Dinner and dancing
Feeling the music move through me tonight after sushi with my little family felt nice. A nice pleasant time. I called heather and said "Put on your dancing shoes and come meet us for dinner." She did. We picked up coffee and I ran into a pagan friend of mine who invited me to the next full moon celebration which lightened my heart. I have been severely lacking in the spiritual department. Went to Exhale, the dyke bar(which was sooo dead). It was ok though because strangely enough, our Albuquerque leather family was there too. We started talking and joking, played kinky pool and danced around the table. When it was over we all went to IHop and it was ok.
I actually did a lot for myself today, and am more ok with not expecting anything from anybody. I made a promise to myself to give by not expecting anything in return. It is easier said than done, especially regarding the people I am closest to. I guess I just expected reciprocation and that meant I wasn't really giving from a true place of love. To give from a true place of love does not require recognition; doing those acts of love for what they are should be enough.
I can't wait for tomorrow. I will sleep well tonight knowing that I am enough. Knowing that I don't need to be given credit for my acts of kindness because they are for me. If I can't be in this way of giving that it is my JOB to say no and that even though this is out of character for me, it's ok if my lived ones get upset over it. That is not my issue, it is theirs.
Once again, another uncomfortable opportunity for growth.