-
Fresno 2011 Winter
I'm in Fresno for one more two more nights then I fly back to Albuquerque. I have had a good time hanging with family. Got in January second, one bag full of presents. I will utilize the space to bring back stuff that's still at my mom's house. My little sister was happy to see me.
I've been here for nearly a week.
( Read more... ) -
Apprentice
I am constantly reminded about how much there is left to learn. I remain in awe of how much Daddy training there is left for me. I have had a tough year with my wife transitioning into a more dominant role within our dynamic and being a healthier top for our boi. Lots of internal rediscovery has happened. Adjusting to that has been difficult. I ( Read more... ) -
Espanola
I drove up to Espanola today to see an old friend her new man...well, he has been in her life for two years. When I arrived I was grateful my beater truck had made it. I think it may need some MAJOR work very soon but I'll deal with that next week. I got here and was so glad to see her, I found that I still felt so comfortable around her. We were ( Read more... ) -
Moving Forward
So what is it about realizing how little I have built for myself that makes me really see how attached I have been to others. I suppose I became comfortable with the idea that I wouldn't have to work very hard to make plans with the people I love if they are always around. I am really trying to become a more whole human being these days, probably ( Read more... ) -
Listening
I don't need you to like me all the time, I just need you to listen. I have a detachment quality around listening that allows me to take criticism very well. It's a curse.
I remember back in San Francisco with some girlfriends of mine would tell me how blunt I was towards others I didn't know thy well. They praised my ability to set boundaries ( Read more... ) -
Dinner and dancing
Feeling the music move through me tonight after sushi with my little family felt nice. A nice pleasant time. I called heather and said "Put on your dancing shoes and come meet us for dinner." She did. We picked up coffee and I ran into a pagan friend of mine who invited me to the next full moon celebration which lightened my heart. I have been ( Read more... ) -
Update
Haven't been home all day. Went to three meetings and finally pulled my head out of my own ass. At a BootBlacking cigar bar with my BootBlack buddy where I can just be. I feel ok which is better than yesterday.
Right now all that matters to me is my relationship with the goddess. As long as she remains the priority in my life I will be ok.
-
Feet First
I jumped in unknowing and hopeful. I gave until I had nothing left to give. Now I sit here waiting and watching. The sands of time trickle into the abyss where there are eyes blinded by the blackness and tendrils to touch and feel in the dark. I know there is a passageway somewhere but cannot find it. My strength is no longer present after holding ( Read more... ) -
Blah
Stupid fucking life! I feel like shit today! I wish my reaching out to others worked faster than it does, to slow my crazy heart from feeling so much. I don't want to feel anything. Things would be so much easier to deal with if I had a syringe in my arm! I don't mean that, but honestly; that is the first thought that comes into an addicts mind ( Read more... ) -
Need The Silence
It seems so much of a gift to have silence in my mind. To not juggle the thoughts that have been pressing lately. I have some fun things to do this week just for me and that is like a breath of fresh air. As a Daddy I feel like it's my job to be available to everyone who needs me, but I always have to remind myself that I need time for me too. I ( Read more... )
