The Edge's Start To Blur 3/? - Lying My Way From You
Title: The Edge’s Start To Blur 3/?
Rating: Oh….its NC-17.
Characters: Ianto, Owen, Jack (fleetingly mentioned)
Pairings: Ianto/Owen, implied Jack/Ianto
Series: Chapter 3 of "Lying My Way From You".
Spoilers: If you’ve seen series one of Torchwood you’ll be fine.
Summary: Owen Harper has been craving certainty recently. But now that he has it, it just simply makes everything else that little harder to bear….
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though.
Author’s Notes: So here I am, wading back into the ownto world. As always, it could not be done without the brilliant help of thehubsitter , who looks at the way I write the boys and tells me whether I am insane or not. I’d always like to take the time to thank anyone who reads this, as obviously it is so appreciated! I hope you enjoy it! :)
Chapter One: It's Beginning To Get To Me
Chapter Two: Oblivious
Dedicated to the wonderful thehubsitter , who is like my own personal ownto muse, and she gives me a good giggle too, bless her. Also dedicated to my other ownto girlie naddypants , who is so marvellous with me, and keeps me writing too! You girls are amazing!
Owen Harper had been craving certainty recently.
But now that he had it, it just simply made everything else that little harder to bear.
He wasn’t sure what was worse; Ianto leaving him with those three words down in the archives, or the fact that the Welshman hadn’t remained with him long enough to hear Owen say them back. Either way, the events of that afternoon were haunting the medic more than his professional exterior would suggest.
He didn’t know how Ianto expected him to react either. Hell…he didn’t even know if Ianto himself knew how to react. What did he want from Owen? A desperate kiss and a declaration of love? Another secretive shag to keep the pangs of lust away? Or did Ianto simply want Owen to just know…did he not care what happened next? The medic shook his head, attempting to keep his gaze fixed on the test tube to which he was now adding a complex chemical dye to. One thing was for sure at least. How could Ianto ever expect Owen to just carry on after what he had said in the archives barely two hours ago?
Oh….of course. It was Ianto. The man could carry his way on through the next apocalypse if he had to.
“Owen?” The familiar American tang of Jack’s voice sounded above him, rattling the medic from his own thoughts. He jumped slightly at the noise, placing the test tube into a suitable holder before he could drop it.
“Yes Jack?”
“Ianto hasn’t…..spoken to you at all today has he?”
“Should he have?” Owen replied quickly not quite meeting Jack’s gaze as he traversed the autopsy bay, picking up a series of different bottles of solution and moving them across to the bench at which he was working. Beneath his lab coat his heart was thumping, raging, willing the events of that afternoon to just disappear deep below his skin. He could feel his pulse race, a clear sign of the panic shooting through his system.
“No…well….” Jack shook his head, laughing softly. “He said he was feeling ill, went home. I was just thinking that you might-”
“Nothing to do with me Jack.” The medic replied bluntly, still refusing to look up at him. He let out an inward sigh, relieved that Jack had meant nothing more. “If he’s gone home, he didn’t mention it to me beforehand.”
“That’s what bothers me.”
“Why?”
“You know Ianto….He’s too quiet for his own good.”
“Torchwood Jack….” Owen sighed, finally resigning himself to making eye contact with the Captain who by now had sat himself down on the top step of the stairs leading into the autopsy bay. “That’s rule number one right?” He risked the captain a quick smile.
“Supposedly. You don’t think it’s serious though?”
“Doubt it.” The medic shook his head, standing at the bottom of the stairs, leaning back against the cold tiled wall. “No contact with alien artefacts or major rift activity over the last week apart from this thing.” He nodded casually towards the fish-like alien laid out across his autopsy table. “I think the worst it could be is the common cold.”
“You’re sure?” Jack bit his lip, his face clearly showing concern. “Because he’s been distant….for the last few days. But he won’t tell me why.”
Distant. The word was enough for Owen’s heart to skip a beat, his thoughts suddenly linking all the pieces of information he had of Ianto into some kind of recognisable pattern. Surely Ianto hadn’t been so distant with Jack because of him? Suddenly Owen was so unsure of what to do. Like it or not he was already putting cracks in Ianto’s relationship with Jack…even if he never even meant to.
“Owen?” Jack’s voice threw Owen from his thoughts for the second time that afternoon. He looked up, his brown eyes meeting with the blue ones that were now watching him so intently. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know Jack.” The medic replied quickly, shaking his head whilst shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m a good doctor, but even I can’t do a diagnosis without knowing the symptoms.”
“Then go and see him.”
“What?”
“He’s back at the flat now. You could check up on him.” Jack smiled weakly, running a hand through his hair. “You won’t miss anything here.”
“I’m not sure he’d want me there.”
“Why not?”
“Well….” Scratching his head, Owen desperately searched his memory for anything he could use as an excuse. “You know me and Ianto; don’t get on at the best of times.” He gave Jack his best laugh.
“He won’t mind, not if I sent you.”
“But it’s probably nothing anyway.”
“Please Owen.” Jack’s voice was serious this time, his eyes searching the medic’s. “Just check up on him. It won’t take long.”
It was then when Owen realised that no matter how hard he tried, this wouldn’t be something he could get out of…..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Now!
The writing's on the wall
It won't go away
It's an Omen.”
The lyrics being spewed from his car radio were hardly heartening as Owen pulled up outside Ianto’s flat, his hands subconsciously gripping the steering wheel. The music cutting out as soon as he turned off the engine, Owen suddenly found himself being plunged into an uneasy silence, the only noise the sound of his blood thundering through his ears. It was sickening, the way that the mere thought of facing Ianto made him feel. It was irrational, how could one man make his heart race like this; make his breath feel so shallow and useless? And how could that man be the tea boy? That glorified secretary and superfluous team member that he had always made it his business to ridicule? Just how had Ianto Jones made him feel like this?
There was an idle patter of rain as Owen stepped out of his car, too docile to be called a downpour and yet heavy enough for him to pull the collar of his jacket upwards to protect his neck from the bitter water. He glanced up at the familiar apartment block, a modern establishment similar to his own except much like Ianto both the size and surroundings of the flat were much more modest and introvert. Plants still too small for their plots lined the pathway to the main double doors, young trees wavering in the wind as Owen approached the entrance quickly, his hand tentatively reaching out for buzzer of the intercom system.
The feeling of lips against his was intoxicating as Owen manoeuvred them from the taxi, his hands tight on Ianto’s neck, holding him close, stopping him from getting away. That addictive tongue was back, lapping out against his own as Owen felt himself be pushed along a gravel path only stopping when his back pressed against cool, hard metal. With lust filled eyes, Ianto broke away, straining reluctantly from the medic’s grasp long enough to type in the code to open the entrance door. Seconds later his arms were back around Owen, pushing him gently into the building. Through the alcohol dulling his senses, Owen remembered being thankful that Ianto’s apartment was on the ground floor. Their movements were hurried, Ianto pulling Owen along by the hand, his feet stumbling slightly due to their pace. He remembered being contented then, when Ianto’s hand was tightly clasping his, pulling him in a way that was deliberate beyond question. It felt so good to lose all of his power, all of his control. After all, no one had made him lose it like this in years….
“Who is it?” Ianto’s soft tone was there suddenly, crackling out of the intercom. Owen jumped, closing his eyes. The mere sound of his voice almost had him shaking.
“Owen.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been asking myself the same question.” The medic laughed softly, leaning in towards the intercom. “You going to let me in or what?”
“Errr….yeah….sure. Sorry.” With a profound click the intercom switched off, the lock of the entrance door opening with a snap. Owen took a deep breath inwards, clenching his fists slightly as he stepped inside. He still had no idea what he was going to say.
Barely moments later, Ianto’s front door was swinging open, and both men found themselves stood amongst an awkward silence. The man in front of Owen wasn’t the same man who had been in the archives; he seemed more ruffled, more unsure on his home territory. Still stood in his suit, Ianto had long abandoned his tie, the first few buttons of his shirt hanging undone. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and his hair was softened, sticking up slightly on one side as if he had been asleep. His face bore a soft smile when his blue eyes finally met Owen’s.
“Jack sent you then?”
“Yeah.” Owen nodded quickly, running a subconscious hand through his hair. “He was worried about you.”
“Don’t know why.”
“You said you were ill.”
“I lied.” Ianto paused, giving him a weak smile. “You going to come in?”
Nodding, Owen stepped in, kicking off his shoes by the door. He glanced around him, taking in the minimalist white washed apartment that surrounded him. It was open plan, pristine and gave little insight into the personality of his owner other than a brief scattering of family photo’s and scenic pictures. Following Ianto through into the living room, Owen watched as he sat down on the sofa, the medic himself hovering beside him.
“Why did you lie?”
“Why do you think?”
“Please Ianto!” Owen was hissing, more out of frustration towards himself rather than the other man. “A straight answer, that’s all I want.”
“Haven’t you had enough answers today?” Ianto replied with a quick roll of his eyes.
“No.”
“I needed an excuse alright?” Sighing, Ianto leaned back, his head resting against the back of the sofa. “I just….can’t stand it anymore.”
“Stand what?”
“This!” His arms outstretched, Ianto indicated around the room around them. “I can’t get it to make sense in my head.”
“You seemed to be able to earlier.”
“I changed my mind alright?” The Welshman half glared, his cold blue eyes looking upwards to pierce Owen’s. “I can’t always be the one who knows what to do…” This time his voice was softened, his eyes weaker as he lowered them from Owen’s gaze, shielding himself as he rested his head in his hands. “I just can’t do it…”
“Hey….” Sitting down beside him, Owen pushed all thoughts of confusion from his mind, a tentative hand reaching out and lying on Ianto’s back. “What happened? What changed?”
“It’s Jack. It’s always Jack.”
“How do you mean?”
“The way he talked to me today. He cares so much, and I can’t throw that back at him. I feel like I’m betraying him.”
“Then this needs to stop. You and me Ianto. We can’t-”
“But I don’t want that.” Ianto sighed softly, blinking hard. “I don’t want to stop. I just wish…..that thing’s had been different.”
“Different?”
“That night….with the Weevil in the hospital, when I had to stitch your leg.” Ianto paused, watching Owen to make sure he remembered. “I thought I made it clear enough to you then.”
“Made what clear?”
“I loved you then Owen…. And I thought that if you knew … you’d do something. I don’t know what I was expecting…. But I just wanted you to do something about it.” Biting his lip, Ianto looked away, shaking hands rubbing across his face. “But you didn’t….Jack came back and then…-”
“You slept with me.” The medic nodded bitterly.
“No one else had noticed. But you were slowly killing yourself like that. All that drinking. I had to stop you.”
“So it was a mercy fuck?” Owen laughed bitterly. “Thanks.”
“No!” Ianto shook his head quickly. “I wanted to….but it should never have happened. For either of us.”
“I understand.” He wasn’t sure why, but the knot that had building in his stomach ever since leaving the Hub was growing so tight that Owen could barely stand it anymore. He swallowed hard, desperately trying to subdue it and think of Ianto instead. “I told you….this has to stop. Look what it’s doing to you.”
“But what about you?”
“I’ll be ok.” The medic gave him a quick smile. “I always am.”
“But I love you….”
“And I’m pretty fond of you too…” Owen smirked softly, his left hand moving up from Ianto’s shoulders to gently rub at his neck. “But thing’s happen…..or don’t happen for a reason, right?” He smiled when he received a soft nod from Ianto. “You have Jack…remember?”
“But you don’t have anyone….” He wasn’t ready for the soft lips that were then pressed tentatively to his, but that didn’t mean that Owen didn’t want them there. For a brief period of time, Owen didn’t dare reciprocate; he merely sat there in shock, feeling the desperation in Ianto’s mouth push against his. It was just like all the tension between them, building and pulsing until Owen could no longer stand it, his mouth opening and his lips locking with Ianto’s, meeting the other man’s mouth, his brain fuelled by need and nothing less. His brain was barely able to register anything as Ianto pulled him up from the sofa, guiding him through into his bedroom and then pushing him down onto the bed. His thoughts were a blur as Ianto stripped him quickly, his own hands reaching out to do the same, roaming across the skin of Ianto’s body as soon as it became exposed. Owen was unable to hold back a moan as Ianto’s mouth began its assault on his neck, a pink trail snaking down his throat and onto his shoulder, his skin tingling with pleasure with every new nip and suck. His eyes glazed over with lust when Ianto’s slender hand grasped his cock, causing him to bite his lip, the familiar metallic tang of blood reaching his taste buds. As that same hand began to move, Owen leant back into the bed, unable to stop his hips from lifting upwards. It all felt so good….too good. Fearing that it would all be over too soon, Owen found himself gripping Ianto’s wrist, restraining him.
“Please….I need more than that.”
Ianto complied quickly, reaching beside them for the lube. He took his time preparing Owen, watching the features of his face contort and twist in pleasure before finally giving in. By the time Ianto pushed into him, they were panting, frantically clawing at each others bodies in a futile attempt to be closer than physically possible. Owen was well aware as his orgasm approached that he was leaving marks across Ianto’s back and arms, although it no longer mattered anymore. All that did matter was those few fleeting moments, where there was simply no Jack, no Torchwood, no pretence……just them.
The bright flashes and intensities of their orgasms long gone, the thoughts closest to Owen’s mind were that of sleep, his body content to lie entangled with Ianto’s and his brain happy to drift off into a place where nothing mattered anymore. But he couldn’t do that, not then, not ever. For the brief encounter he had had with Ianto, that brief, beautiful intimacy now had to stop. That afternoon Owen had realised all too much. He had seen Ianto’s confidence, found the answers that he had wanted and finally discovered the truth. He now knew how Ianto felt, no longer felt like some worthless experiment to the other man. But more recently than that, Owen had been forced to see the other side of this love. See what it was doing to the security that Jack gave Ianto, saw the doubts that this love had planted into Ianto’s mind.
And as much as he wished he could give that same security to Ianto as Jack could, Owen was terrified that he would be unable to do.
So Owen Harper did the only thing he could think of. He let go, gave up, resigned himself to being alone so that Ianto would never have to be. He would never tell the other man how he felt, never admit that in fact he loved him too. He would simply carry on, do what Ianto couldn’t and leave things as they had been. It was a fitting sacrifice after all.
The wind had picked up as Owen left Ianto’s apartment, blowing the now icy rain into his face. Around him the street lamps had only begun to flicker into life, throwing wavering shapes out across the pathway. Blinking hard, Owen dashed to his car, throwing himself into it and rubbing his hands together quickly for warmth. Leaning back against the head rest, his thoughts flashed backwards back to his medical training in London. He could see his tutor now, looking him in eye and smiling softly. “Just remember eh Harper? Being a doctor…its gets inside you. Its not something you put down for a while and then come back to.”
Smiling weakly as he turned on the ignition, Owen suddenly realised how true those words were. After all, here he was protecting and caring for Ianto, forgetting about himself.
He had forgotten. First and foremost he would always be Ianto’s protector. His guardian. His doctor. And that would always have to come first.
So then….what do we think? As always I hoped that you enjoyed this, since I am writing it for you! So if you have the chance to comment, please do! I love to know what you think. But of course, you have read this far, and so thank you!!!
Just Being Me a.k.a Siany
Click here for Chapter Four "Every You, Every Me".
Rating: Oh….its NC-17.
Characters: Ianto, Owen, Jack (fleetingly mentioned)
Pairings: Ianto/Owen, implied Jack/Ianto
Series: Chapter 3 of "Lying My Way From You".
Spoilers: If you’ve seen series one of Torchwood you’ll be fine.
Summary: Owen Harper has been craving certainty recently. But now that he has it, it just simply makes everything else that little harder to bear….
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though.
Author’s Notes: So here I am, wading back into the ownto world. As always, it could not be done without the brilliant help of thehubsitter , who looks at the way I write the boys and tells me whether I am insane or not. I’d always like to take the time to thank anyone who reads this, as obviously it is so appreciated! I hope you enjoy it! :)
Chapter One: It's Beginning To Get To Me
Chapter Two: Oblivious
Dedicated to the wonderful thehubsitter , who is like my own personal ownto muse, and she gives me a good giggle too, bless her. Also dedicated to my other ownto girlie naddypants , who is so marvellous with me, and keeps me writing too! You girls are amazing!
Owen Harper had been craving certainty recently.
But now that he had it, it just simply made everything else that little harder to bear.
He wasn’t sure what was worse; Ianto leaving him with those three words down in the archives, or the fact that the Welshman hadn’t remained with him long enough to hear Owen say them back. Either way, the events of that afternoon were haunting the medic more than his professional exterior would suggest.
He didn’t know how Ianto expected him to react either. Hell…he didn’t even know if Ianto himself knew how to react. What did he want from Owen? A desperate kiss and a declaration of love? Another secretive shag to keep the pangs of lust away? Or did Ianto simply want Owen to just know…did he not care what happened next? The medic shook his head, attempting to keep his gaze fixed on the test tube to which he was now adding a complex chemical dye to. One thing was for sure at least. How could Ianto ever expect Owen to just carry on after what he had said in the archives barely two hours ago?
Oh….of course. It was Ianto. The man could carry his way on through the next apocalypse if he had to.
“Owen?” The familiar American tang of Jack’s voice sounded above him, rattling the medic from his own thoughts. He jumped slightly at the noise, placing the test tube into a suitable holder before he could drop it.
“Yes Jack?”
“Ianto hasn’t…..spoken to you at all today has he?”
“Should he have?” Owen replied quickly not quite meeting Jack’s gaze as he traversed the autopsy bay, picking up a series of different bottles of solution and moving them across to the bench at which he was working. Beneath his lab coat his heart was thumping, raging, willing the events of that afternoon to just disappear deep below his skin. He could feel his pulse race, a clear sign of the panic shooting through his system.
“No…well….” Jack shook his head, laughing softly. “He said he was feeling ill, went home. I was just thinking that you might-”
“Nothing to do with me Jack.” The medic replied bluntly, still refusing to look up at him. He let out an inward sigh, relieved that Jack had meant nothing more. “If he’s gone home, he didn’t mention it to me beforehand.”
“That’s what bothers me.”
“Why?”
“You know Ianto….He’s too quiet for his own good.”
“Torchwood Jack….” Owen sighed, finally resigning himself to making eye contact with the Captain who by now had sat himself down on the top step of the stairs leading into the autopsy bay. “That’s rule number one right?” He risked the captain a quick smile.
“Supposedly. You don’t think it’s serious though?”
“Doubt it.” The medic shook his head, standing at the bottom of the stairs, leaning back against the cold tiled wall. “No contact with alien artefacts or major rift activity over the last week apart from this thing.” He nodded casually towards the fish-like alien laid out across his autopsy table. “I think the worst it could be is the common cold.”
“You’re sure?” Jack bit his lip, his face clearly showing concern. “Because he’s been distant….for the last few days. But he won’t tell me why.”
Distant. The word was enough for Owen’s heart to skip a beat, his thoughts suddenly linking all the pieces of information he had of Ianto into some kind of recognisable pattern. Surely Ianto hadn’t been so distant with Jack because of him? Suddenly Owen was so unsure of what to do. Like it or not he was already putting cracks in Ianto’s relationship with Jack…even if he never even meant to.
“Owen?” Jack’s voice threw Owen from his thoughts for the second time that afternoon. He looked up, his brown eyes meeting with the blue ones that were now watching him so intently. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know Jack.” The medic replied quickly, shaking his head whilst shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’m a good doctor, but even I can’t do a diagnosis without knowing the symptoms.”
“Then go and see him.”
“What?”
“He’s back at the flat now. You could check up on him.” Jack smiled weakly, running a hand through his hair. “You won’t miss anything here.”
“I’m not sure he’d want me there.”
“Why not?”
“Well….” Scratching his head, Owen desperately searched his memory for anything he could use as an excuse. “You know me and Ianto; don’t get on at the best of times.” He gave Jack his best laugh.
“He won’t mind, not if I sent you.”
“But it’s probably nothing anyway.”
“Please Owen.” Jack’s voice was serious this time, his eyes searching the medic’s. “Just check up on him. It won’t take long.”
It was then when Owen realised that no matter how hard he tried, this wouldn’t be something he could get out of…..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Now!
The writing's on the wall
It won't go away
It's an Omen.”
The lyrics being spewed from his car radio were hardly heartening as Owen pulled up outside Ianto’s flat, his hands subconsciously gripping the steering wheel. The music cutting out as soon as he turned off the engine, Owen suddenly found himself being plunged into an uneasy silence, the only noise the sound of his blood thundering through his ears. It was sickening, the way that the mere thought of facing Ianto made him feel. It was irrational, how could one man make his heart race like this; make his breath feel so shallow and useless? And how could that man be the tea boy? That glorified secretary and superfluous team member that he had always made it his business to ridicule? Just how had Ianto Jones made him feel like this?
There was an idle patter of rain as Owen stepped out of his car, too docile to be called a downpour and yet heavy enough for him to pull the collar of his jacket upwards to protect his neck from the bitter water. He glanced up at the familiar apartment block, a modern establishment similar to his own except much like Ianto both the size and surroundings of the flat were much more modest and introvert. Plants still too small for their plots lined the pathway to the main double doors, young trees wavering in the wind as Owen approached the entrance quickly, his hand tentatively reaching out for buzzer of the intercom system.
The feeling of lips against his was intoxicating as Owen manoeuvred them from the taxi, his hands tight on Ianto’s neck, holding him close, stopping him from getting away. That addictive tongue was back, lapping out against his own as Owen felt himself be pushed along a gravel path only stopping when his back pressed against cool, hard metal. With lust filled eyes, Ianto broke away, straining reluctantly from the medic’s grasp long enough to type in the code to open the entrance door. Seconds later his arms were back around Owen, pushing him gently into the building. Through the alcohol dulling his senses, Owen remembered being thankful that Ianto’s apartment was on the ground floor. Their movements were hurried, Ianto pulling Owen along by the hand, his feet stumbling slightly due to their pace. He remembered being contented then, when Ianto’s hand was tightly clasping his, pulling him in a way that was deliberate beyond question. It felt so good to lose all of his power, all of his control. After all, no one had made him lose it like this in years….
“Who is it?” Ianto’s soft tone was there suddenly, crackling out of the intercom. Owen jumped, closing his eyes. The mere sound of his voice almost had him shaking.
“Owen.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I’ve been asking myself the same question.” The medic laughed softly, leaning in towards the intercom. “You going to let me in or what?”
“Errr….yeah….sure. Sorry.” With a profound click the intercom switched off, the lock of the entrance door opening with a snap. Owen took a deep breath inwards, clenching his fists slightly as he stepped inside. He still had no idea what he was going to say.
Barely moments later, Ianto’s front door was swinging open, and both men found themselves stood amongst an awkward silence. The man in front of Owen wasn’t the same man who had been in the archives; he seemed more ruffled, more unsure on his home territory. Still stood in his suit, Ianto had long abandoned his tie, the first few buttons of his shirt hanging undone. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and his hair was softened, sticking up slightly on one side as if he had been asleep. His face bore a soft smile when his blue eyes finally met Owen’s.
“Jack sent you then?”
“Yeah.” Owen nodded quickly, running a subconscious hand through his hair. “He was worried about you.”
“Don’t know why.”
“You said you were ill.”
“I lied.” Ianto paused, giving him a weak smile. “You going to come in?”
Nodding, Owen stepped in, kicking off his shoes by the door. He glanced around him, taking in the minimalist white washed apartment that surrounded him. It was open plan, pristine and gave little insight into the personality of his owner other than a brief scattering of family photo’s and scenic pictures. Following Ianto through into the living room, Owen watched as he sat down on the sofa, the medic himself hovering beside him.
“Why did you lie?”
“Why do you think?”
“Please Ianto!” Owen was hissing, more out of frustration towards himself rather than the other man. “A straight answer, that’s all I want.”
“Haven’t you had enough answers today?” Ianto replied with a quick roll of his eyes.
“No.”
“I needed an excuse alright?” Sighing, Ianto leaned back, his head resting against the back of the sofa. “I just….can’t stand it anymore.”
“Stand what?”
“This!” His arms outstretched, Ianto indicated around the room around them. “I can’t get it to make sense in my head.”
“You seemed to be able to earlier.”
“I changed my mind alright?” The Welshman half glared, his cold blue eyes looking upwards to pierce Owen’s. “I can’t always be the one who knows what to do…” This time his voice was softened, his eyes weaker as he lowered them from Owen’s gaze, shielding himself as he rested his head in his hands. “I just can’t do it…”
“Hey….” Sitting down beside him, Owen pushed all thoughts of confusion from his mind, a tentative hand reaching out and lying on Ianto’s back. “What happened? What changed?”
“It’s Jack. It’s always Jack.”
“How do you mean?”
“The way he talked to me today. He cares so much, and I can’t throw that back at him. I feel like I’m betraying him.”
“Then this needs to stop. You and me Ianto. We can’t-”
“But I don’t want that.” Ianto sighed softly, blinking hard. “I don’t want to stop. I just wish…..that thing’s had been different.”
“Different?”
“That night….with the Weevil in the hospital, when I had to stitch your leg.” Ianto paused, watching Owen to make sure he remembered. “I thought I made it clear enough to you then.”
“Made what clear?”
“I loved you then Owen…. And I thought that if you knew … you’d do something. I don’t know what I was expecting…. But I just wanted you to do something about it.” Biting his lip, Ianto looked away, shaking hands rubbing across his face. “But you didn’t….Jack came back and then…-”
“You slept with me.” The medic nodded bitterly.
“No one else had noticed. But you were slowly killing yourself like that. All that drinking. I had to stop you.”
“So it was a mercy fuck?” Owen laughed bitterly. “Thanks.”
“No!” Ianto shook his head quickly. “I wanted to….but it should never have happened. For either of us.”
“I understand.” He wasn’t sure why, but the knot that had building in his stomach ever since leaving the Hub was growing so tight that Owen could barely stand it anymore. He swallowed hard, desperately trying to subdue it and think of Ianto instead. “I told you….this has to stop. Look what it’s doing to you.”
“But what about you?”
“I’ll be ok.” The medic gave him a quick smile. “I always am.”
“But I love you….”
“And I’m pretty fond of you too…” Owen smirked softly, his left hand moving up from Ianto’s shoulders to gently rub at his neck. “But thing’s happen…..or don’t happen for a reason, right?” He smiled when he received a soft nod from Ianto. “You have Jack…remember?”
“But you don’t have anyone….” He wasn’t ready for the soft lips that were then pressed tentatively to his, but that didn’t mean that Owen didn’t want them there. For a brief period of time, Owen didn’t dare reciprocate; he merely sat there in shock, feeling the desperation in Ianto’s mouth push against his. It was just like all the tension between them, building and pulsing until Owen could no longer stand it, his mouth opening and his lips locking with Ianto’s, meeting the other man’s mouth, his brain fuelled by need and nothing less. His brain was barely able to register anything as Ianto pulled him up from the sofa, guiding him through into his bedroom and then pushing him down onto the bed. His thoughts were a blur as Ianto stripped him quickly, his own hands reaching out to do the same, roaming across the skin of Ianto’s body as soon as it became exposed. Owen was unable to hold back a moan as Ianto’s mouth began its assault on his neck, a pink trail snaking down his throat and onto his shoulder, his skin tingling with pleasure with every new nip and suck. His eyes glazed over with lust when Ianto’s slender hand grasped his cock, causing him to bite his lip, the familiar metallic tang of blood reaching his taste buds. As that same hand began to move, Owen leant back into the bed, unable to stop his hips from lifting upwards. It all felt so good….too good. Fearing that it would all be over too soon, Owen found himself gripping Ianto’s wrist, restraining him.
“Please….I need more than that.”
Ianto complied quickly, reaching beside them for the lube. He took his time preparing Owen, watching the features of his face contort and twist in pleasure before finally giving in. By the time Ianto pushed into him, they were panting, frantically clawing at each others bodies in a futile attempt to be closer than physically possible. Owen was well aware as his orgasm approached that he was leaving marks across Ianto’s back and arms, although it no longer mattered anymore. All that did matter was those few fleeting moments, where there was simply no Jack, no Torchwood, no pretence……just them.
The bright flashes and intensities of their orgasms long gone, the thoughts closest to Owen’s mind were that of sleep, his body content to lie entangled with Ianto’s and his brain happy to drift off into a place where nothing mattered anymore. But he couldn’t do that, not then, not ever. For the brief encounter he had had with Ianto, that brief, beautiful intimacy now had to stop. That afternoon Owen had realised all too much. He had seen Ianto’s confidence, found the answers that he had wanted and finally discovered the truth. He now knew how Ianto felt, no longer felt like some worthless experiment to the other man. But more recently than that, Owen had been forced to see the other side of this love. See what it was doing to the security that Jack gave Ianto, saw the doubts that this love had planted into Ianto’s mind.
And as much as he wished he could give that same security to Ianto as Jack could, Owen was terrified that he would be unable to do.
So Owen Harper did the only thing he could think of. He let go, gave up, resigned himself to being alone so that Ianto would never have to be. He would never tell the other man how he felt, never admit that in fact he loved him too. He would simply carry on, do what Ianto couldn’t and leave things as they had been. It was a fitting sacrifice after all.
The wind had picked up as Owen left Ianto’s apartment, blowing the now icy rain into his face. Around him the street lamps had only begun to flicker into life, throwing wavering shapes out across the pathway. Blinking hard, Owen dashed to his car, throwing himself into it and rubbing his hands together quickly for warmth. Leaning back against the head rest, his thoughts flashed backwards back to his medical training in London. He could see his tutor now, looking him in eye and smiling softly. “Just remember eh Harper? Being a doctor…its gets inside you. Its not something you put down for a while and then come back to.”
Smiling weakly as he turned on the ignition, Owen suddenly realised how true those words were. After all, here he was protecting and caring for Ianto, forgetting about himself.
He had forgotten. First and foremost he would always be Ianto’s protector. His guardian. His doctor. And that would always have to come first.
So then….what do we think? As always I hoped that you enjoyed this, since I am writing it for you! So if you have the chance to comment, please do! I love to know what you think. But of course, you have read this far, and so thank you!!!
Just Being Me a.k.a Siany
Click here for Chapter Four "Every You, Every Me".