dom_ino and I were talking last night, and the topic of queer family structures came up. He and a mutual Faerie friend had been talking, comparing their relationship structures
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Me too! When I start thinking of what's possible, I get really excited, and I know people have done some really brave and interesting things themselves.
Well...going through some issues right now...cause that is what happens when you live in close proximity to others! The idea that will hopefully evolve in the future...I'm not quite sure what will happen...but as it stands right now...Charlie and Cynjon, Dale and myself, and Junebug and Nettles are all in the process of building our houses on 67 acres of land...its definitely in the gestational period at the moment! So it will be the non-commune...because we aren't sharing living spaces. We joke about my being the token womb...that is something that we will see about! It is definitely a work in progress and I will keep you updated as it moves along...we've only started this about 7 months ago:)
I agree. Queers are, definitely, not the only folks to take on odd family structures. I grew up in a very fundamentalist family, a very fundamentalist town. I see how people expect families to be, how certain structures cause whispers and gossip. It's not really the actual threat to queer family structures I am interested here, though, as much as I am curious about how a sense of a single way to structure a family may make us blind to what other possibilities there are.
I think hearing how others do it is inspiring. That it opens possibilities for ourselves, ones we may not have seen before.
Hahaha! Actually, when I was slapping my question down, I was half-anticipating a similar answer: This is family ... and there is certain family you just plain don't want to live with 24-7. I am there with you, buddy.
I also imagine that, were your household to expand too much, it might make it difficult for you to find the writing space you would desperately need.
Thank you for letting me in on this. I tend to hear more -- oddly enough, given my Faerie affiliation -- of sexually open relationships turning sour and proprietary, rather than open and caring. I just think it wouldn't hurt to hear more of the positive stories about such.
Compadre! You are completely qualified to talk about this! In fact, one thing I had in the back of my head when I was writing this was how we'd talked -- in your car, when I came to visit -- about how you saw family in other terms, how it had more to do with commitment and friendship and availability than it did with blood or contracts.
I'd love to hear more of your ideas on the subject. Don't you be clappin' your trap on me, Bub!
And thank you for recognizing me as part of your family, B; that actually does mean a lot to me, and I am happy to consider you part of mine, too.
Well,you have the gist of my ideas..It's almost communal,but not at all,either,due to the fact that I'm a mean-spirited,selfish fucker. Close friends are family...You,Arturo..I consider you both to be Lillian's uncles,and refer to you as such(even if'n ya don't wanna be). If you're at my home,you're welcome to anything you want or need.I'll help with anything you need,and expect nothing in return.
Granted,none of this extends to sexuality,but I don't go for any of that anyway,as I'm a notorious prude. Still,it's family...and it has nothing to do with blood relations. There are different degrees of these feelings,and they don't extend to but a handful of people.
Man, you gonna make me give you one of those hugs that you feel varyingly uncomfortable with! :: Bends over and wheeze-coughs and laughs simultaneously ::
Cool! I'm L's uncle! That fuckin' pleases me!
(Have to tell you, though: you get labeled a "straight queer" in my book, whether you're kindly to it or not ...!)
Thanks again ... :) Brother!
Now when you gonna haul your ass over here again? I done tol' you last time that it's your turn!
It is really difficult to always be on the outside, so I think queer versions of familial nostalgia etc are important. Queer men (and lesbians incl. to a lesser extant) have had to deal with more than their share of grief from untimely deaths so continuity of relationships and shared memories are very important.
A lot of folks like myself don't have parents or children, so this is it.
I don't really have any family right now. Over the past couple of years I've lost my two best friends to death and estrangement. I also move a lot due to work/school so establishing deep friendships has become difficult. I have a few lovers around the country, but that's about it. I'd like to buy a house with 3 or 4 queer kink-friendly academics or artists like myself (aka the overeducated and underpaid). I can't think of any arrangement deeper than that right now.
I hear you, Bub! Whenever I think of aging, the importance of shared memories becomes very important to me. I resist certain kinds of things almost instinctively, though, because I had labeled them as sappy at some point in my life. Now, I'm wondering if I hadn't taken more time to preserve my memories from those times I didn't document in any way.
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friends, Fella. You got others just around the corner, though, I am sure! :)
And you and I see very much eye-to-eye on the house-of-kinky-makers-and-thinkers idea! We should bump noggins and hash out some concretes on that some day! Aight?
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What about you? How've you put family together?
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We joke about my being the token womb...that is something that we will see about!
It is definitely a work in progress and I will keep you updated as it moves along...we've only started this about 7 months ago:)
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I think hearing how others do it is inspiring. That it opens possibilities for ourselves, ones we may not have seen before.
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we all get stuck on certain "mental formations"
stepping out of our own little comfort zone can broaden our horizons, so to speak, LOL
keep up the good work
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Could you tear that extra corner off my box, please? Hehehehe ... .
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Just out of curiosity, how long have you all known your longest standing lover?
Have y'all ever had -- or considered having -- a lover who moved in with you guys for an extended time?
See? When I hear stories like yours, I just feel really pleased, know that an honestly sensed understanding of family is truly possible.
Thanks for sharing that, Bub!
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I also imagine that, were your household to expand too much, it might make it difficult for you to find the writing space you would desperately need.
Thank you for letting me in on this. I tend to hear more -- oddly enough, given my Faerie affiliation -- of sexually open relationships turning sour and proprietary, rather than open and caring. I just think it wouldn't hurt to hear more of the positive stories about such.
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For me,family is not just blood or relation through marriage.
Hell,I consider you family...True friends are family.
I'll shut up now.
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I'd love to hear more of your ideas on the subject. Don't you be clappin' your trap on me, Bub!
And thank you for recognizing me as part of your family, B; that actually does mean a lot to me, and I am happy to consider you part of mine, too.
Now speak up! :)
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Close friends are family...You,Arturo..I consider you both to be Lillian's uncles,and refer to you as such(even if'n ya don't wanna be).
If you're at my home,you're welcome to anything you want or need.I'll help with anything you need,and expect nothing in return.
Granted,none of this extends to sexuality,but I don't go for any of that anyway,as I'm a notorious prude.
Still,it's family...and it has nothing to do with blood relations.
There are different degrees of these feelings,and they don't extend to but a handful of people.
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Cool! I'm L's uncle! That fuckin' pleases me!
(Have to tell you, though: you get labeled a "straight queer" in my book, whether you're kindly to it or not ...!)
Thanks again ... :) Brother!
Now when you gonna haul your ass over here again? I done tol' you last time that it's your turn!
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A lot of folks like myself don't have parents or children, so this is it.
I don't really have any family right now. Over the past couple of years I've lost my two best friends to death and estrangement. I also move a lot due to work/school so establishing deep friendships has become difficult. I have a few lovers around the country, but that's about it. I'd like to buy a house with 3 or 4 queer kink-friendly academics or artists like myself (aka the overeducated and underpaid). I can't think of any arrangement deeper than that right now.
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I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your friends, Fella. You got others just around the corner, though, I am sure! :)
And you and I see very much eye-to-eye on the house-of-kinky-makers-and-thinkers idea! We should bump noggins and hash out some concretes on that some day! Aight?
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