himself to his feet and followed Charlie out to the parking lot and into his car. Getting his seatbelt on was another trick and a half but once that was done he closed his eyes and despite the pain was out.
He woke to Charlie saying his name and found himself in Pasadena. Charlie reached over and undid his seatbelt. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”
David just followed again really too tired to make any comment but every step sent a little jolt of extra pain through his shoulder.
“How’s the shoulder?”
“Hurts.” David answered.
“Go sit at the dining room table.” David did as told. Charlie vanished upstairs then quickly came back down and rushed into the kitchen. He reemerged with a roast beef sandwich wrapped in plastic, a glass of water and a small white pill.
“The pill is for your shoulder but you need to put some food on your stomach while you take it.”
David’s stomach suddenly grumbled adding one more unpleasant sensation to the pain and exhaustion. He grabbed the sandwich and took a couple of large bites before swallowing the pill and chugging the water. Charlie vanished again and came back with a couple of large elastic bandages and a pair of safety scissors.
“David, do you think you can take that t-shirt off?”
David tried to lift his right arm and instantly regretted it. “No.”
“Are you particularly attached to it?”
David looked down at the faded black t-shirt. It had a couple of small holes, a bleach stain and the stitching was coming out around the hem. “Nope.”
“Right then, hold still for a second.”
David braced himself against the table as Charlie made two cuts then slid the rest of the shirt painlessly off his left arm. Then he picked up one of the bandages. “Now this is going to hurt a bit but it’ll hurt a lot less once I’m done.”
David just nodded and raised his right arm as much as he could which wasn’t much. Charlie was right however and he soon found his shoulder expertly bandaged and in a lot less pain. That could have also been the drugs kicking in as suddenly everything started feeling a little disconnected.
That was about the time Don walked in. “Shit, David. What did you do?”
“He hit it harder than he admitted. I think it’s compressed but it’s swollen to all hell now.” Charlie answered for him.
“I’m fine,” David said but his lips felt a little funny.
“Sure you are. That’s why you’ve got a Charlie special wrapped around you.” David looked down at the bandages but didn’t manage to completely form the question in his head. “You could pitch seven innings with one of those on if you need to, believe me.”
“I also gave him one of Dad’s arthritis pills.”
“You did what! Those things can knock out a yak.”
“You took one when you twisted up your knee last year.”
“Yeah and slept for twenty hours.”
“That’s why I’m making sure he’s eaten and bandaged up first.”
David was suddenly aware of Don being at eye level with him. It was interesting. Don’s eyes were a lighter shade of brown than Charlie’s. He wondered if Charlie would get the same little lines in the corners, they were kind of cute. David giggled.
“Hey there, David.”
“Hey, Don.”
“Look, you need to stand up, get upstairs and get to bed ‘cause you’re about to take a little trip to sleepy land and it’s going to be a long one.” David watched Don’s lips move as he talked. They were kind of thin. He lifted a finger to try to poke them. Don leaned back. “Okay, you’re stoned. Let’s get you up.”
David found Don and Charlie both helping him get to his feet. It was an odd experience since there seemed to be a delay between every step and the thought attached to that step. Somehow though the steps got him up stairs and to Charlie’s room and Charlie’s blue bed where he lay down and then the world went black.
~
David opened his eyes. His head ached and his shoulder was throbbing a little and his bladder was demanding attention. Without much thought he stumbled from the bed to the bathroom, emptied himself then stumbled back to the bedroom. Only then did he notice a large glass of green liquid on the bedside table with a note in Charlie’s hand that said ‘drink me.’
He took a sip of the liquid and found it to be Gatorade. His body approved and he chugged the rest before falling back asleep.
David woke up again. His head hurt a bit. His shoulder hurt quite a bit but everything felt a little clearer. The clock said six and there was some light coming from under the drawn curtains but he wasn’t sure if it was six in the morning or the evening.
He gingerly sat up and pushed aside the duvet. That’s when he realized he was just wearing his shorts and an elastic bandage. He also realized he smelled.
That was about the same moment the door opened and Alan stepped in a blue gel pack in hand. “Oh, hello, you’re awake.”
David rubbed his face. “Yeah, sort of.”
“Well I was just coming in to wake you up for dinner.”
“Dinner?” David decided it must be six in the evening. “How long have I been out?”
“Oh, a little over twenty hours. How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts.” David thought about the question a little more. “And my shoulder hurts, what did Charlie dose me with?”
“One of my arthritis pills.”
“You take those?”
Alan chuckled a bit. “You get used to them. Honestly they just take the edge off these days, I need to talk to my doctor again.” Alan leaned in. “And truth be told since Don confiscated my stash they’re the most fun I get to have anymore.”
David chuckled and instantly regretted it as his shoulder throbbed. He couldn’t stop the wince.
“Oh, here.” Alan grabbed an odd little pillow from the bed and pulled from it a floppy gel pack and replaced it with the fresh one. Then he settled it on David’s shoulder.
David looked at the pack then back to Alan. “You’ve been icing my shoulder in my sleep?”
“Charlie didn’t want you to wake up with extra pain. He can be quite the mother hen when the mood suits him.”
“Wonder where he got that from?”
Alan just smiled a little. “He’s got an evening seminar, won’t be back until after nine so it’s the two of us again. You’re probably starved.”
David did feel his stomach starting to make noises but the smell coming off his skin was bothering him more. “A bit, but I could really use a shower first.”
“Well you know where it is. Charlie went by your place and got some of your stuff so you’ve got clothes. I don’t think you could get away with borrowing his.”
“Not without making an interesting fashion statement or two.”
“I’ll help you get that bandage off first.” David couldn’t see much of his shoulder but what he could see was some rather complicated looking weaving which felt like it was keeping his arm attached to his body. Alan carefully unclipped a safety pin. The bandages instantly began to loosen and his shoulder instantly hurt more. “When Charlie couldn’t play baseball anymore he still wanted to have something to do with the games. He kept all the stats of course but he did that in his head with one hand tied behind his back even then. Donnie’s coach let Charlie be in charge of first aid, which in those days meant holding the box of band-aids, but Charlie took it seriously and insisted on taking anatomy over the summer. We’d get home from late evenings to find the baby sitters wrapped up like mummies with Charlie calculating their range of motion verses support.”
“For some reason I can picture that.”
Alan put aside the first bandage and started on the second. “Well it probably saved Donnie’s scholarship. Senior year just about the time the college scouts were sniffing around Donnie took a bad wave, got dumped, twisted up just about everything. For a couple of months before every game and practice Charlie wrapped up his shoulders and knees and ankles and he went out on the field like nothing was wrong. By the time the team made the finals they were all the walking wounded and Charlie was wrapping up half of them. We actually thought he might give up math for orthopedics for a while there.”
David couldn’t imagine it. What kind of hell that must have been for Charlie. After everything Don told him and everything he was trying to do to himself to stand in a locker room and tend to the same boys he was learning to hate himself for desiring. David wondered if he’d tended to Jesse, star batter, if he’d found some way to legitimately touch the object of his first little lusts.
David tried to move his arm a little as Alan finished rolling up the second bandage. His shoulder was a deep purple and easily twice the size it should be. “You know it’s hard to believe things like that. I mean I’ve heard all about how Don and Charlie went years without talking and were never close and never got along then you tell me about stuff like that and it just doesn’t quite sync up.”
Alan sighed and sat down next to David. “The thing about Charlie and Donnie is at the end of the day they’re brothers. They might throw fits and tantrums at each other but they’d also die for each other and I hate to say it but they’d probably kill for each other. Donnie sacrificed a lot for Charlie’s education, the whole family did, really but I don’t think Donnie realizes how hard Charlie fought for what little time they had together. If Charlie’s tutors had their way they would have whisked him off to a private school at age five and we would have never seen him again. Charlie threw screaming tantrums to go to Donnie’s games or on fishing trips. He would purposely fail tests if he wasn’t allowed on school trips with his brother. He blackmailed a vice principal when Donnie got in trouble for fighting. I’m still not sure if he knows about that.”
“How do you know about it?”
“Charlie told me once they’d graduated. He walked in on the vice principal and one of the math teachers.”
“Oops.”
“Actually I think that bit of information kept Donnie out of a lot of trouble in high school.”
“Good thing Charlie’s the nosy type.”
“Yeah.” Alan seemed lost in thought for a moment before looking over David’s shoulder. “You really hit that didn’t you?”
“I really did.”
“Well take a shower; I’ll go finish up dinner. It’s just some pasta and salad but there’s plenty of it, and I’ll let Charlie wrap you back up when he gets home.”
“Thanks.”
Alan left and David made his way to the bathroom. It still took him a second to step through the door but he found his toothbrush and razor sitting on the sink and his shower gel was waiting next to Charlie’s soap. His jeans and a button up shirt were also waiting.
The first thing he did though was open up the medicine cabinet, bypass Alan’s arthritis medication and fish out a couple of extra strength Tylenol.
After that David tried to luxuriate in the shower as much as he could with one arm held stiffly to his side. As much as he hated to admit it he’s was going to have to see a doctor and probably be stuck on a desk.
Brushing his teeth was interesting since it was one of two things he did right handed, the right hand he couldn’t actually lift more than four inches. He decided to forgo the shave and just got dressed as best as he could. He had a bit more sympathy for Charlie as every move of his fingers sent pain to his shoulder and pretty effectively killed a lot of his dexterity.
After that it was a matter of following his nose down to the dining room where spaghetti with a thick meat sauce, garlic bread and a big salad was waiting. David’s stomach demanded attention. And with only a couple of words to Alan he dug in.
He was somewhere in the middle of his second bowl he stopped to breathe. “This is really nice, Alan. Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
“I really need to do my own cooking more often.”
“You and the rest of the FBI from what I gather.”
“Unfortunately crime fighting isn’t nine to five. Doesn’t lend it self well to cooking or a lot of other things.”
“Dating?”
“That’s one.”
“Family?”
David froze up a little. He’d talked with Alan since he and Charlie had started dating but they hadn’t Talked. “Family can be difficult,” David replied carefully.
“You interested in children, David?”
“Is this The Talk, Alan?”
“Should it be?”
David took one more bite of spaghetti and carefully wiped his mouth. He turned to face Alan a little better. “I don’t have anything particularly against children.”
“But they’re not a motivating factor in your life.”
“I have two nieces and a nephew. I’ve never had a problem being Cool Uncle David.”
Alan nodded a bit. “I see.”
David found himself completely stuck on what to say. Personally he thought Charlie would work out how to have kids of his own some day but that would probably not be with him. “Alan, I am sure Charlie is going to give you grandchildren one of these days. I know one of the big things that bothered him about Amita leaving was the fact that he was starting to look forward to the idea of children but don’t tell him I told you that.”
“But if you don’t want children..?”
David rubbed his face. “Alan, I’m not a genius. I got where I am by studying my ass off, but none of it came easy, still doesn’t. I really care for Charlie and I’m really enjoying what we’ve got and I want to do right by him but one of these days he’s going to clue into the fact that I’m just a field agent and we are a dime a dozen and whatever wildly remarkable person is out there waiting for him it ain’t me.”
Alan frowned and tilted his head. “I think you need to talk to Charlie.”
“I talk to him every day.”
“No. You need to talk to him.”
“About?”
“Charlie’s a genius.”
“I know that.”
“No,” Alan said again. “Everybody knows he’s a genius but it’s very easy to forget he’s a genius.”
David was confused and beginning to wonder if maybe the drugs hadn’t fully worn off yet. “I’m not following.”
Alan pinched his lips. David recognized the expression. It was the exact same look Charlie got when he was having a hard time dumbing down something particularly complicated. “When Charlie was born he screamed. Now all babies cry but he screamed and he didn’t stop for hours. He wouldn’t feed, he wouldn’t lay still, he spent the first hours of his life screaming himself sick. They had to wrap him up tight, stuff his ears, and cover his eyes just to get him to quiet down because he was born with that little brain of his over processing every tiny piece of input, we just didn’t know it at the time. I read the note he left you.” Alan quickly waved a hand to silence David. “I know I shouldn’t have but I needed information myself that night. I know the one moment in his life when he had no numbers was when he tried to end it. When Charlie chooses something, even something as simple as a carton of milk, he has consciously or unconsciously, analyzed that decision in more ways than you or I could possibly hope to understand. So when he takes the time to actually think about something important, like who he wants in his life or who he is willing to trust, he has put what to us would be a lifetime worth of thought into it. If he’s pursuing a relationship with you it’s not on a whim, or a folly, or because you’re convenient and it’s not something he’ll put aside for a maybe. Math is about absolutes and Charlie is all about math.”
Alan’s words slowly sunk in as David began to wonder just how much thought Charlie had put into that kiss in his hall? How much genius brain power had gone into the idea of asking him to take him home from St. Clare’s? He’d been working on the idea that Charlie was going to get his jollies, they’d have some fun then Charlie would move onto someone more suited for him long term but this is a guy who could think dozens of moves ahead in chess and had written a book on using logic in relationships and Charlie was a man who could make logic sing songs and dance dances for him.
David could only guess at the look on his face as Alan reached over and patted his hand. “Don’t sell yourself short David. It’s true that Charlie doesn’t suffer fools or trust easily but if you were a fool Donnie would have kicked you to the curb years ago and Charlie trusts you far more than he trust me or anyone else right now.”
David still couldn’t think of what to say as his hopes and fears kicked down that six month wall and for the first time allowed themselves to look into a future that involved Charlie by his side.
“Are you going to finish that?” David looked down at his spaghetti. He suddenly wasn’t hungry. He shook his head. “Okay.”
Alan gathered up the plates and took them to the kitchen. David decided that he would have to talk to Charlie. They obviously weren’t quite on the same page and David got the feeling he was the only one who hadn’t realized that. Without thinking he went to pick up his water with his right hand and hissed as the muscles protested. He penciled in the talk for sometime after his arm felt better.
~
David had made his way to the couch by the time Charlie got home. Charlie flopped onto the couch beside him dumping his bag on the floor. “Hi. How’s your shoulder?”
“It hurts but please don’t drug me again.”
“Okay.”
David looked over Charlie who looked reasonably exhausted himself. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just tired. Long day. Oh.” Charlie dug into his bag and pulled out a scrap of paper. “Nine AM you have an appointment with Dr. Morrow. The guy cut his teeth on Don’s pitching arm so he’s pretty good by now and he’ll take FBI insurance.”
David bristled a little. “You made a doctor's appointment for me?”
“Well you need to see one and you were out.”
“And why was I out?”
“You were awake for almost 48 hours solid. You would have slept with or without the pill. I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t wake up screaming if you rolled over onto your shoulder.”
“I’m just...” Off David wanted to say. “I’m fine Charlie, okay? I don’t need...”
Charlie poked David’s shoulder with one little finger. David winced. “Yeah, you’re fine.”
David felt the anger start to build up along with a headache. “I’m....”
“David, please,” Charlie cut in. “I spent the day tracking every bullet that got fired off yesterday and just so you know you came two centimeters away from being very dead and I don’t handle it well when I people I care for come that close to dying.”
“Yeah, sucks when that happens.” David kicked himself as the words came out of his mouth and Charlie’s face went hard.
“Yes, yes it does so just let me fuss over you for a bit until I calm down.”
“Sorry.” David quickly apologized “I know you’re just trying to help. What did your analysis turn up?”
Charlie shrugged. “Don’t know yet. I’ve still got to let the computer process a lot of the data but from where I’m standing it looks like good shoots all around but forensics still needs to come back on a couple of the more damaged bullets.” Charlie let out a jaw cracking yawn.
“Okay, I got twenty hours of sleep, how much did you get?”
“Less than twenty. I’ll be fine. Nothing I haven’t done before.”
“Have you eaten?”
“I think I had some muffins at some point.”
“Your Dad left you some spaghetti.”
Charlie carefully leaned over and around and gave David a quick kiss. “Let me rewrap your arm. Then I’ll eat.”
~
David spun around. He tried to read the street signs but the dust obscured them. He spun around again. He was sure he was late for something but he was lost and the streets all looked the same.
He crossed the road and pushed on for another block. He thought he could hear the sea in the distance. It would be a point of reference but no mater how far he walked the sea never came closer and the streets looked the same.
Finally at another cross road he saw a figure on the other side of the street. “Charlie?”
The figure moved away. David chased after until he came to a building. A door was hanging open. He pushed inside and found his apartment. Tiny, just one room it wasn’t much bigger than his Quantico dorm, the bed shoved against one wall. He could see a lump moving under the blankets.
David smiled and pulled the blankets back. Charlie lay there with wide dead eyes his arm open, blood soaking into the white sheets.
David felt a tap on his shoulder. He whipped around and looked directly into another pair of brown eyes.
David’s eyes whipped open and he jerked up, then promptly wished he hadn’t as his shoulder throbbed. He yelped and Charlie stirred beside him.
He could feel his heart thumping in his chest as the edges of the dream began to fade. He carefully reached out and brushed aside some hair from Charlie’s face. His face scrunched up for a moment like a cranky child’s then slipped back into a deeper sleep.
David checked the clock. His alarm would be going off in just fifteen minutes anyway so he carefully slid from the bed to grab first dibs on the shower.
Previous Next
Author: ladygray99
Rating: PG13
Characters/Pairings: Charlie/David
Word count: 4,254
Warnings/Spoilers: Attempted Suicide and the after effects there of. See Part 1 for Spoilers.
Summary: Sometimes life makes you look in the mirror and if you don’t like what you see there are only a couple of options. - No matter what's happening on the home front sometimes it's the job that knocks you around.
Previous Chapters: 1 5 10 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24
Notes:Written for choc_fic 's 100 Days of Color. Thoughts on David and Alan's conversation please?
Beta: swingandswirl and riverotter1951
Chapter 25
David wondered if it was possible to be too tired to breathe. It had been a long 48 hours and any hour spent in TAC gear felt like two. The locker room had cleared out. David had yet to get up the energy to take off his gear. The only thing that was keeping him from curling up on the floor and falling asleep there was the dull throb in his shoulder that did not want to go away.
Something touched his face. David jumped. He had been on the verge of falling asleep.
“David?” Charlie was crouched down in front of him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” David was aware that his voice was slightly slurred.
“Sure you are. Don’t move.”
“No problem.”
Charlie’s hands went first to the straps on his holsters. David watched through the blur of exhaustion as Charlie carefully removed and properly secured each weapon. Then Charlie went to remove his vest. David tried to lift his arm and suddenly he was awake as a white hot bolt of pain took the short trip from his shoulder to his brain and back again. He had a funny feeling he might have screamed as well ‘cause Charlie jumped back.
“Shit. How hard did you hit your shoulder?”
“It’s fine,” David said automatically even though the throbbing had kicked up a notch.
“Yeah right.”
Charlie reached out and tried to move David’s arm again. David took pride in the fact that he didn’t scream this time but his whole body twitched.
“David, you need a doctor to look at that.”
“It’ll be fine.”
“You can’t move it.”
“I just need some rest.”
“You just need a doctor and possibly an MRI on that.”
“I’m too tired for a doctor.” Charlie pinched his lips. “Please, Charlie. I just need some sleep.”
“Okay, but you’re doing what I say first. Now brace yourself.”
David braced and Charlie reached for the straps of his vest again. He unclipped as many as he could without jarring David’s right shoulder, then unwove the straps from the clips themselves for the rest. By the time Charlie was done David’s vest was more or less dismantled but he’d gotten it off without passing out from the pain.
“How are you holding up?” Charlie asked.
“Still here.”
“Good. You’re coming home with me. We’ll find you something for the pain then put you to bed.” At the word bed David felt his eyes begin to close. Charlie patted his cheek. “Not here. Come on.”
David slowly, and with great effort, hauled himself to his feet and followed Charlie out to the parking lot and into his car. Getting his seatbelt on was another trick and a half but once that was done he closed his eyes and despite the pain was out.
He woke to Charlie saying his name and found himself in Pasadena. Charlie reached over and undid his seatbelt. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”
David just followed again really too tired to make any comment but every step sent a little jolt of extra pain through his shoulder.
“How’s the shoulder?”
“Hurts.” David answered.
“Go sit at the dining room table.” David did as told. Charlie vanished upstairs then quickly came back down and rushed into the kitchen. He reemerged with a roast beef sandwich wrapped in plastic, a glass of water and a small white pill.
“The pill is for your shoulder but you need to put some food on your stomach while you take it.”
David’s stomach suddenly grumbled adding one more unpleasant sensation to the pain and exhaustion. He grabbed the sandwich and took a couple of large bites before swallowing the pill and chugging the water. Charlie vanished again and came back with a couple of large elastic bandages and a pair of safety scissors.
“David, do you think you can take that t-shirt off?”
David tried to lift his right arm and instantly regretted it. “No.”
“Are you particularly attached to it?”
David looked down at the faded black t-shirt. It had a couple of small holes, a bleach stain and the stitching was coming out around the hem. “Nope.”
“Right then, hold still for a second.”
David braced himself against the table as Charlie made two cuts then slid the rest of the shirt painlessly off his left arm. Then he picked up one of the bandages. “Now this is going to hurt a bit but it’ll hurt a lot less once I’m done.”
David just nodded and raised his right arm as much as he could which wasn’t much. Charlie was right however and he soon found his shoulder expertly bandaged and in a lot less pain. That could have also been the drugs kicking in as suddenly everything started feeling a little disconnected.
That was about the time Don walked in. “Shit, David. What did you do?”
“He hit it harder than he admitted. I think it’s compressed but it’s swollen to all hell now.” Charlie answered for him.
“I’m fine,” David said but his lips felt a little funny.
“Sure you are. That’s why you’ve got a Charlie special wrapped around you.” David looked down at the bandages but didn’t manage to completely form the question in his head. “You could pitch seven innings with one of those on if you need to, believe me.”
“I also gave him one of Dad’s arthritis pills.”
“You did what! Those things can knock out a yak.”
“You took one when you twisted up your knee last year.”
“Yeah and slept for twenty hours.”
“That’s why I’m making sure he’s eaten and bandaged up first.”
David was suddenly aware of Don being at eye level with him. It was interesting. Don’s eyes were a lighter shade of brown than Charlie’s. He wondered if Charlie would get the same little lines in the corners, they were kind of cute. David giggled.
“Hey there, David.”
“Hey, Don.”
“Look, you need to stand up, get upstairs and get to bed ‘cause you’re about to take a little trip to sleepy land and it’s going to be a long one.” David watched Don’s lips move as he talked. They were kind of thin. He lifted a finger to try to poke them. Don leaned back. “Okay, you’re stoned. Let’s get you up.”
David found Don and Charlie both helping him get to his feet. It was an odd experience since there seemed to be a delay between every step and the thought attached to that step. Somehow though the steps got him up stairs and to Charlie’s room and Charlie’s blue bed where he lay down and then the world went black.
~
David opened his eyes. His head ached and his shoulder was throbbing a little and his bladder was demanding attention. Without much thought he stumbled from the bed to the bathroom, emptied himself then stumbled back to the bedroom. Only then did he notice a large glass of green liquid on the bedside table with a note in Charlie’s hand that said ‘drink me.’
He took a sip of the liquid and found it to be Gatorade. His body approved and he chugged the rest before falling back asleep.
David woke up again. His head hurt a bit. His shoulder hurt quite a bit but everything felt a little clearer. The clock said six and there was some light coming from under the drawn curtains but he wasn’t sure if it was six in the morning or the evening.
He gingerly sat up and pushed aside the duvet. That’s when he realized he was just wearing his shorts and an elastic bandage. He also realized he smelled.
That was about the same moment the door opened and Alan stepped in a blue gel pack in hand. “Oh, hello, you’re awake.”
David rubbed his face. “Yeah, sort of.”
“Well I was just coming in to wake you up for dinner.”
“Dinner?” David decided it must be six in the evening. “How long have I been out?”
“Oh, a little over twenty hours. How are you feeling?”
“My head hurts.” David thought about the question a little more. “And my shoulder hurts, what did Charlie dose me with?”
“One of my arthritis pills.”
“You take those?”
Alan chuckled a bit. “You get used to them. Honestly they just take the edge off these days, I need to talk to my doctor again.” Alan leaned in. “And truth be told since Don confiscated my stash they’re the most fun I get to have anymore.”
David chuckled and instantly regretted it as his shoulder throbbed. He couldn’t stop the wince.
“Oh, here.” Alan grabbed an odd little pillow from the bed and pulled from it a floppy gel pack and replaced it with the fresh one. Then he settled it on David’s shoulder.
David looked at the pack then back to Alan. “You’ve been icing my shoulder in my sleep?”
“Charlie didn’t want you to wake up with extra pain. He can be quite the mother hen when the mood suits him.”
“Wonder where he got that from?”
Alan just smiled a little. “He’s got an evening seminar, won’t be back until after nine so it’s the two of us again. You’re probably starved.”
David did feel his stomach starting to make noises but the smell coming off his skin was bothering him more. “A bit, but I could really use a shower first.”
“Well you know where it is. Charlie went by your place and got some of your stuff so you’ve got clothes. I don’t think you could get away with borrowing his.”
“Not without making an interesting fashion statement or two.”
“I’ll help you get that bandage off first.” David couldn’t see much of his shoulder but what he could see was some rather complicated looking weaving which felt like it was keeping his arm attached to his body. Alan carefully unclipped a safety pin. The bandages instantly began to loosen and his shoulder instantly hurt more. “When Charlie couldn’t play baseball anymore he still wanted to have something to do with the games. He kept all the stats of course but he did that in his head with one hand tied behind his back even then. Donnie’s coach let Charlie be in charge of first aid, which in those days meant holding the box of band-aids, but Charlie took it seriously and insisted on taking anatomy over the summer. We’d get home from late evenings to find the baby sitters wrapped up like mummies with Charlie calculating their range of motion verses support.”
“For some reason I can picture that.”
Alan put aside the first bandage and started on the second. “Well it probably saved Donnie’s scholarship. Senior year just about the time the college scouts were sniffing around Donnie took a bad wave, got dumped, twisted up just about everything. For a couple of months before every game and practice Charlie wrapped up his shoulders and knees and ankles and he went out on the field like nothing was wrong. By the time the team made the finals they were all the walking wounded and Charlie was wrapping up half of them. We actually thought he might give up math for orthopedics for a while there.”
David couldn’t imagine it. What kind of hell that must have been for Charlie. After everything Don told him and everything he was trying to do to himself to stand in a locker room and tend to the same boys he was learning to hate himself for desiring. David wondered if he’d tended to Jesse, star batter, if he’d found some way to legitimately touch the object of his first little lusts.
David tried to move his arm a little as Alan finished rolling up the second bandage. His shoulder was a deep purple and easily twice the size it should be. “You know it’s hard to believe things like that. I mean I’ve heard all about how Don and Charlie went years without talking and were never close and never got along then you tell me about stuff like that and it just doesn’t quite sync up.”
Alan sighed and sat down next to David. “The thing about Charlie and Donnie is at the end of the day they’re brothers. They might throw fits and tantrums at each other but they’d also die for each other and I hate to say it but they’d probably kill for each other. Donnie sacrificed a lot for Charlie’s education, the whole family did, really but I don’t think Donnie realizes how hard Charlie fought for what little time they had together. If Charlie’s tutors had their way they would have whisked him off to a private school at age five and we would have never seen him again. Charlie threw screaming tantrums to go to Donnie’s games or on fishing trips. He would purposely fail tests if he wasn’t allowed on school trips with his brother. He blackmailed a vice principal when Donnie got in trouble for fighting. I’m still not sure if he knows about that.”
“How do you know about it?”
“Charlie told me once they’d graduated. He walked in on the vice principal and one of the math teachers.”
“Oops.”
“Actually I think that bit of information kept Donnie out of a lot of trouble in high school.”
“Good thing Charlie’s the nosy type.”
“Yeah.” Alan seemed lost in thought for a moment before looking over David’s shoulder. “You really hit that didn’t you?”
“I really did.”
“Well take a shower; I’ll go finish up dinner. It’s just some pasta and salad but there’s plenty of it, and I’ll let Charlie wrap you back up when he gets home.”
“Thanks.”
Alan left and David made his way to the bathroom. It still took him a second to step through the door but he found his toothbrush and razor sitting on the sink and his shower gel was waiting next to Charlie’s soap. His jeans and a button up shirt were also waiting.
The first thing he did though was open up the medicine cabinet, bypass Alan’s arthritis medication and fish out a couple of extra strength Tylenol.
After that David tried to luxuriate in the shower as much as he could with one arm held stiffly to his side. As much as he hated to admit it he’s was going to have to see a doctor and probably be stuck on a desk.
Brushing his teeth was interesting since it was one of two things he did right handed, the right hand he couldn’t actually lift more than four inches. He decided to forgo the shave and just got dressed as best as he could. He had a bit more sympathy for Charlie as every move of his fingers sent pain to his shoulder and pretty effectively killed a lot of his dexterity.
After that it was a matter of following his nose down to the dining room where spaghetti with a thick meat sauce, garlic bread and a big salad was waiting. David’s stomach demanded attention. And with only a couple of words to Alan he dug in.
He was somewhere in the middle of his second bowl he stopped to breathe. “This is really nice, Alan. Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
“I really need to do my own cooking more often.”
“You and the rest of the FBI from what I gather.”
“Unfortunately crime fighting isn’t nine to five. Doesn’t lend it self well to cooking or a lot of other things.”
“Dating?”
“That’s one.”
“Family?”
David froze up a little. He’d talked with Alan since he and Charlie had started dating but they hadn’t Talked. “Family can be difficult,” David replied carefully.
“You interested in children, David?”
“Is this The Talk, Alan?”
“Should it be?”
David took one more bite of spaghetti and carefully wiped his mouth. He turned to face Alan a little better. “I don’t have anything particularly against children.”
“But they’re not a motivating factor in your life.”
“I have two nieces and a nephew. I’ve never had a problem being Cool Uncle David.”
Alan nodded a bit. “I see.”
David found himself completely stuck on what to say. Personally he thought Charlie would work out how to have kids of his own some day but that would probably not be with him. “Alan, I am sure Charlie is going to give you grandchildren one of these days. I know one of the big things that bothered him about Amita leaving was the fact that he was starting to look forward to the idea of children but don’t tell him I told you that.”
“But if you don’t want children..?”
David rubbed his face. “Alan, I’m not a genius. I got where I am by studying my ass off, but none of it came easy, still doesn’t. I really care for Charlie and I’m really enjoying what we’ve got and I want to do right by him but one of these days he’s going to clue into the fact that I’m just a field agent and we are a dime a dozen and whatever wildly remarkable person is out there waiting for him it ain’t me.”
Alan frowned and tilted his head. “I think you need to talk to Charlie.”
“I talk to him every day.”
“No. You need to talk to him.”
“About?”
“Charlie’s a genius.”
“I know that.”
“No,” Alan said again. “Everybody knows he’s a genius but it’s very easy to forget he’s a genius.”
David was confused and beginning to wonder if maybe the drugs hadn’t fully worn off yet. “I’m not following.”
Alan pinched his lips. David recognized the expression. It was the exact same look Charlie got when he was having a hard time dumbing down something particularly complicated. “When Charlie was born he screamed. Now all babies cry but he screamed and he didn’t stop for hours. He wouldn’t feed, he wouldn’t lay still, he spent the first hours of his life screaming himself sick. They had to wrap him up tight, stuff his ears, and cover his eyes just to get him to quiet down because he was born with that little brain of his over processing every tiny piece of input, we just didn’t know it at the time. I read the note he left you.” Alan quickly waved a hand to silence David. “I know I shouldn’t have but I needed information myself that night. I know the one moment in his life when he had no numbers was when he tried to end it. When Charlie chooses something, even something as simple as a carton of milk, he has consciously or unconsciously, analyzed that decision in more ways than you or I could possibly hope to understand. So when he takes the time to actually think about something important, like who he wants in his life or who he is willing to trust, he has put what to us would be a lifetime worth of thought into it. If he’s pursuing a relationship with you it’s not on a whim, or a folly, or because you’re convenient and it’s not something he’ll put aside for a maybe. Math is about absolutes and Charlie is all about math.”
Alan’s words slowly sunk in as David began to wonder just how much thought Charlie had put into that kiss in his hall? How much genius brain power had gone into the idea of asking him to take him home from St. Clare’s? He’d been working on the idea that Charlie was going to get his jollies, they’d have some fun then Charlie would move onto someone more suited for him long term but this is a guy who could think dozens of moves ahead in chess and had written a book on using logic in relationships and Charlie was a man who could make logic sing songs and dance dances for him.
David could only guess at the look on his face as Alan reached over and patted his hand. “Don’t sell yourself short David. It’s true that Charlie doesn’t suffer fools or trust easily but if you were a fool Donnie would have kicked you to the curb years ago and Charlie trusts you far more than he trust me or anyone else right now.”
David still couldn’t think of what to say as his hopes and fears kicked down that six month wall and for the first time allowed themselves to look into a future that involved Charlie by his side.
“Are you going to finish that?” David looked down at his spaghetti. He suddenly wasn’t hungry. He shook his head. “Okay.”
Alan gathered up the plates and took them to the kitchen. David decided that he would have to talk to Charlie. They obviously weren’t quite on the same page and David got the feeling he was the only one who hadn’t realized that. Without thinking he went to pick up his water with his right hand and hissed as the muscles protested. He penciled in the talk for sometime after his arm felt better.
~
David had made his way to the couch by the time Charlie got home. Charlie flopped onto the couch beside him dumping his bag on the floor. “Hi. How’s your shoulder?”
“It hurts but please don’t drug me again.”
“Okay.”
David looked over Charlie who looked reasonably exhausted himself. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just tired. Long day. Oh.” Charlie dug into his bag and pulled out a scrap of paper. “Nine AM you have an appointment with Dr. Morrow. The guy cut his teeth on Don’s pitching arm so he’s pretty good by now and he’ll take FBI insurance.”
David bristled a little. “You made a doctor's appointment for me?”
“Well you need to see one and you were out.”
“And why was I out?”
“You were awake for almost 48 hours solid. You would have slept with or without the pill. I wanted to make sure you wouldn’t wake up screaming if you rolled over onto your shoulder.”
“I’m just...” Off David wanted to say. “I’m fine Charlie, okay? I don’t need...”
Charlie poked David’s shoulder with one little finger. David winced. “Yeah, you’re fine.”
David felt the anger start to build up along with a headache. “I’m....”
“David, please,” Charlie cut in. “I spent the day tracking every bullet that got fired off yesterday and just so you know you came two centimeters away from being very dead and I don’t handle it well when I people I care for come that close to dying.”
“Yeah, sucks when that happens.” David kicked himself as the words came out of his mouth and Charlie’s face went hard.
“Yes, yes it does so just let me fuss over you for a bit until I calm down.”
“Sorry.” David quickly apologized “I know you’re just trying to help. What did your analysis turn up?”
Charlie shrugged. “Don’t know yet. I’ve still got to let the computer process a lot of the data but from where I’m standing it looks like good shoots all around but forensics still needs to come back on a couple of the more damaged bullets.” Charlie let out a jaw cracking yawn.
“Okay, I got twenty hours of sleep, how much did you get?”
“Less than twenty. I’ll be fine. Nothing I haven’t done before.”
“Have you eaten?”
“I think I had some muffins at some point.”
“Your Dad left you some spaghetti.”
Charlie carefully leaned over and around and gave David a quick kiss. “Let me rewrap your arm. Then I’ll eat.”
~
David spun around. He tried to read the street signs but the dust obscured them. He spun around again. He was sure he was late for something but he was lost and the streets all looked the same.
He crossed the road and pushed on for another block. He thought he could hear the sea in the distance. It would be a point of reference but no mater how far he walked the sea never came closer and the streets looked the same.
Finally at another cross road he saw a figure on the other side of the street. “Charlie?”
The figure moved away. David chased after until he came to a building. A door was hanging open. He pushed inside and found his apartment. Tiny, just one room it wasn’t much bigger than his Quantico dorm, the bed shoved against one wall. He could see a lump moving under the blankets.
David smiled and pulled the blankets back. Charlie lay there with wide dead eyes his arm open, blood soaking into the white sheets.
David felt a tap on his shoulder. He whipped around and looked directly into another pair of brown eyes.
David’s eyes whipped open and he jerked up, then promptly wished he hadn’t as his shoulder throbbed. He yelped and Charlie stirred beside him.
He could feel his heart thumping in his chest as the edges of the dream began to fade. He carefully reached out and brushed aside some hair from Charlie’s face. His face scrunched up for a moment like a cranky child’s then slipped back into a deeper sleep.
David checked the clock. His alarm would be going off in just fifteen minutes anyway so he carefully slid from the bed to grab first dibs on the shower.
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