Tales Of A Time Agency - 15/?
Title: Tales of A Time Agency - 15/?
Rating: 15 to NC-17 to be safe.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto but it’s the Time Agency so expect Jack/John, Tosh/Owen, Ianto/John, Tosh/Mary, John/ OFC, John/the consenting population of the universe……
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Ianto Jones is thrown into the world of excess of the Time Agency Academy, but will he sink or swim? Especially when the enigmatic Jack Harkness starts looking his way…. In this chapter, Jack reveals more about his dark past than he bargained for, and John is left all alone again.
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though. I will take the credit for Telmaya though; I’m quite fond of her.
Author’s Notes: Ok, so I am still writing at a snail’s pace here, but hey, here’s another chapter of TOATA, with a lot of character building or so I am reliably informed. Anyway, as usual this would not have been possible without the equally wonderful thehubsitter and naddypants , who give me so much confidence in myself and my writing! And of course, what can I say? You know the drill by now, and how much I adore your comments for this!!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five A
Chapter Five B
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight A
Chapter Eight B
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven A
Chapter Eleven B
Janto Interlude
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Dedications, dedications. To the brilliant naddypants , who is such a bloody star when she reads my fics, and she is so complimentary about them! To the brilliant thehubsitter , who is mad enough to understand my strange phrasing and who supports me so much! And to morgia , who keeps telling me to keep writing no matter what!
‘I was never loyal
Except to my own pleasure zone
I’m forever black-eyed
A product of a broken home.’
Ianto Jones was in a dark place when Jack found him.
He barely even registered the hands that grasped firmly at his shoulders, his brain almost forgetting to send a signal to the muscles of his legs in order to allow him to stand. The world around him twisted in a whirl of emotion, his sight distorted by the wave of nausea that pulsed through his body. He would have liked to have blamed it on the fact that he was exhausted, his body running on one hour’s sleep and adrenaline, his mind being powered by little else than some over stimulated nerve cells. But deep down, Ianto Jones knew that it wasn’t the events of that night that had weakened him.
It was his life, his past. The thick chain that bound him to it was growing stronger by the day, pulling him down and weakening him beyond all recognition.
It had to stop. It just had to.
No words left Jack’s mouth as he guided him back through the dulcet night to his room. He didn’t ask where they were going; he didn’t even stop to ask Ianto how he was. After all, for once Ianto Jones was wearing his emotions out on his sleeves. He was in clear distress, anguish scrawled across his features just as a child might scrawl haphazardly across a wall. Tears were left sitting in his eyes, but they didn’t fall, choosing instead to remain there, giving them a glittering quality much like the twin moons hovering in the deep purple sky.It was all Jack Harkness could do to just carry Ianto through the night. To simply be there. To take care of him.
It was only when Ianto was sat on Jack’s bed, a blanket thrown around his shoulders that Jack finally dared speak. The silence around them had been growing in its own intensity, riddled with unspoken words and misinterpreted gestures from their past. Jack didn’t bother to turn on a light, the dim silver moonlight radiating into the room being enough to light both their faces from the window, bright enough for him to recognise the despair in Ianto’s eyes.
To see Ianto there in front of him, his eyes barely able to look up at him broke Jack’s heart. This after all was not the Ianto he was used to. The Ianto who he knew was calm, shy sometimes, and he was always in control of his emotions. But this Ianto, this lost husk of a man sitting in front of him was something he was not prepared for. Yes, the same beautiful intricacy of his features was still there, his outer shell the same body that had tempted Jack for the entire length of their relationship. For that entire time, Jack had been desperately trying to work out what was inside Ianto’s head, what was behind those pretty blue eyes. But now he didn’t need to. Suddenly Ianto’s interior was spilling out in plain view of the world….
Sighing, Jack sat down softly beside Ianto, crossing his legs and watching him almost expectantly. He bit his lip, waiting for any sign that Ianto might want to be the one to speak first. He found none.
“What’s going on Ianto?” Jack’s voice rippled out suddenly, throwing Ianto off guard. Although his tone was soft, it was demanding too, filled with a desire for knowledge which made Ianto’s heart race that little bit faster. Jack paused, tilting his head to one side and taking in Ianto’s face for a moment, awaiting a reply that never came. “Yan?”
“I’m lost Jack.”
“What?”
“I’m lost… in my head. I don’t know what to think anymore….what to do.” Ianto swallowed hard, turning to look at Jack, his bottom lip trembling slightly. “It’s all I can think about.”
“What is?”
“Revenge….redemption; everything that fucking comes in between.” He shook his head, gritting his teeth. “I don’t want to be like this….but I feel like I have to be.”
“Yan…..I really don’t understand. Why do you need revenge?”
“For my family.” Ianto nodded softly. “They were murdered, butchered….without reason.”
“When?”
“Ten years ago.”
“Then why do you need all this now?”
“I was a kid when it happened!” Ianto half scoffed, his hand visibly balling into a fist. “I was powerless to do anything about it then.”
“I don’t mean that. I mean why now? Why tonight?”
“Every night…..I dream about it. Re-live that night and think about everything that I did wrong. Everything that I should have done to try and save them. Tonight….it just got too much.”
“And you think that revenge will stop all that?”
“It has to!” Ianto hissed, ripping his gaze from Jack’s and returning it to the window, the shadow of his shoulders heaving as he breathed. Keeping his back turned, he spoke again, his voice calmed. “If this doesn’t stop it….then what will?”
“I wish I could tell you.” Jack smiled weakly, reaching out with his left hand and placing it on Ianto’s back, his thumb stroking across the fabric of his tunic. He swallowed hard, trying to decide whether or not to continue. “But revenge…..you don’t always need it.”
“Really?” Ianto spat, his posture slumping, indicating to Jack that he was now holding his head in his hands. “And what do you know?”
“A hell of a lot more than you give me credit for.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Don’t I?” Jack laughed darkly, pulling his hand away as if Ianto’s body was white hot. He grimaced, shaking his head. “And what do you know about me Ianto? Really?”
“I…..don’t….”
“Exactly.” Jack sighed, running and hand through his hair, his gaze fixed upon Ianto’s motionless back sitting beside him. The truth had a habit of coming out when it was least wanted. “You remember that picture? Of my family?”
“Of course I do.”
“It was taken at my home, the Boeshane Peninsula. I grew up there, with my Mom, Dad and my brother Gray.” Jack laughed softly, the memory of his family, his home, suddenly so alive in his mind. “God….my little brother. We used to argue…all the time. Stupid things…..he used to tell me he hated me. But then he’d always follow me whenever I went anywhere..-”
“Why did you leave them then? If you were so happy?”
“I didn’t choose to leave them.” Jack gritted his teeth, his voice blunt, vowels harsh. “They were taken from me.”
“What?”
“Boeshane…..we kept to ourselves, rarely had any strangers. Except for one night. One night we were attacked. Space pirates, mercenaries, we were never sure. But they came at night, took everything we had. Anyone who resisted…..they killed.”
“Jack…”
“My Dad saw them coming, made me and Gray hide under the bed. There was only room for just the two of us…..I wanted him to hide too, but he wouldn’t.” Jack swallowed. “He told me to look after Gray.”
“What happened?”
“What do you think happened?” Jack spat, before taking a deep breath in, trying to calm his nerves. “They shot them both, repeatedly. Laughed the whole time. Gray got scared, he panicked…..I let go of his hand…..he ran out and they shot him too.” His voice was rough now, broken, his body visibly trembling.
“What did you do?”
“What could I do? I stayed hidden until they had gone. I called for help, but no one could hear me.” Biting his lip, Jack blinked hard, his body aching as if it were about to cry, and yet no tears even pricked at his eyes. It almost appeared as if his body had dried up, as if there were no longer anymore tears left behind his eyes with which to give him some form of release. It was only then, when Jack’s features were as lost and as pained as Ianto’s that the other cadet leaned forward, reaching out with a tentative hand and gripping his shoulder. For a moment they both just chose to sit there, in silence, their mere presence being a comfort to the other man.
“Jack….I’m sorry, I never knew…”
“You didn’t……neither does anyone else.” Jack replied quickly, shutting himself off again with a shake of his head. “But there was no way for me to get revenge for them, so I just had to move on. To let them live on through me.” He paused, biting his lip. “That’s what you have to do Yan.”
“But I can’t….” Ianto sighed. “10 years Jack and it still hasn’t got any easier. I just feel guilty….for being alive, for surviving when so many people didn’t.”
“But you shouldn’t…”
“That doesn’t stop me from feeling like this.” Ianto paused, taking a deep breath in. “I know what I need Jack…..and I know that I need your help.”
“My help?”
“The man whose actions led to the death of my family, he was a time agent. I managed to find his information in the archives. But I don’t know where he is….I can’t trace him.”
“But to find an ex time agent Ianto…..what you’re asking me to do….”
“I know.” Ianto nodded quickly. “The only way we’ll be able to find him is to hack into the Time Agency systems…..find out where he was last seen and when.”
“Ianto….I’m not even sure if I could do that. You don’t just enter the Time Agency records when you feel like it.”
“I know that, that’s why I need you. I know I can’t do this alone.”
“But Ianto…-”
“Please Jack….I need to find him. I need to know why he did it, I just want to understand.” Ianto sighed, looking at him quickly. “Please.”
“I’ll try.” As if his answer alone wasn’t enough, Jack leant forwards, pressing a gentle kiss to Ianto’s mouth. He pulled back tentatively, the action suddenly feeling so alien to them both. Licking his lips slightly, Ianto could feel his breath hitching at the back of his throat as he leant in this time, his left hand holding the back of Jack’s neck, his grip tight as if he was frightened that the other cadet might pull back all too soon. He didn’t.
Enveloping Ianto in his arms, Jack kissed him back in earnest, his tongue lapping out gently and tracing a soft trail along his bottom lip. As Ianto’s mouth complied and opened, both men groaned softly into the kiss, their bodies falling back onto the mattress, legs entwined and arm’s softly caressing each other’s backs. This was unlike any kiss they had shared previously, unlike anything that had ever occurred between them. The hot air of lust was no longer breathing down their necks; the deep pangs of loneliness and confusion were no longer writhing in their guts. Every rushed touch had melted into a more deliberate caress; every time their lips pressed against skin an invisible mark was left. They were there beside each other to comfort, to lose themselves in each other and to know longer have to think about their past, or their futures, merely their present. An anonymous love had covered them, taking control of them both and removing the need for any questions or confirmations.
After all…..they had already ruined too much with words.
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John Hart was convinced that his bed was becoming lonelier by the day….
He’d always hated silence for a start. Ever since the brief innocence of his childhood when silence generally meant that he had done something wrong. His father would always come home, lungs blazing as every curse from across the galaxy passed from his lips, sometimes a painful blow striking John across the head and sending him hurtling to the floor. But strangely, that never seemed to bother him. Over time John had taught himself how to react to aggression, how to deal with violence and harsh words without coming off too worse for wear. But John’s mother had always known better than that. Whenever she was angry or upset, she would simply shut up and block him out completely. And that was what he hated the most. Silence was something John Hart knew little about, something that still felt alien to him. The worst of it was that after they both left him, all there had ever been was silence for him. Empty chairs, empty beds, empty rooms. No one there to break up the cold and deafening silence that chimed out through his house. It made TARA feel like a perpetual paradise in comparison.
He was lucky when he thought about it. His looks meant that silence was rarely something that would haunt him for long. It was probably why he spent so much time at Poseidon, surrounding himself with all that noise and sex, just to remind himself that really, nothing meant anything. It was all just life, an accident of chemicals, and he would be damned if he would be spending what little life he had been given sat around and contemplating his world. Besides, whether it was the moans and guttural groans that accompanied fucking or the soft whimpers that followed it, he was never really alone all that much.
Except now he was. And what made it all the worse that once again in his life, John Hart was properly alone.
He’d seen it in Ianto’s eyes when he left. Something new, something unsure, something final. John still prided himself in being able to read people, and to him Ianto Jones was no exception. He wasn’t stupid, and even he knew that after two months Ianto Jones was still painfully in love with Jack. He had actually thought about their relationship once or twice, his mind recognising the turmoil that Ianto’s thoughts would undergo every time he fell into bed with him. But it was all too good, too satisfying for either of them to stop. The pleasure that they gave each other was just too unique, too addictive, every new orgasm only fuelling their addiction further. John had even let himself wonder how long it would last, how long he could keep that feeling of Ianto seated deep inside him alive, before the kick died and he was just like any other shag. After all, from experience John knew that no one stayed irresistible forever. Well….almost no one. As always, Jack Harkness could only ever be the exception to any rule.
John would have been lying if he said that the pure regret he felt as Ianto left his bed wasn’t real. But it wasn’t the regret losing Ianto; it was the regret of losing what Ianto was. In his mind, John knew that he had pushed things too far. For whatever reason he had seen sleeping with Ianto as some sort of goal, another way of getting to Jack and watching that half disgusted, half amused smirk wash across his features. After all that was the relationship they had always shared. He and Jack would always push their friendship, test it, try and torment each other so far into anger that they would have the occasional night of sex where John would be torn between wanting to strangle Jack and wanting to suck him off right then and there. It was explosive, it was intense, and most of all it was fun. Sex, aggression, lust all for the pure hell of it and with no ulterior motive. But as John should have foreseen, things could never really stay that simple.
He had miscalculated with Ianto. Miscalculated just how much Jack’s friendship with him was worth, miscalculated just how little Jack seemed to value him. But at least with Ianto in his bed for the past two months, John had felt slightly comforted by him. It amused him to think that despite all that Jack had given up for him, Ianto still couldn’t give John up. Until that night of course. Something had so obviously snapped inside the other cadet’s head, like he didn’t want to be around John anymore. Their relationship was by no means warm, or soft. It was cold, frozen, orientated around one animal act and very little else. But that night….it had just been so much colder. And despite being able to read him like a book, John was unable to work out what had changed.
He’d been abandoned again it seemed. First by Jack, and now by Ianto. It seemed that whoever John Hart was deep down, wasn’t really worth sticking around for.
This feeling of emptiness and loneliness was the sole reason why John found himself up and dressed, his wrist strap chiming 3am and a cigarette burning away in his left hand. He was pacing the familiar corridors of B block, his mind clear on what he wanted, what he needed. And it sickened him. John had never thought of himself as needy, as someone who craved attention and contact. But tonight….he was. And there was only one friend who he felt he could go to left.
“John?” Telmaya Xantir squinted, opening the door slightly and peering through the gap. Her amaranthine eyes were glazed over with an enduring sleep fuelled haze, her soft pink lips parted slightly. John smiled, taking another drag of his cigarette and simply choosing to watch her, revelling in how she looked. After all, it had been a long time since he actually really looked at her like that, which probably explained why they were still friends. “Um…..John? It’s a bit late for staring isn’t it?” She frowned at him, a questioning look written into her features.
“Never too late Tel.” He replied with an arrogant smirk.
“And that reasoning is getting pretty old.” She smiled weakly, opening the door further, giving John a better look at her body. She hadn’t bothered to get dressed, tight fitting grey boxer shorts hugging the tops of her toned hips and thighs, the scoop of her black vest top plunging down to expose the blanched skin of her cleavage. She swept her coal hair out from her eyes, blinking slightly before looking at him. “Really John, why are you here?”
“Wanted to see you, that a crime now?”
“What?” She rolled her eyes, resting the palm of her right hand on the door frame. “Thought you were busy anyway. I saw you leave the club tonight with that freshie….what’s his name?”
“Ianto.”
“Right, yeah…Ianto.” She nodded idly. “You looked as if you two would be busy for hours.”
“Aren’t I allowed to change my mind?”
“Course.” She smiled at him confidently, her nails absently tapping against the metal. “But I’m not being your failsafe.”
“My failsafe?”
“Yeah.” She sighed, looking away from him. “Let’s not pretend we both don’t know what you’re here for ok? You do it every time you have no one else to turn to, and I’m sick of being the last person on your list.”
“Oh come on Tel….” He smiled, reaching out and stroking a finger up her left arm. “If you wanted me to come round more often, you only had to ask.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She half spat, her features disgusted as she wrenched herself from his touch. “I mean I’m sick of being the last person you think about. It makes me feel worthless.”
“Worthless?” He laughed darkly, not quite meeting her gaze. “I can relate to that now.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” John shook his head softly, finally letting his gaze slip to hers. “I’m….sorry alright? For making you feel like that. Making you feel like you don’t matter, like everyone else is put before you no matter what you say or do to try and make it any different.”
“Fuck…” Smiling softly, Telmaya stepped forward, pulling John’s face to hers, pressing her lips against his before he or she could say anything else. John was kissing her back almost instantly, wrapping his arms around her slim waist and pulling her too him, letting her warm skin radiate heat into his own. He’d always loved the way she kissed him, loved the way that she was so giving compared to Jack and Ianto, loved the contrast of her body against his. He’d missed feeling a smaller frame press against him, the softer more delicate lips sucking on his bottom lip whilst those slender, articulate hands wound their way up into his hair. He wasn’t sure how she managed it, but ever since the first night he had slept with her, Telmaya Xantir had always felt that little bit more unique.
“I thought we weren’t doing this?” John smirked slightly, pulling away and looking her in the eye. “What you said….”
“I know I shouldn’t…” She paused, stroking her thumb across his cheek. “But what you said. About feeling worthless….that was the real you. Not one of your lines to try and get me to sleep with you. And….I know you can’t fake that.”
“But I haven’t changed Tel…I can’t promise that.”
“And I don’t expect you to.” She laughed softly, pausing to give him another tender kiss. “But knowing that you empathise….that helps.”
Those soft lips were back against his as John stepped into Telmaya’s room, clumsily closing the door behind them as he did so. He wasn’t rushing, he didn’t need to, because for once he knew that the body pressed against his wasn’t going to be going anywhere any time soon. It might have only been for one night, but John could finally lose himself in someone else, someone who he didn’t have to rely on aggression or hate in order to have mind blowing sex with. After all, this wasn’t what this was about. This time with Telmaya was about reminding him of his humanity, and most importantly of all, it was to remind them both that they were no longer as alone as they might have thought.
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Soft vanilla light shone into the room around them, pulling Jack gently from his sleep. He craned his neck upwards, glancing around the room quickly as if to get his bearings. The soft tickle of Ianto’s hair beneath his chin reminded him of the other man’s presence, his care free breathing gentle and barely audible. Jack glanced down; subconsciously tightening his grip round the other cadet’s shoulders and pulling him slightly closer. Ianto’s sleeping form complied, nestling in closer to Jack’s body, his leg draping across him in one lazy movement. With anyone else, this close proximity would have felt obscure and awkward, but with Ianto…..Jack merely felt at peace.
But it wasn’t to last. He knew all too well from his own experience that as soon as Ianto’s eyes shot open that morning all peace from his features would be lost. He knew, could relate to what was haunting Ianto, and for Jack that was the worst part. He had wanted to run from him, wanted to shut himself off and not have to relive his own past. But at the same time, Jack just couldn’t face watching Ianto’s path for revenge lead him into oblivion. He couldn’t sit back and watch him suffer, couldn’t let him carry on in his path for revenge without at least trying to talk him out of it. But in doing that, Jack had realised something himself. If he knew who the men responsible for the murder of his family were, would he be able to stop himself looking for revenge? After all, he had no choice; he couldn’t go after them even if he tried. But Ianto, he could. And the prospect must have been pushing itself to the front of his mind constantly.
That was when Jack realised that no matter how hard he tried to protect Ianto from what he wanted, he wouldn’t be able to. There was no way that he would ever have enough power to stop Ianto from doing this, and he wasn’t prepared to watch him continue to dwindle before his eyes if he refused to help him either.
So it seemed, if Ianto Jones insisted on running the gauntlet towards oblivion and revenge, well then Jack Harkness would be running him alongside him.
Sighing softly, Jack glanced down at Ianto’s sleeping form, pressing an almost unsure kiss to the top of his head and gripping him tighter again. He closed his eyes, trying to drift off to sleep, pushing back the thoughts of the future for just a few minutes before. But as soon as the future passed from his mind, the thoughts of the past came rushing back, as if to replace them. Suddenly in front of his eyes, all he can see is his father, his smile, the way he used to gently punch him on the arm and tell him that he was proud of him. Would he be proud of him now? The man who he was, would that be enough for his Dad? For his mother? Would they ever forgive him for letting go of Gray’s hand?
Jack inwardly kicked himself, stopping the thoughts in an instant. It was behind him, and right then he had someone better than himself to take care of. Ianto. It was his job to be the friend that he promised to be when they first meant, to help him and take care of him as best he could. After all, his parent’s had always taught him that the relationships he had with others would be the only true reflection on himself that he could hope for.
And maybe, just maybe, Jack needed to start taking that particular teaching more to heart….
So what do we think? I know there’s not much action, but hey, we’re building character here. Anyway, as always I am desperately awaiting your thoughts and comments here, so if you have chance then please let me know what you think. But as always, I can only thank you for reading this far!
Just Being Me a.k.a Siany
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Click here for chapter sixteen!
Rating: 15 to NC-17 to be safe.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto but it’s the Time Agency so expect Jack/John, Tosh/Owen, Ianto/John, Tosh/Mary, John/ OFC, John/the consenting population of the universe……
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Ianto Jones is thrown into the world of excess of the Time Agency Academy, but will he sink or swim? Especially when the enigmatic Jack Harkness starts looking his way…. In this chapter, Jack reveals more about his dark past than he bargained for, and John is left all alone again.
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though. I will take the credit for Telmaya though; I’m quite fond of her.
Author’s Notes: Ok, so I am still writing at a snail’s pace here, but hey, here’s another chapter of TOATA, with a lot of character building or so I am reliably informed. Anyway, as usual this would not have been possible without the equally wonderful thehubsitter and naddypants , who give me so much confidence in myself and my writing! And of course, what can I say? You know the drill by now, and how much I adore your comments for this!!
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five A
Chapter Five B
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight A
Chapter Eight B
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven A
Chapter Eleven B
Janto Interlude
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Dedications, dedications. To the brilliant naddypants , who is such a bloody star when she reads my fics, and she is so complimentary about them! To the brilliant thehubsitter , who is mad enough to understand my strange phrasing and who supports me so much! And to morgia , who keeps telling me to keep writing no matter what!
‘I was never loyal
Except to my own pleasure zone
I’m forever black-eyed
A product of a broken home.’
Ianto Jones was in a dark place when Jack found him.
He barely even registered the hands that grasped firmly at his shoulders, his brain almost forgetting to send a signal to the muscles of his legs in order to allow him to stand. The world around him twisted in a whirl of emotion, his sight distorted by the wave of nausea that pulsed through his body. He would have liked to have blamed it on the fact that he was exhausted, his body running on one hour’s sleep and adrenaline, his mind being powered by little else than some over stimulated nerve cells. But deep down, Ianto Jones knew that it wasn’t the events of that night that had weakened him.
It was his life, his past. The thick chain that bound him to it was growing stronger by the day, pulling him down and weakening him beyond all recognition.
It had to stop. It just had to.
No words left Jack’s mouth as he guided him back through the dulcet night to his room. He didn’t ask where they were going; he didn’t even stop to ask Ianto how he was. After all, for once Ianto Jones was wearing his emotions out on his sleeves. He was in clear distress, anguish scrawled across his features just as a child might scrawl haphazardly across a wall. Tears were left sitting in his eyes, but they didn’t fall, choosing instead to remain there, giving them a glittering quality much like the twin moons hovering in the deep purple sky.It was all Jack Harkness could do to just carry Ianto through the night. To simply be there. To take care of him.
It was only when Ianto was sat on Jack’s bed, a blanket thrown around his shoulders that Jack finally dared speak. The silence around them had been growing in its own intensity, riddled with unspoken words and misinterpreted gestures from their past. Jack didn’t bother to turn on a light, the dim silver moonlight radiating into the room being enough to light both their faces from the window, bright enough for him to recognise the despair in Ianto’s eyes.
To see Ianto there in front of him, his eyes barely able to look up at him broke Jack’s heart. This after all was not the Ianto he was used to. The Ianto who he knew was calm, shy sometimes, and he was always in control of his emotions. But this Ianto, this lost husk of a man sitting in front of him was something he was not prepared for. Yes, the same beautiful intricacy of his features was still there, his outer shell the same body that had tempted Jack for the entire length of their relationship. For that entire time, Jack had been desperately trying to work out what was inside Ianto’s head, what was behind those pretty blue eyes. But now he didn’t need to. Suddenly Ianto’s interior was spilling out in plain view of the world….
Sighing, Jack sat down softly beside Ianto, crossing his legs and watching him almost expectantly. He bit his lip, waiting for any sign that Ianto might want to be the one to speak first. He found none.
“What’s going on Ianto?” Jack’s voice rippled out suddenly, throwing Ianto off guard. Although his tone was soft, it was demanding too, filled with a desire for knowledge which made Ianto’s heart race that little bit faster. Jack paused, tilting his head to one side and taking in Ianto’s face for a moment, awaiting a reply that never came. “Yan?”
“I’m lost Jack.”
“What?”
“I’m lost… in my head. I don’t know what to think anymore….what to do.” Ianto swallowed hard, turning to look at Jack, his bottom lip trembling slightly. “It’s all I can think about.”
“What is?”
“Revenge….redemption; everything that fucking comes in between.” He shook his head, gritting his teeth. “I don’t want to be like this….but I feel like I have to be.”
“Yan…..I really don’t understand. Why do you need revenge?”
“For my family.” Ianto nodded softly. “They were murdered, butchered….without reason.”
“When?”
“Ten years ago.”
“Then why do you need all this now?”
“I was a kid when it happened!” Ianto half scoffed, his hand visibly balling into a fist. “I was powerless to do anything about it then.”
“I don’t mean that. I mean why now? Why tonight?”
“Every night…..I dream about it. Re-live that night and think about everything that I did wrong. Everything that I should have done to try and save them. Tonight….it just got too much.”
“And you think that revenge will stop all that?”
“It has to!” Ianto hissed, ripping his gaze from Jack’s and returning it to the window, the shadow of his shoulders heaving as he breathed. Keeping his back turned, he spoke again, his voice calmed. “If this doesn’t stop it….then what will?”
“I wish I could tell you.” Jack smiled weakly, reaching out with his left hand and placing it on Ianto’s back, his thumb stroking across the fabric of his tunic. He swallowed hard, trying to decide whether or not to continue. “But revenge…..you don’t always need it.”
“Really?” Ianto spat, his posture slumping, indicating to Jack that he was now holding his head in his hands. “And what do you know?”
“A hell of a lot more than you give me credit for.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Don’t I?” Jack laughed darkly, pulling his hand away as if Ianto’s body was white hot. He grimaced, shaking his head. “And what do you know about me Ianto? Really?”
“I…..don’t….”
“Exactly.” Jack sighed, running and hand through his hair, his gaze fixed upon Ianto’s motionless back sitting beside him. The truth had a habit of coming out when it was least wanted. “You remember that picture? Of my family?”
“Of course I do.”
“It was taken at my home, the Boeshane Peninsula. I grew up there, with my Mom, Dad and my brother Gray.” Jack laughed softly, the memory of his family, his home, suddenly so alive in his mind. “God….my little brother. We used to argue…all the time. Stupid things…..he used to tell me he hated me. But then he’d always follow me whenever I went anywhere..-”
“Why did you leave them then? If you were so happy?”
“I didn’t choose to leave them.” Jack gritted his teeth, his voice blunt, vowels harsh. “They were taken from me.”
“What?”
“Boeshane…..we kept to ourselves, rarely had any strangers. Except for one night. One night we were attacked. Space pirates, mercenaries, we were never sure. But they came at night, took everything we had. Anyone who resisted…..they killed.”
“Jack…”
“My Dad saw them coming, made me and Gray hide under the bed. There was only room for just the two of us…..I wanted him to hide too, but he wouldn’t.” Jack swallowed. “He told me to look after Gray.”
“What happened?”
“What do you think happened?” Jack spat, before taking a deep breath in, trying to calm his nerves. “They shot them both, repeatedly. Laughed the whole time. Gray got scared, he panicked…..I let go of his hand…..he ran out and they shot him too.” His voice was rough now, broken, his body visibly trembling.
“What did you do?”
“What could I do? I stayed hidden until they had gone. I called for help, but no one could hear me.” Biting his lip, Jack blinked hard, his body aching as if it were about to cry, and yet no tears even pricked at his eyes. It almost appeared as if his body had dried up, as if there were no longer anymore tears left behind his eyes with which to give him some form of release. It was only then, when Jack’s features were as lost and as pained as Ianto’s that the other cadet leaned forward, reaching out with a tentative hand and gripping his shoulder. For a moment they both just chose to sit there, in silence, their mere presence being a comfort to the other man.
“Jack….I’m sorry, I never knew…”
“You didn’t……neither does anyone else.” Jack replied quickly, shutting himself off again with a shake of his head. “But there was no way for me to get revenge for them, so I just had to move on. To let them live on through me.” He paused, biting his lip. “That’s what you have to do Yan.”
“But I can’t….” Ianto sighed. “10 years Jack and it still hasn’t got any easier. I just feel guilty….for being alive, for surviving when so many people didn’t.”
“But you shouldn’t…”
“That doesn’t stop me from feeling like this.” Ianto paused, taking a deep breath in. “I know what I need Jack…..and I know that I need your help.”
“My help?”
“The man whose actions led to the death of my family, he was a time agent. I managed to find his information in the archives. But I don’t know where he is….I can’t trace him.”
“But to find an ex time agent Ianto…..what you’re asking me to do….”
“I know.” Ianto nodded quickly. “The only way we’ll be able to find him is to hack into the Time Agency systems…..find out where he was last seen and when.”
“Ianto….I’m not even sure if I could do that. You don’t just enter the Time Agency records when you feel like it.”
“I know that, that’s why I need you. I know I can’t do this alone.”
“But Ianto…-”
“Please Jack….I need to find him. I need to know why he did it, I just want to understand.” Ianto sighed, looking at him quickly. “Please.”
“I’ll try.” As if his answer alone wasn’t enough, Jack leant forwards, pressing a gentle kiss to Ianto’s mouth. He pulled back tentatively, the action suddenly feeling so alien to them both. Licking his lips slightly, Ianto could feel his breath hitching at the back of his throat as he leant in this time, his left hand holding the back of Jack’s neck, his grip tight as if he was frightened that the other cadet might pull back all too soon. He didn’t.
Enveloping Ianto in his arms, Jack kissed him back in earnest, his tongue lapping out gently and tracing a soft trail along his bottom lip. As Ianto’s mouth complied and opened, both men groaned softly into the kiss, their bodies falling back onto the mattress, legs entwined and arm’s softly caressing each other’s backs. This was unlike any kiss they had shared previously, unlike anything that had ever occurred between them. The hot air of lust was no longer breathing down their necks; the deep pangs of loneliness and confusion were no longer writhing in their guts. Every rushed touch had melted into a more deliberate caress; every time their lips pressed against skin an invisible mark was left. They were there beside each other to comfort, to lose themselves in each other and to know longer have to think about their past, or their futures, merely their present. An anonymous love had covered them, taking control of them both and removing the need for any questions or confirmations.
After all…..they had already ruined too much with words.
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John Hart was convinced that his bed was becoming lonelier by the day….
He’d always hated silence for a start. Ever since the brief innocence of his childhood when silence generally meant that he had done something wrong. His father would always come home, lungs blazing as every curse from across the galaxy passed from his lips, sometimes a painful blow striking John across the head and sending him hurtling to the floor. But strangely, that never seemed to bother him. Over time John had taught himself how to react to aggression, how to deal with violence and harsh words without coming off too worse for wear. But John’s mother had always known better than that. Whenever she was angry or upset, she would simply shut up and block him out completely. And that was what he hated the most. Silence was something John Hart knew little about, something that still felt alien to him. The worst of it was that after they both left him, all there had ever been was silence for him. Empty chairs, empty beds, empty rooms. No one there to break up the cold and deafening silence that chimed out through his house. It made TARA feel like a perpetual paradise in comparison.
He was lucky when he thought about it. His looks meant that silence was rarely something that would haunt him for long. It was probably why he spent so much time at Poseidon, surrounding himself with all that noise and sex, just to remind himself that really, nothing meant anything. It was all just life, an accident of chemicals, and he would be damned if he would be spending what little life he had been given sat around and contemplating his world. Besides, whether it was the moans and guttural groans that accompanied fucking or the soft whimpers that followed it, he was never really alone all that much.
Except now he was. And what made it all the worse that once again in his life, John Hart was properly alone.
He’d seen it in Ianto’s eyes when he left. Something new, something unsure, something final. John still prided himself in being able to read people, and to him Ianto Jones was no exception. He wasn’t stupid, and even he knew that after two months Ianto Jones was still painfully in love with Jack. He had actually thought about their relationship once or twice, his mind recognising the turmoil that Ianto’s thoughts would undergo every time he fell into bed with him. But it was all too good, too satisfying for either of them to stop. The pleasure that they gave each other was just too unique, too addictive, every new orgasm only fuelling their addiction further. John had even let himself wonder how long it would last, how long he could keep that feeling of Ianto seated deep inside him alive, before the kick died and he was just like any other shag. After all, from experience John knew that no one stayed irresistible forever. Well….almost no one. As always, Jack Harkness could only ever be the exception to any rule.
John would have been lying if he said that the pure regret he felt as Ianto left his bed wasn’t real. But it wasn’t the regret losing Ianto; it was the regret of losing what Ianto was. In his mind, John knew that he had pushed things too far. For whatever reason he had seen sleeping with Ianto as some sort of goal, another way of getting to Jack and watching that half disgusted, half amused smirk wash across his features. After all that was the relationship they had always shared. He and Jack would always push their friendship, test it, try and torment each other so far into anger that they would have the occasional night of sex where John would be torn between wanting to strangle Jack and wanting to suck him off right then and there. It was explosive, it was intense, and most of all it was fun. Sex, aggression, lust all for the pure hell of it and with no ulterior motive. But as John should have foreseen, things could never really stay that simple.
He had miscalculated with Ianto. Miscalculated just how much Jack’s friendship with him was worth, miscalculated just how little Jack seemed to value him. But at least with Ianto in his bed for the past two months, John had felt slightly comforted by him. It amused him to think that despite all that Jack had given up for him, Ianto still couldn’t give John up. Until that night of course. Something had so obviously snapped inside the other cadet’s head, like he didn’t want to be around John anymore. Their relationship was by no means warm, or soft. It was cold, frozen, orientated around one animal act and very little else. But that night….it had just been so much colder. And despite being able to read him like a book, John was unable to work out what had changed.
He’d been abandoned again it seemed. First by Jack, and now by Ianto. It seemed that whoever John Hart was deep down, wasn’t really worth sticking around for.
This feeling of emptiness and loneliness was the sole reason why John found himself up and dressed, his wrist strap chiming 3am and a cigarette burning away in his left hand. He was pacing the familiar corridors of B block, his mind clear on what he wanted, what he needed. And it sickened him. John had never thought of himself as needy, as someone who craved attention and contact. But tonight….he was. And there was only one friend who he felt he could go to left.
“John?” Telmaya Xantir squinted, opening the door slightly and peering through the gap. Her amaranthine eyes were glazed over with an enduring sleep fuelled haze, her soft pink lips parted slightly. John smiled, taking another drag of his cigarette and simply choosing to watch her, revelling in how she looked. After all, it had been a long time since he actually really looked at her like that, which probably explained why they were still friends. “Um…..John? It’s a bit late for staring isn’t it?” She frowned at him, a questioning look written into her features.
“Never too late Tel.” He replied with an arrogant smirk.
“And that reasoning is getting pretty old.” She smiled weakly, opening the door further, giving John a better look at her body. She hadn’t bothered to get dressed, tight fitting grey boxer shorts hugging the tops of her toned hips and thighs, the scoop of her black vest top plunging down to expose the blanched skin of her cleavage. She swept her coal hair out from her eyes, blinking slightly before looking at him. “Really John, why are you here?”
“Wanted to see you, that a crime now?”
“What?” She rolled her eyes, resting the palm of her right hand on the door frame. “Thought you were busy anyway. I saw you leave the club tonight with that freshie….what’s his name?”
“Ianto.”
“Right, yeah…Ianto.” She nodded idly. “You looked as if you two would be busy for hours.”
“Aren’t I allowed to change my mind?”
“Course.” She smiled at him confidently, her nails absently tapping against the metal. “But I’m not being your failsafe.”
“My failsafe?”
“Yeah.” She sighed, looking away from him. “Let’s not pretend we both don’t know what you’re here for ok? You do it every time you have no one else to turn to, and I’m sick of being the last person on your list.”
“Oh come on Tel….” He smiled, reaching out and stroking a finger up her left arm. “If you wanted me to come round more often, you only had to ask.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” She half spat, her features disgusted as she wrenched herself from his touch. “I mean I’m sick of being the last person you think about. It makes me feel worthless.”
“Worthless?” He laughed darkly, not quite meeting her gaze. “I can relate to that now.”
“What?”
“Nothing.” John shook his head softly, finally letting his gaze slip to hers. “I’m….sorry alright? For making you feel like that. Making you feel like you don’t matter, like everyone else is put before you no matter what you say or do to try and make it any different.”
“Fuck…” Smiling softly, Telmaya stepped forward, pulling John’s face to hers, pressing her lips against his before he or she could say anything else. John was kissing her back almost instantly, wrapping his arms around her slim waist and pulling her too him, letting her warm skin radiate heat into his own. He’d always loved the way she kissed him, loved the way that she was so giving compared to Jack and Ianto, loved the contrast of her body against his. He’d missed feeling a smaller frame press against him, the softer more delicate lips sucking on his bottom lip whilst those slender, articulate hands wound their way up into his hair. He wasn’t sure how she managed it, but ever since the first night he had slept with her, Telmaya Xantir had always felt that little bit more unique.
“I thought we weren’t doing this?” John smirked slightly, pulling away and looking her in the eye. “What you said….”
“I know I shouldn’t…” She paused, stroking her thumb across his cheek. “But what you said. About feeling worthless….that was the real you. Not one of your lines to try and get me to sleep with you. And….I know you can’t fake that.”
“But I haven’t changed Tel…I can’t promise that.”
“And I don’t expect you to.” She laughed softly, pausing to give him another tender kiss. “But knowing that you empathise….that helps.”
Those soft lips were back against his as John stepped into Telmaya’s room, clumsily closing the door behind them as he did so. He wasn’t rushing, he didn’t need to, because for once he knew that the body pressed against his wasn’t going to be going anywhere any time soon. It might have only been for one night, but John could finally lose himself in someone else, someone who he didn’t have to rely on aggression or hate in order to have mind blowing sex with. After all, this wasn’t what this was about. This time with Telmaya was about reminding him of his humanity, and most importantly of all, it was to remind them both that they were no longer as alone as they might have thought.
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Soft vanilla light shone into the room around them, pulling Jack gently from his sleep. He craned his neck upwards, glancing around the room quickly as if to get his bearings. The soft tickle of Ianto’s hair beneath his chin reminded him of the other man’s presence, his care free breathing gentle and barely audible. Jack glanced down; subconsciously tightening his grip round the other cadet’s shoulders and pulling him slightly closer. Ianto’s sleeping form complied, nestling in closer to Jack’s body, his leg draping across him in one lazy movement. With anyone else, this close proximity would have felt obscure and awkward, but with Ianto…..Jack merely felt at peace.
But it wasn’t to last. He knew all too well from his own experience that as soon as Ianto’s eyes shot open that morning all peace from his features would be lost. He knew, could relate to what was haunting Ianto, and for Jack that was the worst part. He had wanted to run from him, wanted to shut himself off and not have to relive his own past. But at the same time, Jack just couldn’t face watching Ianto’s path for revenge lead him into oblivion. He couldn’t sit back and watch him suffer, couldn’t let him carry on in his path for revenge without at least trying to talk him out of it. But in doing that, Jack had realised something himself. If he knew who the men responsible for the murder of his family were, would he be able to stop himself looking for revenge? After all, he had no choice; he couldn’t go after them even if he tried. But Ianto, he could. And the prospect must have been pushing itself to the front of his mind constantly.
That was when Jack realised that no matter how hard he tried to protect Ianto from what he wanted, he wouldn’t be able to. There was no way that he would ever have enough power to stop Ianto from doing this, and he wasn’t prepared to watch him continue to dwindle before his eyes if he refused to help him either.
So it seemed, if Ianto Jones insisted on running the gauntlet towards oblivion and revenge, well then Jack Harkness would be running him alongside him.
Sighing softly, Jack glanced down at Ianto’s sleeping form, pressing an almost unsure kiss to the top of his head and gripping him tighter again. He closed his eyes, trying to drift off to sleep, pushing back the thoughts of the future for just a few minutes before. But as soon as the future passed from his mind, the thoughts of the past came rushing back, as if to replace them. Suddenly in front of his eyes, all he can see is his father, his smile, the way he used to gently punch him on the arm and tell him that he was proud of him. Would he be proud of him now? The man who he was, would that be enough for his Dad? For his mother? Would they ever forgive him for letting go of Gray’s hand?
Jack inwardly kicked himself, stopping the thoughts in an instant. It was behind him, and right then he had someone better than himself to take care of. Ianto. It was his job to be the friend that he promised to be when they first meant, to help him and take care of him as best he could. After all, his parent’s had always taught him that the relationships he had with others would be the only true reflection on himself that he could hope for.
And maybe, just maybe, Jack needed to start taking that particular teaching more to heart….
So what do we think? I know there’s not much action, but hey, we’re building character here. Anyway, as always I am desperately awaiting your thoughts and comments here, so if you have chance then please let me know what you think. But as always, I can only thank you for reading this far!
Just Being Me a.k.a Siany
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Click here for chapter sixteen!