[ic] [Ash] Awkward Phone Calls
The combination of lingering jet-lag and an impressive amount of sleeping pills to avoid the onslaught of nightmares had left Lacroix blissfully dead to the world for several hours. He very rarely slept deeply, or well, but drugged enough he could pass out for long enough to feel rested, and that had been his plan the evening following the trip to
( Read more... )
It must have been difficult for Ash to try so hard to obscure that part of his life so much, as he very obviously did; that proved flat out that he was afraid of people being judgmental over it.
"Well at least you're not calling it a cult anymore," Lacroix laughed softly, even though he knew the idea did really border that; but he couldn't offer Ash much in the way in honest explanation.
And he knew what it felt like to having to hide, there were entire areas of his life he kept hidden away as a matter of safety and rules, and a small part of his personal life that he hid out of the same sort of nervousness that Ash felt over people being judgmental before they really knew who he was.
He really liked to think that if Ash ever did know those secrets he could accept them, but they weren't secrets he could risk telling anyone, or just didn't have the nerves to express to the world yet. That had nothing to do with Ash and everything to do with himself and self-doubt.
"Ash, it's okay, really; it's not like it makes a huge amount of difference. I didn't know before but that job was still there; and I like you, what makes you think knowing now means I think you're a different person?" Since Ash was so reluctant to move closer Lacroix shifted over instead, reaching across to brush a piece of stray fuzz off the knee of Ash's jeans, then did what he assumed might help Ash calm some of those nerves; snagging hold of Ash's fingers and prying them free from that tense grip on the fabric. "Seriously man, if I didn't like you then it would matter, but sort of doesn't. It's weird, but I have a very high tolerance for weird."
Reply
“...I don’t know what to say,” he replied finally, reaching up to rub his forehead with his free hand. It was an extremely lame response and he knew it, but by now in these conversations, he was usually gone; most people wanted him around long enough to yell at him for being a disgusting freak, then wanted him out. The fact that Lacroix was still talking to him and wasn’t yelling meant a lot.
Ash still felt terrible for Lacroix having those doubts earlier. He’d just... he’d have to make it up to Lacroix somehow -- assuming nothing changed between them. Selfishly, Ash hoped it hadn’t; he really did care about Lacroix, and it would hurt a lot of his profession broke them apart.
Reply
And while he was going to need some time to understand all the details, Lacroix knew better than to let the unconventional dig too far under his skin.
"I'm not sure what you should say either," Lacroix replied and then furrowed his brow as though he were very carefully thinking that over and searching for an answer. "Nope, still no idea what you should say. That is a problem, isn't it?"
Tilting his head just a bit, watching Ash and that forlorn expression still on his face, Lacroix let the silence carry out for a moment, then finally uttered a faint 'hmn'. "You'll just have to do something more drastic then," Lacroix began, "...I guess you'll just have to kiss me."
Not quite the same sort of subtle suave that Ash possessed, no, but it was playful and a humored attempt to coax Ash out of some of that so very clear anxiety.
Reply
It was good now, so much better than the kisses in the catacombs had been because now he knew what it felt like to be afraid of losing Lacroix. In this moment, he didn’t take the other man for granted, took every second now to appreciate the feel of his lips, the taste of his mouth and the tiny little sensation of Lacroix’s breath against his skin. He let himself get lost in the moment, forgetting about his anxiety in favor of making the both of them feel good.
It wasn’t enough, though; he wanted to tell Lacroix just how he was feeling, even though he wasn’t sure how to put it all into words. After another warm, lingering moment, he broke that kiss, mentally scrambling to try to find something to say to sum up everything he was thinking right in that second.
...no, he still didn’t know what to say, so Ash took advantage of his wordlessness by stealing one more kiss, firmer this time, insistent -- as if he was trying to prove how serious he was about trying to make this work with Lacroix. He hadn’t been lying earlier; Lacroix was important, and there was no way Ash would ever intentionally hurt him. After he felt as if he’d gotten his point across without words, he pulled back once more so that he could give talking one more try; as much as he liked giving Lacroix physical affection, verbal affection was just as important.
Third time was a charm; he’d finally managed to come up something suitable to say in order to explain his feelings. He pulled Lacroix closer for an affectionate embrace before whispering close to his ear, “...You’re amazing.” He didn’t need to be quiet now, no, but somehow the hushed level of intimacy felt more appropriate. He’d never had a boyfriend so seemingly okay with his profession, and it left him feeling so very relieved and grateful to have Lacroix.
Reply
But Lacroix learned fast, and quite eagerly, as was apparent by the way he let Ash lead but tried to match that kiss; to the point of feeling just barely lightheaded.
He was left with an entirely pleased grin on his face when Ash finally drew back, not noticing when Ash struggled to sort out the correct words; by the time Lacroix had even recovered enough to be acutely aware Ash had grabbed him again.
Not that he was complaining though.
Being somewhat certain Ash intended to have an up-close and personal assessment of his tonsils the first time around that second kiss broke his capacity to think. Insistent was an excellent word for it, yes, and somewhere along the lines he forgot how to breathe; it felt a bit like his nerves were plugged into an electrical outlet.
He didn't even try to keep up with that one, just let Ash turn his coherence to nothing until he was finally left blinking in the wake of that kiss.
Lacroix laughed softly at the words, amused, and decided to rest one of his elbows against Ash's shoulder in that close proximity; noticing the still-damp state of Ash's hair when his fingertips brushed it as he stretched his arm out. "Well, yeah I probably am," he grinned, "But you're not so bad yourself either."
Strange start to the day, without a doubt, but Lacroix could have dealt with a few more strange mornings if they ended up in such an entirely pleasant way.
Reply
“Let me take you out tonight,” he requested, tipping his head down so that he could press a kiss against Lacroix’s neck. Lacroix hadn’t said neck-kissing was okay, but if he protested, Ash would certainly stop immediately. Ash was just happy right at this moment, and perhaps a little bolder than he normally would have been.
But he did want to take Lacroix out. The catacombs hardly counted as a good date spot. The Loft or that club back home in NYC didn’t count either, because Hector had been nearby both of those places. Sure, Lacroix had snuck out of Castle Styles once to visit Ash’s apartment, but that didn’t count either, because that was just hanging out at home. He wanted to take Lacroix somewhere fun, and even though they were in a country whose language they could barely speak, they would still have fun, no matter where they went.
Reply
Yeah, Lacroix was totally going to protest the possibility of actual human interaction compared to sitting in his room texting people he knew; uh-huh...sure.
It did actually catch back up with his brain that Ash had asked him a question, very slowly.
No, Ash had asked him out; as in out on a date...was it really pathetic that he hadn't been on an actual date in...ever?
See, that was the sort of thing a person just didn't admit except under dire extremes because it was an utter social life killer.
Nodding at the offer, Lacroix bit back another grin and tried his very best not to look absolutely like a spaz right then; which was why he didn't open his mouth and actually answer...he had the feeling that there would have been some pausing and mild stumbling involved.
Reply
As it was, Ash was just reminded of how absolutely cute Lacroix was when he smiled; he didn’t bother to voice that compliment again though, because he’d already called Lacroix cute earlier today. And even though he was really, really reluctant to let go of Lacroix, especially after the tension before, he knew that they couldn’t exactly go anywhere holding onto each other all day like this. “...should probably let you get dressed. Then we’ll figure out where to go.” Besides, Ash hadn’t bothered to put his boots on yet either, or say hello to Zoey, or eat breakfast... then again, Lacroix was the good cook. Maybe Ash could convince him to make breakfast in a few minutes.
But despite his words, he wasn’t the first one to break that contact off. That probably proved just how much he was enjoying Lacroix’s presence right now.
Reply
Still, it was probably time to get moving since Ash had point it out, he reluctantly stood and retrieved his clothes from where he had left them earlier on the bed; knowing it was highly unlikely that Ash was going to just disappear during the short time he would be busy getting ready for the day.
Planning could be dealt with during breakfast, however it ended up going, but the day wasn't going to start while he was sitting there.
Lacroix was actually in a good mood, still a bit perplexed about some facets of the morning but he wasn't going to worry himself over it. No, in the bigger scheme of things confusion was fleeting and insight was more important; he already felt he understood more about Ash than he had expected to discover during the trip.
All in all the morning had started on a fairly good note, and with any luck the rest of the day would go the same way.
Reply
Leave a comment