[log] house of incest
Who: Uchiha Itachi (behindhiseyes) and Uchiha Sasuke (a_for_tiori)
Status: Closed
Style: Action, Present
Where: Hisato, where Itachi and Sasuke are staying
When: Week 6, Day 1. Following this conversation. It's a continuation thereof.
Rating: PG, PG-13-ish?
Warnings: BROTHERS KISSING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED OBLAARGAG. Also, general douchebaggery. Sasuke.
( Kakashi gave Sasuke a handful of lightning. )
Status: Closed
Style: Action, Present
Where: Hisato, where Itachi and Sasuke are staying
When: Week 6, Day 1. Following this conversation. It's a continuation thereof.
Rating: PG, PG-13-ish?
Warnings: BROTHERS KISSING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED OBLAARGAG. Also, general douchebaggery. Sasuke.
( Kakashi gave Sasuke a handful of lightning. )
Comments 15
With lightning in his hands. Holding lightning in one place, lightning which wants to move. Keeping lightning, which wants to disperse, which wants to last no longer than a second. That's what it's like. Holding a moment that is trying to end itself, to burst into white nothingness. A flash of lightning. Scatter. A heat that tries to explode. And to hold that in, to take all the heat and movement and wanting-to-end and press it inside and keep it there - it's like holding Chidori in his fist. Like holding Kirin, a ravenous thing which pushes through him and out and out.
It trembles through him. Like it did that day, with Sasuke's fist burning through the wall, and Itachi - Itachi then as he is now. Impenetrable. Invincible. And cold, until he snapped Sasuke's wrist and held him down, and then his breath was hot against Sasuke's neck, and Itachi burned away the world. Black and white, like the night after a lightning flash. Everything seared in black and white. And red.Like that day, it trembles through ( ... )
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Over and under everything. Mingled with the lightning. Those little clinging beads of moisture, those little wet spots on the burnt expanse of Sasuke (which is pale, and shows no scars, but thrums with electricity); and Itachi only stares up, remembering a time -- remembering a time when Sasuke's scent was different.
Itachi remembers when Sasuke smelled of Mother, the long loose press of her hair; Itachi remembers when Sasuke smelled of the balms placed on infants for rashes. He remembers when Sasuke smelled of egg and flour, when Sasuke smelled of candy and youth and when he smelled of home.
But Sasuke is no longer a child.
Itachi closes his eyes.
He has known for a long time. He is the one who opened the gates of premature adulthood, who pushed Sasuke inside with the speech he had practiced so many nights before. Itachi gave Sasuke the fire. Uchiha gave Sasuke the fire. Kakashi supplied the lightning. Sasuke is consumed, regardless ( ... )
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[Of course - the words have barely even left Itachi's mouth and the answer is already there. Of course, of course, no. Sasuke did not come here to be turned away. Sasuke did not come here to ask for Itachi's attention, that he might say, "no." No, Itachi is the one who called him, so at the very least he owes him this.
Just - to do it quickly. To get it over with, like pulling a bandage off an open wound. Just take it, in one yank, and if it bleeds at least it will be done with. At least once it is done, you can rebuild. Nurse the wounds which are left behind. At least you are not trapped, waiting, being picked apart slow piece by piece. Flayed by inches.No, he can't. He absolutely cannot do that. It would eat him alive, the waiting. To have to watch, from now on, every glance and wonder - what does this one mean? When he looks out the corner of his eye like that, what does it signify? What was that tilt of the eyebrow, that noise which might be a scoff or a snort or the suppression of a chuckle, which is it and what does it ( ... )
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[ And this is not a conversation Itachi is interested in having. His original response had been a matter of reflex, one he desires neither to justify nor to apologize for. Itachi has spent his life not believing in the principle of apologies; he passed them to others, from time to time, as basic courtesies, or if his actions were discourteous and out of the simplistic social hierarchy, but when it came to anything which mattered, any sincere expression of emotion, Itachi could not, would not, say he was sorry. To have said he was sorry for his dead parents would have rendered the weight of their losses meaningless, would have sickened and curdled his actions; to do a thing so immense, one could not become spineless after the fact. It would have been an onslaught against them. Worse than the murders. Remorse. Itachi's capacity for remorse has dwindled, and so now, though the scale is a smaller one, he finds that he cannot apologize for the message he left Sasuke. Cannot regret what he said in the heat of a moment, in the shock of the ( ... )
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Reflexively, he wishes to look away. To hide himself again. It is like holding one's hand on a hot stove - once the pain starts, the urge to pull away takes over. Sasuke opened himself, left himself vulnerable. And was met with anger. With displeasure. With disgust. And it does hurt. It burns, to be regarded that way, with that cold dislike, when he still, despite everything, aches for approval.
And he wishes to pull himself away. Every minute he holds himself there, it grows worse. The sickened feeling. The curling in on himself, internally. The screaming urgent need to cover his hurt, to protect himself. To withdraw from the source of pain and humiliation. He might walk away and never speak of this again. It would eat at him, but it would fade in time, at least, and grow dull.
An old wound among a thousand others.
It might eventually be forgotten, if he would just close himself again. Defend himself, as he has been trained to, first with the memorization of rules (25. a shinobi must ( ... )
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