Query Letter

[j_forias]

Hiya all. I've been bullied into submitting my novel to literary agents. Got my first two chapters polished, my synopsis looking decent (no small thanks to Stu and Sagacious C for their help a with that a while back) and now all I have to do is the query letter.

Here it is. Any and all help will be utterly priceless.

Thank you.

Comments

[reinventweather]

I like the second paragraph - I think it's clearer. Also, perhaps "a terrible psychosis begins to creep..."?

[j_forias]

Thanks so much. Yes, 'begins to creep' is a much better line. But then someone else didn't like the idea of 'creeping' at all. So I've changed it to 'a terrible psychosis corrupts one of her few confidantes'.

Hm, I wonder if I can join the two ideas.

In any case, thank you. I'm doing sixty-billion drafts, but every comment gives me to take another step in the right direction.

Thank you!

[petitecrivan]

It looks like a good start! I definitely like the second version of that paragraph better - it seems cleaner to me.

Also, just something that I learned when I was writing a query letter - apparently it's better to say that it's 90,000 words, even if it's 100,000. It sounds better, and less formidable. That's what I was told by a published author.

Good luck!!! If you need more help, please post!

[j_forias]

Hm. Thanks for the advice. Do you reckon I could get away with 95,000?

[norwegianblue47]

I also like the second paragraph better. It kept my attention better. To be honestly, I just skimmed the first one, but the second one kept me reading.

Also, when I read this, I'm going to be horribly distracted every time you mention Emily's last name.

[j_forias]

When you read it!

Ha, were you feeling in a particularly flattering mood?

[norwegianblue47]

Of course I would read it. Even if I wasn't being in a flattering mood.

[j_forias]

I need to beg a favour. I've done sixty billion redrafts based on lots of comments and am very, very close to a final version

[ex_jo_blogs]

I have never written a query letter so have no sage advice, but just wanted to say I think it's awesome you're submitting your novel.

I take you're reading all the blogs out there with advice on this sort of thing? Because if not, I can point you in the direction of a few of those. I read them for background for my research.

[j_forias]

Thanks! Yeah, I've looked at most of the blogs. It's a nightmare, though. Writing a query letter is worse than writing poetry - everything has to be so precise. It's a challenge, though... :)

[kit_the_brave]

Woo-hoo and awesomeness!

I think it sounds great! I just have one thing that gives me pause: It sounds like values related to love of country or patriotism are key to the plot and very important to the characters - that's why patriotic sound bites easily manipulate everyone but Emily, why Emily has a concept of "everything she thought her society stood for," and why the main conflict involves whether Emily will keep her values or sacrifice them. (Maybe also why Britain has been underground for so long?) But you never actually come out and say what the values are. Not that I mean you should give away the plot in the letter, but if it's enough to make Emily enraged, I would think an agent would want to know that you have something genuinely enraging in mind. Something like, "Enraged at the thought that her government was doing [X] when she, like all Britains, had been raised to believe [Y]"...

Does that make any sense? Feel free to ignore. I've never written a query letter!

[j_forias]

Yes, it makes total sense. I've tried to fix that in my next draft. Or at least partly so. I don't have enough space to go into too much detail so I've simplified it

[kit_the_brave]

Oh, yes, that's excellent! And like NB, I totally intend to read this trilogy (and buy it for the library someday)!

[j_forias]

Thanks, Kit! :o)