Two birthday parties tomorrow. The first, which is required attendance, is Grandpa's. From there I plan to kidnap my cousin Norma and head to the second, which is Crazy Debra's sister's. Anyone who doesn't know Crazy Debra should cross their fingers and thank their lucky stars ( Read more... )

It's just impossible to be miserable in this weather. Especially out here. Especially when you drive out past the orchards and alfalfa fields on your way into town and the sweetgrass breeze coming in through the windows is about ten degrees cooler that what you'll encounter above concrete.

Toss in the earth-shattering convulsion-inducing news that ( Read more... )

Cut to me deciding that if it's either A.) wait until next month, now, for that swanky new pad in the Figarden loop or B.) immediately get an apartment up the street from my old one, I'm leaning towards B. I guess it would sort of defeat the purpose of moving anyway, and it wouldn't be much cheaper, but it would definitely be convenient. I'd be ( Read more... )

"Listen, Aly," my grandma says (but I know I'm screwed when she calls me Alan). "I'm going to ask you for a favor, and you're going to do it."

I die laughing while I take down the kitchen drapes and replace them with her new ones. This is how I'm asking for favors from now on. She sweeps the ceiling.

Yeah, you heard me. The ceiling.

. . .The ( Read more... )

When I lived here as a kid, I used to come home sometimes with a new cat or puppy from god-knows-where. But the black cocker spaniel, the german shepherd, the calico, the little poodle, they all eventually disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Somehow, and I'm not sure how but I suspect my uncle or his girlfriend must tipped me off, it was ( Read more... )

Bold the ones you've seen, then add five of your own at the end. (Remember to remove the bold italicized comments in parentheses; those are just my own $.02)

( Snip, snip -- aren't I considerate? )

I've decided I can either accept this IRS job and get paid large sums of money to get papercuts, go to ugly school and keep mooching until I can cut hair, or become Nico and take up singing to support my drug habit. Nico's junkie-successor, though, now lives (barely) in Portland, where everyone is suddenly deciding to move again, and therein lies ( Read more... )

It's just that Mom told me I'd have to come stay out here for a month while I make the transition. Put my things in storage and wait until the new apartment's ready. Maybe get a job. Possibly start paying my own bills. Possibly die ( Read more... )

Displaced, quite literally. In the process of moving, kind of, which is sort of a long story that I'll tell later. Right now I'm confused by Edison's computer, angry that I'm still awake, and disheartened at the realization that as out-of-the-loop as I am, it means nearly nothing at all to me ( Read more... )

Two years ago this month Chaz and I were abandoning Portland and I was relieved about it. Relieved to be coming back to familiar faces and irresponsibility. All of that. What I didn't expect, of course, was that I'd regret that move every single day since then ( Read more... )