[log] house of incest

[behindhiseyes]

Who: Uchiha Itachi (behindhiseyes) and Uchiha Sasuke (a_for_tiori)
Status: Closed
Style: Action, Present
Where: Hisato, where Itachi and Sasuke are staying
When: Week 6, Day 1. Following this conversation. It's a continuation thereof.
Rating: PG, PG-13-ish?
Warnings: BROTHERS KISSING. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED OBLAARGAG. Also, general douchebaggery. Sasuke.

Comments

[behindhiseyes]

[ And this is not a conversation Itachi is interested in having. His original response had been a matter of reflex, one he desires neither to justify nor to apologize for. Itachi has spent his life not believing in the principle of apologies; he passed them to others, from time to time, as basic courtesies, or if his actions were discourteous and out of the simplistic social hierarchy, but when it came to anything which mattered, any sincere expression of emotion, Itachi could not, would not, say he was sorry. To have said he was sorry for his dead parents would have rendered the weight of their losses meaningless, would have sickened and curdled his actions; to do a thing so immense, one could not become spineless after the fact. It would have been an onslaught against them. Worse than the murders. Remorse. Itachi's capacity for remorse has dwindled, and so now, though the scale is a smaller one, he finds that he cannot apologize for the message he left Sasuke. Cannot regret what he said in the heat of a moment, in the shock of the vision that had invaded his mind. Everything he had felt -- everything was genuine. The surprise. The outrage. The disgust. He felt those emotions. Sasuke, his brother, had given them to him. And to apologize would be to dishonor the truth.

Yet, at the same time, he has no interest in explaining himself to Sasuke. Itachi has no talent for explaining himself. It is difficult. It is so curiously difficult, because while he has words in abundance, a vocabulary befitting his status of prodigy, he does not communicate well. And maybe it is because he lacks the experience or the initiative, or because he is used to the philosophy that a shinobi does better with sparse words; no, it may be that it is more than that. It may be that words engender justification. Words engender apology. To explain yourself, you must eventually question yourself. By and large, this is unacceptable.

What choice does Itachi have, save to explain his reaction or to suggest that he did not mean it? The second is a lie. The first is nothing he wishes to do. Sasuke is there. Sasuke is demanding an answer. And for all that Itachi does not like this situation, he can recognize that silence is unfair. Nothing I say can placate you, Otouto.

Itachi takes a deep breath.

The surprise: His brother rutting on the screen. Filling him with unwanted sensations which have only now subsided within his body; those haunting, ephemeral lusts, twinges of longing misplaced, and the forced nature of it all.

The outrage: A reminder of what Sasuke had become in Itachi's absence. A reminder of the company he kept. A reminder of the distances that remained between them.

The disgust: Everything. Violation. Himself, sleeping idly in the other room, tossed about as an after-thought while Sasuke consummated with -- with his sensei. The feelings. The way Itachi's stomach had burned and his thighs had shivered. The way he had wanted --

No, he had not wanted. That, too, was a fabrication, and he hated that he had thought of --

But it was not Sasuke's fault.

Itachi knew that. Practically. Sasuke could not control what he dreamt. None of them could. And that is why he does not wish to discuss this, does not wish to cause Sasuke to feel responsible, or as if he needs to defend himself, because Itachi does not feel that way, either.

All the same, Sasuke wants him to say something, does he not?

Itachi shifts, still watching the light filter in. ]

It was a vile dream.

[ As honest and open as he is willing, for now. ]