[ic] [Ash] Awkward Phone Calls

[lacroix_styles]

The combination of lingering jet-lag and an impressive amount of sleeping pills to avoid the onslaught of nightmares had left Lacroix blissfully dead to the world for several hours. He very rarely slept deeply, or well, but drugged enough he could pass out for long enough to feel rested, and that had been his plan the evening following the trip to

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[asher_embry]

Just as Lacroix assumed the caller must have been Hector, the man on the other end assumed the person that picked up must have been Ash. He didn’t identify himself; quite a few of Ash’s clients felt very self-important, had all confidence that Ash would know them just by the sound of their voice... but on the contrary, Ash had an Excel spreadsheet of all of his clients to keep them straight and to refresh his memory before each new session, because he really didn’t remember all of them. In fact, unless they were a repeat client who’d shelled out a good amount of cash multiple times in the past, Ash generally didn’t remember their name.

This wasn’t a repeat client; he’d met with Ash once, and it had been his first ever session with a professional dominant -- perhaps that was why he was fixating on Ash, and had ignored his request not to receive calls while he was away on vacation

[asher_embry]

“...Ross,” Ash voiced simply, frowning now; the longer his stomach tied itself in knots, the harder it was for him to maintain his calm facade. It was obvious that Lacroix was avoiding the subject, and honestly Ash didn’t really blame him for that. He was even more uncomfortable than Lacroix must have been, he was certain; he still didn’t let go of Lacroix’s wrist, as if still afraid that he was going to leave. “C’mon, talk to me.”

He would talk more if it meant reassuring Lacroix that he wasn’t cheating on him -- he’d never do that; he’d had so few relationships in the past at it was that he really couldn’t afford to mess around. Besides, he didn’t really have the desire to anyway; it felt good to be around Lacroix, and Ash didn’t want to lose that.

[lacroix_styles]

"I don't know what else you want me to say, I already told you what happened; I grabbed your phone because I was half asleep and had one of the weirdest conversations I probably have had in a long time with whoever called you." He really didn't know what Ash expected him to say; he wasn't going to ask questions over something that was so obviously not his business. "I didn't ask any questions and I just brought the phone to you because, honestly, I had no idea what most of that was about

[asher_embry]

A little shake of Ash’s head followed Lacroix’s words, a gentle protest. “It is acting. Look...” he trailed off, sliding his hand down so that he could intertwine his fingers with Lacroix’s, his grip loose enough so that the other man could pull away if he didn’t want the contact. It felt so uncomfortably wrong to be saying all of this, but if it made Lacroix's doubts about him go away, then Ash had to say it. He felt horrible for putting Lacroix through this. “...listen. People pay me to act for them, okay? They’ll pay me to act like a pirate, or a cowboy, or a police officer.”

None of that was a lie, and Lacroix knew about all of the boots that went with those respective roles. His huge wardrobe accommodated all those characters he played in order to satisfy the desires of his clients. “And some people aren’t all that creative, like that guy on the phone. They just want me to insult them or tell them what to do. They pay me to push them around.” Ash still didn’t know the caller’s name; hopefully that drove home the fact that he

[lacroix_styles]

That actually...made very little sense when he stood there thinking about it; Lacroix had to admit it was a stretch to consider the logic of what Ash was saying. He was trying, he really was, but the vast majority of the concept fell short of being easy to grasp. "People pay you to call you and have you tell them what to do." It wasn't voiced as a question because it sounded so much more perplexed and doubtful as a statement really; wrapping his head around that was more difficult than the easier possibility that Ash just had somebody.

It took a few moments for him to sort out the rest of the logical conclusion; he had seen several of Ash's vast stockpile of boots and read mention of things like costumes and that excess of clothing Ash stored away in his small closet; once he caught on the difference between phone calls and acting was far more clear

[asher_embry]

Ash just... borrowed his hand back, reluctant to let go because he was terrified that he might not get to hold Lacroix’s hand ever again. He should have just lied -- that was the conclusion he came to now; everything was always so much better when he hid the truth. Part of him wanted to crawl into the catacombs and hide because he was certain Lacroix wouldn’t understand; not many people did, and even though he didn’t sleep with his clients, he couldn’t make Lacroix believe that

[lacroix_styles]

The abrupt motion caught him off guard, and left Lacroix with even more questions. At first he just stood there watching Asher go hunting for that leash, but when it became apparent that Ash meant 'go' in the sense of not just leaving the room but leaving altogether he was left even more at a loss

[asher_embry]

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Ash voiced with a sigh, lingering a moment just in case Lacroix did want to talk. He was far past expecting people to understand his profession, so he really didn’t blame Lacroix for not understanding. He’d tried on countless occasions to explain it to his parents, but they still refused to accept him; no amount of explaining could make people understand him, and he was well-aware of that by now

[lacroix_styles]

Lacroix wasn't certain why Ash thought he would jump to the conclusion that he thought it did change who he was; that would have been like saying the sum of who Lacroix himself was amounted to those supernatural abilities he had. And he didn't believe that in spite of Hector's best efforts to convince him it just might be true; circumstances didn't make a person who they were, they just reminded people of who what they had to face down to stay who they were

[asher_embry]

Of course Ash was acting different; he was terrified that he’d lose Lacroix -- that was certainly reason enough to be extremely stressed out right now. And even if Lacroix didn’t want Ash out of his life because of this, Ash was still uneasy over the possibility of everything being awkward between them from now on. He didn’t want Lacroix to doubt his faithfulness because of his job; he’d been nothing but loyal to Lacroix thus far, and that wouldn’t falter

[lacroix_styles]

"That's a long time," Lacroix couldn't really think of a job that he had stayed at for that many years, most of his had spanned a few years at the most before he ended up moving on to another one. But unlike Ash he was accustomed to what amounted to everyday jobs, a scattering of jobs in restaurant kitchens had been tossed in with retail, errand jobs and whatever had been offered to him; getting by was more his outlook on life

[asher_embry]

Ash was reluctant to sit; even if Lacroix didn’t say as much, Ash was so used to people finding his job disgusting that he had himself convinced that Lacroix must feel the same way. It was uncomfortable for him, but he eased over to sit anyway, not close enough to touch Lacroix. He rested his palms on his knees, shoulders tense, and kept his gazed fixed on the floor; something inside him was so aversive to the idea of seeing disappointment in Lacroix’s own eyes, or disgust, or whatever else negative Lacroix might be feeling. He’d never wanted to make him feel like that -- he’d tried so hard so far to make Lacroix happy, to make him feel important, and to be a good listener to him when Lacroix was having a bad day. He'd never wanted Lacroix to feel bad

[lacroix_styles]

"Oh," Lacroix trailed off, taking a moment to consider all that information. And the obvious question was right there, as curious as he was to ask it he was still careful in how he asked it. "So you're not really interested in these people or what they want from you, it's just...work

[asher_embry]

Those questions didn’t surprise him at all; most people jumped to the incorrect conclusion that he slept with his clients. Not only was that not legal, it also just... was an uncomfortable idea altogether for Ash. Even if someone wasn’t paying him anymore, if they had in the past, he still couldn’t imagine having a relationship with them. But that was all a non-issue anyway because he was monogamous; it didn’t make him comfortable to pursue more than one person at a time. And most of the time until now he just never pursued anyone because he knew that most people wouldn’t accept his occupation. But something so irresistible had drawn him to Lacroix -- he was charming and cute and smart and loyal -- so Ash had decided to take the chance anyway.

“I don’t see any of them outside of work. The only time I see them is if they’re paying me,” Ash explained, easing down to rest his elbows against his knees in a hunched-forward position. He hated the idea that Lacroix might have thought he was pursuing a client, because that never happened. No

[lacroix_styles]

Lacroix still didn't fully understand that unconventional line of work, that was bound to take some time, but what he did understand was that Ash's hesitation in telling him had been because of past reactions or he wouldn't have been so uncomfortable about it right then

[asher_embry]

Ash agreeably let Lacroix have his hand, and gave Lacroix’s fingers a gentle little squeeze in return. Any contact was much-appreciated at this point, because he’d been scared a few moments prior that he wouldn’t be accepted anymore due to his occupation. But Ash was still concerned; even though Lacroix had said he was tolerant of weird, Ash hoped there wasn’t any lingering discomfort, but he couldn’t really blame Lacroix if there was. Even though it was a legal occupation, it was still one that was outside of the normal nine to five rat race that so many people were accustomed to