Tales Of A Time Agency - 14/?
Title: Tales of A Time Agency - 14/?
Rating: NC-17 for drifting into femslash.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto but it’s the Time Agency so expect Jack/John, Tosh/Owen, Ianto/John, Tosh/Mary, John/the consenting population of the universe……
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Ianto Jones is thrown into the world of excess of the Time Agency Academy, but will he sink or swim? Especially when the enigmatic Jack Harkness starts looking his way…. In this chapter Ianto is driven to asking for help when his past reasserts itself, whilst Toshiko finally breaks her ties to Mary….
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though.
Author’s Notes: So here we are again, back with another mammoth chapter of TOATA. Finally, the plot is actually moving somewhere! Lol, anyway I have to quickly thank my beta naddypants for taking a look at this, tweaking it for me and being so quick about it all too! I doubt I would have been able to get this up here without her. Also, I have to thank everyone who is so patient with TOATA and all the people who have stuck with me for the past thirteen chapters! It really does make writing this a real pleasure. And by now, you know the drill, any comments you guys give me are completely appreciated! :)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five A
Chapter Five B
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight A
Chapter Eight B
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven A
Chapter Eleven B
Janto Interlude
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
So onto the dedications then. To naddypants for stepping in when I need her and for telling me that my characterizations are not insane! To thehubsitter who is my own personal muse (:P) and who random conversations keep me focused. Tomorgia for being so supportive and telling me that I can write this! And finally to
2nd_toshiko , for scaring me out of deleting this with Sylar. You all make writing this a supreme pleasure. Thank you!!!
Long gone memories only pretend to be dead……
The pain was everywhere, biting into his flesh, sharp heated teeth ripping through the sinew of his body. Intense flames purged there way across the hall, engulfing everything, devouring the very foundations of his home. His eyes streamed from the smoke, bleeding clear tears as he fought on through the flames, managing to somehow break down the wooden door that separated him from his parent’s out of sheer desperation. But he was too late. They were both there, motionless, their chests soaked with red, blank eyes staring upwards, no longer aware of the encroaching flames. He couldn’t save them. No one could.
Time appeared to flash forwards, and the next image he had was of his sister, her body lifeless and fragile in his arms. Eyes half open, her passive expression carried with it so much pain from the burns searing across her skin, her mouth hanging open in an almost endless scream. That sound…..so shrill that it could shatter glass, yet so earth bound that it rumbled straight through his soul. His muscles were cramping, burning under the strain, his knees buckling as they finally made it outside, the cool abandon of night falling on cindered flesh. Through the night air rang similar piercing screams, voices of the condemned as the slums around him fell further and further into the deep inferno designed to tear families limb from limb. His own lungs were burning, aching as he cried out for anyone to help them, his knees finally succumbing and falling to the cold soft sand below. Lisa’s eyes were closed now, her chest moving so erratically that it seemed her heart might burst through her rib cage at any moment. As he let out one final scream, Ianto managed to look down through his tears enough to see his sister’s features fade before his eyes, her grip on his hand ever weakening……
At exactly 2.30am… Ianto Jones woke up.
“Lisa!” He was sitting bolt upright, his heart thundering within his chest. Around him, the cool air of the room highlighted the thin sheen of sweat that coated his skin, his blood hammering against the walls of his arteries with what felt like an earth shattering force. His vision was blurred by stale tears, his throat tight and swollen from the emotion that seemed to bubble up from his abdomen. It was almost as if the choking flames were still licking their way closer and closer to his neck…..
“What the fuck Jones?!” Beside him, the form of John Hart jumped, his eyes locking onto Ianto’s in a combination of anger and confusion. He cradled his jaw in his right hand, watching Ianto impatiently for an answer.
“Burning……I can’t.……I…..-”
“You hit me.”
“What?” The words snapped Ianto out of his daze, blinking hard as he glanced over to the other man. Momentarily the blaze of fear and horror burning through his brain was doused by the present, although its embers lingered on, glowing at the back of his thoughts.
“You hit me.” John shook his head, the roll of his eyes barely visible to Ianto through the gloom. Moving his hand, John leaned forward, tilting the right side of his jaw towards Ianto. “See?”
“I was dreaming.”
“You were? I’d never have noticed…” He scoffed, shaking his head before continuing to stare at Ianto. “You going to explain to me what the hell that was?”
“A nightmare.” Holding back a shudder, Ianto bit his lip, leaning back against the headboard. Through the dim light he could see a soft shine reflect towards him from John’s eyes, the gaze washing over him in a look that could only ever be described as confused. Swallowing hard, Ianto rubbed at his bare arms, feeling the tingle of goose bumps under his skin.
“What about?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Really?” John folded his arms, moving back so he too was leaning back against the headboard. He tilted his head, looking over to Ianto arrogantly. “Try me Eye Candy.”
“Just my past.” Ianto grunted bitterly. “You don’t need to know anything more about it.”
“You seem pretty set on that.”
“I am. Besides…..” Ianto glanced to his right, raising an eyebrow. “I thought we were just sex John?”
“We are…….” The other man chuckled lightly. “But aren’t I allowed to blur the boundaries a little?”
“No.” Ianto shook his head quickly. “The boundaries are there for a reason.”
“You know….” John smiled, resting his head on the wall behind them, his eyes staring up blankly at the ceiling. “For someone I fuck….you really are cold.”
“It’s easier that way.”
“No….it’s not.” He paused, deliberately not meeting Ianto’s gaze. “Thing’s with Jack were never like this.”
“Yeah….and look how well that turned out for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” Biting his lip, Ianto looked straight ahead, as if he was ignoring John’s presence completely. “Maybe you should go back to him.”
“Please….” The other man shook his head, laughing gently to himself. “You really think he would take me back?” He laughed again harder, the sound resonating through the air around him. “I’m not what he wants anymore.”
“It’s been two months….”
“That doesn’t change a thing. You know Jack….he doesn’t just forget.” He smirked to himself, finally looking back over to where Ianto was sat beside him. “Besides….got you for all this now haven’t I? Don’t need anymore than that.”
“Yeah….” Breathing out slowly, Ianto ran a hand through his hair, refusing to meet John’s eyes. He sighed, his voice a gentle murmur. “What more could I want?”
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” In a whirl of motion Ianto was sitting up, throwing the bed covers from his body and searching the room for his clothes. His knuckles were white as he grasped the fabric of his trousers firmly, pulling them up to his waist in a single swift motion.
“What do you think you’re doing Eye Candy?”
“Going home.”
“Now?”
“Yes….now.” Pulling his under shirt over his head, Ianto turned round to face John, his eyes searching for him momentarily in the gloom. “I have training early in the morning.”
“Never stopped you before…”
“I didn’t realise we had rules about this…” Ianto half smiled, pulling his navy tunic quickly over his head, not bothering to check whether or not the fabric was flat against his body as he did so. “I just want to go home…alright?”
“Because of what I said?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t need a reason.” Ianto sighed, allowing himself one last look over to John. He softened slightly, giving him a weak smile. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Counting on it Eye Candy.” John replied with an arrogant smirk, folding his arms back behind his head. “Don’t be a stranger, eh?”
Ianto didn’t justify that last sentence with an answer as he quickly left John’s room, the door instigating an awkward bang as it slammed behind him. He shook his head, pausing for thought as he leant back against the corridor wall, a nervous hand running uneasily through his hair.
Don’t be a stranger.
Ianto Jones was well aware that that was exactly who he was to John, to Jack, hell maybe even in some ways to Toshiko.
For no matter how close he let people get, Ianto Jones would still forever be a stranger to himself.
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Just one last kiss.
A fleeting meeting of lips to remind her of what they had shared.
Except as Toshiko felt Mary’s hand push into her underwear, she realised that things were a little past that.
At 2.13am, Toshiko Sato had had an epiphany. A sudden stream of thought that had rushed into her skull and hit her right between the eyes, knocking all thoughts of sleep from her consciousness. Suddenly, everything had just made sense to her. At long last.
She had been living a double life. She knew it was wrong, but she had been so trapped between two lovers, unable to tell one of them the words that she knew they would hate to hear. Initially it had taken a week of thinking before she could face Owen again, before she had known what to tell him. She loved him, but she knew that he would never be stable enough to give her the life that she craved. But it had all changed as soon as she had come face to face with him again. Once their eyes had locked, and as his mouth had devoured hers in a kiss, all her doubts had gone unsaid. She’d been out of control, every conscious decision already made in her head forced out by the pure mind blowing sex that they shared. Her loss of control had made one thing clear to her then too; that no matter how much she tried to avoid it, her feelings for Owen were simply too strong to be ignored. She’d made her choice, and now she had to act on it. But then she had returned home to find Mary waiting for her, with all of her soft words and proclamations of love. With the other woman’s caring words and soft embrace wrapped around her body, it had been impossible for Toshiko to reject her then.
For the next two months, this had been Toshiko’s life. Torn between the two lovers; constantly shielding her thoughts of Owen from Mary’s telepathy, whilst at the same time feeling as if she could never really stop thinking about him. It was all too much. Owen’s pheromones evoked more of a chemical reaction within her body than any other’s ever had, his smile made her heart skip a beat with pure adulterated hope. Every time he touched her skin, electricity would spark from his fingertips, rushing through her nervous system and sending jolts of energy up into her already dazed and confused brain. It was all just too strong, too sensual and too familiar for her to give up on, even though every fibre of logic was screaming at her to stop. It was against so many rules, so taboo at TARA that even that should have been enough to stop her, never mind the knowledge in her mind that Owen could never really give her the love that she craved so much. But it was impossible. In the end, it seemed that even with all of her mathematical and logical reasoning, Toshiko Sato was a slave to her biochemistry just like everyone else.
But that night she had realised that things had to change.
She’d hurried into her clothes, scraping her hair back into a ponytail as she walked to Mary’s room in the adjacent dormitory block to her own. She had rehearsed it all inside her mind; thought over every single detail so that she would know exactly what to say, know exactly which formula to use. It was time for her to be honest, to tell Mary that no matter how special the time they had had together had been, it just wasn’t enough to satisfy the pangs of pain now tearing through her heart. The rips in her chest that could only ever be cured by one person. Owen. Ironically it had been he who had started their relationship, and now it would be him who would end it.
But as soon as Mary’s eyes had met hers, Toshiko’s resolve was once again lost in seconds.
They had kissed, Mary seemingly unfazed at why Tosh was on her doorstep at such an early hour. Their lips had met in a silent kiss, no words before to soften the blow as pure lust hit them both head on. Toshiko had tried to tell her mind that this was just her body’s way of saying goodbye, but deep down she knew it wasn’t true. She was simply prolonging the end, avoiding all those words that were teeming at the back of her throat, preventing them from spilling out for as long as she could. It was cruel, letting Mary’s lips rake across her neck like that as she pushed her back onto the bed, feeling that soft talented hand push down into her underwear to give her the release that her body now craved so much. But Toshiko let her do it anyway, revelling in the feeling of Mary’s finger moving gently across her clit, before those same fingers pushed inside her, sending waves of sparkling pleasure through her body. She had seen stars as Mary had increased her pace, soft lips sucking on Toshiko’s nipple as her orgasm finally forced its way through her body. It was intense as always, the link that Mary seemed to share with her amplifying her every move, her mouth and hands always able to give Toshiko exactly what she wanted. She had been shaking as Mary pulled away from her slightly, pausing to kiss her on the lips softly before lying beside her on the bed. It was how things between them had always been, intense and over within the blink of an eye, yet around the pair of them their had always been such warmth and care. Mary had always given that to Toshiko so generously, had always made her feel wanted, understood and safe.
But now things were different. Tosh wasn’t sure what had changed, but somehow the warm vibes no longer seemed to encase them. Mary’s pheromones were distant, bitter in her mouth and nose, the silence around them so unbearable, so toxic.
“Thank you.” Toshiko breathed softly, rolling over onto Mary and straddling her, her mind still clouded by a post orgasmic haze. The atmosphere around her frightened her, and leaning down she captured Mary’s lips in a kiss. Her body moving automatically now as she slid her hands up the baggy t-shirt that Mary was wearing, desperately trying to push the change in atmosphere between them to the back of her mind. Her hands were moving deliberately, grazing over Mary’s flesh in an attempt to return the pleasure she had given to Toshiko so freely. So willingly. But this time thin, porcelain hands stopped hers abruptly, holding her wrists tightly. Mary’s blue eyes snapped open soon after, gazing upwards and meeting Toshiko’s uneasily.
“It’s not me is it?”
“What?”
“It’s not me.” She sighed, trailing her hand up Toshiko’s arm, the touch almost ghostlike. “I’m not the one who makes you feel alive anymore.”
“Mary…I….”
“No…..no more lies Toshiko.” Biting her lip, Mary leant upwards, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look her lover in the eye. “I know alright?…..I’ve always known.”
“Known what?”
“Two months Tosh! Every night….when you have been so lost beneath me….when you are so close….” She smiled weakly, swallowing hard. “When all your barriers fall and my mind reaches out for something to cling to. All I see is him.”
“Him?”
“Owen!” Resting her forehead against Toshiko’s, Mary paused, taking in her face as if it was for one last time. “He’s always in your head….every time you come and I see your thoughts. He’s the one that’s there, not me.”
“Mary…..I’m so sorry.”
“I would have loved you.” The other woman continued, nodding softly. “I still do love you...”
“I love you too.”
“Just not like him?”
“No……not like him.” Toshiko pulled away quickly, sweeping the shorter sections of her hair from her eyes. “I’m sorry Mary…I never wanted….-”
“I wanted to wait.” Mary smiled sickly, watching her intently, speaking quickly so that Toshiko could no longer interrupt. “I wanted to see how long it would take before you told me.”
“I wanted to….but I just couldn’t-”
“But I couldn’t take it anymore Tosh.” She carried on regardless, the burning intensity of her blue eyes too strong for Toshiko to look her in the eye. “It would have helped….if you had told me first.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that.”
“But I am.”
“And I don’t care……sorry isn’t going to stop it hurting Tosh.” Mary sighed, shaking her head and standing up, yet not drawing any closer. “It never did. Nothing ever did.”
“I don’t know what will…”
“This will…..I need a promise from you Tosh.”
“A promise?....Anything, just name it.”
“Never…..” Mary paused, laughing darkly to herself. “And I mean never……do this to anyone again.”
“Mary…..” Tosh shook her head, feeling tears prick at her eyes, she reached out to comfort her, her hands outstretched in mid air. “I promise. I swear to you I never meant any of this.”
“But you let it happen! You let me fall in love with you whilst there was always someone else.”
“But he wasn’t right for me…..I wanted it to be you.”
“Then why wasn’t I enough?” Mary shook her head bitterly, backing away from Tosh, a hand moving up to wipe a tear from her cheek.
“You were…”
“I wasn’t. If I had been then you would have never needed him.”
“Mary…..It wasn’t like that, it isn’t like that. You gave me everything.”
“And it still wasn’t enough.”
“I’m sorry……please, Mary just believe me when I say that.” A lump was forming in her throat as Toshiko took a step forward, feeling so lost. She wanted it all to just stop, to be able to comfort Mary and stop all the pain that she had caused.
“He doesn’t deserve you.” Mary answered quickly, pushing away her advances. “He never did.”
“I didn’t deserve you.”
“No. You didn’t.” The other woman nodded, wiping away a fresh cascade of tears from her face. “Please…..Just go.”
“But-”
“Really…..I mean it.” Mary said bluntly, blinking hard to prevent the escape of anymore tears. “Goodbye Toshiko.”
Out in the corridor, away from those piercing blue eyes, Toshiko felt fresh tears fall from her own eyes, flowing down her cheeks and dripping down onto her neck and chest. She had never expected to cry like this, to cry so much, and yet there were the tears, falling so uncontrollably from her eyes that she felt unable to breathe. Emotion was almost convulsing through her body as she walked back home, felt the cold rush of air hit her damp face and sting at her sore eyes. It was over….and yet relief was buried so deeply underneath a pile of guilt that she barely even knew it was there.
For Toshiko Sato wasn’t crying for what she had lost.
She was crying for what she had done.
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Running away was something that he was beginning to get used to.
The cool air was slamming against his face, flowing across his skin, causing his teeth to ache with every new sharp intake of breath. His eyes watered, liquid streaming down his face, his vision glimmering in and out of focus. His legs were like lead, lactic acid clogging his muscles and causing them to cramp beneath him. Inside his chest his lungs screamed for air, the hurried breaths that supplied his body no longer enough to support him. His pace slowing down into a jog, Ianto doubled over, his ribcage moving erratically to try and repay his body’s oxygen debt, his eyes clamped shut as the blood suddenly rushed to his head. He would give anything to think clearly again….
Salvana, the nocturnal city that refused to sleep. Ianto had noticed that on his first night at TARA, and over the near six months he had spent there, things had never seemed to change. The drum of music from the clubs and bars still acted as the city’s heart beat, the chatter and laughter of its inhabitants resonating out like its breathing. The nicotine choked air, filled with the fumes of hyper vodka, thickened by pheromones was still as intoxicating, heavy and yet so sweet that it seemed to engulf his senses. The chemicals surging through his brain did nothing to help Ianto think, pulsing through his bloodstream and pounding against his consciousness. That was the worst thing about TARA……its world got inside you, and once it did, you could count on being fucked up forever more.
Ianto hated the fact that every time he closed his eyes the ghosts of his past were there, waiting for him. He hated the fact that every time he even dared to dream he would re-live it all again, his memories amplified with renewed fear and horror. But worst of all, ever since he had come to TARA, the dreams had become worse, more frequent. Sometimes he would have the same dream over and over, never able to escape it, never being able to forget. And forgetting was the thing he wanted the most. Freedom.
Ianto Jones could no longer stand being so tied to his past.
He knew what he had to do. He would have to break his promise to Toshiko, and go after Darko, find him and make him pay for what he had done to Ianto’s family, to all the other families living in the slums of Jeketter that night. Only then could he ever forget his past, allow the ghosts of his family to rest in peace. Only when he had dealt with Darko could Ianto truly get on with his life, and even if he died in the process, at least then he would die knowing he was doing what was right. For himself. For his mother, for Lisa. But most of all for his father.
Dropping to his knees, Ianto looked up into the sky, his eyes fixed on the twin moons that watched over the city as constant guardians. The amaranthine sky above him was so perfect, glittered with the shines of far flung stars and planets as Ianto sat down on the cold pavement, the white stone sending numbing waves through the fabric of his trousers. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes, feeling tears dampen his face slightly, the fluid immediately cooled by the iced air that surrounded him. Aside from the clubs, everything was so calm, so alien compared to the anguish that was living inside Ianto’s body. He wished more than anything that he could find that peace, that calm that the rest of the world seemed to taunt him with. But….he hadn’t earned it yet. He didn’t deserve to feel at peace.
Taking a deep breath inwards, Ianto began to consider his options. He had been planning this for months, pouring over the data chip he had found that morning in the archives months ago, desperately trying to work out he could use the information it contained to find Darko. But it was hopeless. Even by attending advanced technical training and almost resigning himself to becoming a techie in the future, Ianto still didn’t have the technical knowledge he needed to be able to hack TARA’s archive systems. He desperately needed help, needed Toshiko to reconsider and help him, to hack into the systems for him instead of continuing her attempts to protect him. But it was useless, and deep down Ianto knew that Toshiko would never agree. She cared about him more than he cared about himself.
That left only one other who Ianto could ask to help him.
Acting on impulse, Ianto lifted up his arm, holding his wrist strap out in front of him. His hands acting almost separately from his head he keyed in the familiar code, biting his lip as the wrist strap flickered into life and a blue beam shot out into the night air in front of him. They had barely even spoken in two months, but none of that mattered anymore. Ianto needed help, and there was only one man alive who could give it to him.
“What the fuck?” Jack’s face was in front of him in seconds, his eyes clearly bleary as he blinked at Ianto through the projection. “Ianto?!”
“Jack…..” Ianto replied softly, suddenly unsure of what to say. “I didn’t wake you…did I?”
“Just a little.”
“Sorry.”
“What do you want Ianto?” Jack groaned, shaking his head. “It’s three o’clock in the fucking morning…”
“I know….I’m sorry Jack.”
“You’ve said that.”
“I know. Sorry. Again.” Ianto bit his lip, running an hand idly through his hair. He looked back to Jack’s image in front of him, trying to ignore the frustration visible in his eyes. “I need you Jack.”
“What?”
“I need your help.” Ianto’s voice was barely under control now, words practically tripping over each other as they leapt from his mouth. “There’s so much I haven’t told you about my past, about me. And I know that I haven’t seen you in so long. But I need you. I need someone. I need help…..I’m lost.”
“Ianto….slow down alright?”
“I can’t slow down. No one understands….and its killing me Jack. I can’t do this alone…but I don’t want to see anyone else hurt.”
“Yan…please, I don’t know what’s happening.”
“I just need it to stop Jack!” Ianto was hissing now, his body shivering from the cold. “But I can’t do it alone.”
“Where are you?”
“What?”
“Tell me where you are.” Jack sighed, the image of him flickering as he moved to get out of bed, the view now of the room around him rather than of his face. “I’m coming to get you.”
“Outside dormitory block B…I think.”
“Ok….” Jack was nodding, his face back in view of Ianto’s wrist strap. “I’ll be there soon. Don’t move.”
Swallowing hard, Ianto switched off his wrist strap, bringing his knees up under his chin and resting his forehead against them. Already he was regretting calling Jack. In a few minutes time there would be so many questions waiting for him, so many explanations, and no matter what he did there would be no running from them now.
But maybe that was what Ianto needed. Maybe he needed something to force him to stop running and make him face his own reality.
And maybe, just maybe, the only man capable of doing that was Jack Harkness. After all, Ianto had tried to run from him before, but somehow, it just didn’t seem possible.
So now we are actually verging on a bit of action here, your comments mean more than ever, especially as I am moving into different territory for me. But seriously, as you know by now TOATA is written for you, and therefore whatever comments you guys are kind enough to give me really do mean the world! That being said, you’ve read this far and to that I can only say thank you!
Just Being Me a.k.a Siany
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Click here for chapter 15!!!
Rating: NC-17 for drifting into femslash.
Pairings: Jack/Ianto but it’s the Time Agency so expect Jack/John, Tosh/Owen, Ianto/John, Tosh/Mary, John/the consenting population of the universe……
Spoilers: Anything Torchwood could be hinted at.
Summary: Ianto Jones is thrown into the world of excess of the Time Agency Academy, but will he sink or swim? Especially when the enigmatic Jack Harkness starts looking his way…. In this chapter Ianto is driven to asking for help when his past reasserts itself, whilst Toshiko finally breaks her ties to Mary….
Disclaimer: Regrettably I own nothing, none of the characters, zip. Wish I did though.
Author’s Notes: So here we are again, back with another mammoth chapter of TOATA. Finally, the plot is actually moving somewhere! Lol, anyway I have to quickly thank my beta naddypants for taking a look at this, tweaking it for me and being so quick about it all too! I doubt I would have been able to get this up here without her. Also, I have to thank everyone who is so patient with TOATA and all the people who have stuck with me for the past thirteen chapters! It really does make writing this a real pleasure. And by now, you know the drill, any comments you guys give me are completely appreciated! :)
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five A
Chapter Five B
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight A
Chapter Eight B
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven A
Chapter Eleven B
Janto Interlude
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
So onto the dedications then. To naddypants for stepping in when I need her and for telling me that my characterizations are not insane! To thehubsitter who is my own personal muse (:P) and who random conversations keep me focused. Tomorgia for being so supportive and telling me that I can write this! And finally to
2nd_toshiko , for scaring me out of deleting this with Sylar. You all make writing this a supreme pleasure. Thank you!!!
Long gone memories only pretend to be dead……
The pain was everywhere, biting into his flesh, sharp heated teeth ripping through the sinew of his body. Intense flames purged there way across the hall, engulfing everything, devouring the very foundations of his home. His eyes streamed from the smoke, bleeding clear tears as he fought on through the flames, managing to somehow break down the wooden door that separated him from his parent’s out of sheer desperation. But he was too late. They were both there, motionless, their chests soaked with red, blank eyes staring upwards, no longer aware of the encroaching flames. He couldn’t save them. No one could.
Time appeared to flash forwards, and the next image he had was of his sister, her body lifeless and fragile in his arms. Eyes half open, her passive expression carried with it so much pain from the burns searing across her skin, her mouth hanging open in an almost endless scream. That sound…..so shrill that it could shatter glass, yet so earth bound that it rumbled straight through his soul. His muscles were cramping, burning under the strain, his knees buckling as they finally made it outside, the cool abandon of night falling on cindered flesh. Through the night air rang similar piercing screams, voices of the condemned as the slums around him fell further and further into the deep inferno designed to tear families limb from limb. His own lungs were burning, aching as he cried out for anyone to help them, his knees finally succumbing and falling to the cold soft sand below. Lisa’s eyes were closed now, her chest moving so erratically that it seemed her heart might burst through her rib cage at any moment. As he let out one final scream, Ianto managed to look down through his tears enough to see his sister’s features fade before his eyes, her grip on his hand ever weakening……
At exactly 2.30am… Ianto Jones woke up.
“Lisa!” He was sitting bolt upright, his heart thundering within his chest. Around him, the cool air of the room highlighted the thin sheen of sweat that coated his skin, his blood hammering against the walls of his arteries with what felt like an earth shattering force. His vision was blurred by stale tears, his throat tight and swollen from the emotion that seemed to bubble up from his abdomen. It was almost as if the choking flames were still licking their way closer and closer to his neck…..
“What the fuck Jones?!” Beside him, the form of John Hart jumped, his eyes locking onto Ianto’s in a combination of anger and confusion. He cradled his jaw in his right hand, watching Ianto impatiently for an answer.
“Burning……I can’t.……I…..-”
“You hit me.”
“What?” The words snapped Ianto out of his daze, blinking hard as he glanced over to the other man. Momentarily the blaze of fear and horror burning through his brain was doused by the present, although its embers lingered on, glowing at the back of his thoughts.
“You hit me.” John shook his head, the roll of his eyes barely visible to Ianto through the gloom. Moving his hand, John leaned forward, tilting the right side of his jaw towards Ianto. “See?”
“I was dreaming.”
“You were? I’d never have noticed…” He scoffed, shaking his head before continuing to stare at Ianto. “You going to explain to me what the hell that was?”
“A nightmare.” Holding back a shudder, Ianto bit his lip, leaning back against the headboard. Through the dim light he could see a soft shine reflect towards him from John’s eyes, the gaze washing over him in a look that could only ever be described as confused. Swallowing hard, Ianto rubbed at his bare arms, feeling the tingle of goose bumps under his skin.
“What about?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Really?” John folded his arms, moving back so he too was leaning back against the headboard. He tilted his head, looking over to Ianto arrogantly. “Try me Eye Candy.”
“Just my past.” Ianto grunted bitterly. “You don’t need to know anything more about it.”
“You seem pretty set on that.”
“I am. Besides…..” Ianto glanced to his right, raising an eyebrow. “I thought we were just sex John?”
“We are…….” The other man chuckled lightly. “But aren’t I allowed to blur the boundaries a little?”
“No.” Ianto shook his head quickly. “The boundaries are there for a reason.”
“You know….” John smiled, resting his head on the wall behind them, his eyes staring up blankly at the ceiling. “For someone I fuck….you really are cold.”
“It’s easier that way.”
“No….it’s not.” He paused, deliberately not meeting Ianto’s gaze. “Thing’s with Jack were never like this.”
“Yeah….and look how well that turned out for you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” Biting his lip, Ianto looked straight ahead, as if he was ignoring John’s presence completely. “Maybe you should go back to him.”
“Please….” The other man shook his head, laughing gently to himself. “You really think he would take me back?” He laughed again harder, the sound resonating through the air around him. “I’m not what he wants anymore.”
“It’s been two months….”
“That doesn’t change a thing. You know Jack….he doesn’t just forget.” He smirked to himself, finally looking back over to where Ianto was sat beside him. “Besides….got you for all this now haven’t I? Don’t need anymore than that.”
“Yeah….” Breathing out slowly, Ianto ran a hand through his hair, refusing to meet John’s eyes. He sighed, his voice a gentle murmur. “What more could I want?”
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” In a whirl of motion Ianto was sitting up, throwing the bed covers from his body and searching the room for his clothes. His knuckles were white as he grasped the fabric of his trousers firmly, pulling them up to his waist in a single swift motion.
“What do you think you’re doing Eye Candy?”
“Going home.”
“Now?”
“Yes….now.” Pulling his under shirt over his head, Ianto turned round to face John, his eyes searching for him momentarily in the gloom. “I have training early in the morning.”
“Never stopped you before…”
“I didn’t realise we had rules about this…” Ianto half smiled, pulling his navy tunic quickly over his head, not bothering to check whether or not the fabric was flat against his body as he did so. “I just want to go home…alright?”
“Because of what I said?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
“I don’t need a reason.” Ianto sighed, allowing himself one last look over to John. He softened slightly, giving him a weak smile. “Maybe I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Counting on it Eye Candy.” John replied with an arrogant smirk, folding his arms back behind his head. “Don’t be a stranger, eh?”
Ianto didn’t justify that last sentence with an answer as he quickly left John’s room, the door instigating an awkward bang as it slammed behind him. He shook his head, pausing for thought as he leant back against the corridor wall, a nervous hand running uneasily through his hair.
Don’t be a stranger.
Ianto Jones was well aware that that was exactly who he was to John, to Jack, hell maybe even in some ways to Toshiko.
For no matter how close he let people get, Ianto Jones would still forever be a stranger to himself.
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Just one last kiss.
A fleeting meeting of lips to remind her of what they had shared.
Except as Toshiko felt Mary’s hand push into her underwear, she realised that things were a little past that.
At 2.13am, Toshiko Sato had had an epiphany. A sudden stream of thought that had rushed into her skull and hit her right between the eyes, knocking all thoughts of sleep from her consciousness. Suddenly, everything had just made sense to her. At long last.
She had been living a double life. She knew it was wrong, but she had been so trapped between two lovers, unable to tell one of them the words that she knew they would hate to hear. Initially it had taken a week of thinking before she could face Owen again, before she had known what to tell him. She loved him, but she knew that he would never be stable enough to give her the life that she craved. But it had all changed as soon as she had come face to face with him again. Once their eyes had locked, and as his mouth had devoured hers in a kiss, all her doubts had gone unsaid. She’d been out of control, every conscious decision already made in her head forced out by the pure mind blowing sex that they shared. Her loss of control had made one thing clear to her then too; that no matter how much she tried to avoid it, her feelings for Owen were simply too strong to be ignored. She’d made her choice, and now she had to act on it. But then she had returned home to find Mary waiting for her, with all of her soft words and proclamations of love. With the other woman’s caring words and soft embrace wrapped around her body, it had been impossible for Toshiko to reject her then.
For the next two months, this had been Toshiko’s life. Torn between the two lovers; constantly shielding her thoughts of Owen from Mary’s telepathy, whilst at the same time feeling as if she could never really stop thinking about him. It was all too much. Owen’s pheromones evoked more of a chemical reaction within her body than any other’s ever had, his smile made her heart skip a beat with pure adulterated hope. Every time he touched her skin, electricity would spark from his fingertips, rushing through her nervous system and sending jolts of energy up into her already dazed and confused brain. It was all just too strong, too sensual and too familiar for her to give up on, even though every fibre of logic was screaming at her to stop. It was against so many rules, so taboo at TARA that even that should have been enough to stop her, never mind the knowledge in her mind that Owen could never really give her the love that she craved so much. But it was impossible. In the end, it seemed that even with all of her mathematical and logical reasoning, Toshiko Sato was a slave to her biochemistry just like everyone else.
But that night she had realised that things had to change.
She’d hurried into her clothes, scraping her hair back into a ponytail as she walked to Mary’s room in the adjacent dormitory block to her own. She had rehearsed it all inside her mind; thought over every single detail so that she would know exactly what to say, know exactly which formula to use. It was time for her to be honest, to tell Mary that no matter how special the time they had had together had been, it just wasn’t enough to satisfy the pangs of pain now tearing through her heart. The rips in her chest that could only ever be cured by one person. Owen. Ironically it had been he who had started their relationship, and now it would be him who would end it.
But as soon as Mary’s eyes had met hers, Toshiko’s resolve was once again lost in seconds.
They had kissed, Mary seemingly unfazed at why Tosh was on her doorstep at such an early hour. Their lips had met in a silent kiss, no words before to soften the blow as pure lust hit them both head on. Toshiko had tried to tell her mind that this was just her body’s way of saying goodbye, but deep down she knew it wasn’t true. She was simply prolonging the end, avoiding all those words that were teeming at the back of her throat, preventing them from spilling out for as long as she could. It was cruel, letting Mary’s lips rake across her neck like that as she pushed her back onto the bed, feeling that soft talented hand push down into her underwear to give her the release that her body now craved so much. But Toshiko let her do it anyway, revelling in the feeling of Mary’s finger moving gently across her clit, before those same fingers pushed inside her, sending waves of sparkling pleasure through her body. She had seen stars as Mary had increased her pace, soft lips sucking on Toshiko’s nipple as her orgasm finally forced its way through her body. It was intense as always, the link that Mary seemed to share with her amplifying her every move, her mouth and hands always able to give Toshiko exactly what she wanted. She had been shaking as Mary pulled away from her slightly, pausing to kiss her on the lips softly before lying beside her on the bed. It was how things between them had always been, intense and over within the blink of an eye, yet around the pair of them their had always been such warmth and care. Mary had always given that to Toshiko so generously, had always made her feel wanted, understood and safe.
But now things were different. Tosh wasn’t sure what had changed, but somehow the warm vibes no longer seemed to encase them. Mary’s pheromones were distant, bitter in her mouth and nose, the silence around them so unbearable, so toxic.
“Thank you.” Toshiko breathed softly, rolling over onto Mary and straddling her, her mind still clouded by a post orgasmic haze. The atmosphere around her frightened her, and leaning down she captured Mary’s lips in a kiss. Her body moving automatically now as she slid her hands up the baggy t-shirt that Mary was wearing, desperately trying to push the change in atmosphere between them to the back of her mind. Her hands were moving deliberately, grazing over Mary’s flesh in an attempt to return the pleasure she had given to Toshiko so freely. So willingly. But this time thin, porcelain hands stopped hers abruptly, holding her wrists tightly. Mary’s blue eyes snapped open soon after, gazing upwards and meeting Toshiko’s uneasily.
“It’s not me is it?”
“What?”
“It’s not me.” She sighed, trailing her hand up Toshiko’s arm, the touch almost ghostlike. “I’m not the one who makes you feel alive anymore.”
“Mary…I….”
“No…..no more lies Toshiko.” Biting her lip, Mary leant upwards, propping herself up on her elbows so she could look her lover in the eye. “I know alright?…..I’ve always known.”
“Known what?”
“Two months Tosh! Every night….when you have been so lost beneath me….when you are so close….” She smiled weakly, swallowing hard. “When all your barriers fall and my mind reaches out for something to cling to. All I see is him.”
“Him?”
“Owen!” Resting her forehead against Toshiko’s, Mary paused, taking in her face as if it was for one last time. “He’s always in your head….every time you come and I see your thoughts. He’s the one that’s there, not me.”
“Mary…..I’m so sorry.”
“I would have loved you.” The other woman continued, nodding softly. “I still do love you...”
“I love you too.”
“Just not like him?”
“No……not like him.” Toshiko pulled away quickly, sweeping the shorter sections of her hair from her eyes. “I’m sorry Mary…I never wanted….-”
“I wanted to wait.” Mary smiled sickly, watching her intently, speaking quickly so that Toshiko could no longer interrupt. “I wanted to see how long it would take before you told me.”
“I wanted to….but I just couldn’t-”
“But I couldn’t take it anymore Tosh.” She carried on regardless, the burning intensity of her blue eyes too strong for Toshiko to look her in the eye. “It would have helped….if you had told me first.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that.”
“But I am.”
“And I don’t care……sorry isn’t going to stop it hurting Tosh.” Mary sighed, shaking her head and standing up, yet not drawing any closer. “It never did. Nothing ever did.”
“I don’t know what will…”
“This will…..I need a promise from you Tosh.”
“A promise?....Anything, just name it.”
“Never…..” Mary paused, laughing darkly to herself. “And I mean never……do this to anyone again.”
“Mary…..” Tosh shook her head, feeling tears prick at her eyes, she reached out to comfort her, her hands outstretched in mid air. “I promise. I swear to you I never meant any of this.”
“But you let it happen! You let me fall in love with you whilst there was always someone else.”
“But he wasn’t right for me…..I wanted it to be you.”
“Then why wasn’t I enough?” Mary shook her head bitterly, backing away from Tosh, a hand moving up to wipe a tear from her cheek.
“You were…”
“I wasn’t. If I had been then you would have never needed him.”
“Mary…..It wasn’t like that, it isn’t like that. You gave me everything.”
“And it still wasn’t enough.”
“I’m sorry……please, Mary just believe me when I say that.” A lump was forming in her throat as Toshiko took a step forward, feeling so lost. She wanted it all to just stop, to be able to comfort Mary and stop all the pain that she had caused.
“He doesn’t deserve you.” Mary answered quickly, pushing away her advances. “He never did.”
“I didn’t deserve you.”
“No. You didn’t.” The other woman nodded, wiping away a fresh cascade of tears from her face. “Please…..Just go.”
“But-”
“Really…..I mean it.” Mary said bluntly, blinking hard to prevent the escape of anymore tears. “Goodbye Toshiko.”
Out in the corridor, away from those piercing blue eyes, Toshiko felt fresh tears fall from her own eyes, flowing down her cheeks and dripping down onto her neck and chest. She had never expected to cry like this, to cry so much, and yet there were the tears, falling so uncontrollably from her eyes that she felt unable to breathe. Emotion was almost convulsing through her body as she walked back home, felt the cold rush of air hit her damp face and sting at her sore eyes. It was over….and yet relief was buried so deeply underneath a pile of guilt that she barely even knew it was there.
For Toshiko Sato wasn’t crying for what she had lost.
She was crying for what she had done.
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Running away was something that he was beginning to get used to.
The cool air was slamming against his face, flowing across his skin, causing his teeth to ache with every new sharp intake of breath. His eyes watered, liquid streaming down his face, his vision glimmering in and out of focus. His legs were like lead, lactic acid clogging his muscles and causing them to cramp beneath him. Inside his chest his lungs screamed for air, the hurried breaths that supplied his body no longer enough to support him. His pace slowing down into a jog, Ianto doubled over, his ribcage moving erratically to try and repay his body’s oxygen debt, his eyes clamped shut as the blood suddenly rushed to his head. He would give anything to think clearly again….
Salvana, the nocturnal city that refused to sleep. Ianto had noticed that on his first night at TARA, and over the near six months he had spent there, things had never seemed to change. The drum of music from the clubs and bars still acted as the city’s heart beat, the chatter and laughter of its inhabitants resonating out like its breathing. The nicotine choked air, filled with the fumes of hyper vodka, thickened by pheromones was still as intoxicating, heavy and yet so sweet that it seemed to engulf his senses. The chemicals surging through his brain did nothing to help Ianto think, pulsing through his bloodstream and pounding against his consciousness. That was the worst thing about TARA……its world got inside you, and once it did, you could count on being fucked up forever more.
Ianto hated the fact that every time he closed his eyes the ghosts of his past were there, waiting for him. He hated the fact that every time he even dared to dream he would re-live it all again, his memories amplified with renewed fear and horror. But worst of all, ever since he had come to TARA, the dreams had become worse, more frequent. Sometimes he would have the same dream over and over, never able to escape it, never being able to forget. And forgetting was the thing he wanted the most. Freedom.
Ianto Jones could no longer stand being so tied to his past.
He knew what he had to do. He would have to break his promise to Toshiko, and go after Darko, find him and make him pay for what he had done to Ianto’s family, to all the other families living in the slums of Jeketter that night. Only then could he ever forget his past, allow the ghosts of his family to rest in peace. Only when he had dealt with Darko could Ianto truly get on with his life, and even if he died in the process, at least then he would die knowing he was doing what was right. For himself. For his mother, for Lisa. But most of all for his father.
Dropping to his knees, Ianto looked up into the sky, his eyes fixed on the twin moons that watched over the city as constant guardians. The amaranthine sky above him was so perfect, glittered with the shines of far flung stars and planets as Ianto sat down on the cold pavement, the white stone sending numbing waves through the fabric of his trousers. He sighed, rubbing at his eyes, feeling tears dampen his face slightly, the fluid immediately cooled by the iced air that surrounded him. Aside from the clubs, everything was so calm, so alien compared to the anguish that was living inside Ianto’s body. He wished more than anything that he could find that peace, that calm that the rest of the world seemed to taunt him with. But….he hadn’t earned it yet. He didn’t deserve to feel at peace.
Taking a deep breath inwards, Ianto began to consider his options. He had been planning this for months, pouring over the data chip he had found that morning in the archives months ago, desperately trying to work out he could use the information it contained to find Darko. But it was hopeless. Even by attending advanced technical training and almost resigning himself to becoming a techie in the future, Ianto still didn’t have the technical knowledge he needed to be able to hack TARA’s archive systems. He desperately needed help, needed Toshiko to reconsider and help him, to hack into the systems for him instead of continuing her attempts to protect him. But it was useless, and deep down Ianto knew that Toshiko would never agree. She cared about him more than he cared about himself.
That left only one other who Ianto could ask to help him.
Acting on impulse, Ianto lifted up his arm, holding his wrist strap out in front of him. His hands acting almost separately from his head he keyed in the familiar code, biting his lip as the wrist strap flickered into life and a blue beam shot out into the night air in front of him. They had barely even spoken in two months, but none of that mattered anymore. Ianto needed help, and there was only one man alive who could give it to him.
“What the fuck?” Jack’s face was in front of him in seconds, his eyes clearly bleary as he blinked at Ianto through the projection. “Ianto?!”
“Jack…..” Ianto replied softly, suddenly unsure of what to say. “I didn’t wake you…did I?”
“Just a little.”
“Sorry.”
“What do you want Ianto?” Jack groaned, shaking his head. “It’s three o’clock in the fucking morning…”
“I know….I’m sorry Jack.”
“You’ve said that.”
“I know. Sorry. Again.” Ianto bit his lip, running an hand idly through his hair. He looked back to Jack’s image in front of him, trying to ignore the frustration visible in his eyes. “I need you Jack.”
“What?”
“I need your help.” Ianto’s voice was barely under control now, words practically tripping over each other as they leapt from his mouth. “There’s so much I haven’t told you about my past, about me. And I know that I haven’t seen you in so long. But I need you. I need someone. I need help…..I’m lost.”
“Ianto….slow down alright?”
“I can’t slow down. No one understands….and its killing me Jack. I can’t do this alone…but I don’t want to see anyone else hurt.”
“Yan…please, I don’t know what’s happening.”
“I just need it to stop Jack!” Ianto was hissing now, his body shivering from the cold. “But I can’t do it alone.”
“Where are you?”
“What?”
“Tell me where you are.” Jack sighed, the image of him flickering as he moved to get out of bed, the view now of the room around him rather than of his face. “I’m coming to get you.”
“Outside dormitory block B…I think.”
“Ok….” Jack was nodding, his face back in view of Ianto’s wrist strap. “I’ll be there soon. Don’t move.”
Swallowing hard, Ianto switched off his wrist strap, bringing his knees up under his chin and resting his forehead against them. Already he was regretting calling Jack. In a few minutes time there would be so many questions waiting for him, so many explanations, and no matter what he did there would be no running from them now.
But maybe that was what Ianto needed. Maybe he needed something to force him to stop running and make him face his own reality.
And maybe, just maybe, the only man capable of doing that was Jack Harkness. After all, Ianto had tried to run from him before, but somehow, it just didn’t seem possible.
So now we are actually verging on a bit of action here, your comments mean more than ever, especially as I am moving into different territory for me. But seriously, as you know by now TOATA is written for you, and therefore whatever comments you guys are kind enough to give me really do mean the world! That being said, you’ve read this far and to that I can only say thank you!
Just Being Me a.k.a Siany
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Click here for chapter 15!!!