[ic] [Ash] Awkward Phone Calls

[lacroix_styles]

The combination of lingering jet-lag and an impressive amount of sleeping pills to avoid the onslaught of nightmares had left Lacroix blissfully dead to the world for several hours. He very rarely slept deeply, or well, but drugged enough he could pass out for long enough to feel rested, and that had been his plan the evening following the trip to

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[lacroix_styles]

"That's a long time," Lacroix couldn't really think of a job that he had stayed at for that many years, most of his had spanned a few years at the most before he ended up moving on to another one. But unlike Ash he was accustomed to what amounted to everyday jobs, a scattering of jobs in restaurant kitchens had been tossed in with retail, errand jobs and whatever had been offered to him; getting by was more his outlook on life.
Or it had been for a long time, anymore most of his time was spent studying.

There were some questions he did have, Lacroix couldn't deny that, but asking them felt a bit intrusive; still, if he was going to understand the the idea he needed the chance to learn as much as he could. "So that guy who called you earlier...that's normal for your job?" Not that he could claim to know much of normal either, but Lacroix's version of strange dealt more with death than sexuality and people wanting such odd versions of attention. Which he did know to a vague degree what the idea was about he hadn't spoken to anyone really involved in that sort of life; it did strike up a flicker of curiosity.

Having this conversation mostly at eye level nowhere near Ash's eyes was a bit discouraging though so Lacroix shifted over a little on the bed to clear the corner of it near Ash; that was the subtle motion for him to sit.
Then the less subtle gesture came a moment later when he actually pointed to the empty spot "You should sit down, I'm like eye level with your belt right now and that's weird."
Granted, standing straight up he couldn't make eye level either with Ash, but that was because some people were really abnormally tall.

[asher_embry]

Ash was reluctant to sit; even if Lacroix didn’t say as much, Ash was so used to people finding his job disgusting that he had himself convinced that Lacroix must feel the same way. It was uncomfortable for him, but he eased over to sit anyway, not close enough to touch Lacroix. He rested his palms on his knees, shoulders tense, and kept his gazed fixed on the floor; something inside him was so aversive to the idea of seeing disappointment in Lacroix’s own eyes, or disgust, or whatever else negative Lacroix might be feeling. He’d never wanted to make him feel like that -- he’d tried so hard so far to make Lacroix happy, to make him feel important, and to be a good listener to him when Lacroix was having a bad day. He'd never wanted Lacroix to feel bad.

“...No, it’s not normal,” Ash answered finally, trying to stay calm but the stress still evident in his voice. “That was completely disrespectful to call while I’m on vacation. That’s not the kind of client I see again.” Desperate, needy submissives that couldn’t separate fantasy from reality were a danger to be around anyway; Ash didn’t want to end up getting a stalker, after all, which is why he’d just hung up the phone instead of giving the caller what he wanted. The vast majority of his clients were just normal people that had some fetish they couldn’t practice in their everyday life, and needn’t to go to a professional dominant to indulge it. Those were the clients Ash liked best, the ones that actually realized that Ash was working, and that they both had separate lives outside of their sessions.

"Normal is not expecting me to play a part outside of work,” he added, summarizing all of his thoughts on the matter.

[lacroix_styles]

"Oh," Lacroix trailed off, taking a moment to consider all that information. And the obvious question was right there, as curious as he was to ask it he was still careful in how he asked it. "So you're not really interested in these people or what they want from you, it's just...work?"
Maybe not the sort of work most people carried out, needless to say, but it was easier to understand in the perspective of comparing it to any other job.

Ash was still very much the picture of tension though, and that was just as uncomfortable for him as it was for Ash. It was so out of character to see Ash uneasy and hesitant, so guarded in such a nervous way; that made Lacroix feel guilty for asking those questions. But he did need to understand, not wanting to jump to any more conclusions when he had made that mistake once already.

"Well, it's a lot better than thinking you were just seeing somebody and didn't tell me; I mean...that's what I was freaked out about at first." As bad as it probably made him sound to say it Lacroix did anyway because he wanted Ash to know that earlier tension on his part had been for a reason that he was relieved to find wasn't true. "It might take me a little while to understand everything, because there is a lot that's a little confusing about it; but it's okay, I'm sure it'll make more sense after a while."
It wasn't like he was so horrified by the idea that he saw much difference in Ash; since Ash had been doing that job the entire time they had known each other it was something that had always been there even if he hadn't been aware.

[asher_embry]

Those questions didn’t surprise him at all; most people jumped to the incorrect conclusion that he slept with his clients. Not only was that not legal, it also just... was an uncomfortable idea altogether for Ash. Even if someone wasn’t paying him anymore, if they had in the past, he still couldn’t imagine having a relationship with them. But that was all a non-issue anyway because he was monogamous; it didn’t make him comfortable to pursue more than one person at a time. And most of the time until now he just never pursued anyone because he knew that most people wouldn’t accept his occupation. But something so irresistible had drawn him to Lacroix -- he was charming and cute and smart and loyal -- so Ash had decided to take the chance anyway.

“I don’t see any of them outside of work. The only time I see them is if they’re paying me,” Ash explained, easing down to rest his elbows against his knees in a hunched-forward position. He hated the idea that Lacroix might have thought he was pursuing a client, because that never happened. No, he couldn’t make Lacroix believe that, but he felt compelled to at least try because he really had been completely faithful to Lacroix.

“...You’re the only one that I want,” he continued, voice a little softer now. “I stay up all night on the phone with you because I’m interested in you. I drop everything for two weeks to come here because you’re who I want. I still pursue you even though you live in some... secret society or something and hardly get to come out, because you’re important.” He’d hoped all that would have been obvious by now anyway; of course he really liked Lacroix.

[lacroix_styles]

Lacroix still didn't fully understand that unconventional line of work, that was bound to take some time, but what he did understand was that Ash's hesitation in telling him had been because of past reactions or he wouldn't have been so uncomfortable about it right then.
It must have been difficult for Ash to try so hard to obscure that part of his life so much, as he very obviously did; that proved flat out that he was afraid of people being judgmental over it.

"Well at least you're not calling it a cult anymore," Lacroix laughed softly, even though he knew the idea did really border that; but he couldn't offer Ash much in the way in honest explanation.
And he knew what it felt like to having to hide, there were entire areas of his life he kept hidden away as a matter of safety and rules, and a small part of his personal life that he hid out of the same sort of nervousness that Ash felt over people being judgmental before they really knew who he was.

He really liked to think that if Ash ever did know those secrets he could accept them, but they weren't secrets he could risk telling anyone, or just didn't have the nerves to express to the world yet. That had nothing to do with Ash and everything to do with himself and self-doubt.

"Ash, it's okay, really; it's not like it makes a huge amount of difference. I didn't know before but that job was still there; and I like you, what makes you think knowing now means I think you're a different person?" Since Ash was so reluctant to move closer Lacroix shifted over instead, reaching across to brush a piece of stray fuzz off the knee of Ash's jeans, then did what he assumed might help Ash calm some of those nerves; snagging hold of Ash's fingers and prying them free from that tense grip on the fabric. "Seriously man, if I didn't like you then it would matter, but sort of doesn't. It's weird, but I have a very high tolerance for weird."

[asher_embry]

Ash agreeably let Lacroix have his hand, and gave Lacroix’s fingers a gentle little squeeze in return. Any contact was much-appreciated at this point, because he’d been scared a few moments prior that he wouldn’t be accepted anymore due to his occupation. But Ash was still concerned; even though Lacroix had said he was tolerant of weird, Ash hoped there wasn’t any lingering discomfort, but he couldn’t really blame Lacroix if there was. Even though it was a legal occupation, it was still one that was outside of the normal nine to five rat race that so many people were accustomed to.

“...I don’t know what to say,” he replied finally, reaching up to rub his forehead with his free hand. It was an extremely lame response and he knew it, but by now in these conversations, he was usually gone; most people wanted him around long enough to yell at him for being a disgusting freak, then wanted him out. The fact that Lacroix was still talking to him and wasn’t yelling meant a lot.

Ash still felt terrible for Lacroix having those doubts earlier. He’d just... he’d have to make it up to Lacroix somehow -- assuming nothing changed between them. Selfishly, Ash hoped it hadn’t; he really did care about Lacroix, and it would hurt a lot of his profession broke them apart.

[lacroix_styles]

Ash had no idea what sort of weird Lacroix was used to dealing with day to day; if anything he was far more outside the norm than Ash would ever be. His own version of bizarre was outside even the realm of human in a way, and carried with it more than just simple stigma, if Hector's paranoia was anything close to justified.
And while he was going to need some time to understand all the details, Lacroix knew better than to let the unconventional dig too far under his skin.

"I'm not sure what you should say either," Lacroix replied and then furrowed his brow as though he were very carefully thinking that over and searching for an answer. "Nope, still no idea what you should say. That is a problem, isn't it?"
Tilting his head just a bit, watching Ash and that forlorn expression still on his face, Lacroix let the silence carry out for a moment, then finally uttered a faint 'hmn'. "You'll just have to do something more drastic then," Lacroix began, "...I guess you'll just have to kiss me."
Not quite the same sort of subtle suave that Ash possessed, no, but it was playful and a humored attempt to coax Ash out of some of that so very clear anxiety.

[asher_embry]

Ash just... turned his head finally to look at Lacroix, his expression one of obvious confusion over that request. This whole conversation he’d been expecting Lacroix to tell him to go back to New York, or at the very least tell him that he wasn’t comfortable with his job. The fact that Lacroix wanted a kiss now made Ash feel a mess of hopeful and pleased and relieved all at once, and he immediately lifted his free hand to the nape of Lacroix’s neck, pulling him closer for that kiss.

It was good now, so much better than the kisses in the catacombs had been because now he knew what it felt like to be afraid of losing Lacroix. In this moment, he didn’t take the other man for granted, took every second now to appreciate the feel of his lips, the taste of his mouth and the tiny little sensation of Lacroix’s breath against his skin. He let himself get lost in the moment, forgetting about his anxiety in favor of making the both of them feel good.

It wasn’t enough, though; he wanted to tell Lacroix just how he was feeling, even though he wasn’t sure how to put it all into words. After another warm, lingering moment, he broke that kiss, mentally scrambling to try to find something to say to sum up everything he was thinking right in that second.

...no, he still didn’t know what to say, so Ash took advantage of his wordlessness by stealing one more kiss, firmer this time, insistent -- as if he was trying to prove how serious he was about trying to make this work with Lacroix. He hadn’t been lying earlier; Lacroix was important, and there was no way Ash would ever intentionally hurt him. After he felt as if he’d gotten his point across without words, he pulled back once more so that he could give talking one more try; as much as he liked giving Lacroix physical affection, verbal affection was just as important.

Third time was a charm; he’d finally managed to come up something suitable to say in order to explain his feelings. He pulled Lacroix closer for an affectionate embrace before whispering close to his ear, “...You’re amazing.” He didn’t need to be quiet now, no, but somehow the hushed level of intimacy felt more appropriate. He’d never had a boyfriend so seemingly okay with his profession, and it left him feeling so very relieved and grateful to have Lacroix.

[lacroix_styles]

There was nothing subtle about the way Ash pulled him closer, and even less so in how quickly that kiss went from quick to exploratory; it was vastly different than that stolen moment in the catacombs. Lacroix really did feel out of his league right then, no past encounter had been beyond fleeting and faintly awkward, curiosity born of teenage whim; Ash very obviously knew better what he was doing.
But Lacroix learned fast, and quite eagerly, as was apparent by the way he let Ash lead but tried to match that kiss; to the point of feeling just barely lightheaded.
He was left with an entirely pleased grin on his face when Ash finally drew back, not noticing when Ash struggled to sort out the correct words; by the time Lacroix had even recovered enough to be acutely aware Ash had grabbed him again.

Not that he was complaining though.

Being somewhat certain Ash intended to have an up-close and personal assessment of his tonsils the first time around that second kiss broke his capacity to think. Insistent was an excellent word for it, yes, and somewhere along the lines he forgot how to breathe; it felt a bit like his nerves were plugged into an electrical outlet.
He didn't even try to keep up with that one, just let Ash turn his coherence to nothing until he was finally left blinking in the wake of that kiss.

Lacroix laughed softly at the words, amused, and decided to rest one of his elbows against Ash's shoulder in that close proximity; noticing the still-damp state of Ash's hair when his fingertips brushed it as he stretched his arm out. "Well, yeah I probably am," he grinned, "But you're not so bad yourself either."

Strange start to the day, without a doubt, but Lacroix could have dealt with a few more strange mornings if they ended up in such an entirely pleasant way.

[asher_embry]

Ash was too comfortable here to let go just yet; he kept that embrace intact a while longer. His earlier stress melted away the longer he remained here, and he couldn’t put into words just how grateful he was that he still had Lacroix’s affection. Suddenly he felt the urge to tell other people about this -- maybe later he’d have to text Corbin to tell him just how amazing Lacroix was for accepting him. ...not that he thought Corbin would especially care, but Corbin was the only other person he and Lacroix both knew that was also fine with Ash’s profession.

“Let me take you out tonight,” he requested, tipping his head down so that he could press a kiss against Lacroix’s neck. Lacroix hadn’t said neck-kissing was okay, but if he protested, Ash would certainly stop immediately. Ash was just happy right at this moment, and perhaps a little bolder than he normally would have been.

But he did want to take Lacroix out. The catacombs hardly counted as a good date spot. The Loft or that club back home in NYC didn’t count either, because Hector had been nearby both of those places. Sure, Lacroix had snuck out of Castle Styles once to visit Ash’s apartment, but that didn’t count either, because that was just hanging out at home. He wanted to take Lacroix somewhere fun, and even though they were in a country whose language they could barely speak, they would still have fun, no matter where they went.

[lacroix_styles]

"Uh?" Ash was probably asking a bit much if he expected answers amid distraction; that wasn't bound to happen. Reflexively he tipped his head when he felt that warm brush against his neck; now that caught his attention; it made him twitch a little with the brief sensation.
Yeah, Lacroix was totally going to protest the possibility of actual human interaction compared to sitting in his room texting people he knew; uh-huh...sure.

It did actually catch back up with his brain that Ash had asked him a question, very slowly.
No, Ash had asked him out; as in out on a date...was it really pathetic that he hadn't been on an actual date in...ever?
See, that was the sort of thing a person just didn't admit except under dire extremes because it was an utter social life killer.

Nodding at the offer, Lacroix bit back another grin and tried his very best not to look absolutely like a spaz right then; which was why he didn't open his mouth and actually answer...he had the feeling that there would have been some pausing and mild stumbling involved.

[asher_embry]

...ever? If Ash knew that, he’d be feeling all sorts of smug right now.

As it was, Ash was just reminded of how absolutely cute Lacroix was when he smiled; he didn’t bother to voice that compliment again though, because he’d already called Lacroix cute earlier today. And even though he was really, really reluctant to let go of Lacroix, especially after the tension before, he knew that they couldn’t exactly go anywhere holding onto each other all day like this. “...should probably let you get dressed. Then we’ll figure out where to go.” Besides, Ash hadn’t bothered to put his boots on yet either, or say hello to Zoey, or eat breakfast... then again, Lacroix was the good cook. Maybe Ash could convince him to make breakfast in a few minutes.

But despite his words, he wasn’t the first one to break that contact off. That probably proved just how much he was enjoying Lacroix’s presence right now.

[lacroix_styles]

"Might not be a bad idea, I've been trying to take a shower for more than an hour," Lacroix pointed out with a hint of humor. He didn't mind having that shower put off though, it wasn't as if he didn't have time; and the conversation earlier wasn't really something that could have been rushed.

Still, it was probably time to get moving since Ash had point it out, he reluctantly stood and retrieved his clothes from where he had left them earlier on the bed; knowing it was highly unlikely that Ash was going to just disappear during the short time he would be busy getting ready for the day.
Planning could be dealt with during breakfast, however it ended up going, but the day wasn't going to start while he was sitting there.

Lacroix was actually in a good mood, still a bit perplexed about some facets of the morning but he wasn't going to worry himself over it. No, in the bigger scheme of things confusion was fleeting and insight was more important; he already felt he understood more about Ash than he had expected to discover during the trip.
All in all the morning had started on a fairly good note, and with any luck the rest of the day would go the same way.