Who We Are (10/35)
Title: Who We Are (10/35)
Author: ladygray99
Rating: NC17
Characters/Pairings: Charlie/David
Word count: 4,124
Warnings/Spoilers: Attempted Suicide and the after effects there of. Masturbation. See Part 1 for Spoilers.
Summary: Sometimes life makes you look in the mirror and if you don’t like what you see there are only a couple of options. - Charlie has a really bad day.
Previous Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Notes:Written for choc_fic 's 100 Days of Color. A little more Don and Alan in this bit so tell me what you think.
Beta: swingandswirl and riverotter1951
Chapter 10
David flopped around in his bed trying to get comfortable. It was just a little too warm out, the air conditioning just wasn’t quite good enough, and the sheets felt scratchy and David knew he needed to sleep, he was craving sleep but it just wasn’t coming.
His bedside clock told him it was past midnight.
He knew one thing that would help him relax. The old stand by sleep aid but for some reason he’d been avoiding it pretty much since Charlie went into the hospital. Probably because Charlie has become his stand by fantasy for late insomniac nights. And he had been a safe fantasy. Completely unobtainable and there for existing in the same realm as movie stars.
Of course now there was an ever so slim chance that Charlie was obtainable and his completely fabricated fantasies were now stained by reality. He now knew how Charlie felt in his arms. He knew what Charlie’s moans sounded like and knew the sharp smell of his cum and the taste of his lips.
David gave up and kicked off his shorts and took himself in hand. He tried to drag up a fantasy, one that had nothing to do with Charlie. He flipped through his mental rolodex of pretty girls and pretty boys. His mind landed on Zoe Saldana in her little red Starfleet mini dress. He’d spent Saturday afternoons as a kid watching Star Trek reruns and quietly lusting over Lt. Uhura’s legs so had approved of the new casting with old style costumes.
David took a breath, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to picture a little Starfleet striptease. She had her boots half off when suddenly her hair whet short and curly and her chest disappeared. David opened his eyes before his brain could go to a much weirder place.
He shook his head and went for try two. This time he went for Gina Torres. Curls but solidly and beautifully female. In David’s mind she flashed him a smirk full of danger and promise. And that was as far as David’s mind would let him go. She didn’t get much past the smile before she began to shrink and her hair shorten.
David growled and kicked the bed then he took a few breaths, pushed down as much guilt as he could manage and dragged up an old fantasy of Charlie. He felt his cock instantly swell in his hand.
Late at night in Charlie’s old office. Charlie is babbling on about some math he can’t understand. David locks the door then silences Charlie with a kiss. They kiss against the chalkboard for a long time before tumbling onto Charlie’s couch. They make out some more, stripping bits of clothing from each other until Charlie straddles his hips and slides down onto David’s length.
David stroked himself faster at the thought of Charlie riding him, his face open, covered in bliss. He squeezed tighter at the thought of Charlie bearing down on his cock while coming across their bodies.
David gave a grunt and came across his own hand at the thought of Charlie collapsing across his body, warm, solid and with a smile on his face.
~
David yawned even as Colby took a corner a little tighter than was strictly necessary.
“You okay over there?” Colby asked.
“Yeah, just didn’t sleep enough. It’s the weather.”
“It’s only going to get worse.”
“At least it never gets really humid. That was always the worst part of New York summers. The humidity.”
“You haven’t encountered a truly crappy summer until you’ve faced down an Afghani sand storm. Those suck.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
David checked his watch. It was getting close to one.
Colby pulled up to a red light. “Hey, do you think Charlie would mind an extra visitor today? I haven’t seen the guy in a bit.”
Normally David just said sure but there was something still fragile about Charlie after the last few days and it was causing every possessive and defensive part of his soul to well up. “Um... Actually I’m not really sure.”
Colby gave David a quick look before putting his eyes back on the road. “What’s up? He okay?”
“I don’t know. I think he might have found the bottom of bottom a few days ago. He’s been kind of out of it.”
David watched Colby scowl and turn the Charger south. “How about if I just pop in for a second and if he’s not in a social mood I’ll leave?”
~
David knew something was wrong as soon as he signed in. Instead of buzzing him and Colby onto the floor the girl at the desk made a quick hushed phone call. A minute later Dr. Flores emerged looking grim. David’s heart stopped his head filling with a million nightmare scenarios of Charlie trying to kill himself again.
“What happened? What did Charlie do? Is he okay?” It all came out of David in a rush.
“Dr. Eppes didn’t do anything however there was an incident early this morning.”
“Define incident?” Colby growled out.
Dr. Flores looked at Colby. “This is Special Agent Colby Granger. He’s a friend of Charlie’s,” David said by way of quick introduction.
“I own the guy my life. Twice. So please, define incident.”
Dr. Flores took a deep breath. “From what I’ve been able to understand Dr. Eppes woke early this morning with distressed dreams shortly before the morning shift change. The orderly assigned to Dr. Eppes' ward felt that he needed to be restrained then moved to the safe room when he refused to go back to bed.”
“What!”
“I would like to point out that the orderly in question is new to this organization, on new employee probation and violated several hospital procedures and policies. He as already been dismissed. Unfortunately by the time the morning shift arrived Dr. Eppes was suffering from a rather intense panic attack triggered by his claustrophobia.”
“No fucking shit.” David moved towards the double doors but Dr. Flores stepped quickly into his path. “Get out of my way and open these doors.”
“Yes, absolutely, but please I need to discuss some serious matters with you first.”
“Make it quick.” David was seeing red and could hear his heart pounding in his ears.
Dr. Flores took another deep breath. “Dr. Eppes is a voluntary admittance. Right now he has had enough treatment, has shown enough progress, is a good enough actor, and has a good enough lawyer that he can check himself out if he wants. We would have a hard time obtaining even a 5150.”
“You want him to stay.” Colby’s voice was flat but hard.
“This is a private organization, the upper management just want him not to sue. I think he has made a breakthrough. I think he has hit a point where he can start healing. It is my true and honest opinion that he is not ready to leave. I do not think he’s a danger to himself anymore so we can’t force him to stay but I do not think he’s ready for the outside world. Not yet. If he wants to leave I can understand but I would feel more comfortable knowing he is going to another inpatient facility and if he insists on leaving I still want to see him five days a week. He is not ready and this unfortunate event...”
“You want me to talk him into staying.”
“Agent Sinclair, he trusts you more than anyone else on earth right now. More than his brother or father. More than any other friend. You are quite literally his anchor right now and he needs you to do what’s best for him.”
“If he wants to leave I won’t make him stay. I promised him that. That was the only way I got him through the front doors to begin with.”
Dr. Flores nodded. “Of course. I’ll take you to see him now. We’ve been letting him sit outside most of the day and given him a mild sedative.”
Dr. Flores swiped a security key and pushed the doors open. David felt Colby’s hand on his shoulder and he took as much strength from it as he could having no idea just what kind of state he would find Charlie in.
They were led quickly through the main floor, down a hall, outside and down some steps where there was some grass, a picnic table and a basketball court. Charlie was sitting on the table, clutching his knees, eyes darting around. Nurse Chapel was leaning against the basketball hoop watching him.
“How is he?” Dr. Flores asked.
Nurse Chapel shrugged. “He’s managed to fight off the alprazolam pretty well.”
“Well, that’s not s a surprise,” Colby said. Everyone looked at him. “What? We’ve all seen him do advanced, deep set, pattern theory, Einstein level stuff with a six pack in him.”
David had to agree. “He’s got a point.”
“And I still haven’t gotten close enough to check his arm for damage,” the nurse added.
“Why don’t you go talk to him now, David. And here.” David was handed a little paper cup with a pill in the bottom. “See if you can get him to take that. He’s probably more exhausted than anything else right now.”
David braced himself and carefully approached Charlie. Charlie saw him coming and followed with his eyes but there was no expression on his face. He crawled onto the table and settled in about a foot away from Charlie. He put the paper cup off to the side.
“It’s okay, Charlie. I’m here.” Charlie grabbed the cup and swallowed the contents without even looking then crawled into David’s lap. David could feel him shaking and held on tight. “It’s okay. It’s okay. That idiot’s been fired already. You’re safe. It’s all okay.”
David continued in that vein for several minutes, stroking Charlie’s head and back. Charlie began to calm down, probably as the pill started to take effect and David could feel his left arm begin to go first.
“Charlie, can I check your arm? I just want to make sure you’re okay? Please.”
It was nearly a minute before Charlie let go and held out his left arm, his face still buried in David’s shoulder. David carefully pushed up the sleeve. The skin looked a little raw and a bit bruised around the wrist but nothing too bad. He put his hand into Charlie’s. “Can you squeeze my hand?” Charlie slowly made a fist. It was weak but he was trying. “Okay.” David took his hand from Charlie’s and Charlie wrapped his left arm back around David’s waist.
“I hear you had a bad dream? Want to tell me about it?” Charlie shook his head. “Okay.”
David kept stroking Charlie’s head and started making a list of things that needed to be done if Charlie wanted to leave. He certainly shouldn’t be unsupervised yet. He’d hate it but maybe a home nurse would be for the best for a little while. He could probably use a support group of some kind. There had to be plenty in LA. He probably shouldn’t be heading back to work yet but that would be between Charlie and Dr. Finch. David wondered just what CalSci had been told.
Charlie’s arm flopped down to the table and David realized that Charlie’s breathing had become quite settled. In fact Charlie was fast asleep in his arms. David closed his eyes and let his own body relax for a minute. He knew it would only add to the guilt he was still carrying but he let himself soak in the pleasure of Charlie’s body resting against his.
When he opened his eyes he saw Colby carefully approaching. ‘Need help?’ Colby mouthed silently.
David realized he had no way of getting Charlie up without waking him up and he didn’t want to do that. David nodded. Colby braced Charlie’s back and head and with much slow and careful shifting David got off the bench still holding Charlie in his arms. Charlie felt lighter than David remembered and he added nutritionist and/or personal trainer onto the list of people that might need to be found for Charlie.
Dr. Flores led them upstairs and back inside while David carefully whispered to Charlie to stay asleep. It seemed to work as he laid Charlie in a bed that looked like it was made with military precision. David chalked that up, along with the immaculate cleanliness of the rest of the room, to the OCD roommate.
Once Charlie was tucked in David quickly wrote a note promising to come back and left it on the little nightstand before slipping out. Colby and Dr. Flores were in the hallway talking quietly.
“What was that pill?” David asked.
“Diazepam,” Dr. Flores replied. “It’s a little old school but it works. We’ll wake him up for dinner.”
“If he wants to leave I’m not going to be the one to make him stay,” David repeated. He was still angry over the whole situation.
“I understand.”
“I’ll get Don and Alan to come by tomorrow to talk to him. I don’t know if it’ll help but they should know what happened.”
“I completely agree.”
David didn’t have anything else to say. At least nothing else that was polite or constructive. Instead he just gave a nod and showed himself out of the hospital, starting to feel more than a little claustrophobic himself. He didn’t even bother to note if Colby was following.
When he got to the Charger he leaned against it and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.
“I didn’t know Charlie was claustrophobic.”
David didn’t move his hands from his eyes. “He doesn’t like showing weakness. He figures he needs FBI brass balls to get respect out of us.”
Colby snorted. “Think I should tell him I fainted the last time I went in for a flu shot?”
“How about that you collect dolls?”
“They are historically accurate military figurines, comic book guy. They are not dolls.”
~
David leaned over Don’s shoulder as he sat at his desk. “I need to talk to you and Alan after work. It’s important.”
~
They met in a little diner with half way decent food and deep booths. Since Alan had rejoined the nine to five crowd he was spending less time in the kitchen.
“So what’s going on?” Don asked as soon as he sat down.
David quickly and carefully explained what had happened at the hospital. The unhappy look on Don’s face was only matched by the one on Alan’s. “...And be so kind as to not shoot the messenger. I told Dr. Flores that I wasn’t going to be the one to force Charlie to stay if he didn’t want to but I told him that I’d try to bring you two around tomorrow to talk to Charlie.”
The matching looks of anger turned into matching guilt. Don’s excuse had been the bruises on his face that were just finishing fading from green to yellow. Alan didn’t have an excuse except for a sudden inability to communicate with his own son. He tried more than Don did but David knew it was still hard on him.
“If Charlie wants to leave I don’t think there’s much anyone can do to stop him. I mean if his lawyer can get him off of a treason charge he can get him out of a 5150. Maybe between the three of us we can talk him into staying but...”
“Maybe he shouldn’t be staying,” Alan cut in. “I mean Charlie’s brain has never exactly qualified as normal.”
“He tried to kill himself, Dad. Even for abnormal that's not right.”
“And why did he try to do that?”
“Hey! I will accept a certain amount of responsibility but I wasn’t the one so desperate for grandkids that I was going to frog march him down the aisle.”
“Now hold on just...”
“Enough!” David snapped. “Charlie made his choices. They weren’t good choices but they were still choices. And believe me there is more than enough blame and guilt to go around on this but right now he’s had a nasty scare and needs a little help making the right decision. Got it?”
Both Don and Alan got quiet and guilty looking again. David rummaged through his pockets desperate to find even an aspirin as his head began to throb.
~
David and Don checked their weapons at the door. David had made sure to pick up a lemon tart from Charlie’s favorite bakery and tucked it into his jacket. They were buzzed through but Charlie wasn’t at his window. David tapped on the window of the Nurses Station.
Nurse Chapel smiled at him. “Hello, Agent Sinclair. Charlie’s been given extra outside time today so he’s still in the yard.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Calmer, but I don’t think he slept well.”
“I’m not surprised. Can we see him?”
“Sure. I’ll take you down myself. Dr. Flores is with someone else right now but I’m sure he’s going to want to talk before everyone leaves.”
“I’m sure he is.”
Chapel led the three of them back outside. Heading down the steps David could see Charlie perched on the bench again but even from a distance he could tell Charlie was more relaxed.
Charlie saw the three of them approach and David could see him tense up a bit. Still David let Don go first. Don perched on the bench next to Charlie but didn’t get too close. Charlie only looked at him sideways. “Hey, buddy.”
“Hey.” Charlie did not sound like he was in a conversational mood.
“I hear you had a bit of a rough day yesterday?”
Charlie shrugged. “No one tried to shoot at me. I guess it could have been worse.”
“Shit, we have made you into an agent haven’t we?” Charlie snorted but David could see him trying to hold back a smile. He turned and looked at his brother then carefully reached up and tried to touch Don’s face. Don winced away a little. “You’ve got a good swing on you, buddy. Remind me to take you down to the gym one of these days. I’ll teach you how to throw a proper punch so you don’t hurt your hand.”
Charlie dropped his hand then folded it into this lap. Then slowly, very slowly, he leaned sideways until he was leaning against Don’s shoulder. “What am I doing here?” Charlie whispered.
“You’re healing,” Don replied quickly. “Remember what Dr. Patel said? You’ve been hurt and you need to take time to heal and let people help you feel better.”
Alan sat down on the other side of Charlie. “Whatever you need Charlie. I know you’re mad at Don right now and I know we’ve never communicated as well as we should but you are my son and I love you and...” Alan put his hand on Charlie’s knee. “What would make you happy, Charlie?”
Charlie raised his eyes and looked at David. “I don’t know.” David reached into his coat, pulled out a small brown bag and held out the pastry. Charlie took it with a touch of a grin. “Well that’s a good start.”
Charlie nibbled the crust around the edges before going for the filling. “Any interesting cases come up?” Charlie asked as he started licking at the lemon filling. Don quickly looked up at David. He knew what Don was thinking. Saying yes might motivate Charlie to push forward with his therapy but it could just as easily motivate him to just check himself out.
“Nah. I think all the interesting bad guys heard you weren’t doing so well so are laying low for a bit. I mean what’s the point of going on some vastly complicated crime spree unless you have the great Charlie Eppes to challenge?”
“So I should stay in here and keep the city safe?”
“I didn’t say we didn’t have cases, just no interesting cases. The particularly stupid criminals are having a field day.”
Charlie smiled a little and the conversation fell silent as he finished eating his tart.
“So,” Don finally broke the silence. “I guess this is one of the big decisions Dr. Patel talked about. Do you want to leave?”
Charlie looked up again and into David’s eyes. ‘Oh please say yes.’ David begged silently. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle having Charlie in St. Clare’s. Charlie’s eyes were sad and frightened.
“I don’t want to be here.” Charlie’s voice had a small crack. “But I don’t think I can survive outside. Not yet. I’m... I’m still terrified of everything out there. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and...”
Don put his arm around Charlie’s shoulder and pulled him close. “I’m sorry, buddy. I am so sorry, for everything. But you’re going to be okay, I promise. Just give yourself a little time. You’ll be okay.”
“They make me eat tapioca here.” Charlie’s voice was dejected.
“You hate tapioca.” Alan pointed out.
“I know.” Charlie swallowed a few times. “Dad, Don?”
“Yes?”
“I’m gay.”
Alan gave Charlie's shoulder a squeeze. “We know Charlie, we got your note. It’s okay.”
Charlie nodded. “I think I was really in love with Jesse.”
“Buddy, you were twelve.”
“He was nice to me. You didn’t even fall into that category.”
Don flinched back with guilt. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”
“Don?”
“Yes?”
Charlie took a deep breath. “I killed Mr. Winks.”
Don straightened up fast. “What!”
“It was an accident,” Charlie said quickly. “I thought you were going to kill me so I left the cage door open so it would look like he just ran away.”
“Charlie!” Alan exclaimed.
“It was an accident,” Charlie repeated.
“He was the class gerbil. I thought my classmates were going to kill me. Mom drove all over town looking for a gerbil that looked just like him.”
Charlie put his face in his hands. “I was five. I was doing an experiment. I didn’t know gerbil fur was that flammable.”
“You lit a gerbil on fire?” David exclaimed. It was a pretty horrific image.
“It was an accident,” Charlie moaned. “I buried him in the back yard under the lemon tree but I couldn’t dig very deep and I think Mrs. Richard’s cat, Mr. Fluffluf, yeah I think Mr. Fluffluf dug him up.”
“Oh my god.”
“You’re lucky you didn’t burn the house down, Charlie,” Alan scolded even going so far as to shake a finger.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” Don asked.
“Dr. Flores thinks I need to work on being more honest.”
“I can’t believe you killed Mr. Winks.”
“I’m sorry,” Charlie repeated.
Don folded his arms and scowled in a way that came perilously close to a pout. David tried not to laugh especially considering the way Alan was looking at both his boys like someone was going to go to be sent to bed without dessert.
“Is this a bad time?”
David turned around to find Dr. Flores just behind him. “No I think this is as good a time as any.”
Dr. Flores approached the Eppes. “Is everything alright here?”
Charlie looked up. “Dr. Flores, this is Don and my Dad.” There were quick handshakes. “And I’m a killer.”
“He killed Mr. Winks.”
“He was a small child,” Dr. Flores said gently having obviously heard the tragic tale already.
“There’s no statute of limitations on murder.”
“It was an accident. It was gross negligence at worst.” Charlie argued.
“Emphasis on the gross.”
“That’s enough boys,” Alan finally cut in. “It was an accident and Charlie is very sorry.”
Don and Charlie looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes. The argument was obviously not over but merely shelved for a later date, probably after a few beers.
Dr. Flores slid his hands casually into his pockets like he was just taking a stroll. “So Dr. Eppes, have you made a decision about staying or not?”
Charlie took a big breath. “I really hate the tapioca here but I have decided to embrace cowardice for a bit. As much as this place really kinda sucks I am petrified of everyone and everything outside of it.”
The slightly guilty look slipped back onto Don and Alan’s faces. Dr. Flores just nodded. “Well that is what we’ll work on next then. I have no desire to keep you here for an extended stay. The world out there might scare you right now but I have the feeling it also could really use you in it.”
Previous Next
Author: ladygray99
Rating: NC17
Characters/Pairings: Charlie/David
Word count: 4,124
Warnings/Spoilers: Attempted Suicide and the after effects there of. Masturbation. See Part 1 for Spoilers.
Summary: Sometimes life makes you look in the mirror and if you don’t like what you see there are only a couple of options. - Charlie has a really bad day.
Previous Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Notes:Written for choc_fic 's 100 Days of Color. A little more Don and Alan in this bit so tell me what you think.
Beta: swingandswirl and riverotter1951
Chapter 10
David flopped around in his bed trying to get comfortable. It was just a little too warm out, the air conditioning just wasn’t quite good enough, and the sheets felt scratchy and David knew he needed to sleep, he was craving sleep but it just wasn’t coming.
His bedside clock told him it was past midnight.
He knew one thing that would help him relax. The old stand by sleep aid but for some reason he’d been avoiding it pretty much since Charlie went into the hospital. Probably because Charlie has become his stand by fantasy for late insomniac nights. And he had been a safe fantasy. Completely unobtainable and there for existing in the same realm as movie stars.
Of course now there was an ever so slim chance that Charlie was obtainable and his completely fabricated fantasies were now stained by reality. He now knew how Charlie felt in his arms. He knew what Charlie’s moans sounded like and knew the sharp smell of his cum and the taste of his lips.
David gave up and kicked off his shorts and took himself in hand. He tried to drag up a fantasy, one that had nothing to do with Charlie. He flipped through his mental rolodex of pretty girls and pretty boys. His mind landed on Zoe Saldana in her little red Starfleet mini dress. He’d spent Saturday afternoons as a kid watching Star Trek reruns and quietly lusting over Lt. Uhura’s legs so had approved of the new casting with old style costumes.
David took a breath, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to picture a little Starfleet striptease. She had her boots half off when suddenly her hair whet short and curly and her chest disappeared. David opened his eyes before his brain could go to a much weirder place.
He shook his head and went for try two. This time he went for Gina Torres. Curls but solidly and beautifully female. In David’s mind she flashed him a smirk full of danger and promise. And that was as far as David’s mind would let him go. She didn’t get much past the smile before she began to shrink and her hair shorten.
David growled and kicked the bed then he took a few breaths, pushed down as much guilt as he could manage and dragged up an old fantasy of Charlie. He felt his cock instantly swell in his hand.
Late at night in Charlie’s old office. Charlie is babbling on about some math he can’t understand. David locks the door then silences Charlie with a kiss. They kiss against the chalkboard for a long time before tumbling onto Charlie’s couch. They make out some more, stripping bits of clothing from each other until Charlie straddles his hips and slides down onto David’s length.
David stroked himself faster at the thought of Charlie riding him, his face open, covered in bliss. He squeezed tighter at the thought of Charlie bearing down on his cock while coming across their bodies.
David gave a grunt and came across his own hand at the thought of Charlie collapsing across his body, warm, solid and with a smile on his face.
~
David yawned even as Colby took a corner a little tighter than was strictly necessary.
“You okay over there?” Colby asked.
“Yeah, just didn’t sleep enough. It’s the weather.”
“It’s only going to get worse.”
“At least it never gets really humid. That was always the worst part of New York summers. The humidity.”
“You haven’t encountered a truly crappy summer until you’ve faced down an Afghani sand storm. Those suck.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
David checked his watch. It was getting close to one.
Colby pulled up to a red light. “Hey, do you think Charlie would mind an extra visitor today? I haven’t seen the guy in a bit.”
Normally David just said sure but there was something still fragile about Charlie after the last few days and it was causing every possessive and defensive part of his soul to well up. “Um... Actually I’m not really sure.”
Colby gave David a quick look before putting his eyes back on the road. “What’s up? He okay?”
“I don’t know. I think he might have found the bottom of bottom a few days ago. He’s been kind of out of it.”
David watched Colby scowl and turn the Charger south. “How about if I just pop in for a second and if he’s not in a social mood I’ll leave?”
~
David knew something was wrong as soon as he signed in. Instead of buzzing him and Colby onto the floor the girl at the desk made a quick hushed phone call. A minute later Dr. Flores emerged looking grim. David’s heart stopped his head filling with a million nightmare scenarios of Charlie trying to kill himself again.
“What happened? What did Charlie do? Is he okay?” It all came out of David in a rush.
“Dr. Eppes didn’t do anything however there was an incident early this morning.”
“Define incident?” Colby growled out.
Dr. Flores looked at Colby. “This is Special Agent Colby Granger. He’s a friend of Charlie’s,” David said by way of quick introduction.
“I own the guy my life. Twice. So please, define incident.”
Dr. Flores took a deep breath. “From what I’ve been able to understand Dr. Eppes woke early this morning with distressed dreams shortly before the morning shift change. The orderly assigned to Dr. Eppes' ward felt that he needed to be restrained then moved to the safe room when he refused to go back to bed.”
“What!”
“I would like to point out that the orderly in question is new to this organization, on new employee probation and violated several hospital procedures and policies. He as already been dismissed. Unfortunately by the time the morning shift arrived Dr. Eppes was suffering from a rather intense panic attack triggered by his claustrophobia.”
“No fucking shit.” David moved towards the double doors but Dr. Flores stepped quickly into his path. “Get out of my way and open these doors.”
“Yes, absolutely, but please I need to discuss some serious matters with you first.”
“Make it quick.” David was seeing red and could hear his heart pounding in his ears.
Dr. Flores took another deep breath. “Dr. Eppes is a voluntary admittance. Right now he has had enough treatment, has shown enough progress, is a good enough actor, and has a good enough lawyer that he can check himself out if he wants. We would have a hard time obtaining even a 5150.”
“You want him to stay.” Colby’s voice was flat but hard.
“This is a private organization, the upper management just want him not to sue. I think he has made a breakthrough. I think he has hit a point where he can start healing. It is my true and honest opinion that he is not ready to leave. I do not think he’s a danger to himself anymore so we can’t force him to stay but I do not think he’s ready for the outside world. Not yet. If he wants to leave I can understand but I would feel more comfortable knowing he is going to another inpatient facility and if he insists on leaving I still want to see him five days a week. He is not ready and this unfortunate event...”
“You want me to talk him into staying.”
“Agent Sinclair, he trusts you more than anyone else on earth right now. More than his brother or father. More than any other friend. You are quite literally his anchor right now and he needs you to do what’s best for him.”
“If he wants to leave I won’t make him stay. I promised him that. That was the only way I got him through the front doors to begin with.”
Dr. Flores nodded. “Of course. I’ll take you to see him now. We’ve been letting him sit outside most of the day and given him a mild sedative.”
Dr. Flores swiped a security key and pushed the doors open. David felt Colby’s hand on his shoulder and he took as much strength from it as he could having no idea just what kind of state he would find Charlie in.
They were led quickly through the main floor, down a hall, outside and down some steps where there was some grass, a picnic table and a basketball court. Charlie was sitting on the table, clutching his knees, eyes darting around. Nurse Chapel was leaning against the basketball hoop watching him.
“How is he?” Dr. Flores asked.
Nurse Chapel shrugged. “He’s managed to fight off the alprazolam pretty well.”
“Well, that’s not s a surprise,” Colby said. Everyone looked at him. “What? We’ve all seen him do advanced, deep set, pattern theory, Einstein level stuff with a six pack in him.”
David had to agree. “He’s got a point.”
“And I still haven’t gotten close enough to check his arm for damage,” the nurse added.
“Why don’t you go talk to him now, David. And here.” David was handed a little paper cup with a pill in the bottom. “See if you can get him to take that. He’s probably more exhausted than anything else right now.”
David braced himself and carefully approached Charlie. Charlie saw him coming and followed with his eyes but there was no expression on his face. He crawled onto the table and settled in about a foot away from Charlie. He put the paper cup off to the side.
“It’s okay, Charlie. I’m here.” Charlie grabbed the cup and swallowed the contents without even looking then crawled into David’s lap. David could feel him shaking and held on tight. “It’s okay. It’s okay. That idiot’s been fired already. You’re safe. It’s all okay.”
David continued in that vein for several minutes, stroking Charlie’s head and back. Charlie began to calm down, probably as the pill started to take effect and David could feel his left arm begin to go first.
“Charlie, can I check your arm? I just want to make sure you’re okay? Please.”
It was nearly a minute before Charlie let go and held out his left arm, his face still buried in David’s shoulder. David carefully pushed up the sleeve. The skin looked a little raw and a bit bruised around the wrist but nothing too bad. He put his hand into Charlie’s. “Can you squeeze my hand?” Charlie slowly made a fist. It was weak but he was trying. “Okay.” David took his hand from Charlie’s and Charlie wrapped his left arm back around David’s waist.
“I hear you had a bad dream? Want to tell me about it?” Charlie shook his head. “Okay.”
David kept stroking Charlie’s head and started making a list of things that needed to be done if Charlie wanted to leave. He certainly shouldn’t be unsupervised yet. He’d hate it but maybe a home nurse would be for the best for a little while. He could probably use a support group of some kind. There had to be plenty in LA. He probably shouldn’t be heading back to work yet but that would be between Charlie and Dr. Finch. David wondered just what CalSci had been told.
Charlie’s arm flopped down to the table and David realized that Charlie’s breathing had become quite settled. In fact Charlie was fast asleep in his arms. David closed his eyes and let his own body relax for a minute. He knew it would only add to the guilt he was still carrying but he let himself soak in the pleasure of Charlie’s body resting against his.
When he opened his eyes he saw Colby carefully approaching. ‘Need help?’ Colby mouthed silently.
David realized he had no way of getting Charlie up without waking him up and he didn’t want to do that. David nodded. Colby braced Charlie’s back and head and with much slow and careful shifting David got off the bench still holding Charlie in his arms. Charlie felt lighter than David remembered and he added nutritionist and/or personal trainer onto the list of people that might need to be found for Charlie.
Dr. Flores led them upstairs and back inside while David carefully whispered to Charlie to stay asleep. It seemed to work as he laid Charlie in a bed that looked like it was made with military precision. David chalked that up, along with the immaculate cleanliness of the rest of the room, to the OCD roommate.
Once Charlie was tucked in David quickly wrote a note promising to come back and left it on the little nightstand before slipping out. Colby and Dr. Flores were in the hallway talking quietly.
“What was that pill?” David asked.
“Diazepam,” Dr. Flores replied. “It’s a little old school but it works. We’ll wake him up for dinner.”
“If he wants to leave I’m not going to be the one to make him stay,” David repeated. He was still angry over the whole situation.
“I understand.”
“I’ll get Don and Alan to come by tomorrow to talk to him. I don’t know if it’ll help but they should know what happened.”
“I completely agree.”
David didn’t have anything else to say. At least nothing else that was polite or constructive. Instead he just gave a nod and showed himself out of the hospital, starting to feel more than a little claustrophobic himself. He didn’t even bother to note if Colby was following.
When he got to the Charger he leaned against it and pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes.
“I didn’t know Charlie was claustrophobic.”
David didn’t move his hands from his eyes. “He doesn’t like showing weakness. He figures he needs FBI brass balls to get respect out of us.”
Colby snorted. “Think I should tell him I fainted the last time I went in for a flu shot?”
“How about that you collect dolls?”
“They are historically accurate military figurines, comic book guy. They are not dolls.”
~
David leaned over Don’s shoulder as he sat at his desk. “I need to talk to you and Alan after work. It’s important.”
~
They met in a little diner with half way decent food and deep booths. Since Alan had rejoined the nine to five crowd he was spending less time in the kitchen.
“So what’s going on?” Don asked as soon as he sat down.
David quickly and carefully explained what had happened at the hospital. The unhappy look on Don’s face was only matched by the one on Alan’s. “...And be so kind as to not shoot the messenger. I told Dr. Flores that I wasn’t going to be the one to force Charlie to stay if he didn’t want to but I told him that I’d try to bring you two around tomorrow to talk to Charlie.”
The matching looks of anger turned into matching guilt. Don’s excuse had been the bruises on his face that were just finishing fading from green to yellow. Alan didn’t have an excuse except for a sudden inability to communicate with his own son. He tried more than Don did but David knew it was still hard on him.
“If Charlie wants to leave I don’t think there’s much anyone can do to stop him. I mean if his lawyer can get him off of a treason charge he can get him out of a 5150. Maybe between the three of us we can talk him into staying but...”
“Maybe he shouldn’t be staying,” Alan cut in. “I mean Charlie’s brain has never exactly qualified as normal.”
“He tried to kill himself, Dad. Even for abnormal that's not right.”
“And why did he try to do that?”
“Hey! I will accept a certain amount of responsibility but I wasn’t the one so desperate for grandkids that I was going to frog march him down the aisle.”
“Now hold on just...”
“Enough!” David snapped. “Charlie made his choices. They weren’t good choices but they were still choices. And believe me there is more than enough blame and guilt to go around on this but right now he’s had a nasty scare and needs a little help making the right decision. Got it?”
Both Don and Alan got quiet and guilty looking again. David rummaged through his pockets desperate to find even an aspirin as his head began to throb.
~
David and Don checked their weapons at the door. David had made sure to pick up a lemon tart from Charlie’s favorite bakery and tucked it into his jacket. They were buzzed through but Charlie wasn’t at his window. David tapped on the window of the Nurses Station.
Nurse Chapel smiled at him. “Hello, Agent Sinclair. Charlie’s been given extra outside time today so he’s still in the yard.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Calmer, but I don’t think he slept well.”
“I’m not surprised. Can we see him?”
“Sure. I’ll take you down myself. Dr. Flores is with someone else right now but I’m sure he’s going to want to talk before everyone leaves.”
“I’m sure he is.”
Chapel led the three of them back outside. Heading down the steps David could see Charlie perched on the bench again but even from a distance he could tell Charlie was more relaxed.
Charlie saw the three of them approach and David could see him tense up a bit. Still David let Don go first. Don perched on the bench next to Charlie but didn’t get too close. Charlie only looked at him sideways. “Hey, buddy.”
“Hey.” Charlie did not sound like he was in a conversational mood.
“I hear you had a bit of a rough day yesterday?”
Charlie shrugged. “No one tried to shoot at me. I guess it could have been worse.”
“Shit, we have made you into an agent haven’t we?” Charlie snorted but David could see him trying to hold back a smile. He turned and looked at his brother then carefully reached up and tried to touch Don’s face. Don winced away a little. “You’ve got a good swing on you, buddy. Remind me to take you down to the gym one of these days. I’ll teach you how to throw a proper punch so you don’t hurt your hand.”
Charlie dropped his hand then folded it into this lap. Then slowly, very slowly, he leaned sideways until he was leaning against Don’s shoulder. “What am I doing here?” Charlie whispered.
“You’re healing,” Don replied quickly. “Remember what Dr. Patel said? You’ve been hurt and you need to take time to heal and let people help you feel better.”
Alan sat down on the other side of Charlie. “Whatever you need Charlie. I know you’re mad at Don right now and I know we’ve never communicated as well as we should but you are my son and I love you and...” Alan put his hand on Charlie’s knee. “What would make you happy, Charlie?”
Charlie raised his eyes and looked at David. “I don’t know.” David reached into his coat, pulled out a small brown bag and held out the pastry. Charlie took it with a touch of a grin. “Well that’s a good start.”
Charlie nibbled the crust around the edges before going for the filling. “Any interesting cases come up?” Charlie asked as he started licking at the lemon filling. Don quickly looked up at David. He knew what Don was thinking. Saying yes might motivate Charlie to push forward with his therapy but it could just as easily motivate him to just check himself out.
“Nah. I think all the interesting bad guys heard you weren’t doing so well so are laying low for a bit. I mean what’s the point of going on some vastly complicated crime spree unless you have the great Charlie Eppes to challenge?”
“So I should stay in here and keep the city safe?”
“I didn’t say we didn’t have cases, just no interesting cases. The particularly stupid criminals are having a field day.”
Charlie smiled a little and the conversation fell silent as he finished eating his tart.
“So,” Don finally broke the silence. “I guess this is one of the big decisions Dr. Patel talked about. Do you want to leave?”
Charlie looked up again and into David’s eyes. ‘Oh please say yes.’ David begged silently. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle having Charlie in St. Clare’s. Charlie’s eyes were sad and frightened.
“I don’t want to be here.” Charlie’s voice had a small crack. “But I don’t think I can survive outside. Not yet. I’m... I’m still terrified of everything out there. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, and...”
Don put his arm around Charlie’s shoulder and pulled him close. “I’m sorry, buddy. I am so sorry, for everything. But you’re going to be okay, I promise. Just give yourself a little time. You’ll be okay.”
“They make me eat tapioca here.” Charlie’s voice was dejected.
“You hate tapioca.” Alan pointed out.
“I know.” Charlie swallowed a few times. “Dad, Don?”
“Yes?”
“I’m gay.”
Alan gave Charlie's shoulder a squeeze. “We know Charlie, we got your note. It’s okay.”
Charlie nodded. “I think I was really in love with Jesse.”
“Buddy, you were twelve.”
“He was nice to me. You didn’t even fall into that category.”
Don flinched back with guilt. “Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”
“Don?”
“Yes?”
Charlie took a deep breath. “I killed Mr. Winks.”
Don straightened up fast. “What!”
“It was an accident,” Charlie said quickly. “I thought you were going to kill me so I left the cage door open so it would look like he just ran away.”
“Charlie!” Alan exclaimed.
“It was an accident,” Charlie repeated.
“He was the class gerbil. I thought my classmates were going to kill me. Mom drove all over town looking for a gerbil that looked just like him.”
Charlie put his face in his hands. “I was five. I was doing an experiment. I didn’t know gerbil fur was that flammable.”
“You lit a gerbil on fire?” David exclaimed. It was a pretty horrific image.
“It was an accident,” Charlie moaned. “I buried him in the back yard under the lemon tree but I couldn’t dig very deep and I think Mrs. Richard’s cat, Mr. Fluffluf, yeah I think Mr. Fluffluf dug him up.”
“Oh my god.”
“You’re lucky you didn’t burn the house down, Charlie,” Alan scolded even going so far as to shake a finger.
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” Don asked.
“Dr. Flores thinks I need to work on being more honest.”
“I can’t believe you killed Mr. Winks.”
“I’m sorry,” Charlie repeated.
Don folded his arms and scowled in a way that came perilously close to a pout. David tried not to laugh especially considering the way Alan was looking at both his boys like someone was going to go to be sent to bed without dessert.
“Is this a bad time?”
David turned around to find Dr. Flores just behind him. “No I think this is as good a time as any.”
Dr. Flores approached the Eppes. “Is everything alright here?”
Charlie looked up. “Dr. Flores, this is Don and my Dad.” There were quick handshakes. “And I’m a killer.”
“He killed Mr. Winks.”
“He was a small child,” Dr. Flores said gently having obviously heard the tragic tale already.
“There’s no statute of limitations on murder.”
“It was an accident. It was gross negligence at worst.” Charlie argued.
“Emphasis on the gross.”
“That’s enough boys,” Alan finally cut in. “It was an accident and Charlie is very sorry.”
Don and Charlie looked at each other out of the corner of their eyes. The argument was obviously not over but merely shelved for a later date, probably after a few beers.
Dr. Flores slid his hands casually into his pockets like he was just taking a stroll. “So Dr. Eppes, have you made a decision about staying or not?”
Charlie took a big breath. “I really hate the tapioca here but I have decided to embrace cowardice for a bit. As much as this place really kinda sucks I am petrified of everyone and everything outside of it.”
The slightly guilty look slipped back onto Don and Alan’s faces. Dr. Flores just nodded. “Well that is what we’ll work on next then. I have no desire to keep you here for an extended stay. The world out there might scare you right now but I have the feeling it also could really use you in it.”
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