Wow, it's been forever since I posted in this thing. A few updates... just for the record ( Read more... )

Aaaand I'm back to suicidal. Drove home at 85 on 45 roads. Didn't care if I crashed. Thought about the consequences in an obviously skewed manner. Pissed off at the world and at myself. Dunno what to do. There's a statistic about 50-60% of criminals being reincarcerated. There's probably a similar number for mental health patients. I'll probably be ( Read more... )

Not so depressed anymore. Still kinda pissed at the world, but less dramatic about it. More melancholy... like... I described it to someone as "not having anything to look forward to." My jobs don't provide me with a feeling of satisfaction, I don't have any hobbies worth that great of attention, and all my meetings with my friends are hit-and-miss ( Read more... )

no one gives a shit
i hope i die in my sleep and get reincarnated into something else
still depressed
still selfish
still worthless

 no one gives a shit
i hope i die in my sleep and get reincarnated into something else

So tonight I feel like hurting myself again. Maybe the count isn't really helping at all. It's just another excuse, another reason to not hurt myself without really meaning it.  I don't actually care for myself. I don't actually want to keep myself from hurting. I just don't want to start over. Stupid reasons ( Read more... )

I self-hate a lot right now. 

So... I keep thinking that I'm entitled to things. Or at least, I think I feel that I'm entitled to things ( Read more... )

Big event coming up; I mentioned it a couple of weeks ago. I'm not sure how to feel about it. The "Crush" song that I've been watching/listening to lately pretty much sums it up. Actually... anything hopelessly romantic sums it up. I don't know how to feel about it. On one hand, it's a great indicator of how ill-prepared I am for emotional intimacy ( Read more... )

Lately I've been filled with a lot of doubt and suspicion about myself. Mostly, I think that I've been very concerned about what others think of me. I think part of it is the amount of stress that I have on my plate right now, but also that I don't feel like I have as many people to lean on as I used to. People are busy or out of town or working or ( Read more... )